Smacking Your Child.

[Parasondox]

This is CNN. Where we confuse and panick over a flag with butt plugs, dildos and other sex toys on it for the ISIS flag. Journalism MOTHER FUCKER!!!

Children. Are they being treated more softly today than, let's say, 20/30/40 years ago? With the UN warning the UK about our smacking laws, the debate goes on and will still go on about smacking a child and any kind of harm to a child.

There are actually millions of question to pose here and all to talk about so let's all discuss. For those who are parents, what are your thoughts on smacking. No, not that awkward TV show that came on last year (let us never remember that). Do you think smacking is unneeded in today's world? Do you think there isn't enough of it? Does our memories of yourself being hit by your parent stopped you from doing the same to your kids? Should the UN butt out? Do some who hits their kids, do it out of frustration and anger? Lack of education maybe?

Your thoughts on the matter please.

 

[JoJo]

Totally unnecessary in my eyes. It isn't legal here to smack an adult, or even a pet dog, so why should it be legal to do so to a small child? What people need to remember is that absence of smacking doesn't have to be an absence of discipline, taking away privileges is just as effective a deterrent and doesn't teach a child that it's okay to be violent towards a small being dependent on you. Social studies are always contentious of course but the evidence seems to suggest that even after controlling for confounding factors such as natural aggression and socio-economic background, smacked children are more likely to become aggressive as they grow older than those disciplined in other ways. [footnote]http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1983895,00.html[/footnote]

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I'm pretty against the idea. My dad used to smack me- nothing serious, but he would give me a pretty hard smack around the head if I was being a complete pain. If stopping your kid from acting out is your aim, then yes, it definitely works although I think it was unnecessary.

Whilst I don't think it taught me that violence was ok or any bollocks like that, I would say it probably damaged my relationship with my dad long-term. There are a few other major reasons as to why I don't have an especially close relationship with my dad (I'm keen to stress that these aren't his fault), but it played a part in me distancing myself from him as I grew up. That's probably the saddest thing about physical punishment, it really damages the way your kid views you. Personally I would hate to think of my own hypothetical children seeing me as a figure to fear.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Spanking, yes to a degee (I was a wild child when I was little so I did get spank by my mum alo to the point that I eventualled behave) but I won't used that practive on my own child if I became a father but actual smacking (as in hitting the child) is a complete no!

 

[Queen Michael]

Nah, Id' rather not. I'm not saying it'll give your kid Gigantic Mental Scars necessarily, but there's two things that bug me about it.

1. Hitting full-grown adults isn't okay, so it shouldn't be okay on a little kid.

2. A kid that only behaves if punished corporally has deeper problems that you need to solve.

 

[Twintix]

Totally unnecessary in my eyes. It isn't legal here to smack an adult, or even a pet dog, so why should it be legal to do so to a small child? What people need to remember is that absence of smacking doesn't have to be an absence of discipline, taking away privileges is just as effective a deterrent and doesn't teach a child that it's okay to be violent towards a small being dependent on you. Social studies are always contentious of course but the evidence seems to suggest that even after controlling for confounding factors such as natural aggression and socio-economic background, smacked children are more likely to become aggressive as they grow older than those disciplined in other ways. [footnote]http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1983895,00.html[/footnote]

Nah, Id' rather not. I'm not saying it'll give your kid Gigantic Mental Scars necessarily, but there's two things that bug me about it.

1. Hitting full-grown adults isn't okay, so it shouldn't be okay on a little kid.

2. A kid that only behaves if punished corporally has deeper problems that you need to solve.

I agree. Especially about the not hitting adults bit. I do wonder where this idea of "No smacking = no discipline" comes from.

...Now that I think about it, would a light tap count as smacking a child? Like, do you think it matters if they're hurt or not from the action as long as it's physical contact? I was thinking that the definition of hitting might vary from person to person, and some people might not even consider a light tap OK.

Not that I think I'd treat any of my kids that way, I was just thinking...

 

[Muspelheim]

If smacking your child is a vital part of raising your child, you're likely a very shite parent.

A smack and a slap when warranted is not a disaster, though. It won't ruin a child and it won't raise a child. Simple as.

 

[DementedSheep]

Depends on what circumstances and how hard. I'm not totality against smacking but it shouldn't be the default for punishments, it should always be just an open hand and you shouldn't do it if you're the type who rages.
I'm not going to judge a parent if their kid tries to run ahead across the road and they pull them back and smack them.

 

[Twintix]

Totally unnecessary in my eyes. It isn't legal here to smack an adult, or even a pet dog, so why should it be legal to do so to a small child? What people need to remember is that absence of smacking doesn't have to be an absence of discipline, taking away privileges is just as effective a deterrent and doesn't teach a child that it's okay to be violent towards a small being dependent on you. Social studies are always contentious of course but the evidence seems to suggest that even after controlling for confounding factors such as natural aggression and socio-economic background, smacked children are more likely to become aggressive as they grow older than those disciplined in other ways. [footnote]http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1983895,00.html[/footnote]

Nah, Id' rather not. I'm not saying it'll give your kid Gigantic Mental Scars necessarily, but there's two things that bug me about it.

1. Hitting full-grown adults isn't okay, so it shouldn't be okay on a little kid.

2. A kid that only behaves if punished corporally has deeper problems that you need to solve.

I agree. Especially about the not hitting adults bit. I do wonder where this idea of "No smacking = no discipline" comes from.

...Now that I think about it, would a light tap count as smacking a child? Like, do you think it matters if they're hurt or not from the action as long as it's physical contact? I was thinking that the definition of hitting might vary from person to person, and some people might not even consider a light tap OK.

Not that I think I'd treat any of my kids that way, I was just thinking...

 

[Dragonlayer]

Smacking your child is an excellent form of stress release and the appropriate reaction to their misbehavior/stubbing your toe/disapproval of a TV program's storyline/whenever you feel like it.

I kid of course; I'm not a parent myself but I was smacked occasionally as a youth whenever I did something incredibly stupid and harmful to myself, and I turned out fine. Not to suggest I was beaten mercilessly into terrified obedience, but sometimes a firm smack is necessary for the child's benefit.

 

[Parasondox]

...Now that I think about it, would a light tap count as smacking a child? Like, do you think it matters if they're hurt or not from the action as long as it's physical contact? I was thinking that the definition of hitting might vary from person to person, and some people might not even consider a light tap OK.

Not that I think I'd treat any of my kids that way, I was just thinking...

By UN's definition, a light tap would still count as smacking. Here in the UK, it's mostly, you can smack but you can't leave a mark (sounds like a light tap, right?), but for the UN, that's a full no no.

 

[Auron225]

I got smacked when I was a kid. Having said that, I'm told that when I was young; it didn't deter me from behaving any better so clearly I wasn't phased by it but it did the trick when I got older for some reason.

I think I'd find it hard to do it to my own hypothetical kid. I know there are other ways to discipline your child so I'd likely want to do my homework on what those are to try & avoid smacking as much as possible. So long as it isn't the "go-to" default punishment, I'm not completely against it.

Having been a TEACHER though, some high school students really do need a slap around the head.

 

[skywolfblue]

Within context, and without anger, smacking a kids behind or hand can be appropriate.

My Mom would get angry when she spanked me, our relationship was severely damaged because of that.

My Dad took the time to explain calmly, that my actions had consequences that hurt me and others, and that discipline was part of that. I was a rather rough child, without my Dad's careful discipline, I would be much worse then the person I am today.

 

[Areloch]

What definition of 'smacking' are we using?

Full backhand across the head? Spanking? Slapping their hand?

 

[WarpedMind]

Literally every single study ever published on the effects of spanking and other disciplinary violence directed at children have shown nothing but negative effects, it significantly contributes to a wide swath of behavioral problems, is directly linked to the lowering of IQ and increases the likelihood of developing several psychological conditions.

No, it's not okay to smack your child, because it's not "your" child, the fact that you fathered/mothered a person does not make them your property or your pet.

Even if "disciplinary" violence against children could be morally justified, which it can't, it would still be idiotic from a practical stand point, because it has consistently been shown to WORSEN the behavioral issues it is meant to remedy.

And no, "I was spanked and I turned out fine" does not constitute an argument in favor of it, not only is that a post-hoc rationalization, it is an emotional judgement directly contrary to the facts.

 

[FPLOON]

I was smacked when I was young... with a belt... on the butt... only once on the legs because I tried to get away like I was a suburban black slave[footnote]That's how skinny I used to be because I had a super high metabolism...[/footnote], which is the only visible recollection of said smacking... With that said, I used to think there was a time and place to smack your kid(s), except in public because no one wants to see that shit... Now, I think you don't have to unless out of a last-minute result before the police take your kid to kid jail to "scare them straight"...

Other than that, if done "incorrectly", it could lead to their fuel of a pending smacking fetish... Take of that as you will, maybe...

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Misread this as smoking your child. Now my imagination has gone in ways not relevant to the thread at hand...

In anycase, I'm not going to be smacking my child. Disciplinary action can be a necessity of childhood but you do not need to execute force. It's also not something I would really be comfortable doing even if its value wasn't in severe doubt. I don't like making children cry; I feel horrible when accidents hurt them, how am I supposed to smack one around over singing too loudly in the car?

 

[Childe]

Totally unnecessary in my eyes. It isn't legal here to smack an adult, or even a pet dog, so why should it be legal to do so to a small child? What people need to remember is that absence of smacking doesn't have to be an absence of discipline, taking away privileges is just as effective a deterrent and doesn't teach a child that it's okay to be violent towards a small being dependent on you. Social studies are always contentious of course but the evidence seems to suggest that even after controlling for confounding factors such as natural aggression and socio-economic background, smacked children are more likely to become aggressive as they grow older than those disciplined in other ways. [footnote]http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1983895,00.html[/footnote]

The problem is that the examples you give aren't really effective. More often then not the kids will whine and complain and cry and the parents will give in, which just lets the kids know that they can do whatever they want and there parents won't do anything. Now obviously this isn't true for everyone but its something that i have seen a lot. Physical punishment doesn't necessarily work any better, and I'm completely against actually beating your kid, however spanking is, in all honestly, really really minor; unless of course you go overboard, which is also happens. They key issue here is what the role of a parent is and what tools they have to accomplish those goals. Now i believe everyone will agree that the parents role is to bring up there children to be functional members of society. When people break rules in society they get punished (hopefully) because we can't let people think that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want; there would be anarchy and life would be even worse then it is now (probably). In the same manner the family unit functions in the same manner as a nation; the parents make rules [hopefully[ geared towards protecting there children, promoting peace and happiness in the family, etc., and when those children act out against those rules, there needs to be consequences; ones that actually have the children learn a lesson. If there is a children continually acting out, disobeying and not responding to having his phone taken away, or being grounded, then the parents should have the right be able to shift to a different form of punishment. Not torture or whipping or breaking the kids bones or other awful things like that, but there needs to be different avenues of approach that parents can have to discipline their children so that they do become functional, productive members of society. and frankly children are tougher then we give them credit for, i mean we are fine with children playing rough sports and hurting themselves playing them but we claim child abuse over a little spanking? The bottom line for me is, how far is to far for a parent to go in fulling their duty as a parent, and considering that, I don't think spanking is too far or other mild, no long lasting or permanent physical effects, physical punishment.

 

[WarpedMind]

The problem is that the examples you give aren't really effective.

Utter conjecture, please cite your sources.

Spanking isn't an effective disciplinary method, the ONLY positive effect of spanking is immediate compliance, meaning that the child will stop whatever bad thing it is doing at that exact moment. Spanking has been consistently shown to lead to INCREASES in all kinds of anti-social behavior; aggression, lying, bullying, etc.

More often then not the kids will whine and complain and cry and the parents will give in, which just lets the kids know that they can do whatever they want and there parents won't do anything. Now obviously this isn't true for everyone but its something that i have seen a lot.

Non-argument.

The fact that some parents are too lazy to do actual parenting is not an argument in favor of spanking. Spanking can't even be described as taking the easy way out of parenting, because it accomplishes the exact opposite of what parenting is meant to accomplish.
"Parenting" does not mean "Make the kid stop whining so I can concentrate on my day-time soaps."

however spanking is, in all honestly, really really minor

Except it's really really not.

Now i believe everyone will agree that the parents role is to bring up there children to be functional members of society.

I would agree

Which would mean that spanking is DIRECTLY counterproductive to the role of being a parent, since spanking has been shown to increase aggression, worsen behavioral problems and put children at larger risk of delinquency, substance abuse, lowered academic achievement, worsened psychological health and a number of other things that directly prevent them from becoming functional members of society.

frankly children are tougher then we give them credit for, i mean we are fine with children playing rough sports and hurting themselves playing them but we claim child abuse over a little spanking?

Completely false equivalence.

The bottom line for me is, how far is to far for a parent to go in fulling their duty as a parent, and considering that, I don't think spanking is too far or other mild, no long lasting or permanent physical effects, physical punishment.

And the bottom line for me is reality, as extensive study has found.

Fact: 20 recent studies have found that corporal punishment of children is associated with an increased probability of mental health problems.
Fact: 12 recent studies have found that corporal punishment of children is associated with a higher probability of delinquent and anti-social behavior.
Fact: No study done in the last 60 years have been able to associate spanking with ANY beneficial traits or behaviors, beyond immediate compliance in the moment.
Fact: There is nearly universal agreement within the field of developmental psychology that spanking is entirely negative in it's impact upon children, this despite the psychological community rarely being able to achieve consensus on much of anything.
Fact: Anecdotes and 'Just-So' ho-humming is a worthless perspective from which to actually analyze reality.

This isn't a "discussion" and there is no "controversy" there is as much agreement among the relevant scientists that spanking is harmful as there is agreement that global warming is real among the relevant scientists of that field.

Sources:
This video presents all the data I'm talking about in an easily digestible format: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONNRfflggBg
Studies and other academic sources are in a link in the video description.
Also relevant; here is an interview with a developmental psychologist who has performed a meta-study of all studies done on the effects of spanking over the past 64 years https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kFBOeqZbjs her conclusion is that all current evidence points towards spanking having an immensely negative impact upon virtually all aspects of the spanked children's lives.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I was smacked as a kid because being sent to my room did nothing for me since I, stupidly, mentioned that it didn't feel like punishment. So, I got belted on the ass when I did something that was over the line. I was never publicly disciplined since that was reserved for home and I knew better than to act out in public. I was smacked across the head with a wooden spoon by my mom while she was making spaghetti. It was kinda funny since she hit the pot to clear the sauce from the spoon, smacked me upside the head, and then calmly went back to stirring the sauce like it never happened.

Would I ever do that to my hypothetical kid? No. I don't feel comfortable doing that and I don't think my kid will need it since giving them a death stare and taking their shit away will get the point across.