Stolen Pixels #210: The Business Plan

[RelexCryo]

***SPOILER ALERT***

It's not about the money. It's about one rich man's godhood complex. Which in turn, becomes Wesker's godmode complex. It's about making humanity evolve, with the one responsible for that evolution becoming a "god" glorified forever in the history books.

***SPOILER ALERT OVER***

 

[Tiamat666]

This virus thing is really getting old. Now, what I would do is have the story take place in the future where there is this super powerful, government dominating corporation that performs uber-secret, forbidden research in teleportation technology. They accidentally open a gateway into another dimension and from there all kinds of evil spirits start pouring out, possessing humans and turning them into mindless zombies. All of this takes place in a far away place, perhaps a distant planet or research lab, so there's no help coming anytime soon and you're like this guard in that place, on of the few people to be immune and it's all up to you to save your doomed colleagues.

Then again, maybe it's time to drop the zombie apocalypse thing and start something new.

 

[RelexCryo]

Wow, people commented before Shamus even posted. Now that's some speed.

What would you do with the Resident Evil story if Capcom asked you to handle the reboot?

I'd make some better characters, for one. Like an intelligent zombie with cool powers, or a villain that you come to respect or empathize with.

We don't empathize with Wesker, but we do respect him. He is just that badass.

 

[Shoggoth2588]

If Apple weaponized the iPhone and iPod Touch, causing them to spray T-Virus into the users face than I would buy multiple.

 

[DTWolfwood]

hahaha XD yes finally some1 asks "WHY THE FUCK IS UMBRELLA OBSESSED WITH MAKING ZOMBIES?!" XD

 

[Jandau]

What I find fascinating is that Resident Evil already HAD a reboot. RE4 was pretty much a reboot and it was great. Then like a chronic alchoholic falling off the wagon, they went off the good path with RE5, which was a fun game, but the plot was messed up. Also, Wesker was a crappy villain, especially for those of us who got into the whole series late (RE4 for me). His entire persona felt like I'm supposed to know a ton of stuff about him, and there I was seeing the guy for the first time. Lacked context to the extreme.

As for RE6 rebooting the whole thing, it doesn't need a reboot. It was already rebooted with RE4 and they can simply continue in that direction. If they utterly wipe the slate clean, they might as well not call it Resident Evil to begin with.

 

[greygeary]

If I recall correctly, in the first game, Umbrella wanted to create super soldiers, and zombies were a very unfortunate side effect of that. That's not brilliant writing, but it works in an almost comical way. Of course, you can't really make a series out of that. Once Raccoon City is nuked, you've pretty much contained it. Everything else is just increasingly absurd levels of stupidity.

My biggest disappointment, plot wise, with Resident Evil 5 was Wesker. He was set up to be this manipulative badass pulling all the strings, and in typical Capcom style he is now a megalomaniac trying to destroy the world, I'm sorry, evolve humanity.

 

[Tiroe]

This one was hilarious! I love how Wesker just goes "Oh", like he's just had his mind blown.

I would rewrite a "to save the earth" route. It seems to me that the zombies only really eat people, although there are zombie dogs and some birds, those seem to be infected purposely and they seem to want to only eat humans. So there you go a crazy tree-hugger creates or steals the virus to build an army of people eating zombies that he uses to clear out people and let the land reclaim itself.

Or he could outright make zombie trees...Ok, that wouldn't make any sense in the plot, but they would make awesome video game enemies!

 

[Kapitan_Jack]

The Umbrella Corporation makes zombies and you kill them.

In the reboot, they should be an experience travel agency or something like that. You know, "For just $5999 you can shoot zombies all day! And for $100 more we'll throw in a minigun!"

 

[Dasis]

This one was hilarious! I love how Wesker just goes "Oh", like he's just had his mind blown.

I would rewrite a "to save the earth" route. It seems to me that the zombies only really eat people, although there are zombie dogs and some birds, those seem to be infected purposely and they seem to want to only eat humans. So there you go a crazy tree-hugger creates or steals the virus to build an army of people eating zombies that he uses to clear out people and let the land reclaim itself.

Or he could outright make zombie trees...Ok, that wouldn't make any sense in the plot, but they would make awesome video game enemies!

The idea has warrant, we just need to spin it a little, The whole point of the crazy tree hugger plan is to give the land back to the earth, well dead things often times have plants growing on them so what if there were older zombies called rotters or something, grass and other plants are growing from them so if the lay on the ground they seem apart of the land, Then when a human comes by the rise up to get him. Imagine that instead of a mouth they have pulsating group of roots and what they do is take there hands and rip open the skin of another human, then bury there face/roots into the person slowly trying to take root, they also release a poison that slows the target down or causes paralysis. With that you have a plant zombie, but you are not limited to just grass, you could also use trees, It would be funny and scary at the same time.

 

[ckeymel]

Wow, people commented before Shamus even posted. Now that's some speed.

What would you do with the Resident Evil story if Capcom asked you to handle the reboot?

I'd make some better characters, for one. Like an intelligent zombie with cool powers, or a villain that you come to respect or empathize with.

It sounds like they need a Bub..

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

My reboot would look something like this:

Resident Evil 6: Zombies vs Aliens vs Predator vs Terminator

It would take place on the Nostromo 100 years after the first Alien. The umbrella corp bought the ship and started using it to make zombies. Little did they know, there was already a face hugger on the ship. Within like a month the ship is divided like this: 40% zombies, 40% aliens, 20% cowering scientists. With all the shit going down a team of Predators show up to kick some ass, and a small time rift opens and drops of a team of terminators because in the distant future umbrella corp destroys Skynet.

The player takes a 5 man team consisting of Chris Redfield, Ellen Ripley, Alan "Dutch" Schaeffer, John Conner, and Darth Vader.

I dont really care how the story would play it, or even established cannon really, because it would just be bad ass.

 

[Tom Phoenix]

What would you do with the Resident Evil story if Capcom asked you to handle the reboot?

Anyway, what would I do? For starters, I would reserve the right to preety much throw all past material in the dustbin, Umbrella Corporation and racist subtexts included. Then I would create a story that actually makes sense and characters that are, if not likeable, at least tolerable. And once the game ranks in millions beacuse of my excellent story, I would scrutinise Capcom for not having the sense of hiring a better game writer before.

Sure, that may sound easier said than done. But even with my limited writing skills and experience mostly stemming from Play-by-Post RPG's, I am preety certain I would be capable of writing a masterpiece compared to what the Resident Evil series has been producing so far.

 

[sooperman]

Wait, I though Wesker wanted to spread Oroboros onto the world to cleanse it...? I suppose he could sell it, though.

If I was in charge of a reboot, that's exactly what I'd do; reboot the franchise from the inside out. Kill Wesker for good. Shut down Umbrella and never have them cause anything ever again. I'd strip the plot down and rebuild a new one. But I think the most important thing I'd do is re-introduce some actual survival horror. None of these Ganados, none of these motorcycle-riding mind control victims, none of these infinite ammo shotguns. We'd need a new villain, but I'm fine with some new faces.

It would be cool, trust me.

 

[Spygon]

hey Wesker i will buy some zombie virus.Also thats the whole point if Umbrella just made phones or tvs you wouldnt need to go there and kill things.Also they would be no zombies to fight as the resident evil series is a zombie survival game.

So the only other thing that might work is the old goverment takes the virus and they take it across the country.Then something happens and it get unleashed on a poplace but that is even worse cliche than evil Corporation trying to make controlble monsters to sell to the highest bidder.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That was hilarious! I was half expecting Wesker to do the Dr. Evil pinky finger thing when he was explaining his master plan there.

How would I handle the Resident Evil reboot?
I'd probably scale back the whole bit with the Umbrella Corporation to the point where they'd only be mentioned in the backstory to explain why there are zombies. Well you'll probably go to a lab or two, but you'll never have to sit through a long winded dialogue bit with an Umbrella Executive or anything.

 

[Tolerant Fanboy]

If I were to reboot Resident Evil, I'd make Umbrella an innocuous biotech company who accidentally made the zombie virus when they were, let's say, trying to engineer a viral anti-neurodegenerative agent. Instead of curing Parkinson's, they've made a tenacious little bugger that turns people into mindless, cannibalistic berserkers, with an emphasis on tenacious. They thought they destroyed all traces of the thing in testing after the obvious bugs reared their brain-craving heads, but just enough got loose, and now Raccoon City (or wherever) has been bitchslapped by George Romero. So, what does Umbrella do? It admits its mistake and asks for help as it desperately tries to make a cure.

In short, I propose making the virus itself the main antagonist, giving it, endurance that makes a cockroach look like a hothouse orchid and a viable lifespan that makes a sequoia look like a mayfly with rapid aging syndrome, and casting Umbrella as an organization capable of saying mea culpa and who then works to correct its errors. More believable behavior by the corporate guys, an excuse for an IN SPACE spinoff, and better rationale for sequels in general. Thoughts?

 

[Infernostrider]

im sure it's been mentioned, but too lazy to read

resident evil 4 was detached from umbrella corps entirely. there might be a couple more aswell ^^

 

[BlackDodongo]

I think if Resident Evil got a good script then people would still complain, "Where is the Resi I used to play!" etc.

 

[The Random One]

It's not that Apple murdered few people, it's that they know who to murder. Efficiency over quantity, you know?

...Wait, Apple makes products?