Say something to an inanimate object.

[sky14kemea]

My dearest Anastasia [That's my laptop],

We haven't spent that much time together yet, but it already seems like years have passed since I went to the store and picked you out. Your ruby-red sheen caught my eye like no other, and I cherished you from the first moment.

I know I ask a lot of you, I make you run games though your fan cannot keep you cool enough. I keep you turned on almost constantly throughout the day, and sometimes half the night, but you have yet to fail me.

I would like to say, that the day you decide it's too much, and shut off due to overheating: I will forgive you.

But until that day, let us enjoy our time together.

 

[TheSteeleStrap]

Hello Xbox 360.
I turned you on about 5 minutes ago, but have yet to push any buttons because I've been reading this forum topic.

 

[Psychedelic Spartan]

2 things:
Dear lego pieces,
why the FUCK do you hurt so much when I step on you?
sincerely, the known universe

and

Dear lamp.
You are a lamp.
Sincerely, metsplayer1

 

[Aerosteam]

Dear wife,

Dear hair,

Get cut, you're making me look like a hippie.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Why? I talk to inanimate objects all the time. Usually this takes the form of cursing at my computer.

 

[Blunderboy]

Dear Sock,
clinging bravely to the end of my foot,
Get thee to a nunnery. Or the washing bin.

Yours, Blunderboy

 

[JayElleBee]

Dear 360,

I know we've been through some rocky times and I've had to replace you more times than I care to remember, but I'll always love you. <3 I don't care what all those PC elitist guys say, you'll always mean more to me than they will. I know we haven't spent much time together lately, and I know I've been looking at a lot of PS3 and PC games, but I promise, you're my favourite. If your controller accidentally got thrown out, I swear it wouldn't take me six months to notice it's absence.

All my love,
JLB

 

[Breaker deGodot]

Sorry, i just feel an irrestistable urge to post this scene;

 

[Carbonyl]

What do you mean, inanimate? Obviously, all of the objects around my house speak and converse with me on a near-constant basis! And always through the medium of song.



In actual answer to the original prompt:

Fire Staff,
I love you.
I made you with my bare hands, cut the kevlar for your wick and cut my hands fastening your bolts. I labored over you for days and I poured my heart and the brightness in my eyes into you. You have danced and spun and sung with light with me for years. You are ever-faithful, an extension of movement's sound, flowing from me on an outstretched arm. You dance with me in instinctual sync, as you always have. Laden with power, light as a feather, you transition from spring sun to burning night with grace and efficiency. Uncovered, untaped, you are a shining jewel and you communicate your every motion with perfect speed.
You make me happy, let's go light shit on fire.
~Anna

 

[Aris Khandr]

Wait, you don't talk to your plushies already? That makes me sad. I couldn't imagine going through even a single day without talking to them.

 

[Faulty Turmoil]

Sorry, i just feel an irrestistable urge to post this scene;

I was so close! [sub]Fucking ninjas...[/sub]

Comfy Ikea chair, you are so comfy. And even though you need a degree in mechanical engineering and brain surgery and rocket science to build, the mighty softness of your leather wrapped foam was worth it!

 

[Kuroneko97]

Dear phone.

I love you. You entertain me when I'm bored or on the toilet. You also let me type drafts to my stories when I'm away from my computer, and you play music so I'm happy during car rides. You're also so durable; I've dropped you so many times, but you've taken my beatings like a boss. Sure you now have a few dents and scratches, but I don't care. I still love you.

After all we've been through, phone, I don't think I could live without you. You're simply too awesome.

-Briana

 

[Colour Scientist]

I love my brick.

Wow Toilet, you sure have a crappy job.

I'm so disappointed at myself for laughing.

 

[Guffe]

Dear PintGlass...
What was I about to say?
*chugs*

 

[Ryotknife]

Dear Keanu Reeves,

Bill and Ted's Excellent adventure was pretty good.

 

[DugMachine]

Dear ceiling fan... WHY DON'T YOU BLOW MORE AIR? It's fucking hot in here!

 

[phantasmalWordsmith]

"Ah hello humble sock. Just wanted to say thank you for all the work you do. Thanks for all the comfort"

 

[BoredWalker]

So if you could say something to an inanimate object of yours (or not) what would it be?

"If I could"? I curse out my laptop five times a day.

Dear laptop:

Curse you for having a wifi card so shitty that I can't play online or download anything for more than 20 minutes without an ethernet cable. When I get the time, I'm sending you to get that fixed and your fans cleaned out so we can once again enjoy playing online games together.

 

[Mauso88]

I do nothing but sit at this PC all day, talking to myself. Does that count?

 

[bigfatcarp93]

I would have long discussions with my Xbox about... fuck if I know, but I wouldn't stop talking to it for a second if I could help it.