Self Harm and You

[Vale]

I've been doing quite a lot of knuckle-on-the-ground push-ups(preferably on concrete) since I was like 12 or so. Quite painful for a while, but then my hands just got used to it.
I guess my mental self-flagellation is a form of self-harm, but i suppose that doesn't count.

Hm... before moving into an apartment, if I knew nobody was around to hear and was really upset about something(an extremely common occurrence), I would punch the wall. Like, make-your-knuckles-bleed hard. Which is awkward, because then I had to hide my hands in my sleeves or have an awkward conversation about why my knuckles look like they do. Conversations along the lines of "um, do you, like, um, get into a lot of fights?".

20, male, straight(?)

 

[Jenvas1306]

I have never self hurt in such a way. potentially hurting my hands from hitting a desk when I get really angry (anger issues run in th family and Im working on it)
I've had a time of being very depressed in my life, but thats something I havent experianced since I fixed the reasons for my depression. since then Im allways trying to focus on the good things in life, to counteract the negative human mind.
I guess my ego doesnt let me feel so unimportant or worthless or what drives people to hurt themselves.
what really shakes me is when I am not able to do things on my own, like if Im sick or something. being able to deal with most situations is something I draw strength from, like drawing my strength from my strength, its weird.
I guess overall Im mentally rather healthy, thou a little obsessive maybe. Unlike others I do care about others, as I know that they are humans aswell and therefor feel and suffer and dream and hope just like I do.

Im 23, female and straight

 

[Sir Thomas Sean Connery]

Yes, I have indeed cut myself on occasion. Only ever on the top of my wrist and forearm and never especially deep. I think experienced cutters would call it "Chicken Scratches." Only one ever went deep.

The first time was maybe 2 years ago. I haven't done it for a few months now, but I might again.

I never did it because I was depressed or anything. On the contrary, I was/am very very happy, if a bit bored.

No, my reason was purely recreational. The adrenaline felt incredible and I have a bit of a masochistic streak. I don't enjoy all pain, but I would be lying if I said I didn't find some enjoyment when the dentist is shoving sharp metal things into my gums. And really, I saw no reason not to. My feelings on morality are convoluted at best and in all honesty, most of the things we do for pleasure are self harm. They're not direct, but many sports, foods and mediums of entertainment do far more damage to our bodies than a few cuts.

As for the scars, I actually enjoy them. There's been a few instances when people have noticed them, but I'm known as such a nice, happy person that very few people even consider that it could be cutting and when asked my story has been that my vicious cat did it (which is actually true for some of my arm scars).

 

[DoPo]

I don't know what it counts as but I can voluntarily cause cramps in my calves (yay for the possibly most useless superpower ever). And I do from time to time - the pain helps me focus occasionally, other times I do it as form of self-punishment and even sometimes for kicks. Neither of these is really often, though - I don't think I've done it for the past few months, for example.

Other than that - no, I don't feel desire or motivation to cut or actually wound myself - I rather dislike wounds of any kind and of those any variations of cuts are probably the top of my list.

Male, straight.

 

[sabercrusader]

Physically? No, though I have brought myself down mentally before during times of depression, which I suppose is the definition of depression. I thought about suicide for a minute once, nothing extremely seriously to be perfectly honest, but I am still ashamed of even considering it, even for a minute.

I don't know, I don't really get how self harm would make people feel better, or give them clarity, or anything, but I guess that's because pain doesn't do any of that for me.

I always believed I was "above" self harm, that'd I never turn to that or suicide to deal with a problem, to be honest, I always tried to stay out of depression at least, even if I wasn't really happy. I've actually only really ever dealt with depression this year, with both my first relationship, and breakup less than two weeks later. I let myself get way too attached, and when she broke up with me, it seemed like all of my problems, and fears, everything I was trying to deal with at the time, it all came crashing down at once, even if most of them didn't have anything to do with the relationship or breakup. I was dealing with a lot of things at the time, including High School graduation and the fear of entering the world. That was when I considered suicide for that minute. Luckily, I decided quickly that not only would that hurt everyone around me, but I didn't want to die, I was only a month from graduating, and I wanted to live my life. Since then, I had another relationship that ended even quicker, and again, I let myself get way too attached and I fell into another depression, but, I didn't let it get to me as bad that time.

I never once considered self harm during either of those depressions, only suicide for a minute that one time.

I'm 18, Male, and Straight by the way.

 

[INVALIDUSERNAME]

Never done it and I never plan to.

19/M/Straight

 

[The White Hunter]

Oh god this is still going, what have I done D: STAHP

 

[krazykidd]

I did. Out of curiosity . It was quite enjoyable actually. Only did it once. It was after an episode of Degrassi . I won't do it again though.

25 , Male, Chubby chaser.

 

[Korolev]

I've thought of doing it, merely so as to shock relatives into not doing something particularly stupid. Then I realized that cutting or stabbing myself would be more idiotic than the thing they were planning on doing, and I also realized that it's not right to blackmail someone into not doing something by threatening self-harm. I was thinking of doing it merely as a means to try and control someone's actions, and that's not right. Not right at all.

 

[bartholen_v1legacy]

If banging my head against a wall for comedic effect doesn't count, no, I've never done it. I had my fair share of teen angst back in the day, being the ugly, geeky reject in middle school, but my success in school, good life outside of it and fairly good physical shape kept me from going further. I thought of suicide a few times (who doesn't at that age?) but drawing blood on myself just seemed terribly messy and unnecessary. Plus my dad is a doctor, so he would have noticed.

Over the years I've become more extroverted, so if I'm feeling cranky or depressed, I generally let people know, and then let it out by ranting about whatever has gotten under my skin.

21, male, straight as a ruler.

Edit: Oh wait, this was a bout self-harm, not necessarily pain... well ok.

Spoiler: Spoilered for possibly uncomfortably detailed description of private things. Read at your own risk

My crotch area has gotten so hairy it itches very often. Instead of trimming, I tend to scratch it, often to the point where the flesh is almost raw. It doesn't hurt, it actually feels really good, which is why I like doing it, but I think I should stop doing it and just shave instead.

 

[GeneralFungi]

18, male, gay.

No, I've never self harmed before. I have done stupid things like banging my fist against my wall out of anger, but I'm much too fickle and fearful of blood to ever attempt doing something like that. The sight of blood and the idea of spilling blood is way too good of a deterrent for me.

It might be that my life thus far has been low on stress but I've always felt that time and a little bit of rest were always enough to clear my head. I suppose that just means that I've been fortunate enough to have a relatively calm life so far and I haven't dealt with the kind of stress many of the other posters here have.

 

[Barbas]

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to take a knife to my own eyes, so that the only things I see are what I dream up myself.

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

I'll keep this short, SFW, and clean.

I have self harmed, usually in the form of cutting myself in various places that are easily concealed (legs, chest, sides, hips, thighs, things like that). The reason is usually for the brief, searing moment of clarity and calm it fels to feel the sting, burn, cut and drip of the wound over the roaring background of anxiety, self doubt and absolute, all consuming despair that comes with a heavy depressive episode.

Have you?

Why?

To what ends?

Do you currently? (Didn't for about a year, did 4 days ago, and about 30 minutes ago)

Edit: As a side note, what is your gender, sexual orientation, and your age, as it will be interesting to see the trend across ages and genders for this, as it seems to be stereotyped towards teenage girls.

I'm 22, male, bisexual

Do not answer this if you feel uncomfortable doing so

But I need those hit points!

No self-cutting here. I've hurt myself with some physical training before, and taken a hit (shoulder, forearms, elbows, glance to the head) to get into a better position in sparring or to let off a sweet counter; but never sat down and carved myself up for peace and enlightenment. I have tea and meditation for that. You know you can shut down and silence all the mental noise right? It just takes practice and determination.

As for the instruments of self harm, I was always taught to respect knives and never point them towards myself. So how I was raised has helped me to never consider slicing for some peace.

28, male, straight and happily married.

 

[The White Hunter]

I'll keep this short, SFW, and clean.

I have self harmed, usually in the form of cutting myself in various places that are easily concealed (legs, chest, sides, hips, thighs, things like that). The reason is usually for the brief, searing moment of clarity and calm it fels to feel the sting, burn, cut and drip of the wound over the roaring background of anxiety, self doubt and absolute, all consuming despair that comes with a heavy depressive episode.

Have you?

Why?

To what ends?

Do you currently? (Didn't for about a year, did 4 days ago, and about 30 minutes ago)

Edit: As a side note, what is your gender, sexual orientation, and your age, as it will be interesting to see the trend across ages and genders for this, as it seems to be stereotyped towards teenage girls.

I'm 22, male, bisexual

Do not answer this if you feel uncomfortable doing so

But I need those hit points!

No self-cutting here. I've hurt myself with some physical training before, and taken a hit (shoulder, forearms, elbows, glance to the head) to get into a better position in sparring or to let off a sweet counter; but never sat down and carved myself up for peace and enlightenment. I have tea and meditation for that. You know you can shut down and silence all the mental noise right? It just takes practice and determination.

As for the instruments of self harm, I was always taught to respect knives and never point them towards myself. So how I was raised has helped me to never consider slicing for some peace.

28, male, straight and happily married.

That's nice, why exactly did you quote me directly to tell me that you need those hit points?

I'm glad you've never done it, because at least it's an indicator that you've never experienced the swelling miserable void that is absolute despair.

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

I'll keep this short, SFW, and clean.

I have self harmed, usually in the form of cutting myself in various places that are easily concealed (legs, chest, sides, hips, thighs, things like that). The reason is usually for the brief, searing moment of clarity and calm it fels to feel the sting, burn, cut and drip of the wound over the roaring background of anxiety, self doubt and absolute, all consuming despair that comes with a heavy depressive episode.

Have you?

Why?

To what ends?

Do you currently? (Didn't for about a year, did 4 days ago, and about 30 minutes ago)

Edit: As a side note, what is your gender, sexual orientation, and your age, as it will be interesting to see the trend across ages and genders for this, as it seems to be stereotyped towards teenage girls.

I'm 22, male, bisexual

Do not answer this if you feel uncomfortable doing so

But I need those hit points!

No self-cutting here. I've hurt myself with some physical training before, and taken a hit (shoulder, forearms, elbows, glance to the head) to get into a better position in sparring or to let off a sweet counter; but never sat down and carved myself up for peace and enlightenment. I have tea and meditation for that. You know you can shut down and silence all the mental noise right? It just takes practice and determination.

As for the instruments of self harm, I was always taught to respect knives and never point them towards myself. So how I was raised has helped me to never consider slicing for some peace.

28, male, straight and happily married.

That's nice, why exactly did you quote me directly to tell me that you need those hit points?

I'm glad you've never done it, because at least it's an indicator that you've never experienced the swelling miserable void that is absolute despair.

Oh I have felt despair my friend. My parents died slow of diseases (they got to lose their minds first), a former gf died in a ridiculously "safe" operation (where nothing could possibly go wrong), a gaming pal and genuinely good guy died this year in a motorcycle accident (his head kind of exploded as he collided with a pole). I have also been washed away in a flood, being alone for some time where the only thing I could hold on to above water was covered with spiders.

Life is rough, but self harm is not a real solution, you are just maiming yourself for a release. It is not a good idea.

 

[Tsukuyomi]

28, male, straight.

Never cut myself or seriously hurt myself otherwise, but at times I've felt an overwhelming desire to hit myself for some perceived failing or to ease anxiety in some twisted way. Basically it results in a few hard smacks to my forehead before the pain kicks in and I sorta snap back to reality.

I've kinda worried about it before but it seems to happen less these days, so I'm hoping that's a good sign.

 

[The White Hunter]

I'll keep this short, SFW, and clean.

I have self harmed, usually in the form of cutting myself in various places that are easily concealed (legs, chest, sides, hips, thighs, things like that). The reason is usually for the brief, searing moment of clarity and calm it fels to feel the sting, burn, cut and drip of the wound over the roaring background of anxiety, self doubt and absolute, all consuming despair that comes with a heavy depressive episode.

Have you?

Why?

To what ends?

Do you currently? (Didn't for about a year, did 4 days ago, and about 30 minutes ago)

Edit: As a side note, what is your gender, sexual orientation, and your age, as it will be interesting to see the trend across ages and genders for this, as it seems to be stereotyped towards teenage girls.

I'm 22, male, bisexual

Do not answer this if you feel uncomfortable doing so

But I need those hit points!

No self-cutting here. I've hurt myself with some physical training before, and taken a hit (shoulder, forearms, elbows, glance to the head) to get into a better position in sparring or to let off a sweet counter; but never sat down and carved myself up for peace and enlightenment. I have tea and meditation for that. You know you can shut down and silence all the mental noise right? It just takes practice and determination.

As for the instruments of self harm, I was always taught to respect knives and never point them towards myself. So how I was raised has helped me to never consider slicing for some peace.

28, male, straight and happily married.

That's nice, why exactly did you quote me directly to tell me that you need those hit points?

I'm glad you've never done it, because at least it's an indicator that you've never experienced the swelling miserable void that is absolute despair.

Oh I have felt despair my friend. My parents died slow of diseases (they got to lose their minds first), a former gf died in a ridiculously "safe" operation (where nothing could possibly go wrong), a gaming pal and genuinely good guy died this year in a motorcycle accident (his head kind of exploded as he collided with a pole). I have also been washed away in a flood, being alone for some time where the only thing I could hold on to above water was covered with spiders.

Life is rough, but self harm is not a real solution, you are just maiming yourself for a release. It is not a good idea.

I've lost people important to me too, I've had friends kill themselves, grandparents die, distant cousins disappear.

To feel despair from those is rational an human, and does not constitute the same experience as irrational, all consuming misery, it's not the same as having your own mind attack your very being and pick you apart from within over absolutely nothing, no trigger, nothing, or even something pathetic like somebody looked at me differently and something snapped inside.

It's not the same. I'm sorry that stuff happened to you, I have experienced similar misfortunes and tragedies, I empathise and understand, but it is not the same as irrational hatred.

I don't mean to pick a fight with you here, but you don't really need to quote me, or the majority of OP's here on the Escapist, we tend to read our own threads and engage with the audience they attract. Some of us genuinely read every single post in a thread that we create.

I did not mean to dismiss or belittle your experiences. I apologise, but there is a distinction to be draw between rational mourning over loss and irrational despair over pathetic daily occurences or uncontrollable shifts in the minds of the mentall ill.

 

[Elf Defiler Korgan]

Yep, and how does cutting away some hp make you feel better? Does this good feeling last for a day? A week?

It is a cycle, a negative one. The problems are in your head (there sounds like a lot of fixation on mundane crap to me), but you can do something about it. You can improve your life and feel better about yourself. If you keep yourself busy improving daily the screams of anxiety will fade into the background. You will have shit to do and won't have so much time to think about them and deplete your health bar.

Also, check your diet. Good and wholesome stuff? Are you eating enough to replenish blood loss and body damage and the right sort of foods?

 

[Jux]

30, male, straight.

Was never a cutter, though I did get dry tattoo runs ocasionally, so maybe that fits the bill. Haven't had a depressive episode since 2007 I think it was, so I think I'm doing pretty good.

 

[Deadcyde]

Reasons: Despair, self loathing, rage and a desire to enact self punishment to restore balance, and genuine attempts at suicide

Placement: My left arm and side and throat are covered with various cuts ranging from "oh look a kitty scratch" to "oh, so blood -does- spray out when you hit an artery". Various stitch and cauterizing scars also make an appearance.Though I haven't done it in a couple years (though my last suicide attempt was hanging so i guess i evolved methods)


Diagnosis: I suspect borderline personality disorder (explaining my inability to cope) or unipolar depression ("black moods" without any trigger) or autism spectrum as possible culprits

A/S/O 30 male straight (though i had my college phase)

That being said, don't. Distract, delay, daydream, anything until the desire to hurt yourself passes. It feeds the cycle and eventually can become an entire depressive focus. (as you begin to loathe yourself for being so weak as to need to self harm.)

There's help out there, don't be afraid and don't think you don't deserve to look. Sometimes it's in strange places.

edit: i suppose there was a component of attention seeking to it. But it was more wanting people to care. Not think i was cool.