Stupid things you believed as a kid

[The Lesbian Flower]

I believed that the reason humans outlived dogs, cats, mice, birds, really anything that was smaller than us was because their hearts beat faster than ours did. I figured that the smaller an animal was the faster its heart beats and the faster it died. I believed each animal, including humans, only had a certain number of heartbeats in their life and that once they were used up they died. Its silly to me now but it seemed logical at the time.

 

[Smeatza]

There's a scene in James Bond where Mr. Bond switches wallets with a criminal he kills so certain people will think he is dead.

A very young me says to my Dad "that isn't James Bond" at that exact moment, talking about how the actor playing Bond was not the one I was used to.
My Dad replies (thinking I was talking about the movie itself) "No, they switched wallets."

For a good half a decade after that I thought you could trade lives with someone, trade jobs, trade families etc. Just by trading wallets with them.

 

[Unstoppable Wall]

I... I was afraid to ride in any seat of the car except the middle after dark... I couldn't look out the windows much either. See I was afraid of Velociraptors attacking the car, as in, legitimately afraid of it, I dunno why, I loved dinosaurs, but it scared me to death.

 

[Elfgore]

Mine is really bad. When I was 8 I thought women peed out of their bum. I am not joking I honestly believed it. I felt quite dumb when I learned it came out of the... the... *whisper the vagina. Which I did not know existed.

I also thought sex was just kissing naked. Then again I feel like that may be a common one.

 

[McMullen]

God is the first thing that comes to mind. What a silly and childish thing to believe.

I used to think that comments like this actually helped matters.

 

[That Annoying Guy]

Also, that spiders are more scared of you than you are of them.
True? False?
I don't know but I don't believe it.

All I have to say to that is *ahem* HOLY SHIT FUCKING SHIT FUCK! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!