Sonic '06 - Objectively Better Than Portal

[Beautiful End]

But seriously, if you don't believe me, just watch Game Grumps playing Sonic 06.

Do it. Go now. I'll wait.

I tried to watch Game Grumps' Dark Souls/Demon Souls videos, but i couldnt stand them pretending to be bad and singing badly for half the video.

Yeah, I admit they can get pretty annoying when they start singing or acting like retards, especially Jon.
However, i gotta admit too that Sonic 06 is my favorite game Grumps series (?), especially the latest episodes. At some points, they are genuinely grumpy and you can see how broken the game is.

That's the only series of them I've watched as of lately.

 

[OniaPL]

What the hell is wrong with you people? How come so many of you are taking this seriously? Is it really that hard to see what his point is?

 

[scotth266]

This just in: people massively miss the joke. More news at 11.

Great thread.

 

[Andy of Comix Inc]

Someone has taken some inspiration from Jim Sterling's Blatantly Better series, methinks.

 

[repeating integers]

Holy fuck. Some of you people really are fantastically determined to miss the joke, aren't you?

I can't believe it was unintentional. Nobody could miss so obvious, so excellent a joke as the OP by accident. You guys are doing it on purpose, because you find self-important rage addictive.

 

[Unsilenced]

10/10, would be trolled again.

Somewhat distressing to see so many people agree though. Poe's law, I guess.


Also, what is it with people patting themselves on the back for not liking a popular game? I mean it's fine that you don't like Portal, there are perfectly valid reasons not to, but to hear the way some people talk about their disdain for it you'd think they'd won a medal.

"Achievement Unlocked: 100pg. Didn't like something popular."

 

[Orks da best]

um op this the valvies HQ here, you aren't make them think any different.

Though that said I like anyone who isn't a valve zombie fanboy. Cheers!

I am gonna assume that you deliberately missed the joke behind the OP for your inflammatory comment. Was it worth it sir?

Hey its a joke from be a brave man, or woman, most people here get a bit touchy when it comes to valve.

 

[bafrali]

um op this the valvies HQ here, you aren't make them think any different.

Though that said I like anyone who isn't a valve zombie fanboy. Cheers!

I am gonna assume that you deliberately missed the joke behind the OP for your inflammatory comment. Was it worth it sir?

Hey its a joke from be a brave man, or woman, most people here get a bit touchy when it comes to valve.

Probably because some people will latch onto any opportunity to berate them and their fans. Like you said people get touchy when Valve gets mentioned around here so It becomes really hard to distinguish between a light-hearted joke and passive-agressive bickering.

 

[Fappy]

What the hell is wrong with you people? How come so many of you are taking this seriously? Is it really that hard to see what his point is?

You should go back and read the comment section of the "MlP Fans" Critical Miss comic. Oh boy, talk about critically missing the joke.

Zing?

 

[Andy Shandy]

What the hell is wrong with you people? How come so many of you are taking this seriously? Is it really that hard to see what his point is?

You should go back and read the comment section of the "MlP Fans" Critical Miss comic. Oh boy, talk about critically missing the joke.

Zing?

Bad Fappy.

Although you are right, they did really miss the joke there.

 

[PoolCleaningRobot]

I think I love OP for this. I'm sick of people listing the things that make games good and bad because it's all about how you implement them. "Gaymes shouldn't be brown! They shouldn't be so realistic! Gaymes can't be linear! Gaymes NEED good story! GOOD GRAPHICS SUCKS!"

Some people just need to shut the hell up and judge a game as a whole and not by how many fucking buzz words you use to describe it

 

[Woodsey]

I'm still here, waiting for the "objectively" bit to be pointed out and elaborated on. So far, all I've seen was subjective stuff, or rather, you keep talking about why you liked Sonic more than Portal.

Sorry, but at the use of "irrefutably prove" and "objectively" in the OP, I think I will have to let my ol' pal Inigo Montoya do the talking.

You may have benefited from the lecture I was in on Monday about satire, irony and sarcasm.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

*stares at OP*

*raises a finger and opens his mouth...opens and closes his mouth a few times, at a loss for words and then lowers his finger and goes back to staring* (MODSBANNIT I wish had saved that gif of Castle [I think] doing just that. Would have saved me some time)

Umm....Well done, I guess? It takes effort to make a sincerely sarcastic (lol) argument that well. It did make me think a bit.

Although I'm still not a fan of CoD and the general industry trend. I just don't find it that fun.

Is it wrong that I was once a massive Sonic fanboy and genuinely, un-ironically enjoyed it?

*Sees incoming fall of flames*

Yeah...Guess it was.

Hey, you're entitled to that.

I'm a huge sonic fan to this day and I really enjoyed Shadow the Hedgehog, despite all the glaring flaws and atrocious story/dialogue.

 

[DirgeNovak]

Somebody reads Destructoid...
Still, that's a pretty good Sterling pastiche.

 

[crazyrabbits]

Thread of the year.

If nothing else, STH '06 has way more unintentional entertainment value than Portal.

 

[shrekfan246]

Somebody reads Destructoid...
Still, that's a pretty good Sterling pastiche.

Someone has taken some inspiration from Jim Sterling's Blatantly Better series, methinks.

I've never seen any of those articles before, actually, though I do love me some Sterling. I've only read or followed Jimquisition, /RANT on Gamefront, and his reviews.

Thanks for the link, though.

 

[Ragsnstitches]

am i really reading a thread about sonic '06' being better then portal?

No, your reading a thread that is satirising the contemporary notions of what makes a game good.

Sonic is colourful, has quite a variety of different level designs, completely avoids assisting the player and is very punishing.

Apparently, in certain vocal sectors of the web, these are things that are highly sought after and their absence explains why so many new games suck.

Portal on the other hand, has a white washed colour palette with speckles of bright hues used sparingly.
The level designs are based on systemic progression, whereby each new area is similar to the last area with only mildly varying deviations from the design (Obstructions -> Obstructions + Moving Platform -> Obstruction + Moving platforms + pitfall) resulting in limited aesthetic variety.
It handholds the player with visual cues, Tutorials, hints and sometimes blatantly telling you what to do.
Portal is also really short, only 4-5 hours long.

Objectively speaking, Sonic 06 has all the ingredients for a great game, according to some armchair developers. A logical step from that would be to say that Portal, who is completely opposite to sonic 06, is dreadfully bad and lacking, objectively speaking.

But this isn't the case. Sonic 06 is utter garbage even without considering the bugs and glitches, meanwhile Portal is considered as one of the greatest gaming experiences released in the last decade, if not longer.

It's satire. Sonic has everything need to be "awesome" but is utter shite, meanwhile Portal is completely lacking in all the major fields that certain gamers ***** and moan about, but has become an Icon for the greater gaming culutre.

Get it?


PS: It's funny that the first result for "that's the joke" with a google search leads to a youtube video by a person with Gabe Newell as his avatar. Huh.

 

[Rawne1980]

Y'know, I want to play along with everyone here.

But I'm sorry, I can't.

I mean...I just can't joke about a game that managed to drive a popular internet animator to the point of mental breakdown.

I know, it's okay.

Portal sent a lot of us to that dark place within ourselves.

Fortunately, Sonic 06 showed us the light and freed our souls.