So... I just found out my brother is gay.

[Kuckles]

Well I have a gay friend, (as in casual friend) and I can safely say, there is nothing to worry about. Not everyone feels the same way about wether or not they should share the fact that they're gay. Because they're afraid on how others may react. And the sad fact is that some people
do indeed react strange to gay people, we call them ignorants, or catholics or whatever.

The point is, if he's told it to you, its obvious he's not too shy about it and thought you would react normal, he's right to think that not everyone would react like you do. So keeping it a secret might be better sometimes.

 

[GrimTuesday]

Today I was talking to one of my younger brothers and the topic of relationships came up, and after him mocking my non-existent love life, we started talking about his. He's always been fairly neutral when it comes to sex, so I've never really given much thought about it but when I asked him if he had a girlfriend, he instead told me that he was, in fact gay. Personally, it doesn't bother me so much that he is gay, more that he felt that he needed to keep it a secret, perhaps some of the homosexual users of the Escapist can give me some insight on that.

For discussion, have you ever had an experience like this, how did you react?

He's your brother. That should be all anyone needs: blood is thicker than water. If my brother came out to me, I wouldn't care because he's my brother. And anyone who would mistreat him would be met with a storm of iron and thunder.

Indeed, I'm completely fine with him being gay, I'd stand by him no matter what. And if anyone is an ass hole to him, it won't end well for them, I'm incredibly protective of my brothers.

 

[Vonnis]

My brother is gay as well. When he told me and my parents about it, I didn't really care one way or the other. I'd had my suspicions, and frankly I don't see how anyone's sexual preference affects me in any way, so yeah.

 

[The .50 Caliber Cow]

I would never tell my friend or family I was bisexual unless I actualy had a boyfriend first.

Weren't you omnisexual? Or am I just out of it? XP

OT: My family doesn't know about my sexuality. It's better this way. I can tell them when I'm not living with them.

 

[somonels]

Personally, it doesn't bother me so much that he is gay, more that he felt that he needed to keep it a secret"

Way to drag it out to the internet, you really hate secrets, don't you. Nobody, of any sexual preference, needs to be out, proud and flaunting it.

 

[Broady Brio]

Never had this situation put in front of me.

I'd hope to take it well.

 

[subject_87]

A friend of mine has even got 'interested in men and women' on his Facebook page, and when I noticed that I didn't pause for a second before resuming chatting about games and whatnot. (incidentally, he's got pretty much all the bases covered; he's a bisexual anarchist gamer LARPer with an appealingly warped sense of humor.)

 

[ace_of_something]

For discussion, have you ever had an experience like this, how did you react?

I have had damn near the exact experience. I have 4 older brothers (and one twin brother who is older) When we went to lollapalooza (i was 11 or 12.) My eldest brother, KJ (aged about 20-21 at the time) who was always a [a href=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hung_Ga]paragon of manliness[/a] in [a href=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bull_riding]his endeavors[/a], standing nearly 7 feet tall, I always looked up to him as what a tough guy is supposed to be, a man's man.
Then he got a little drunk and started making out with guys. So yeah.

I will admit at first I resented KJ. I felt like he betrayed our family, he was supposed to be the oldest and set the example for the rest of us. Only my 4th oldest brother Magnus (about 13-14 at the time), readily accepted KJ and said it's no big deal. But it took me a year or two to get past the 'weirds' and see that KJ wasn't any different he was still, tough and a good person. I even apologized to him for being distant and immature. When he was ready to tell our parents he had all his brothers sitting with him. My dad was unsurprised and unphased. My mother was upset for a few days but than said 'as long as your being safe i'm glad your happy.' My grandparents were pretty much kept in the dark but i'm sure they figured it out eventually.
Almost 20 years have passed since then my brother KJ is in his forties. No one in my extended family even thinks twice about it and he's been with the same guy for like 10 years now. It was hard seeing him and his partner struggle with when they wanted to adopt and never were able to do it successfully (they live in florida FYI) I think it's bullshit because him and his partner are very caring and excellent with the nieces/nephews, responsible never missed a mortgage payment in 8 years, stable jobs. What more does the state of Florida want?

Sorry that was a bit of a long pointless story.

 

[aether-x3]

I found out one of my friends was gay and I laughed. That isn't as bad as it sounds. I just thought he was joking, he said he wasn't joking then I was like, okay cool and I don't think I really had a reaction to another one of my friends being gay.

/Cant explain better

 

[Gralian]

Personally, it doesn't bother me so much that he is gay, more that he felt that he needed to keep it a secret"

Way to drag it out to the internet, you really hate secrets, don't you. Nobody, of any sexual preference, needs to be out, proud and flaunting it.

I think this post says it best. I don't think it was a case of him having to "keep it a secret", he just didn't feel the need to broadcast his sexual orientation. The fact he told you outright when asked that he was gay suggests to me that he didn't really have any issue about being upfront about it.

Edit: That said there is still course a strong fear of rejection from your family and friends, or outright avoidance - a fear that people will think of you differently. I remember reading somewhere, might have been Captain Corelli's Mandolin, where one of the characters who is a gay soldier in the Italian army writes about himself as though he were a "third gender". That you have men, women and homosexuals, and that thought is something that puts you in the mindset as an outcast, a social deviant, if you like. Whether or not there is societal pressure to hide homosexuality or outright discrimination is not necessarily the point, the individual may feel they are "wrong" or somehow "going against nature", which is a mental hurdle they have to overcome before coming out becomes a far less painful and awkward process.

 

[standokan]

In grade school I found out my teacher was gay, which totally blew my mind, even though I didn't even knew what being gay meant.

 

[Caligulove]

Know enough gay friends that I understand why he would want to keep it secret, even if you think you're in a safe environment. Can't really relate to the same tribulations and other thoughts going through their mind- only that its better that he's honest with himself and that he will eventually let everyone know, not your place to spread the news to other people.

Good to hear your brother is on the road to fully-realizing who he is

 

[Scabadus]

I found out that somebody I know was bisexual recently, at first I just shrugged but then I was dissapointed when I realised I couldn't call him gay when he behaved very camp-ish anymore (which was very often, and one of the reasons I was so unsurprised).

Not for any moral reasons you understand, it's just not nearly as fun when he could turn around and go "yup, so I am."

 

[Shirokurou]

My brother is straight, thank god.

But not that there's anything wrong with that. (c)

I had a similar situation... I was at an international conference and I met a German guy, who was very skilled in English and basically we talked about a lot of stuff, and most of the off-time he hung out. He was this Ladies Man, always sweet talking the girls and solving problems. And then we talked about anime and he said he liked yaoi "for obvious reasons".
I was like "you do know what yaoi is about?" and he was like "it's about gay men".
Then I asked, "so why is it obvious for you to like that?" and he was like "well... your friends and everybody else knew, I thought they told you..."
After a moment of silence, I was like "...OK."
In the end, I still talked to him a lot, but sort of kept my distance a little more.

 

[elbrandino]

I remember the time I found out my second cousin Jack is gay. It didn't really change anything. All I said was, "Oh, ok. Good for him." But I kind of feel bad for him. Not because he's gay, but because his mom and dad are hardcore, ultra conservative Mormons. On the upside they seem to be accepting enough of it.

 

[Cap'n Ninja]

Well my brother didn't really come out out to myself and oldest brother as such, more that just whenever my oldest brother made gay jokes about my other brother, he said "And? So what?" and it just became a fact over time "Yep, he's gay. He's also kind of a prat"