So relationships...Why?

[Enfid]

I believe many people find a certain sense of purpose when they are with someone else though. Someone who cares about them, will be there for them and who can make them feel good and vice versa. :3

I believe this as well. Some people prefer to be alone because they have a more complex purpose in life (academic, humanitarian, even life-saving or life-threatening, or any other "career" that can become difficult for the spouse to cope). Do you think it's good for, say, a CIA agent who have to work abroad 9/10 of his life in life-threatening situations to find a wife and have kids? He's not going to be a good husband/father at any rate.

And some people just want to do whatever they want without someone saying "it's dumb" or "why are you wasting time/money doing it". I know I have that bias when thinking about relationships, mainly due to many of my friends' relationships where the girls are sooooo controlling.

On the other hand, some are more guided by the social or biological encouragement to produce offsprings and get married and have kids. I know a friend who after a relationship ends, tries to find one immediately, in his words, "ASAP". When asked why, he just said "I dunno. I just have to." It doesn't help that I know he's a needy bastard, but I guess he finds purpose in his life that way.

And people need to stop saying "BECAUSE SEX IS TEH AWESUM!!" and "being alone sucks", you have to realize not every human being thinks the same. A human who likes being alone is not a freak (in fact introverts make up less than 30% of the population). Introverts, in general, put less importance on sex in relationships and more on trust. Those who have been betrayed in the past are going to have a real problem getting into a new relationship again.

 

[superbatranger]

Well, I guess it's nice knowing that you have someone who cares about you as much as you care about them. But, I wouldn't know that. I don't know if anyone has had those kind of feelings for me.

 

[Z of the Na'vi]

It beats being alone

I disagree.

Been alone for 4 years. Never been happier.

 

[MelasZepheos_v1legacy]

When you're in one, you know why.

It's not the most helpful advice, but really there is absolutely no way to adequately explain it to someone who is incredibly cynical because it defies logic and reason. When you really love someone, even if it isn't a sexual relationship, you know absolutely, no questions asked.

Of course, some people get so cynical that they completely cut themselves off from the possibility of ever feeling the emotion. Think about it like in The Magician's Nephew (sorry, just finished reading it so this is the best I've got). Uncle Andrew convinces himself so much that the animals aren't talking and that Aslan isn't effectively Jesus that he is completely unable to see past himself to witness the wonders etc of the new Narnia. That's someone who gets so bogged down in cynicism that they can't see past it, they miss out on some of the best things about life.

Of course, to temper this gushing a little, there's also the Equilibrium problem 'at the cost of the dizzying highs we suppress the abysmal lows.' If you accept that much opennes, you will get hurt, a lot. But it's up to you to decide if it's worth it.

Spoiler

it totally is

 

[Saxm13]

When you're in one, you know why.

It's not the most helpful advice, but really there is absolutely no way to adequately explain it to someone who is incredibly cynical because it defies logic and reason. When you really love someone, even if it isn't a sexual relationship, you know absolutely, no questions asked.

Of course, some people get so cynical that they completely cut themselves off from the possibility of ever feeling the emotion. Think about it like in The Magician's Nephew (sorry, just finished reading it so this is the best I've got). Uncle Andrew convinces himself so much that the animals aren't talking and that Aslan isn't effectively Jesus that he is completely unable to see past himself to witness the wonders etc of the new Narnia. That's someone who gets so bogged down in cynicism that they can't see past it, they miss out on some of the best things about life.

Of course, to temper this gushing a little, there's also the Equilibrium problem 'at the cost of the dizzying highs we suppress the abysmal lows.' If you accept that much opennes, you will get hurt, a lot. But it's up to you to decide if it's worth it.

Spoiler

it totally is

Hmmm, you've given me quite a bit to think about...

 

[Baby Tea]

Let me clarify, I personally have no problem paying for a girl on a date, provided she doesnt expect me to pay at all, I however will not pay for a girl that already expects me too, if she doesnt bring any money I'm walking out on her. When I pay for something I want it to be because I want to pay for her not because she expects me to.

Fair enough. I totally 'get' that position.
But let me put this situation to you:

Say I invite you over to play video games.
"Sure!" you say! You come over, and I'm playing video games.
"So" you query "What are we going to play?"
"What?!" I gasp "Why didn't you bring your own video games?"
"But...you invited me."
"Man, I hate it when friends assume I'm bringing all the games when I invite them to my house for video games."

END SCENE!

So, do you think you could see the parallel to that situation, and you inviting a girl out for, say dinner? Or a movie? You invited them. They were otherwise not going to go to dinner at that time and place, or go see that movie at that time. You asked them to come out. Not as a friend in the sense of "Hey, I'm grabbing a burger. Wanna tag along?" But as in "I want to spend time with you specifically. Please come with me to eat."

With that in mind, I don't see why it's so unreasonable for a girl to expect the guy to pay.

If she were to invite you, well then go ahead and complain.
Or if you meet while you're at the restaurant or bar or theater already. Then fine.
But if you ask her out, then it's pretty reasonable for her to assume you're taking care of things.

 

[Nickolai77]

All right, here's my take:

I think the "need" for a relationship varies from person to person. For me, i'm one of those persons whom desires companionship, but i'm envious of those whom can live and be single without being bothered about it, or even those whom claim to be asexual. They're missing out on a lot of emotional baggage, anxiety and, when in a relationship, jealously and paranoia. I know there's plus-sides to a relationship of course- but if your not bothered about that then what are you missing? Nothing- and that's why i'm jealous of those whom don't seem bothered with seeking relationships- it's like they're living life in the easy lane.

Even if i had the choice though, would i change lanes? After some thought, probably not, you can't deny there are good things about relationships, and if you have no compulsion to seek one out you may well never get into one. At the end of the day, i have some base, innate desire to find someone and i can't honestly deny that. Fortunately, most of the human population does so i'm not alone at least.

I've been in a relationship before, about 3 years ago now, and i suppose i've learned a lot about what's good and bad about relationships. I've felt that "love" about which they sing cheesy pop-songs about and know it's a great feeling. And of course i know all the bad things which come with relationships. Love brings out the best and worst in people. I like to think i'm under no illusions about love, and i am only seeking it by necessity.

It annoys me when people trot out the usual tripe about "finding that special someone" or "if it's meant to be" and other cliches which are full of magical and mystical connotations which seem to imply that there is one special person in the world and fate/destiny will inevitably lead us towards it. Bollocks. There are thousands of potential partners for anyone, and hundreds of good partners which if your lucky enough will meet in your walk through life, and enjoy a life-long, happy and relatively stress-free relationship. There's nothing magical about it- a lot of it's down to pure luck and the consequences of your own actions.

At the end of the day, we just want to fuck the opposite sex and make babies. Romance is what we have socially constructed around this biological need to add some dignity to it. Like most other humans, i am wired this way, and seeking relationships is what my genes are making me do because they want to replicate themselves. It would be a rhetorical question to ask if i should oblige or not. And so, i'm forced to ride the highs and lows of seeking and experiencing romance, but at least i'm not under any illusions whilst doing it.

 

[Exterminas]

Relationships are a cost-efficient method to deploy sex.

I will pause here to dodge some flames.

Here is the reason: Pretty much any other aspect of social life can be had with friends. The advantage of the close-friend relationship over the couple-relationship is the smaller amount of dedication that is requirred.

Of course there is this pesty little thing called love. Get rid of it. Just costs you money and time.

 

[Liberaliter]

Because if you get it right they are fun.

 

[Quiet Stranger]

I'm awfully sad and lonely when I'm not with someone, sad and lonely.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Someone who loves you, sex and presents.
What more could you want?

 

[Gigano]

Guess the "why" - or whether to invest any effort at all - depends very much on the individual psychology and circumstances.

Any "why" would probably have to do with a desire for romantic companionship, and a relationship being the mean to fulfil that chosen goal. Some people apparently can't - or rather won't - live on their own it seems, and the whole idealized media depiction of "twosomeness" probably have something to do with that mentality as well.

Personally, I just get by with a little help from my friends. At least at this point, a stable romance just seems an expensive bother limiting my freedoms.

 

[creager91]

Let me clarify, I personally have no problem paying for a girl on a date, provided she doesnt expect me to pay at all, I however will not pay for a girl that already expects me too, if she doesnt bring any money I'm walking out on her. When I pay for something I want it to be because I want to pay for her not because she expects me to.

Fair enough. I totally 'get' that position.
But let me put this situation to you:

Say I invite you over to play video games.
"Sure!" you say! You come over, and I'm playing video games.
"So" you query "What are we going to play?"
"What?!" I gasp "Why didn't you bring your own video games?"
"But...you invited me."
"Man, I hate it when friends assume I'm bringing all the games when I invite them to my house for video games."

END SCENE!

So, do you think you could see the parallel to that situation, and you inviting a girl out for, say dinner? Or a movie? You invited them. They were otherwise not going to go to dinner at that time and place, or go see that movie at that time. You asked them to come out. Not as a friend in the sense of "Hey, I'm grabbing a burger. Wanna tag along?" But as in "I want to spend time with you specifically. Please come with me to eat."

With that in mind, I don't see why it's so unreasonable for a girl to expect the guy to pay.

If she were to invite you, well then go ahead and complain.
Or if you meet while you're at the restaurant or bar or theater already. Then fine.
But if you ask her out, then it's pretty reasonable for her to assume you're taking care of things.

I see the point you're trying to make, but I don't think it makes the same parallel that you think it does. In one situation you have two buddies who already know about each other and aren't subconsciously testing each other to see if they match up.In the other, yes I did invite the girl out but if I were to invite a friend out I would expect them to pay for themselves, even if its a mandate or even if I'm inviting my girl best friend out. The thing is, if they ASSUME (don't know how to bold the print so this will have to do haha) I'm going to pay then I can ASSUME that they didn't come out to spend time with me rather a free meal, movie etc etc.

 

[ashrossy]

I'm in what I'd call a fairly stable relationship (2 years, getting married on our 3 year anniversary).

It's mostly biological In my opinion. I know I love her, and I'd do most anything for her, and the same is true of her.
It's unexplainible, we've got less in common than my best friend but we're much closer. The point is, if you have a friend who you never want to lose and wouldn't mind living with (and if opposite gender, comitting to them physically), then for one, they're most likely your best friend and that's pretty much a relationship.

You might say that relationships induce stress, worry and are a waste of money, but the same can be said of friendships. If you have a close friend you end up worrying about them, sometimes being jealous of new friends they have and you do buy them things (even if it's just a coffee).

 

[bdcjacko]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

 

[DevilWolf47]

My girlfriend is the same way, which is why she tends to react to suggestions that we get married with hostility. We've been dating for a couple of years now, she's lived with me for over ten months, and there was only one short month-long period of her paranoia shining through before she learned to trust me. I got with her because...
...hey, why the fuck not? I got bored of my only human contact being with people who were dying, dead, or screaming at the top of their fucking lungs and making me deeply regret ever taking that fucking oath to save lives and forbid myself from ripping the bastards jaws off and beating them to death with them, so i started hanging out with her, we met when we were both volunteering at the same animal shelter.

Anyway, aside from some moments where i have to bail her out of awkward situations using charm, wit, and the natural intimidation that comes from resembling a shaved bear; yet i'm happy with her. She keeps life interesting, and it's not like i would have done something better with that money anyway.

 

[Nimcha]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

Some people don't even know who they are when they're 40. Arbitrary numbers.

 

[bdcjacko]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

Some people don't even know who they are when they're 40. Arbitrary numbers.

Now you are just being difficult.

 

[SnipErlite]

She's fun to be around, I find her attractive, she's pretty awesome and I like her.

So we spend time together, go places and have fun.

That's all there is to it in my mind *shrug*

 

[Nimcha]

Just a personal number I guess. It just seems that to me that people tend to get tired of the party and dating scene around this age + or - 2 yers I guess

Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.

If I understand creager correctly, and also being older than 25. It is because you don't really know who you are till at least 25.

Some people don't even know who they are when they're 40. Arbitrary numbers.

Now you are just being difficult.

I'm sorry. But this is a thread about relationships, which are never easy to understand.

But hey I'm not 25 yet, so what do I know