So you've just found out your spouse is a former porn star.

[Slayer_2]

I wouldn't give a single fuck. I'd just wonder why she hadn't told me.

 

[New Frontiersman]

I would be somewhat disappointed she didn't tell me, but I would understand. I wouldn't be devastated by any means. There are some things that are hard to share, and maybe she was ashamed of it, maybe it was a horrifying experience she would rather forget, or maybe she didn't think he would accept her if he knew? There could be all sorts of things we don't know about the incident, since we aren't able to hear the woman's side of the story.

If it were me, I would be supportive and tell my wife that it didn't bother me. I probably try take some time to have a conversation about it, if she felt comfortable doing so: why she did that, what it was like, why she didn't tell me.

And above all, I would be supportive, I would make sure to mention that whatever happens I'll be there for her and that she can tell me anything, but I wouldn't pressure her into talking about anything she didn't want to.

 

[Ieyke]

Honestly, of the three women I'd want to be able to call my wife, my response would be utterly different depending on which one it was.

Girl 1: I'd probably go insane and become a serial killer or something, because if she was ever a porn star, then all bets are off for the rest of reality meaning jack shit.

Girl 2: I'd be a bit baffled as to the fact that I wasn't aware, and hurt that she hadn't told me.

Girl 3: I'd be mildly surprised but not overly. That girl is a firecracker sex goddess who had a hell of a dark and wild time in high school and just after. Even in her current reserved, quiet, bad influence-free, "settled down" state, she still lives life at speeds a good bit beyond me. So if she was a porn star? Well, she's one of my closest, oldest friends, we lived together for half a year, and I'm pretty sure I know most of her biggest secrets....so I'd be surprised...but it's frankly not impossible.
I think I'd mostly just be surprised and accept it as just another fact.

 

[Smeggs]

As I was reading my morning paper today I skimmed over the "Dear Abby" advice column which had the tagline "Wife's dark past". A man had just found out that his wife of five years had starred in somewhere between ten to twenty porn films when she was 19.(she is 32 now according to him) The man was devastated at this revelation, as was his wife when he confronted her about it, and was having trouble getting over it.

I will give you all a moment to thoughtfully sip your cups of tea and adjust your monocles.

...
...

Now, imagine yourself in the same situation with your significant other; be they real or hypothetical. How would you go about handling it, and would it bother you at all?

Well, I'll try to put myself as well as I can mentally in his shoes...

I'd be alright with it, so long as I didn't find out that I now have 10-20 unexpected STD's. I won. I have her now, and have had her for the past five years, that would usually tell me things are pretty good, and it happened over a decade ago when she could barely be considered a woman. I understand that I'd probably be a bit hurt that she didn't tell me for the five years we'd been married, but come on, it was 13 years ago, long before we'd met, I gather. I'm assuming that she's quite a fox from that information.

I suppose it would depend on what kind of pr0ns she was in as well as to how quickly/if I could get over it. None of the really weird shit, I'd hope.

 

[PromethianSpark]

I fear it's the only response possible to arguments as hilarious as yours. Phd Surely, if you really are a Phd, you must know that generalizations of the kind you're making, that everyone here is clearly insecure and just saying what's expected of them, is downright comedic?

I mean come on, you can't possibly be that stupidly cynical if you've really had an academic education in psychology?

Seeing ego as the sole overruling explanation was stupid when Freud did it. It's still stupid now that you're doing it.

Restricted only to the opener atleast. But still, it's boring and witless, drop it in your next post. The sarcasm that is.

I never said I did psychology, great assumption seeing you know, I used the word 'ego'. No, you see, when I talk to people, and write on forums, I like to talk like a normal person, and not fuss over academic definitions and logical fallacies. Otherwise I would be a boring condescending git. So the word ego, is not employed in the freadian sense at all (although it is a much revised concept since then), but rather in its more general usage that encompasses a whole range of psychological states. As for the sweeping generalisations, like I said before, didn't realise this was a journal. Thought forums is where you went to give opinions and talk trash. But Wait! Shit! Here comes the peer review!

In fact, citing logical fallacies isn't going to change my opinion, that the majority of ppl here have no idea how they wud really respond, other than that of some idealised Self. Given that, I guess we don't have much more to talk about. Unless ofc you want to keep this skirmish going.

 

[Denamic]

Rather than the career in porn itself, I'd be more hurt about her not telling me about it for 5+ years. I'd have to re-evaluate the trust between us, which could fundamentally damage our relationship. Or make it stronger if we reconcile. Either way, I wouldn't mind the porn and wish she'd have trusted me enough to tell me much earlier.

My ex was... an interesting person. She had a girlfriend when we had a long-distance relationship. Before you misunderstand; she asked me if it was okay before she went into it. She also enjoyed describing what they did. There were interesting Skype calls, too. All in all, it was a pretty sweet relationship, the best I ever had. Honesty is pretty damn awesome sometimes.

She died, though.

 

[Hagi]

I fear it's the only response possible to arguments as hilarious as yours. Phd Surely, if you really are a Phd, you must know that generalizations of the kind you're making, that everyone here is clearly insecure and just saying what's expected of them, is downright comedic?

I mean come on, you can't possibly be that stupidly cynical if you've really had an academic education in psychology?

Seeing ego as the sole overruling explanation was stupid when Freud did it. It's still stupid now that you're doing it.

Restricted only to the opener atleast. But still, it's boring and witless, drop it in your next post. The sarcasm that is.

I never said I did psychology, great assumption seeing you know, I used the word 'ego'. No, you see, when I talk to people, and write on forums, I like to talk like a normal person, and not fuss over academic definitions and logical fallacies. Otherwise I would be a boring condescending git. So the word ego, is not employed in the freadian sense at all (although it is a much revised concept since then), but rather in its more general usage that encompasses a whole range of psychological states. As for the sweeping generalisations, like I said before, didn't realise this was a journal. Thought forums is where you went to give opinions and talk trash. But Wait! Shit! Here comes the peer review!

In fact, citing logical fallacies isn't going to change my opinion, that the majority of ppl here have no idea how they wud really respond, other than that of some idealised Self. Given that, I guess we don't have much more to talk about. Unless ofc you want to keep this skirmish going.

Right... so you don't even have your Phd in the appropriate field... Then why mention it at all? Did you honestly think it was going to cower me into submissiveness?

It's not a binary thing between spouting nonsense and academic discussion with references. You can have an intelligent conversation devoid of sweeping generalizations and logical fallacies without having to cite dozens of references.

But let me boil it down for you, why your opinion on this matter is severely lacking in substance.

You claim the majority of people here don't know how they would really respond, which of itself is a somewhat valid point. You then go on to claim that you do know how they would respond, letting their ego rule them.

Seriously? It's not a peer review to call that out for being bullshit. That's just basic intelligence which is so very obviously lacking in your argument.

They may not know for sure how they would respond but you sure as hell don't know either. And your sweeping generalization that you do know how the vast majority would respond is simply silly beyond words.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

If this is so, and you where fine with it, then you fulfil the relevant criteria by way of life experience. Sorry, was that part too hard to understand, or where you too eager to jump on someone who spoke out against the (fabricated) consensus.

Fabricated consensus? Such as stating that...

Before you all jump to respond, this is the cold truth that you either deny, or lack the relevant life experience to know.

Is that what you mean when you reference fabricated consensus? If so, I fully endorse speaking out against it.

Look, Promethian, we can do this all night. Hagi got a little zealous and flamed you, and I can appreciate why you might take a dim view of that. But you were talking a load of shit. There's no cold truth, everyone is not in denial, and you are not an authority on this subject. All we have is different people with differing views.

Spelling police! Lol. Read about the function of language. Then research language and power. And then google symbolic violence. Then we will talk about this.

And here we have the pseudo-academia. How about you not type like you're smashing your head on the keyboard while admonishing someone for their "wiki academics" and poorly reasoned arguments. There's the easiest solution.

Didn't realise posting on the escapist was like submitting a paper to a journal. Furthermore, I'm sure a greater body of academia would support a claim to an insecure, unstable, and jealous male ego. It is a prevalent aspect of patriarchy after all. I'm sorry, do you require references too?

Buddy, YOU started this "pseudo academic" bullshit on this very page. To QUOTE...

Now please, don't respond with your pseudo academia trash! Read, reflect, and if you must respond, less jargon, and more substance.

...so you don't have a leg to stand on here. You made a bunch of bullshit generalizations, you got flamed, you replied with a flame of your own, including a bunch of puffed up nonsense about having a Phd (which by your own admission is utterly irrelevant to the discussion), and you guys have continued your slap and tickle fight all the way down the page. You have an education? ACT LIKE IT. If you don't FEEL like it because this is the internet, then don't hold other people's feet to the fire about the substance of their reasoning.

You can go all "spelling police" and "oh ho I didn't realize I was submitting a paper!" if you want, but you're the guy who dragged his irrelevant education into the thread. You're the guy who started prattling about jargon and substance and academia. If you're going to be THAT guy, then start practicing what you preach. Otherwise, just owe up to your goofy generalization and we can all move on with our lives.

 

[Zhukov]

I would tease her mercilessly about it.

That's about it though. If I liked someone enough to marry them, then what or who they did when they were 19 would not be the biggest of issues.

 

[PersonalRiot]

If it never came up in conversation, than either it was never important part of her life to find out about or it wasn't important enough for her to tell me. Either way, who cares.

 

[Reaper195]

Well...I'd be in a relationship where that wou;d've been discovered a loooong time ago. I saw a lot of porn during my teen years. A lot.


But if it was a sudden revelation...I'd be slightly unnerved for a moment, then not care.

 

[BishopofAges]

Let me quote my man Nietzsche here.

?I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you?

Is it really wise to quote a man who died alone when posing in a topic that's generally about "love someone or not because of (blank)"? Just a thought.

When it comes to past, especially past that happens in years ending in 'teen' it is forgivable, to me, because we all make some sort of mistakes when we're growing up. Some are bigger than others, but when its almost half your life ago and you've been happily married up to this point, what really changes things? Sure she didn't tell him her, probably, deepest darkest secret, but he, again probably, has secret she doesn't know as well.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

I don't think that it would bother me too much because that was so long ago and I doubt that anyone would really care or be interested in stuff that happened too long ago. If she gets teased about it or made to feel bad about it, I would just advise her to live up to it and admit that she was once a wild teen, without sounding pretentious or uptight, of course.

 

[Strazdas]

"So, honey, can you show me what you learnt there".

Who cares, it was her right to star in porn films and i have no right to judge her for it. Id be sad she didnt trust me enough to tell me though.

As usual, the liberal, always nice guys responses. It would bother the fuck out of you all. men most so, but women. Its the human ego you see, and the male ego is the worst. How could you compete with all those hour long sessions with the biggest members u cud imagine! She was lying when she said I was the best she ever had! Did she just fake that orgasm just now? - And so the decent into egomanical maddnness and jealousy would go. Until you hate your partner and, but more so yourself.

i do not believe that a person should be tied to another one for the rest of his life. Marriadge is simply getting together to live. thats all there is to it. if she wants to ahve sex with others - its fine. as well its fine for me to do so. and since she did this before we even met, that matters even less. I dont think sex is a competition. i may be wrong, but you cant loose if you dont play. Most women fake orgasms. studies show that over half of women have never experienced a true orgasm, as women usually need more time than men on average. your claim only applies to a stereotypical "mgiht is right" male with one-track mind. im not one of them.

Is it really wise to quote a man who died alone when posing in a topic that's generally about "love someone or not because of (blank)"? Just a thought.

everyone dies alone. we live together, but we die alone.

 

[Ieyke]

Not sure why people are wasting their time arguing with this PrometheanSpark noob.... You're just making him fill the thread with inane ranting.

 

[BishopofAges]

Is it really wise to quote a man who died alone when posing in a topic that's generally about "love someone or not because of (blank)"? Just a thought.

everyone dies alone. we live together, but we die alone.

Let me rephrase, "is it really wise to quote a man who was noteworthy for living AND dying alone when it comes to a relationship-based thread?"

 

[Sir Thomas Sean Connery]

I would be quite excited.

I would find and watch all of her stuff and see what the kinkiest things she did was.

I would then confront her and ask if WE could do all those things.

 

[Dags90]

As an avid consumer, I feel that if I failed to recognize them they weren't really ever a porn 'star' to begin with. I mean it'd be like if they told after a year "Btw, I was an A list actress".

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Honestly, I'd be more than a little disturb she didn't tell me about. It happened before we met right? And she's clean?

Eh... The biggest deal would be the fact she's kept it from me but I get why... Doesn't change the fact that now she has to tell me everything.