Self Harm and You

[Laurents van Cauwenberghe]

I have never cut my self but i have contemplated doing self harm when i was depressed, it never happened though since i knew cutting myself hurts (i've done it multiple times during cooking, on accident though) and i also know that i didn't give me any other emotion than anger.

Male, 16, Straight

 

[Gauntlets28]

Well, in darker times, I used to have an incredibly low opinion of myself and my capabilities. And I'd often beat the crap out of myself (fists, head-banging against walls etc) because in my mind I thought that my declining abilities wasn't because was depressed and caught in a vicious cycle of failure, but because I was lazy and stupid, and so I would attempt to "threaten myself" into doing things-which would naturally never work, because that's a ridiculous idea. Not that I got that idea, so I'd continue to take my self-hatred out on myself whilst screaming how rubbish I was loudly and laughing a little at how absurd it was that this seemed the only way to fix my problems. Yes, I was a little bit out of my mind.
I'm better now though. ^_^

18, Male, Straight.

 

[Alluos]

I haven't, but my girlfriend has quite recently.
She says it takes her mind off of things, that she feels "something other than shit", obviously this is quite distressing to both of us.

I've never considered it, and after recent events I don't think I ever will.

18. Male. Straight.

 

[Barbas]

I do sometimes smack my hand or arm against things like walls (or whatever happens to be flat and close by) to clear numbness and release some stress. It also helps alleviate the twitches that run down the side of my face and body from time to time. It occasionally leaves minor bruising or stinging knuckles, but takes my mind off more annoying pains.

 

[TheRundownRabbit]

I have masochistic tendencies, but I will never inflict harm to myself by myself. I guess it can still be considered the same thing when I let my lady-friends play mistress and I just let it happen. But note, I dont "cut", whips and bindings are more my thing. Plus, I've always been kind of a happy, optimistic, and energetic person. I also am strongly opposed to cutting, especially when its brought on by self-pity and depression, its not the right way to deal with your problems and to me it just seems like a desperate and sad ploy for attention.

So my answer would have to be mix, I have not physically harmed my self, but I have let meh lady-friends harm me simply for the sake of sexual ecstasy. Nothing beyond whipping, slapping, and getting stepped on.

Male, 20, straight as an arrow

 

[stormcrow5]

I have cut myself twice, once awhile back (Yearish) and once again recently (Two weeks), did not get anything out of it, just felt like crap and wanted to do....anything so did that. That would be it for physical harm from just feeling depressed and hopeless, if anything I beat myself up mentally what just adds to the crappy feeling over...whatever it is at the time I can't pick one thing, crappy life, loss of a close friend, its just been down hill for the past year or two now.

21, male, mostly straight

 

[Ed Classified]

After a series of traumatic events at the age of 13, I cut my forearm with a pair of scissors.
It was the first and last time I tried cutting myself, it did leave a scar though.

21, Male, Straight.

 

[Azkar Almsivi]

Have you? Yes.

Why? In reaction to a terrible girlfriend who made me feel terrible all the time and blamed me for all her short comings.

To what ends? Cut myself once and contemplated suicide multiple times due to the overwhelming despair that comes with lack of control and being transgender.

Do you currently? No. I did it once. Even though she did it several times for attention when she was in a warped sense of mind, she reacted with absolute perfect apathy. Since then I find the entire thought of harming myself repugnant and pointless. I also consider the idea of myself committing suicide moronic and a waste due to having responsibilities to those around me.

Edit: As a side note, what is your gender, sexual orientation, and your age, as it will be interesting to see the trend across ages and genders for this, as it seems to be stereotyped towards teenage girls.

Male (repressed transgender issues due to not wanting to rock the boat/spend all my time being depressed. Sometimes get mistaken for being potentially homosexual or just labeled eccentric anyway however.), bi-sexual but only have experience with females and I'm 22.

 

[Not Matt]

I have always been the guy who was at the bottom of the schoolyard's foodchain. So after somehow (i still don't know how i did it) having started getting close to this one girl i liked and learned that she used to do it. she did say that she had stopped and that it was bad and that nobody should ever try it. but she did also give a long monologue about how if felt good. and one night when i had gotten really down on myself i decided to try it. and what do you know. It felt fucking great. I kept doing it for about a year after til i had to stop before i worsened it. it's been one year since i stopped now but my upper body and arms still looks like a merging of 15 sewer maps and a set of go-cart blue prints. I always ( always as in all the time no matter what) wear a long sleeve shirt and don't go to the beach anymore.




18 male bisexual

captcha: "come clean"

 

[Anja Bech]

Never cut myself as a means of release or anything like that, because the self-inflicted pain did nothing for me, but I did cut myself for the blood. Not a whole lot of times - I can count the scars on my fingers - but enough that I stopped so I didn't have to start answering personal questions about the suspiciously straight scars on my lower arm.

Female (genderqueer), 24, pansexual

 

[Virgilthepagan]

Male, 22, mostly straight (the "I like cake, but occasionally I see a delicious pie" line)

I had a phase of about a year in High School where I took a dull knife to my arm every time I broke my own loopy moral code. As a result I've got a cross on my upper right arm, and a few straight lines running down my left. I had a kind of positive feedback loop. I'd feel disempowered, get a fantasy that I never would and couldn't act out, hate myself for it, and then turn inwards. I think I started cutting myself just to prove my resolve to move on, I hated feeling like that, but here we are years later and I don't think I've taken the steps I need to take to really improve.

After a while my parents saw the cross and I saw a therapist. The thing is though, I got a tattoo about a year ago and it was essentially for the same mental reasons. I don't think anyone else can help me with this perspective, I just hope as time goes on I'll shoulder through it and improve enough to put it to rest. It's probably not the healthiest of attitudes but I've never felt like I could tell anyone of it.

Ah, well.

 

[Chimera242]

Male, 19, haven't figured this last one out yet.

In about 24 hours, I will not have cut for a full year. Still have a lot of razors and bandages though, just in case. It's been really difficult some days, so I fully understand why you would relapse. I still genuinely miss it some days.

For me it was about control, clarity (really like how you put that, hope you don't mind me using it myself), self-loathing, and a couple of times a kind of twisted way to get back at people I cared about I felt angry with.

It took therapy, the threat of my parents finding out, and hurting my friends to make me seriously consider quitting, and even after all that it took a few months before I'd actually 'stopped' for two months. Then a couple of months sorta one and off, before I'd finally really quit (at least, as far as I know).

I am actually looking forward to being able to tell people that I'm one year 'clean' tomorrow, especially the ones I hurt the most.

The point is (I think, took a while to type this for various reasons) that you never know when you've actually 'permanently' quit, the only thing you can try (and succeed at, as opposed to 'quitting forever') is cutting less and less. Gradually lessen and lessen your dependence and its presence in your consciousness. Looking back (and ahead), that's what's working for me...

...although this is still advice from a stranger on the internet, and you should never trust those. If a professional tells you something completely different from what I just told you, take his or her advice instead.

And thank you for being so open! Telling your story made it easier to share mine (can't speak for anyone else), and talking about something almost never hurts. Who knows: maybe a few people wound up a bit more informed and well-rounded.

 

[Flutterguy]

Tried it for a few day stretch in my late teens during a time of prolonged existential crisis and dissatisfaction with family and society. Quickly caught on it was only a short-lived release that was adding to my depression, so I stopped. Same reason I quit smoking.

I hope things improve for you, but you can't hold out waiting on them to.

 

[Pimppeter2]

erased

 

[Sleepy Sol]

I've never done it to myself. I got pretty close to doing so last year during senior year of high school, but it was for stupid reasons I'm not exactly proud to admit.

19, male, straight.

 

[Barbas]

Every now and then I come across something on the internet that makes me want to bite my tongue off, pound my fists against a wall or table until my knuckles are bloody and raw, or simply scream in rage until my lungs are empty. In fact, I found one just now. Self-harm and violent fantasies are what happen when I am unable to get at the throat of the human who wronged me and squeeze the life out of them.

 

[nomzy]

I did once, I'm not sure why anymore; it was a very long time ago.
14 at the time I think.
I usually just drink now instead.[sub][sub][sub]because that's totally healthy[/sub][/sub][/sub]
Although it never helps I just super emotional and have a good cry. I suppose you could argue that it helps to just get it all out once in awhile. /shrug
Well, that's what happens when I'm in that sort of mood and start drinking anyway.

19 straight male