Seriously, why do some guys pull this shit?
- Thread starter Rin Little
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Well I'm guessing he had a crush on you for some time and he felt like spilling the beans before it's too late.Rin Little said:
Which is something all the dating experts like to suggest, and is completely and utterly wrong, I also had to learn that with trial by fire.
I just hope you gave him a clear answer on the matter, because considering that whole car comment... he's really better off elsewhere.
I'm not entirely sure how much "steam" this thread has left in it, or how much you want it to.Rin Little said:
But I'd probably Edit your first post to specify ages, as originally I had assumed you were probably teenagers (generally as that's when such awkwardness seems to mostly occur) and even after you clarified you were 22, I assumed he was the same age as you.
Not having a real job/car at 17-18? Perfectly acceptable, how many people do?.
Not having a real job/car at 22ish? Maybe he's a student or having trouble with the current economic environment?
Not having a real job/car at 30? Oh dear.
As for "advice" - as several others have suggested, tell him that your "friendship" isn't working out (whether or not you view it as such, he probably does) and that you don't wish to speak to him any longer. Delete his contact details/accounts off everything you own and is required, tell your friends you don't wish to attend anything he's invited to (doesn't sound like it'll be an issue). If he tries contacting you, ignore it for a say a week, if he's STILL pestering you, tell him you'll get a restraining order. If he still continues then the solution is obvious.
Also, a bit out there, but how long have you known each other? I'm guessing given the 8 year age gap you're not childhood friends and probably just met him working at a part-time job during school or something. If you do know his parents at all, it perhaps couldn't hurt informing them of what a douche their son is being.
My thoughts anyway.
I got tired of my last girlfriend who did her best to guilt me when she did ME WRONG!!!.. sorry still dealing with sh^& from her.
The Girlfriend before that bi^&h, I tried my best to be there for. I helped her stand up to the idiot who did the guilting to her and threatened to kill himself. Yeah, i got her away from that douche and started dating her. She broke up with me and started dating a guy she had dated back in highschool and claimed had raped her... Yea im no perfect guy but im pretty certain im better than a rapist!
So Yea i think i understand what you're talking about... Explain to him your feelings and if he continues don't be his friend.
Right now i'll be in my rage/depressed corner dealing with my feelings that were betrayed by a manipulative... *starts crying* :'(
The Girlfriend before that bi^&h, I tried my best to be there for. I helped her stand up to the idiot who did the guilting to her and threatened to kill himself. Yeah, i got her away from that douche and started dating her. She broke up with me and started dating a guy she had dated back in highschool and claimed had raped her... Yea im no perfect guy but im pretty certain im better than a rapist!
So Yea i think i understand what you're talking about... Explain to him your feelings and if he continues don't be his friend.
Right now i'll be in my rage/depressed corner dealing with my feelings that were betrayed by a manipulative... *starts crying* :'(
I am a guy and I have never had a crush on any of the women I am friends with.TheDooD said:
On Topic: I would most likely start ignoring someone if they started to act like that around me. If they kept doing it I would think about getting a restraining order.
[sub]I fucking love that song. Why must it be so catchy?Owen Robertson said:
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One thing I will say, and I hope you don't take offence to this, but why are you still talking to him and in contact with him over instant messengers if he's so bad? (Assuming you are.)Rin Little said:
If you haven't already, block him, avoid him, make every way he can contact you that much more difficult and just disappear from his life as soon as and as efficiently as possible. He's just the type of guy who's watched too many movies where the male love-interest is a deep, broody, hurt young man who wins the woman over by acting as if she's the only one who can fix it. I've got friends like this guy, just avoid them.
If you don't avoid them, it's a sign you want contact with them or, at the very least, like the attention you get from them. If this is untrue, run away!
From personal experience, some guys are like that because they've become so frustrated with woman saying no to them every time, but will insist on dating a total fuckhead then use said first guy as an emotional tissue without any regard abut his needs/wants/desires etc etc.
Not to say you're like this or your current BF, but over time when a guy deals with this too much, they start to lose it and blame all women for doing this to them. I think there's a term for it, cant remember.
LONG STORY SHORT, like me, he needs a very big wake up call, and other friends to help him. Some people (WOMEN TOO) do this because they're downright afraid to ask for help, or get to a point of begging for help.
....Kinda sad I can give relationship advice but when it comes to my own problems I'm a total moron :\
Not to say you're like this or your current BF, but over time when a guy deals with this too much, they start to lose it and blame all women for doing this to them. I think there's a term for it, cant remember.
LONG STORY SHORT, like me, he needs a very big wake up call, and other friends to help him. Some people (WOMEN TOO) do this because they're downright afraid to ask for help, or get to a point of begging for help.
....Kinda sad I can give relationship advice but when it comes to my own problems I'm a total moron :\
I hope you don't mean 'You should give the guys that turn you off a chance' and you mean 'The guy in question feels that you should give the guys that turn you off a chance.'TheDooD said:
Girls, as a guy who has been both the 'jerk who grabbed her' AND 'The guy who wish he got that chance' let me be absolutely clear as to what your responsibility is to that guy who 'deserves a chance.'
Sweet. Bugger. All.
This guy is being creepy, and in denial about it. Not having a car? Whatever, I live in the city, that's really common, so no one gives it a thought. But... moping on your shoulder? You don't lay that on aquaintances! Texting you to tell you that you're horny!?! Seriously? What the fuck!?! Tell him that he's crossed a line, and that his behavior is unacceptable, and that he should learn to respect women properly. Then block him.
He's not your friend.
There are 2 reasons for this. Let's hope it's reason 2.
1. He legitimately thought you wanted to date him and was opening up, some people do have it pretty bad and if he thought he found his significant other he was just being honest.
2. He thought that by trying to make his life sound awful you'd take pity and switch to him.
1. He legitimately thought you wanted to date him and was opening up, some people do have it pretty bad and if he thought he found his significant other he was just being honest.
2. He thought that by trying to make his life sound awful you'd take pity and switch to him.
That is just so wrong. On every level. I honestly have no idea where to begin on this.TheDooD said:
I have female friends, hell I used to have exclusively female friends at one point. I was no, by any means, attracted to all of them. Things are never so cut and dry as that. Are you saying literally every woman you talk to and share interests with is instantly your crush? Unless we have different meanings of the word, I simply do not believe that is a realistic idea.
I'm sure later on you said that bisexuals are attracted to every single one of their friends. That's simply unreasonable. Have you met any bisexuals? I've met a few, a couple are close friends and some of them love their friends dearly but would never consider dating them from as simple reasons as "I find them ugly" or "he's funny, but he's a dick."
Hell, speaking as someone who is a '2' on the Kinsey scale, I've been attracted to some men and have engaged in sexual activities with some men yet most of my friends now are male and I'm not attracted to a single one.
Men don't just jump on the first thing that flashes them a smile. That's such a backward notion.
"A guilt trip into your pants" sounds almost poetic.Colour-Scientist said:
It also sound damn familiar. This happens to me an awful lot; I seem to draw in the socially malnourished. Is it wrong that I take pleasure in forcibly applying reality to people like this?
One guy came to me and said that he had a 'bro-pact' with my new boyfriend, and that I was compelled to give him intimacy equal to that which I gave my boyfriend.
I laughed him down, and in the end he offered me money not to tell his friends. It didn't save him.
Or more accurately, the guy was told no once, fixated on her because she's 'safe' and not going anywhere, opens himself up to such levels of emotional vulnerability that nothing she can do to avoid him hurting will work, and while she may make dating mistakes that have nothing to do with him, offers his friendship as a farce, hoping that familiarity will give him more chances to ask her out without asking her out.Ziadaine said:
I mean seriously, if she's said no to a relationship, and is seeing other people, she's not fucking leading you on. If you're offering your shoulder for her to vent her frustrations on, but aren't sincere about being a platonic friend rather than a suitor... you're the lying douche here, not her.
I'm pretty sure it's normal behaviour. Guys are crazy, regardless of whether you love em back or not! What I wouldn't give for a fun chirpy muscular man who isn't a bit of a psycho, and likes JCVD movies and games and wrestling.sadly the world does not work this way!
He's allowing himself to feel like a victim.
I've done it before (though in my case it actually kinda worked), and it allows you to blame you while he is blaming himself.
You need to lay down some tough love, without the love. Tell him straight up he's being a creep. He'll hate you forever, but it will make him stop.
And for future reference, be nice to the shy guys. It sucks to have no self confidence.
I've done it before (though in my case it actually kinda worked), and it allows you to blame you while he is blaming himself.
You need to lay down some tough love, without the love. Tell him straight up he's being a creep. He'll hate you forever, but it will make him stop.
And for future reference, be nice to the shy guys. It sucks to have no self confidence.
My car is probably nicer than your boyfriend's. I also have a motorbike. You should date me.Rin Little said:
Seriously, though, I could write numerous diatribes like this one about the dysfunctional behaviours I've seen girls display. What can I tell you? Humans are often stupid.