Self Harm and You

Jedamethis

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Jul 24, 2009
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Damn, it's kind of comforting to see the sheer amount of people here. Yeah, I have. Figured I deserved it, which wasn't a reason I'd ever heard other people do it for, so I'm glad it's an actual reason that other people have had. Knife and blunt instrument, nice to know I'm not alone in the blunt instrument. I stopped because I thought about it, very hard, and realised that my reason didn't work. If I was doing it because I deserved it, like a punishment, then there had to be a certain amount that I deserved because of what I'd done. I couldn't just punish myself forever. So after a while I decided I'd learnt my lesson and I'd try for redemption.
So far I reckon I've made up for everything, and put more good into the world than I've taken out, so all is well.

Male, 17, bisexual
Thanks, guys
 

Ratties

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May 8, 2013
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Think about harming others, never myself. Had people tell me they are cutters before. I am not really sure what to do with the info because they have all been strangers. Since I don't care about the well being of strangers, I just say that sucks and listen. I have had people tell me this when they are drunk at a party, or some other gathering. Say I listen, I just sort of space out, it looks I am involved.
 

Shocksplicer

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Apr 10, 2011
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I've done it a tiny bit in the past, but I suspect that I'll soon start again in earnest.
FYI, I suffer from chronic depression and things are only getting worse.
19 Bi Male
 

BOOM headshot65

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Jul 7, 2011
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20, male, Demi-Sexual

I have never intentionally cut myself. The closest I ever got was I cut my wrist opening boxes at work. It was not that deep or painful, but the first thing I thought when I saw it was "Well, this looks bad." In fact, one of the other cashiers commented on it, and I was like "Im not sucidial, I swear."

However, I did hit my head against walls and other hard objects when I was younger. But it would usually be just one hit or two, then I would stubble around thinking "Pain....hurt.....bad idea." The one I still do is pick scabs and bit the skin on the end of my fingers and my lips, which it seems is rather tame compared to some of the other things in here, as I rarely draw blood.

No, what I usually do if I am upset is get on this save file I have on Fallout: New Vegas. I got every single nuclear warhead in the game spending every last cap I had, and have the Fat Man Launcher. I will then go to the Legion Camp with my launcher and guns in tow, an proceed to go to through there, killing every Legion scumbag I see, and then I will stand over the burning, radioactive remains of their pitiful army!

Ha.......
HaHa........
Bwahaaaaaa....

MWAHHHHHHAHHHHHAHAAAAHHHHHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

*regains composure* Ehem.......Its much better for me to do it that way, obviously.
 

JUMBO PALACE

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21, male, heterosexual. Alright, I know this can be a rather touchy forum, but since you asked I'm going to be honest with how I feel about this topic. I have never hurt myself, nor do I think I'll ever have that urge. Sure I've been depressed and upset before, but I really don't see how taking a knife or razor to my skin is going to solve anything. I see people who hurt themselves as weak. If you're depressed or upset address your emotions in some other way. Exercise, play a game, take up a new hobby, write, yell, punch, anything but fucking hurt yourself.
 

the_duke_CC

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Feb 4, 2008
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I'm afraid to say I have a long history of self harming, I started something close to 11 years ago now. I did give up 3 years ago but I ended up relapsing a few months ago. I started self harming as a way to cope with the symptoms of the mental illnesses I have (those being paranoid schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder) even though I wasn't diagnosed at the time I still needed relief. If that doesn't make sense then I'm sorry but I'm not very good at explaining stuff like this.

I'm 23,Male,and bi
 

Lawnmooer

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Apr 15, 2009
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I'm 19, male and heterosexual.

I've cut myself. Back in middle school and high school, I used to cut into my fingertips, I used to also punch walls as a way to deal with my anger (I used to also get into fights a lot, the self harm reduced the amount of fights I got into and allowed me to not get expelled from school)

I stopped self harming for a while, though as someone dealing with clinical depression, I have attempted suicide several times (Usually overdosing on something and washing it down with toxic levels of alcohol)

I've recently cut myself (Nothing too bad, just shallow cuts into the back of my hand) as I was trying to deal with a lot of messed up things and I find a reassuring clarity that feels pleasurable in the sensation of cutting into my skin. This was about a month maybe 2 months ago (I've not been sleeping well, so I haven't a clue about dates...) and I've not come close to needing to self harm since.

I'm looking to get professional help for dealing with my anger...

As for the self harm? It's only relevant because I'm masochistic... I always fully choose to self harm, there's none of this ambiguity about it or "Can't think clearly" excuses, I use it as a way of easily dealing with a situation much like how normal people use painkillers to deal with headaches.
 

Gormech

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May 10, 2012
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Yes

Coping mechanism to deal with stress from school/family.

Continuous poking at the skin with varying amounts of pressure from a pocket knife at first. Eventually led to two suicide attempts. One via drugs, the other attempted snapping of neck. Only managed to dislocate.

No, I'd come to terms that the chemical high I got from the experience wasn't helping my life any and decided to start actively taking control of what I could to manage my life some. As time passed, the things that stressed me out so much became menial and helped build a foundation for me to build up on.

Male, 22, Pan but straight in public.
 

Elvis Starburst

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Apr 5, 2020
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Jeez, I must be some odd form of masochist to read through every single post... My hands are shaking. Guess I might as well be a bit honest.

No, I never have, though I did contemplate it. What scares me is that I actually had the knife to my wrist only a few months ago, when I was just a little sad. Didn't do it though, cause I don't like pain (In a way, more on that at near the end of my post). I have a great family and had a few friends, but it was me against everyone else in my school days. I was never accepted by many people when I was at school, so I was pretty depressed and sad most of the time, till I got home and could play video games and be with the warmth of my family and forget about it all.

Sometimes in high school, I'd get angry and punch a wall or two, and regret it later. Even a bit more recently, about 6 months ago, I was very angry at work. Went to the washroom, punched a mirror as hard as I could. Didn't shatter it, but one of my managers was walking in (public washroom by the way) and saw me do it, so he asked what was wrong. Just told him I was angry with a friend and resorted to it to vent (Being bored at work made the anger circulate in my mind a whole lot, so I needed something to sate me for the day).

I said earlier I don't like pain, but I do have an exception. I am a Roleplayer online, both adventurous and story driven, and sexual as well. I seemed to have developed a love for masochism online, but only online... Could never do that stuff in person. I have absolutely no idea what would contribute to it. Dunno if it was cause of how tough it was for me to get along with anyone, or... Something. I know I could never enjoy being hurt in person, yet I love it elsewhere. Freaks me out to know what'd cause that. Maybe I didn't need to share this, but I felt it might have linked to something in my story.

Must be some sort of masochist to have gone through all of these posts and ached my heart the way they did just for the sake of throwing my hat into the ring. I'm a curious idiot at times, so maybe that's it.

20/Male/Straight (Sorta. Sliiiightly Bi-Curious)
 

Master_of_Oldskool

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Sep 5, 2008
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I went through a very brief period of cutting (about two weeks) a couple of years ago. It was less about savoring the pain than it was "training," as it were, for a full-on suicide attempt. I figured if I could gradually get used to the pain, I would be less likely to chicken out when I made the final cuts. Long story short, I switched to a different antidepressant and suddenly didn't feel like this was a great idea.

18, Male, Bisexual leaning heavily toward women (I really like secondary female sex characteristics- curves, long legs, smooth skin, delicate facial features, etc.- but I'm not really fussed over the whole penis vs. vagina issue)
 

norashepard

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Mar 4, 2013
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I do on occasion, sadly, and I'm not really sure why. It just helps. Although at least now I'm starting to get good at it so I cut fancy little designs into my skin instead of the standard straight lines. At least my scars will be pretty.

19, Female, As gay as you can get without life turning into a porno.
 

Ignatz_Zwakh

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Sep 3, 2010
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I haven't since I was nineteen. I'm twenty-three now. I'd hurt myself pretty regularly starting when I was fifteen. Usually on my shoulders in quick cutting motions with whatever I could get my hands on blade-wise. I also used to punch trees quite a bit, usually till my knuckles were torn. I was pretty despairing when it came to my school and home situations and it felt like the only thing that could keep me from lashing out at people. That and I sometimes felt I deserved it.

At age eighteen I met this girl I fell totally madly in love with. We went out for about a year, at the end of which she declared a year was too long to date one person, that she was only interested in girls now and besides which she didn't really care for me or anything I valued in life. I went right back to self-mutilation culminating in my badly scarring my left shoulder. This was about three months after her. Since then I haven't, or haven't done anything major at least. I haven't felt like I've had to wound myself even in the darkest moments I've had these past four years. Especially not over someone who would treat me like that. If I get angry now I try to channel it into creative endeavors, or just something other than misery. Not that that's always easy.

I've had my dalliances with guys but I've come to the conclusion that I prefer gals. Which hasn't entirely worked out for me since women never seem interested in me whereas queer dudes tend to home in on me at social gatherings, alas. C'est la vie.
 

The Lugz

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Apr 23, 2011
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No.

to clarify, I have hurt myself in pursuit of other goals ( like shaving with a razor blade ) but never for the sheer kicks n giggles of being injured, and I never understood that part but then I have a whacked pain tolerance to begin with so I guess I may just not be 'getting' it. Sometimes I feel irritated by lint or coarse clothes but occasionally I find bruises or cuts I just don't remember.. I'm odd that way :)

And I don't do internet metadata, so you'll not be getting those, but good luck on your journey, whatever that may be.
 

Vale

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May 1, 2013
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I've been doing quite a lot of knuckle-on-the-ground push-ups(preferably on concrete) since I was like 12 or so. Quite painful for a while, but then my hands just got used to it.
I guess my mental self-flagellation is a form of self-harm, but i suppose that doesn't count.

Hm... before moving into an apartment, if I knew nobody was around to hear and was really upset about something(an extremely common occurrence), I would punch the wall. Like, make-your-knuckles-bleed hard. Which is awkward, because then I had to hide my hands in my sleeves or have an awkward conversation about why my knuckles look like they do. Conversations along the lines of "um, do you, like, um, get into a lot of fights?".

20, male, straight(?)
 

Jenvas1306

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May 1, 2012
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I have never self hurt in such a way. potentially hurting my hands from hitting a desk when I get really angry (anger issues run in th family and Im working on it)
I've had a time of being very depressed in my life, but thats something I havent experianced since I fixed the reasons for my depression. since then Im allways trying to focus on the good things in life, to counteract the negative human mind.
I guess my ego doesnt let me feel so unimportant or worthless or what drives people to hurt themselves.
what really shakes me is when I am not able to do things on my own, like if Im sick or something. being able to deal with most situations is something I draw strength from, like drawing my strength from my strength, its weird.
I guess overall Im mentally rather healthy, thou a little obsessive maybe. Unlike others I do care about others, as I know that they are humans aswell and therefor feel and suffer and dream and hope just like I do.

Im 23, female and straight
 
Aug 1, 2010
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Yes, I have indeed cut myself on occasion. Only ever on the top of my wrist and forearm and never especially deep. I think experienced cutters would call it "Chicken Scratches." Only one ever went deep.

The first time was maybe 2 years ago. I haven't done it for a few months now, but I might again.

I never did it because I was depressed or anything. On the contrary, I was/am very very happy, if a bit bored.

No, my reason was purely recreational. The adrenaline felt incredible and I have a bit of a masochistic streak. I don't enjoy all pain, but I would be lying if I said I didn't find some enjoyment when the dentist is shoving sharp metal things into my gums. And really, I saw no reason not to. My feelings on morality are convoluted at best and in all honesty, most of the things we do for pleasure are self harm. They're not direct, but many sports, foods and mediums of entertainment do far more damage to our bodies than a few cuts.

As for the scars, I actually enjoy them. There's been a few instances when people have noticed them, but I'm known as such a nice, happy person that very few people even consider that it could be cutting and when asked my story has been that my vicious cat did it (which is actually true for some of my arm scars).
 

DoPo

"You're not cleared for that."
Jan 30, 2012
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I don't know what it counts as but I can voluntarily cause cramps in my calves (yay for the possibly most useless superpower ever). And I do from time to time - the pain helps me focus occasionally, other times I do it as form of self-punishment and even sometimes for kicks. Neither of these is really often, though - I don't think I've done it for the past few months, for example.

Other than that - no, I don't feel desire or motivation to cut or actually wound myself - I rather dislike wounds of any kind and of those any variations of cuts are probably the top of my list.

Male, straight.
 

sabercrusader

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Jul 18, 2009
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Physically? No, though I have brought myself down mentally before during times of depression, which I suppose is the definition of depression. I thought about suicide for a minute once, nothing extremely seriously to be perfectly honest, but I am still ashamed of even considering it, even for a minute.

I don't know, I don't really get how self harm would make people feel better, or give them clarity, or anything, but I guess that's because pain doesn't do any of that for me.

I always believed I was "above" self harm, that'd I never turn to that or suicide to deal with a problem, to be honest, I always tried to stay out of depression at least, even if I wasn't really happy. I've actually only really ever dealt with depression this year, with both my first relationship, and breakup less than two weeks later. I let myself get way too attached, and when she broke up with me, it seemed like all of my problems, and fears, everything I was trying to deal with at the time, it all came crashing down at once, even if most of them didn't have anything to do with the relationship or breakup. I was dealing with a lot of things at the time, including High School graduation and the fear of entering the world. That was when I considered suicide for that minute. Luckily, I decided quickly that not only would that hurt everyone around me, but I didn't want to die, I was only a month from graduating, and I wanted to live my life. Since then, I had another relationship that ended even quicker, and again, I let myself get way too attached and I fell into another depression, but, I didn't let it get to me as bad that time.

I never once considered self harm during either of those depressions, only suicide for a minute that one time.

I'm 18, Male, and Straight by the way.