so....Not having children=Selfish?

[Chemical Alia]

I don't understand it at all. I don't want to have children. Nothing about raising a family is appealing to me or in line with my life's plans and goals. I don't feel that I'm "missing out" on anything by not having kids or that there are lessons I need to learn by sacrificing what I want for a family. I don't see how my choice is so selfish and crazy that I need to be reminded by people with guilt trips about how selfish I am and how lonely I will be be some day if I don't produce children now. It's really awful.

 

[Vault101]

I only skimmed your post, but it's selfish because you are jeopardizing the economy and stability of your country by refusing to have children. .

1. there are other (better) ways to contribute to society rather than reproducing
2. theres nothing wrong with my country population
3. unless ALOT of people become homosexual, thats a non-issue
4. Is me not having any children really going to affect things all that much?
5. who says I have THAT kind of responsibility to my country?

By Sithis, excuse me for wanting to hold onto my money and not wanting to eat McDonald's for every meal because I have another mouth to feed and decent food is now too expensive!

Sure, not having kids is selfish because it's less stress, less responsibility, and more money for you, but taking on that responsibility of making someone into a productive member of society is stupid if you're not materially prepared for it, i.e. sufficient income to live comfortably.

see I still dont get it

are we suposed to go through this kind of suffering...just because? by avoiding suffering through our choices are we being selfish? or smart?

 

[Vault101]

mother of all snips

True. But spending years of your life to raise kids is more than a little solidarity. That is years of your life, work you have to do, interests of your own you have to shelve.

That sounds selfish doesn't it? Putting your own interests before others, isn't that what selfish is? (Just to continue a discussion on the internet, nothing personal.)

thats why you dont have children

if you know yourself well enough that its not for you then your being responsible

unlike the horrbible parents out there

 

[Olrod]

If people call you selfish for not having children, ask them if they're an organ donor. Then call them selfish for not killing themselves already.

 

[Eddie the head]

Didn't the worlds population just pass like 7 billion? I guess I could see it as a patriotic duty or something but I would rather my species survive then my country. Call me selfish all you want but I just think there are way to many people on this world as it stands. That doesn't mean I wouldn't help someone in need or anything.

And on that note Monks that take a vow to not have kids and give up all there Earthly possessions so they can spend there life helping others are they selfish?

 

[Soviet Steve]

discussion value, have you or somone you know ever encountered this kind of attitude? can you explain why not having kids is somhow selfish/non-selfish? and what do you think about it in general? [/B]

I haven't personally encountered the attitude but I can explain what the thinking behind it is. In all cultures there is an element of collectivism, it is stronger in impoverished cultures as individuals who have little chance of success on their own band together to pool resources and so on. Having children is seen as an important part of ensuring continuity of a family collective and as such refusing to have children to have more time for personal enjoyment would be viewed as selfish in this regard.

Mostly a collective exists under either an informal (weak) agreement on what behaviour is expected, or a formal, usually religious (strong) agreement on what behaviour is expected. It varies greatly from culture to culture.

It comes down to perspective of course and living in the Scandinavia I am of the opinion that it is an individual matter. I look forward to having a family of my own in due time.

 

[Valanthe]

Is it selfish for me to not want to have kids? Perhaps it is, but if I based my life around what others wished for in me I'd be a Pot smoking alcoholic working a dead-end job that paid for a car I didn't want that would drive me to the job I didn't want to go to to support a wife* I couldn't stand who was raising kids I never wanted.

Oh yeah, Live the dream!

Fuck that, I work a low-paying, but most importantly, low-stress job that has decent benefits. Sure it means I have to make sacrifices, like buying a 30" TV instead of a 72" (insert 'First World Problems' image) and taking the bus or, you know, walking to work instead of driving my own vehicle. But you know what, I'm happy like this, I've got an awesome group of friends and colleagues who I get to spend a lot of time with because I'm not working stupidly long hours, I've even got spare time enough to watch marathons of My Little Pony, go out to the bar for drinks, or hell, take a weekend off and visit my family once in a while. and anyone who wishes to take that away from me can kindly go frag themselves.

*And yes, this part is true, my 'friends' at the time were convinced that this girl and I were perfect for one another and even after the first date (which they set me up on) blew up in their face they kept trying to repair it. It goes without saying that we couldn't stand each other.

 

[octafish]

discussion value, have you or somone you know ever encountered this kind of attitude? can you explain why not having kids is somhow selfish/non-selfish? and what do you think about it in general? [/B]

I haven't personally encountered the attitude but I can explain what the thinking behind it is. In all cultures there is an element of collectivism, it is stronger in impoverished cultures as individuals who have little chance of success on their own band together to pool resources and so on. Having children is seen as an important part of ensuring continuity of a family collective and as such refusing to have children to have more time for personal enjoyment would be viewed as selfish in this regard.

Mostly a collective exists under either an informal (weak) agreement on what behaviour is expected, or a formal, usually religious (strong) agreement on what behaviour is expected. It varies greatly from culture to culture.

It comes down to perspective of course and living in the Scandinavia I am of the opinion that it is an individual matter. I look forward to having a family of my own in due time.

I am sorry, but with your avatar...are you basically saying "The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few. Or the One."? I hope you are.

 

[Soviet Steve]

I am sorry, but with your avatar...are you basically saying "The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few. Or the One."? I hope you are.

I don't believe this is that kind of situation, it's more a difference in culture rather than me choking to death dramatically so Kirk can live to bone alien chicks another day.

 

[Vault101]

snip

your first point is bullshit, because it varys

like a woman who doesnt have children so she can focus on her carerr in science...and ends up curing cancer, sure thats exagerating but there are all kinds of ways you can contribute, adding anotehr human to the mess isnt nessicaryly the best thing ever, thats somwhat subjective

how Australia fairs 70 years down the line is realy not my problem, I can be a decent person, donate to charites, donate blood or organs...but fuck it, I dont need to have a kid to secure the future of my country, PLENTY of other...better people are doing that

we could probably do with less people worldwide

also....

.....chest bursting scene from Alien...seriously fuck that shit

 

[Vault101]

Where exactly did you hear this?

just a gernal kind of thing...

the logic behoned the statment really baffles me

 

[Kae]

I don't think it's selfish, I mean I can barely talk to people and when I get really mad I punch people, I don't think I'd be a good father, besides there are plenty of other men making up for my lack of children by having 50 themselves so it wouldn't really affect, also México is kind of an overpopulated country already so I don't really care.
[sub]And everyone I was in High School with already have children of they're own, considering I'm 21, I'm pretty sure that our numbers aren't decreasing.[/sub]

 

[game-lover]

I've heard it around before. In a general way. Heard some comics make an act out of it. How parents will talk about how their life was bettered by having kids one moment and screaming at the "brat" in the next as said child climbed a display case and knocked everything down. If it's not saying that choosing to not have kids is selfish, it's how people should have kids and surely when you have one, you'll see just how much better life is!

Personally, I find that bull shit. None of that is a guarantee.

To me, it's not selfish to choose to be childless. At all. But even if it was, I still don't give a crap. Because I'm a rather selfish person.

Because of children born in family, my siblings and I have had changes that have basically ruined everything, more or less. Plans cancelled. All of that. I have already sacrificed and lost out on plenty of stuff with children. I'm not having any.

And the economy could probably just screw itself.

 

[Soviet Steve]

just a gernal kind of thing...

the logic behoned the statment really baffles me

I'd hoped my post would clarify it. Do you disagree with it or were there parts wherein I was unclear?

 

[Vault101]

just a gernal kind of thing...

the logic behoned the statment really baffles me

I'd hoped my post would clarify it. Do you disagree with it or were there parts wherein I was unclear?

oohh no, I do kind of get it

I just figured in this day and age its so much of an issue

thanks sopck-uhh I mean random internet guy

 

[Soviet Steve]

oohh no, I do kind of get it

I just figured in this day and age its so much of an issue

thanks sopck-uhh I mean random internet guy

Sadly our economic development is far from in step, but the development of the human species is less uneven now than it has been since Europe established its dominance.

Now if you'll excuse me my planet needs me.

 

[Vault101]

It's only selfish if you're getting serious with someone you know plans on having kids later on life and you don't let him or her know that you don't want kids.

Otherwise, whatever floats your boat.

very true

its a hard choice...because people generally change their minds..

like say if your with somone for a long time with a mutual "no children" attitude..then he/she changes their mind

but you dont..people then probably wonder whats wrong with you especially of your a woman "ohh..she'll come round"

or on the other side of the things female in question gets pregnant on purpose without considering the guys feelsings...an absolutly nasty thing to do IMO

if I were to get into a long term relationship, and I was at that stage in my life Id made my attitudes on children very clear from the offset