Self Harm and You

[Bara_no_Hime]

The reason is usually for the brief, searing moment of clarity and calm it fels to feel the sting, burn, cut and drip of the wound over the roaring background of anxiety, self doubt and absolute, all consuming despair that comes with a heavy depressive episode.

I find that bondage (that is, me being tied up) does something similar for me. Except that I'm not depressed, so rather than breaking through the backdrop, it is more about the intensity of the focus and that little rush of endorphins.

Actually, it's probably the endorphins that are cutting through your depression.

Furthermore, I find the tightness of the rope or handcuffs kinda reassuring.

I also like tying up other people, but that's a different sort of rush all together.

... oh, right. My point is this: have you tried self-bondage? It might have a similar effect without the need to actually bleed for it. Plus rope marks go away faster than cuts.

Just make sure to have some safety scissors handy in case of accidents.

Edit: Oh, right. Female, bisexual, early 30s (and no I'm not being more specific about my age than that, grumble grumble).

 

[Sateru]

Male, Gay, 25 years old.

I'm not fond of self-harm to be honest, I hate the smell of blood and I get nauseated when I see a freshly opened wound. When I was younger, I would be rather curious about any wound I saw on me, I would cut myself just to stare at the weeping cut and just marvel at it.

Then I got older, felt even more horrific injuries that I wasn't fond of, and grew to hate pain in general. In particular, I had to go through surgery that required me to have my wound heal from the inside out. Now, I enjoy moments of normalcy when I take prescribed medications for my brain. I suffer from anxiety, and depression, making it easy for me to go from feeling utterly lifeless and paranoid beyond words. I tried alcohol, and thought about drugs, but I don't want a rush of emotion or to be loopy.

I don't want to feel extremes, I've dealt with that, and I hate it. I just wanna feel a day where I'm not either feeling utterly empty inside, or feeling like the world is ending.

 

[Yoshi4102]

Cutting? No. Don't understand it either. When you're sad you cut yourself, wouldn't that piss you off or something?

About self harm in general, when I'm stressed (which is always) I chew on my lips and cheeks to the point that they'll eventually bleed sometimes. This is done unintentionally though, all subconscious. Tried to stop and its futile.

Edit: Oh yeah, 20 yeah old straight guy

 

[Patathatapon]

I have never done it, and I never will.

I'd love to say that.

Ever since first grade I took an... interesting approach to self harm. It would usually be caused due to anger, and mellowed down due to depression. I would bash my forehead against the walls. Concrete. Stopped in Grade 6, after I gave myself a concussion.

Now a days though, I'd never dream of doing such a thing for this reason:

Depression and anxiety can flare at me all they like, but I live just to spite myself. Why would I cause myself harm? That's what I want, so why would I? I've never done anything nice to myself, so I don't see why I should start doing nice things for him.

Male, Heterosexual, 16

Also currently on Celexa (Citalopram). These thoughts aren't things I dwell on anymore, unless brought up. Not that I mind. Total ignorance to your problems is dangerous.

Also, when I was much younger (Also before I got on anti-depressants), suicide is something I've tried (and obviously failed).

 

[MasterOfHisOwnDomain]

19, Male, Gay.

Nope. Never crossed my mind to, even when I used to have periods of intense self loathing, feelings of absolute worthlessness etc. It never occurred to me as a strategy that would help at all; probably the mental anguish constituted punishment enough, and because I am very anxious about preserving personal space and about anything physical (apparently called "haphephobia", ty Wikipedia).

 

[kannibus]

As on old guy, I've never done it personally. Hell, I get an icky sensation from watching surgery on TV. No, I am a proponent of the traditional method of dealing with problems, which is to get shitfaced.

 

[x EvilErmine x]

Never self harmed or really had the urge too though I can empathise with why someone would. Also never considered suicide even though i sometimes get quite fed up with my shit life and all of it's problems. Closets i come is to sometimes think 'Well look on the brightside, one day I'll be dead and then i won't have to deal with this shit any more...that'll be nice'

Male, 28, Straight

 

[The White Hunter]

The reason is usually for the brief, searing moment of clarity and calm it fels to feel the sting, burn, cut and drip of the wound over the roaring background of anxiety, self doubt and absolute, all consuming despair that comes with a heavy depressive episode.

I find that bondage (that is, me being tied up) does something similar for me. Except that I'm not depressed, so rather than breaking through the backdrop, it is more about the intensity of the focus and that little rush of endorphins.

Actually, it's probably the endorphins that are cutting through your depression.

Furthermore, I find the tightness of the rope or handcuffs kinda reassuring.

I also like tying up other people, but that's a different sort of rush all together.

... oh, right. My point is this: have you tried self-bondage? It might have a similar effect without the need to actually bleed for it. Plus rope marks go away faster than cuts.

Just make sure to have some safety scissors handy in case of accidents.

Edit: Oh, right. Female, bisexual, early 30s (and no I'm not being more specific about my age than that, grumble grumble).

34 and a half?

I have not, may consider it. Right now I'd rather break stuff than hurt myself though.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

My upper left arm looks a bit like it's been ploughed. I'm 19 now (and a straight male since you asked), I must have first self-harmed when I was 13 or 14, it was on my forearm with a penknife (I later moved on to bits of razors, I also used to rub my knuckles along walls on the way home)- I never did it there again to stop people from noticing it. I did it because I was (or rather, am) a pretty miserable teenager and it whilst usually I use music to help myself through, it's not a strong enough distraction at the more intense moments. The act of cutting yourself, feeling the sting, then watching the blood well up and trickle down is oddly transfixing- if it didn't leave scars then I might do it every now and again out of curiosity.

The last time I did it was in March and was the only time I ever hurt myself because I hated myself- I was drunk and angry and cut myself much deeper than the other times.

I've never done it since. I do get the urge sometimes, but I don't let myself. That last time wasn't dangerous, but it was far more serious than I felt comfortable with and was pretty scary. I remember the intense feeling of regret that I used to get when I woke up in the mornings after I'd done it, and that in the long run it just makes me feel worse.

Another big reason why I refuse to let myself do it is the fucking scars. It's not like I'm hideously disfigured by any means but it's still very noticeable. I've changed a lot in the last five years- these days I actually exercise and am proud of my body, I would actually be comfortable shirtless around other people if it weren't for them. Whilst my friends know (and many have been through similar things), I've had some very awkward conversations with partners and my family are completely unaware.

Cheery stuff!

 

[The White Hunter]

Cutting? No. Don't understand it either. When you're sad you cut yourself, wouldn't that piss you off or something?

Feeling sad and being depressed aren't the same thing really, as I said it's more a release or a searing moment of something clear and pure in your mind, for many people, not just me. When you spend weeks or longer with nothing but buzzing worthless noise in your head.

 

[Yoshi4102]

Cutting? No. Don't understand it either. When you're sad you cut yourself, wouldn't that piss you off or something?

Feeling sad and being depressed aren't the same thing really, as I said it's more a release or a searing moment of something clear and pure in your mind, for many people, not just me. When you spend weeks or longer with nothing but buzzing worthless noise in your head.

Ok, I over-simplified it. I know about depression, the epilepsy medication I'm on caused it for several years (5 or so) before I took something to reverse the effect. I just don't see how cutting can CAUSE that clarity. I'll likely never understand though. Apparently my sister used to cut at one point too. I'll just never be able to empathize with cutters (empathy I tend to do pretty well too). This is nothing against any cutters btw.

This brings me to wonder why people are SOOOO against anti-depression medication... I took it and in about a month, this amount of time is normal, I felt like a massive weight was taken off my shoulders! I was just a happier, less sulky-wanna-lay-in-bed-and-die me! People are afraid of it making you into a zombie or something? The complete opposite effect actually. You go from a zombie to a normal human being!!! Just talk to your doctor and they'll try something out. If it doesn't work you just get off of it and try something else or just go back to taking nothing at all. Was by far the hardest thing for me to admit I was depressed but I am damn happy I did.

I still have anxiety issues though so I should probably do something for that too. I think that's the problems with my biting lips and cheeks and sleep problems

tl;dr I'll never understand cutting because I never did it most likely and anti depressants aren't bad like everyone seems to think

 

[Racecarlock]

I watch videos that I specifically know will bore the hell out of me to test my endurance. Sometimes, it's also to make the pleasant things seem all that more pleasant because you're aware of the alternative.

I have felt dead inside before. Not sad necessarily, but just dead, you know? Like you can't feel emotions there.

20 years old and unlike my penis, straight as an arrow. Why did I say that?

 

[Generalissimo]

Nope. The thought has crossed my mind in the past but I'm far too emotionally stable and self-controlling to do so. It doesn't make sense to me, why not ferret out someone to sound off at, he'll even a doctor. They get payed for that kind of stuff.

Just seems stupid and pointless.

18 male, straight (another one >_>)

 

[Jharry5]

So, stats first: Male, 23, Straight...ish.
I have done so a few times, though these times were a good few years ago. None of the instances were particularly deep, more scratches really, so they healed really quickly. I think I did it because I was having a difficult time fitting in when I started university, so I figured 'they obviously hate me!' So I started hating me too. So I cut, and I hated myself even more... It could've been a vicious cycle, but, after a moment of clarity, I started to turn it around. The time after that was much the same reasons, though a different context I'd rather not get into...
Truth be told, I think I'm getting to a similar position now... It's only the fact that I'm currently living with the parents that's stopping me.

I strongly urge anyone who has even thought about it to never go down that path. The scars it leaves on your spirit are much worse than the marks it leaves on your body. I know thing may be too late for me to ever truly control myself again, but if anyone messages me I will do my damndest to help them instead.

Don't hate yourself. You might not feel it now, you might not know it, but you truly are loved. Stay strong. You are worth life.

I just wanted to say that I found this part of your post really quite beautiful. Thank you.

 

[Angelowl]

Cutting? No. Don't understand it either. When you're sad you cut yourself, wouldn't that piss you off or something?

Feeling sad and being depressed aren't the same thing really, as I said it's more a release or a searing moment of something clear and pure in your mind, for many people, not just me. When you spend weeks or longer with nothing but buzzing worthless noise in your head.

Ok, I over-simplified it. I know about depression, the epilepsy medication I'm on caused it for several years (5 or so) before I took something to reverse the effect. I just don't see how cutting can CAUSE that clarity. I'll likely never understand though. Apparently my sister used to cut at one point too. I'll just never be able to empathize with cutters (empathy I tend to do pretty well too). This is nothing against any cutters btw.

This brings me to wonder why people are SOOOO against anti-depression medication... I took it and in about a month, this amount of time is normal, I felt like a massive weight was taken off my shoulders! I was just a happier, less sulky-wanna-lay-in-bed-and-die me! People are afraid of it making you into a zombie or something? The complete opposite effect actually. You go from a zombie to a normal human being!!! Just talk to your doctor and they'll try something out. If it doesn't work you just get off of it and try something else or just go back to taking nothing at all. Was by far the hardest thing for me to admit I was depressed but I am damn happy I did.

I still have anxiety issues though so I should probably do something for that too. I think that's the problems with my biting lips and cheeks and sleep problems

tl;dr I'll never understand cutting because I never did it most likely and anti depressants aren't bad like everyone seems to think

The effect are quite varied depending on the person. For me the only result was that I got dead tired. Had trouble concentrating on anything and was most certainly not in the condition to drive.

Some of the heavier anti-depressants have occasional scary side-effects such as personality changes.

Not to mention, a lot of doctors considers it a universal miracle cure and don't bother with therapy. Despite a combination of both usually being more effective. That can make one quite sceptic towards the whole thing.