Only self harm I participate in is various forms of substance use. Never hurt myself with anything other than that.
Self Harm and You
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The answer is probably no. I have not cut myself or did any lasting harm, however i have "punched the wall" (sometimes literary) to bring in the pain that overwhelms emotions. Nothing that ended up in a long term damage though. I have thought about it several times, mainly during the period where i thought about suicide (lets just say highschool wasnt the best period for me), but i have never acted upon it, for i am a coward and it takes courage to hurt yourself.
Statistics: 24, male, straight.
Also for some reason i didnt expect you to be bi, shows how little i know of people.
I dragged your avatar and got the cause of death "overwhelming sense of loneliness. So fitting for this thread. Sigh.
Statistics: 24, male, straight.
Also for some reason i didnt expect you to be bi, shows how little i know of people.
I dragged your avatar and got the cause of death "overwhelming sense of loneliness. So fitting for this thread. Sigh.
Have I?
Yes... I always wore long sleeves, so usually cut on my arms... punched bricks... basically anything...
Why?
Severe depressive with anxiety problems... You do the math
To what ends?
uhhh, I never understood that phrase...
Do you currently?
Well, no... Mainly because I had to move back in with my parents and they'd probably notice... they're psychic like that...
Of course, I don't think they know I'm on meds, so, I suppose it's not all that bad....?
How old am I?
21yo Male
Orientation:
Straight
Yes... I always wore long sleeves, so usually cut on my arms... punched bricks... basically anything...
Why?
Severe depressive with anxiety problems... You do the math
To what ends?
uhhh, I never understood that phrase...
Do you currently?
Well, no... Mainly because I had to move back in with my parents and they'd probably notice... they're psychic like that...
Of course, I don't think they know I'm on meds, so, I suppose it's not all that bad....?
How old am I?
21yo Male
Orientation:
Straight
I used to cut quite obsessively. It started with my wrists but then migrated to areas which were actually hidden on a day-to-day basis, like my thighs. I haven't cut in about five or six years now.
What actually got me into cutting was frustration. I had a pretty shitty childhood and a shortage of friends to help me deal with my problems (something which wasn't helped by my unwillingness to talk about things that happened to me). I preferred to bottle it up and try and deal with it all myself. That eventually culminated in me hurting myself with sharp objects.
Any time I felt so upset or enraged I couldn't do anything, I'd cut until I felt better. Then I'd soothe myself by watching the cuts heal (and adding tea tree oil to clean the wound and/or hurt myself as required).
I also used to do it for the pain (both during and after), and because I would obsess over healing the wounds. I like watching (and helping) wounds heal, which is incredibly odd, but probably part of why I like tattoos and piercings so much.
Ensuring everything was clean and not infected unfortunately didn't guard against how easily I scar.
23, female, straight.
What actually got me into cutting was frustration. I had a pretty shitty childhood and a shortage of friends to help me deal with my problems (something which wasn't helped by my unwillingness to talk about things that happened to me). I preferred to bottle it up and try and deal with it all myself. That eventually culminated in me hurting myself with sharp objects.
Any time I felt so upset or enraged I couldn't do anything, I'd cut until I felt better. Then I'd soothe myself by watching the cuts heal (and adding tea tree oil to clean the wound and/or hurt myself as required).
I also used to do it for the pain (both during and after), and because I would obsess over healing the wounds. I like watching (and helping) wounds heal, which is incredibly odd, but probably part of why I like tattoos and piercings so much.
Ensuring everything was clean and not infected unfortunately didn't guard against how easily I scar.
23, female, straight.
21, male, straight.
Not really, unless you count making bad life choices in the full knowledge of the negative consequences. Though I guess that's "an act that harms the self" without being what this thread is about.
I'm partly in this thread because the title brought to mind the notion of a very, very bad how-to book that I hope has never been published.
Not really, unless you count making bad life choices in the full knowledge of the negative consequences. Though I guess that's "an act that harms the self" without being what this thread is about.
I'm partly in this thread because the title brought to mind the notion of a very, very bad how-to book that I hope has never been published.
20, male, straight.
Sure, lots of times. Got scars everywhere from cutting, burning, stabbing, punching, scratching and tearing myself, usually on the forearms or, if I really need to hide it, shoulders and top of my arms. Been doing it since I was 15, for a variety of reasons. Pain just seems to be an effective release for me, but smoking since I turned 18 has reduced the amount of self harm a lot.
Attempted suicide a few times and recovered on my own in secret, but once I went to step off the top of a multistory carpark and was talked down from the barrier by a passing woman (only because I wouldn't jump in front of her, I'm like that) who walked me to the hospital and consequently some of the worst hours of my life as I curled up in anguish alone in a corner of the emergency ward for about 9 hours, unable to leave or do anything to make myself feel better. Needless to say I fucking hate the hospital now.
Sure, lots of times. Got scars everywhere from cutting, burning, stabbing, punching, scratching and tearing myself, usually on the forearms or, if I really need to hide it, shoulders and top of my arms. Been doing it since I was 15, for a variety of reasons. Pain just seems to be an effective release for me, but smoking since I turned 18 has reduced the amount of self harm a lot.
Attempted suicide a few times and recovered on my own in secret, but once I went to step off the top of a multistory carpark and was talked down from the barrier by a passing woman (only because I wouldn't jump in front of her, I'm like that) who walked me to the hospital and consequently some of the worst hours of my life as I curled up in anguish alone in a corner of the emergency ward for about 9 hours, unable to leave or do anything to make myself feel better. Needless to say I fucking hate the hospital now.
I... I don't know how to respond to that. My intention in saying that is certainly not to make suicide more attractive. I guess I can't really imagine it considering I was lucky enough to have a wonderful family... There is no I one in my life I would aim to hurt like that.MarsAtlas said:
I guess I'll refrain from using that argument in the future. Thank you for opening my eyes.
I'll keep that in mind. Although I'd never say something like "you have it better than you think" - I hated it when people said that to me whenever I was getting bullied or depressed etc.MarsAtlas said:
This really is a foreign concept to me though, its hard to know what the right thing to say is.
Though I hit that regular "rough patch" of having "the worst childhood and school life ever" phase, I never once cut myself (especially on my forearms) because I'm VERY narcissistic of my arms - I think they're my most attractive feature and I couldn't stand the thought of them being covered in nasty, attention-seeking "but I'm not asking for attention don't you dare ask - okay ask me" scars. As for upper arms and thighs and the like, well... I'm just too lazy to keep track of where that blood goes... if I cut, it was "to be artistic", similar in the sense that people get tattoos because it's artsy. I don't really anymore because people kept asking and I'm once again too lazy to explain that it's not what it looks like. The thing with me was that when I was emotionally drained or at an unstable point of my feelings, I had enough on my plate that I just didn't want to bother with cutting and going down that road; I would just hole up in my room and paint pictures instead before destroying them.
As for suicide, I only tried once and it was when I enlisted in the Air Force. It was such an experience and I was SO out of place that I wasn't even paying attention and I found myself about to fly from the third story window of the building we were in - they strapped me down to a gurney and took away my shoelaces and lanyard and I rode in an ambulance for the first time in my life! It was exciting but at the time I just wanted to go home. After spending the evening in the psych ward where everyone just... bled out their deepest secrets and swapped "what I did was better than what you did" stories, I learned that developing a mantra REALLY helped me get through those last few days in the rehab barracks - instead of turning to violence or further suicide, I just chant under my breath and write it down; writing really helps.
Ever since then though, there's only been one instance where I felt that everything was UTTERLY hopeless, my psychiatrist says that "I'm the model image of a modern nihilist" and I didn't even know "double depression" existed until he told me that I had it. It's usually not so bad but DAMN, I hate my job and THAT stress leads to AT HOME stress and it just spirals and I mantra all over again.
20 / Female / Asexual
As for suicide, I only tried once and it was when I enlisted in the Air Force. It was such an experience and I was SO out of place that I wasn't even paying attention and I found myself about to fly from the third story window of the building we were in - they strapped me down to a gurney and took away my shoelaces and lanyard and I rode in an ambulance for the first time in my life! It was exciting but at the time I just wanted to go home. After spending the evening in the psych ward where everyone just... bled out their deepest secrets and swapped "what I did was better than what you did" stories, I learned that developing a mantra REALLY helped me get through those last few days in the rehab barracks - instead of turning to violence or further suicide, I just chant under my breath and write it down; writing really helps.
Ever since then though, there's only been one instance where I felt that everything was UTTERLY hopeless, my psychiatrist says that "I'm the model image of a modern nihilist" and I didn't even know "double depression" existed until he told me that I had it. It's usually not so bad but DAMN, I hate my job and THAT stress leads to AT HOME stress and it just spirals and I mantra all over again.
20 / Female / Asexual
22, male, straight. I've cut myself before, on the shoulder and the forearm (not the wrist, the other side of it). I did it because I was angry and depressed. I think more angry than depressed, and I felt like trying it out. It didn't really do anything for me, and my self-preservation instincts are far too strong for me to actually do anything that would cause lasting damage either. I basically just tried it because it seemed like the popular thing to do.
Also, since I guess this is important, I believe I have depression to some extent. I've never had any counseling or therapy, or even mentioned it more than very vaguely and in passing to a few people I know irl. I'm kind of in the middle of a depressed patch right now, though I'm better today than I was yesterday. The thing is, I don't really have any good reason for my depression. All the problems that I do have in my life are self-inflicted and well within my power to correct. But I guess if it obeyed logical rules it wouldn't really be depression.
As for suicide, I have considered it, in a very vague way. No actual planning or attempting, or even seriously imagining it, but just sort of thinking, "Maybe that would be nice..." Overall though, I don't think I'm suicidal or even that I want to die. I do kind of wish that I had never lived though.
Also, since I guess this is important, I believe I have depression to some extent. I've never had any counseling or therapy, or even mentioned it more than very vaguely and in passing to a few people I know irl. I'm kind of in the middle of a depressed patch right now, though I'm better today than I was yesterday. The thing is, I don't really have any good reason for my depression. All the problems that I do have in my life are self-inflicted and well within my power to correct. But I guess if it obeyed logical rules it wouldn't really be depression.
As for suicide, I have considered it, in a very vague way. No actual planning or attempting, or even seriously imagining it, but just sort of thinking, "Maybe that would be nice..." Overall though, I don't think I'm suicidal or even that I want to die. I do kind of wish that I had never lived though.
30/trans*female/asexual
Weird that I would see this thread on tonight of all nights. I'm trying my absolute hardest to not cut right now, because I have absolutely no reason to want to or need to. I didn't cut until I was 25, several years after transition from male to female. I did it (and usually do it) because I spent so much of my life shoving down feelings and emotions, that on the rare occasion when they do manage to crop up, I have no way of dealing with them aside from converting emotional pain into physical pain. Because physical pain makes sense, you can handle it, you can deal with it, and then it goes away. Such is the hurt that a person can heap on themselves by hating themselves. Yes, I started cutting so I could learn how best to kill myself.
Now my life is fantastic, I have everything I want. And yet sometimes, on nights like tonight, when there is nothing at all wrong, I just feel such a deep need to cut. I look to my girlfriend, sleeping soundly, and I find enough strength to put off for one more night.
I strongly urge anyone who has even thought about it to never go down that path. The scars it leaves on your spirit are much worse than the marks it leaves on your body. I know thing may be too late for me to ever truly control myself again, but if anyone messages me I will do my damndest to help them instead.
Don't hate yourself. You might not feel it now, you might not know it, but you truly are loved. Stay strong. You are worth life.
Weird that I would see this thread on tonight of all nights. I'm trying my absolute hardest to not cut right now, because I have absolutely no reason to want to or need to. I didn't cut until I was 25, several years after transition from male to female. I did it (and usually do it) because I spent so much of my life shoving down feelings and emotions, that on the rare occasion when they do manage to crop up, I have no way of dealing with them aside from converting emotional pain into physical pain. Because physical pain makes sense, you can handle it, you can deal with it, and then it goes away. Such is the hurt that a person can heap on themselves by hating themselves. Yes, I started cutting so I could learn how best to kill myself.
Now my life is fantastic, I have everything I want. And yet sometimes, on nights like tonight, when there is nothing at all wrong, I just feel such a deep need to cut. I look to my girlfriend, sleeping soundly, and I find enough strength to put off for one more night.
I strongly urge anyone who has even thought about it to never go down that path. The scars it leaves on your spirit are much worse than the marks it leaves on your body. I know thing may be too late for me to ever truly control myself again, but if anyone messages me I will do my damndest to help them instead.
Don't hate yourself. You might not feel it now, you might not know it, but you truly are loved. Stay strong. You are worth life.
23 (20-21ish at time) strait male
No cutting, I burned instead. Was bad depressed, playing with a lighter, somehow got a solid burn off it, then started doing it intentionally. Unfortunately, the spot I use is on my left forearm, very obvious, which is about the only reason I avoided it at all. For me I think a lot of it is just the control it gives, felt very reliving. Very glad I tried it, as it was I was sleeping as much as possible to simply pass time, and was very close to suicide (put a gun to my head).
Surprised so many people look so negatively on it having experienced it. The depression is awful but...idk, the harm helped a lot, so not sure why so many people regret it, unless they have bad scarring. Hell, I would still do it now if not for the fact its so obvious when I do.
This year found out my 15 year old sister (lives with my mom) was cutting, and attempted suicide twice (pills). Still not sure what to do there....She got some meds and spent time at a facility but idk how much they helped. Talking to her is hard, with my crippling social phobia.
No cutting, I burned instead. Was bad depressed, playing with a lighter, somehow got a solid burn off it, then started doing it intentionally. Unfortunately, the spot I use is on my left forearm, very obvious, which is about the only reason I avoided it at all. For me I think a lot of it is just the control it gives, felt very reliving. Very glad I tried it, as it was I was sleeping as much as possible to simply pass time, and was very close to suicide (put a gun to my head).
Surprised so many people look so negatively on it having experienced it. The depression is awful but...idk, the harm helped a lot, so not sure why so many people regret it, unless they have bad scarring. Hell, I would still do it now if not for the fact its so obvious when I do.
This year found out my 15 year old sister (lives with my mom) was cutting, and attempted suicide twice (pills). Still not sure what to do there....She got some meds and spent time at a facility but idk how much they helped. Talking to her is hard, with my crippling social phobia.
Went through a mad depression when I was a teenager. Cut myself once, cursed at the sudden blood flow (Ruined a decent shirt) and pain, then never did it again. As someone who has been to the bottom of the barrel and stayed there for a long time....self-harm makes no fuckin' sense.
It's not cathartic for me and no is it particularly helpful. I was blackout drunk so I made a thread about what was on my mind.Vryyk said:
Sometimes it's interesting to provoke discussion.
24, transgirl. Been emotionally unstable, paranoid and suicidal since the onset of puberty. So half my life now.
No I never done such a thing, for a simple reason. When I feel an anxiety attack or wirse coming I stay as far away from sharp objects as possible. I also refuse to drive a car or similar. Despite being bombarded by thoughts and impulses that are beyond my control. I usually curl up and cry while chatting with my friends for a few hour, unless one of them is available in real life. My best friend usually is, and he is the primary reasom to why I'm still here.
Current situation is gender issues are under control, I have real friends who do not just brush things off. My mother is less hostile and try to be understanding novadays. Can't handle the pressure of studying due to the anxiety attacks, I live in the worst town in the country when it comes to jobs and my last attempt to get help started february.
I am basically in a limbo with body and social life under control but no income to speak of and no means of attaining one. Failed college three times. My plan while trying to sort this out is to slowly build up a collectiin of things that are good for my mental health, train martial arts, try out a course in german or writing. And most of all, not rushing things.
No I never done such a thing, for a simple reason. When I feel an anxiety attack or wirse coming I stay as far away from sharp objects as possible. I also refuse to drive a car or similar. Despite being bombarded by thoughts and impulses that are beyond my control. I usually curl up and cry while chatting with my friends for a few hour, unless one of them is available in real life. My best friend usually is, and he is the primary reasom to why I'm still here.
Current situation is gender issues are under control, I have real friends who do not just brush things off. My mother is less hostile and try to be understanding novadays. Can't handle the pressure of studying due to the anxiety attacks, I live in the worst town in the country when it comes to jobs and my last attempt to get help started february.
I am basically in a limbo with body and social life under control but no income to speak of and no means of attaining one. Failed college three times. My plan while trying to sort this out is to slowly build up a collectiin of things that are good for my mental health, train martial arts, try out a course in german or writing. And most of all, not rushing things.
I was kind of expecting there to be a trend between non-hetero individuals and instances of self harm/attempted suicide. I can empathise with it to a degree.Matthewmagic said:
Yeah... one of the reasons I'm into BDSM... :|SkarKrow said:
I'm not a raging masochist, I'm not even a masochist in the literal, literary or traditional sense, but I do often feel better after having been in pain, just not when I've been doing it to myself. So self-harming has never really been an issue for me. Getting someone else to do it, though, has been.
My ex-girlfriend (who was also my sub), however, had it quite severely, to the point of self-flagellating, and given her personality, I'm amazed I managed to do anything about it. An inadvertent trauma as a child, manic depression, a slash attack and a miscarriage just does not help...
Rhetorical question: how bereft of your heart your chest feels, as though it beats at nothing... :/xmbts said:
Yeah... happens a lot when I'm at the nadir (or not even that) of a depressive episode... reason? FUCK REASONS!
To add some levity to my post, despite myself... uh... strap-on not an option?!sweetylnumb said:19, female, straight, but i'd tottaly screw females if they had dicks. Shame really.
'Anyway... info-stuff:
Male, 27, straight (if mostly)
Now if you'll excuse me...
Only ever out of morbid curiosity as to how much it would hurt. It hurt a lot, so I'm not trying that again. I don't get down often, and when I do I just get some comfort food and watch anime all day. Which is how I spend a lot of my uptime as well.
If I am down doing maths tends to help me more than self pity. Nothing like shredding integral calculus problems to get you back on your feet.
17, Male, Straight.
If I am down doing maths tends to help me more than self pity. Nothing like shredding integral calculus problems to get you back on your feet.
17, Male, Straight.
I'm 24, female, straight.
I haven't cut myself, but I am in a high stress job, but I use stress busters and I get off my bus a couple of stops early both going to and coming back from work so I can walk and "de-stress" as well as try and take stock of my day and to help me re-evaluate my priorities, especially if it is at a busy time of the year. I also play Resident Evil 4 and Persona 4: Arena as I find them very cathartic to play.
I haven't cut myself, but I am in a high stress job, but I use stress busters and I get off my bus a couple of stops early both going to and coming back from work so I can walk and "de-stress" as well as try and take stock of my day and to help me re-evaluate my priorities, especially if it is at a busy time of the year. I also play Resident Evil 4 and Persona 4: Arena as I find them very cathartic to play.
I'm more of a pick and poker.
Whenever I have a scab, callus, or fuild accumulation I just can't help but tear away at it. I can seriously fuck up the soles of my feet during summer if I'm not careful. So I guess you could call it a form of self-harm, not because I like the pain, but because I'm a bit obsessed with whatever protrusion is on my skin.
31-year old hetero male.
Whenever I have a scab, callus, or fuild accumulation I just can't help but tear away at it. I can seriously fuck up the soles of my feet during summer if I'm not careful. So I guess you could call it a form of self-harm, not because I like the pain, but because I'm a bit obsessed with whatever protrusion is on my skin.
31-year old hetero male.