Teaching kids about homosexuality

[lettucethesallad]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

...or the kid might catch the gay?

You cannot catch the gay. It's not like soccer
"If you never knew anything about it, you won't like it"
If the kid is homosexual it will feel uneasy when growing up, encountert with "normal" sexuality. That is how homosexuality first came to be. How else do you think that worked? Where did "the gay" else come from than from normal human beings? Did Satan do a tap-dancing-routine? Hell no.

And besides: The kid is likely to encounter homosexuality in it's daily life sooner or later. So just like with normal sex-ed it's better to have a prepared kid than a nonprepared.

Unfortunately, telling from this story, your sister doesn't seem to be the right person to handle this correctly. Maybe you should check out some books together. It's likely you are not the first people with that problem.

Obviously I know that you can't catch the gay, it was a sarcastic remark based on the notion that if you tell kids about homosexuality, they might be influenced towards homosexual tendencies. If it wasn't clear in my original post, I'm all for teaching this kid about homosexuality as well as hetrosexuality, and am slightly appalled that my sister would not do so.

 

[Iron Mal]

Well to be quite frank, hetrosexuality is the norm, as such it should be taught first unless there is a particular reason that warrants the mention of homosexuality (such as a gay family member or school friend, this will come up on it's own anyway, there's no need to force it).

This isn't homophobia, this isn't gay bashing or encroaching on 'gay pride', this is cold, hard speculation.

When dealing with kids it's best to keep things as simple as possible (like I said, if there is a gay family member they see on a regular basis or they are curious enough to bring it up on their own then by all means take the time to explain it and answer their questions), kids are almost guranteed to see hetrosexual people in most places and in the media so it's reasonable enough that this should be taught as what is normal (and most of us don't start developing our sexuality and identity until our teen years anyway).

For a lot of people it can be very stressful and painful trying to discover just what their sexual orientation is, do you really need to bring this kind of stress and pressure onto a kid even earlier? (we already panic enough about kids losing their childhood and being pushed into adulthood, do we need this on top of it?)

I understand and sympathise that homosexual people want more people to be aware of what it is to be gay and that you worry about kids inadvertantly becoming homophobic because of a lack of exposure or familiarity but I feel that you may be worrying over nothing here (hell, statistics show that on the whole things have gotten much better in terms of understanding and acceptance, most people out there are opposed to homophobia, even from previous problem groups such as Churchs and now are very supportive of more rights and equality for people of differing sexualities).

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

But there's a difference between learning about sex and teach kids about sexual orientations. Homosexuality is something for when they're a bit older methinks.

Why?

Do you actually believe that people only discover that they are gay or bisexual at an older and "more appropriate" age?

Imagine how it must feel for the early bloomer who have only ben taught about heterosexuality, but feels an attraction towards someone of the same sex. Is it really worth putting them through those years of self-doubt because one thinks that homosexuality is something you should only learn about "when you're a bit older"? :S

 

[iLikeHippos]

It's the perfect way of making kids alienating the other kids who are adopted by gay people.

I don't see how THAT can go wrong... *Sarcmark*

No, if you are already revealing the nature of love, marriage and breeding, why not just go ALL THE WAY? You're otherwise just keeping knowledge and information from the toddlers than, which is just as necessary as the former.

 

[crobulator]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

The same goes for the opposite- The kid will learn soon enough, and probably ask her parents about it- then they should tell her, naturally, as unbiased as they can. If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer, it would be better if she does not have any subconscious issues with it inherited from her parents.

I'm going to have to agree with you.

Me too, it`s not gay-bashing to say this it is merely stating the truth and that is that heterosexuality is core to the human design.

 

[TWRule]

I'd say no. There's nothing wrong with parents talking about both, but not at the same time and heterosexuality first.

I wouldn't teach them both at the same time for the same reason I wouldn't try to teach the kid multiplication and division simultaneously with addition and subtraction. Let them get a firm grasp on the basic concept of sexuality first, then discuss differing instances.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

Well to be quite frank, hetrosexuality is the norm, as such it should be taught first unless there is a particular reason that warrants the mention of homosexuality (such as a gay family member or school friend, this will come up on it's own anyway, there's no need to force it).

Then again how would you know what the child might encounter? For instance, what happens if one of the classmates gets exposed as being gay without anyone seeing it coming? How do kids usually react to that when they have only been forcefed with the heterosexual norms and values all their life? With acceptance and tolerance? (I doubt it)

When dealing with kids it's best to keep things as simple as possible

"Love can occur between a man and a woman, but also between a man and another man or a woman and another women. Only men and women can have children through sex, though but that doesn't mean that the feelings of homosexual are any less real or strange than the ones between heterosexual men and women. People are different, and it's okay to be different because we are all a bit different from eachother in some way or another. So I want you to bear this in mind if you meet a boy who loves other boys instead of loving girls, because even if you might not love boys like he does, he's not any less of a person than you are, just different from you. The same way you are different from him when you like blue shirts more than green shirts.

You want others to accept that you like blue shirts and not get teased or made fun of because you do, right? Then it's not hard to understand that a boy who likes boys more than he likes girls would want to be able to like what he likes without getting teased because of it, don't you agree?"

Pretty simple and clear cut explanation and one that a kid at a young age would eat up pretty easily.

So exactly what is it that you fear would "complicate" matters so much?

 

[Frungy]

The flower and the bees stuff (or the Dutch version: your mother and your father stuff) is told to teach children where children come from, not really about sexual desires and such. I don't see any need why they would need to know about homo-sexuality. I don't think there is any harm to it to tell them about it, but it's not necessary.

This bit is spot on. The "birds and bees" talk is about human reproduction, not human sexuality.

However, children are sexually curious and chances are that by 7 she's already touched her friends (male and female), and there's nothing wrong with that, children are curious and it does absolutely no harm ... well, almost none, I'm still a bit pissed off about one girls who said she'd show me hers if I showed her mine when I was about 8... and then she backed out. Umm.. but apart from that kids don't want to have sex, they're just curious about their bodies and others'.

The critical thing for parents is when you find your little girl inspecting another girl's vagina to not flip out and act like it's a perversion, it's just like then checking out someone's hair or eyes or whatever. I mostly blame the media for the entire "child sex" hysteria. Don't they realise that making a fuss over something and banning it actually makes it MORE interesting to kids rather than less?

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

But there's a difference between learning about sex and teach kids about sexual orientations. Homosexuality is something for when they're a bit older methinks.

Why?

Do you actually believe that people only discover that they are gay or bisexual at an older and "more appropriate" age?

Imagine how it must feel for the early bloomer who have only ben taught about heterosexuality, but feels an attraction towards someone of the same sex. Is it really worth putting them through those years of self-doubt because one thinks that homosexuality is something you should only learn about "when you're a bit older"? :S

The difference here is I think what the kids mother is doing is just teaching her child about the biology side of things, the "mechanics" if you will, not the emotional side. Sexual attraction is something a 7 year old doesn't generally feel, so there isn't really a need to teach them about homosexuality just yet because they aren't likely too encounter it at such a young age. If it comes up during conversation with their child or they ask about it, that's a different matter altogether though.

EDIT: I'm not meaning to say this is how you should teach your child if you do have one, merely explaining the rational of both this parent and the general public. As I said, if asked, parents should explain it, but there's no point in confusing a child with homo and heterosexual unless they actually ask if it happens.

 

[Blitzwarp]

Homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, nonsexuality, etc, it should be said that none of that is important. None of that matters.
Kids should be taught that only love matters, it doesn't matter about the physical sex of the person.
Sure, tell them that only a heterosexual relationship brings a new life into the world (without the intervention of science), but don't make them think they have to go out and have kids. They can be who they want, and be with whoever they want. Plenty of kids out there who need to be adopted by loving parents anyway.

Yes, I agree with this. As long as you're in love and loved in return, what does it matter?

I don't understand people who think that teaching homosexuality to children at a young age either (a) encourages them (eh?) or (b) is somehow inappropriate. I mean, surely by the same viewpoint you could argue that just teaching them about heterosexuality is 100% guaranteed to make them straight, or warning them about child molesters is 100% guaranteed to make them a victim to one. Just by teaching a child that there are people who have sex with people of the same gender and that that's all right doesn't automatically mean your kid is going to be gay.

 

[lettucethesallad]

"Love can occur between a man and a woman, but also between a man and another man or a woman and another women. Only men and women can have children through sex, though but that doesn't mean that the feelings of homosexual are any less real or strange than the ones between heterosexual men and women. People are different, and it's okay to be different because we are all a bit different from eachother in some way or another. So I want you to bear this in mind if you meet a boy who loves other boys instead of loving girls, because even if you might not love boys like he does, he's not any less of a person than you are, just different from you. The same way you are different from him when you like blue shirts more than green shirts.

You want others to accept that you like blue shirts and not get teased or made fun of because you do, right? Then it's not hard to understand that a boy who likes boys more than he likes girls would want to be able to like what he likes without getting teased because of it, don't you agree?"

Gotta say that was an excellent way of explaining it.

Hypothetically, if you were in my shoes, would you explain it to the kid if her parents wouldn't? Imagine it's a kid you know very well and see on a weekly basis.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

Homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, nonsexuality, etc, it should be said that none of that is important. None of that matters.
Kids should be taught that only love matters, it doesn't matter about the physical sex of the person.
Sure, tell them that only a heterosexual relationship brings a new life into the world (without the intervention of science), but don't make them think they have to go out and have kids. They can be who they want, and be with whoever they want. Plenty of kids out there who need to be adopted by loving parents anyway.

Yes, I agree with this. As long as you're in love and loved in return, what does it matter?

I don't understand people who think that teaching homosexuality to children at a young age either (a) encourages them (eh?) or (b) is somehow inappropriate. I mean, surely by the same viewpoint you could argue that just teaching them about heterosexuality is 100% guaranteed to make them straight, or warning them about child molesters is 100% guaranteed to make them a victim to one. Just by teaching a child that there are people who have sex with people of the same gender and that that's all right doesn't automatically mean your kid is going to be gay.

As I said in my post, this is an entirely different discussion. There's a big difference between explaining the mechanics of sexual intercourse to a child and teaching a child about different sexualities. Especially since this usually stems from kid asking "Where do babies come from?" Babies come from sperm meeting an egg and fertilising it, which generally only comes from, you guessed it! Heterosexual sex.

 

[aldt]

It depends on what "the birds and the bees" is covering. If the step-daughter is learning about procreation, then heretosexual relationships are probably the only thing that needs to be covered; IVF and adoption are superfluous at this stage.
On the other hand, if she's learning about interpersonal romantic relationships, I think the best idea is to use ambiguous gender pronouns - e.g. "When two people love each other," rather than "When a man and a woman love each other". It's not like the kid is going to catch teh_gehy just by being aware of homosexuality, and if she does turn out to be gay, it's certainly a load off her mind.

 

[Blitzwarp]

As I said in my post, this is an entirely different discussion. There's a big difference between explaining the mechanics of sexual intercourse to a child and teaching a child about different sexualities.

I can see where you're coming from, but if I were explaining the mechanics of sexual intercourse to my child simply as a way of making babies, they may then get confused when they are exposed to homosexual scenarios (in a book, films, classmates, whatever) where no child can be produced. Ergo, I would explain that heterosexual sex alone can produce children, but there are people who are attracted to people of the same sex, and this cannot produce children. From my own perspective, I would also tell my child I consider neither situation better or worse than the next one, so long as my child is happy. You can't really discuss the mechanics of sex by itself without considering the emotional impact, as it is a social situation that involves the feelings of two (...or more) people.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

Gotta say that was an excellent way of explaining it.

Hypothetically, if you were in my shoes, would you explain it to the kid if her parents wouldn't? Imagine it's a kid you know very well and see on a weekly basis.

I would if the kid asked me about it. I think the parents should be the ones acting responsibly and not neglecting to bring these matters up. But if it's clear that their parenting is steering the kid towards becoming a full blown homophobe and we have a converstion about it, I'd pretty much tell the kid the same thing.

Oh that's also important to bear in mind. Talk TO children, don't talk "at" them. They are little people who are trying to develop mentally after all, and most of the time they will develop a lot faster and be a lot smarter if they are treated as people and not as some cute accessories. And if you notice that the parents are doing that to the kid then take every opportunity to talk like the kid like the person he or she is.

 

[RicoADF]

no, homosexuality is filled with political bs that kids just wont understand, keep it simple with what most people know, if she encounters it then explain it but otherwise thats a topic for later on.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

As I said in my post, this is an entirely different discussion. There's a big difference between explaining the mechanics of sexual intercourse to a child and teaching a child about different sexualities.

I can see where you're coming from, but if I were explaining the mechanics of sexual intercourse to my child simply as a way of making babies, they may then get confused when they are exposed to homosexual scenarios (in a book, films, classmates, whatever) where no child can be produced. Ergo, I would explain that heterosexual sex alone can produce children, but there are people who are attracted to people of the same sex, and this cannot produce children. From my own perspective, I would also tell my child I consider neither situation better or worse than the next one, so long as my child is happy. You can't really discuss the mechanics of sex by itself without considering the emotional impact, as it is a social situation that involves the feelings of two (...or more) people.

I can see what you mean, but in the edit of the post you quoted, which I put in after you quoted me, I said that usually this talk come from a child asking where babies come from. In that scenario, explaining homosexual sex would be bit confusing for them. Plus I can't really think of any scenario where a child of 7 would be exposed to homosexual themes and I believe if they were, they'd ask their parents about it, which they should then lead to them explaining it to their child. I'm not against explaining homosexuality to children by any means, but I think there aren't many situations where it's necessary.

 

[Blitzwarp]

I can see what you mean, but in the edit of the post you quoted, which I put in after you quoted me, I said that usually this talk come from a child asking where babies come from.

Oh duh, trust me to misread a post on my second day on these forums. XD Yeah, if it's just a straight case of where babies come from, then certainly in that discussion it would be wise to just discuss heterosexual sex.

Personally, I'd still probably explain homosexuality in proximity to that talk at a later date, though. From my own experience at school kids pick up on homosexuality quite early on (unless I was just in a really weird area or something - IIRC the first mention of homosexuality I heard at school was in Year Six, aged 11) and can be incredibly biased/abusive towards it. I'd hate for my kid to pick up that negative viewpoint before I had a chance to explain what homosexuality is really all about.

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I can see what you mean, but in the edit of the post you quoted, which I put in after you quoted me, I said that usually this talk come from a child asking where babies come from.

Oh duh, trust me to misread a post on my second day on these forums. XD Yeah, if it's just a straight case of where babies come from, then certainly in that discussion it would be wise to just discuss heterosexual sex.

Personally, I'd still probably explain homosexuality in proximity to that talk at a later date, though. From my own experience at school kids pick up on homosexuality quite early on (unless I was just in a really weird area or something - IIRC the first mention of homosexuality I heard at school was in Year Six, aged 11) and can be incredibly biased/abusive towards it. I'd hate for my kid to pick up that negative viewpoint before I had a chance to explain what homosexuality is really all about.

Oh I totally agree with you, but as long as you speak to the child at a different time. You don't want the kid thinking you can have babies by stickin' it in the pooper.

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

The same goes for the opposite- The kid will learn soon enough, and probably ask her parents about it- then they should tell her, naturally, as unbiased as they can. If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer, it would be better if she does not have any subconscious issues with it inherited from her parents.

But still, they should not be handled equally, as heterosexuality is still the norm- and the natural way to reproduce. If the children are gay, they will probably find it out themselves. The important thing is to then make sure they are neither ashamed or feel otherwise repressed.

I agree with this 100%.

It all comes down to the parent's decisions though, and they chose to have the child so its their burden and their choice on how to act on these matters. And it really isn't anyone else's business

Edit: This was a rant that highlighted the bigotry of the first quoted poster, but I realized that I may have been quite harsh. 1. Don't say queer. It's offensive. 2. PEOPLE ARE BORN GAY SO STOP WORRYING ABOUT A CHILD CATCHING GAY. 3. If you don't explain the mechanics of sexuality to a child before puberty you're psychologically abusing them.

Not everyone is born gay, while people most certainly don't CHOOSE to be gay, that doesn't mean it can't develop because of external stimuli.

 

[M Rotter]

heterosexuality nor homosexuality shouldnt be taught to young children. The mechanics of sex should be clearly talked about and the child should be made sure that they understand how it works. Teaching kids about SEX itself is of course a heterosexual model, but thats incidental because actual procreational sex (which is usually the kid's question "where do babies come from?") is heterosexual. Talking to a nine year (who at that point does not have sexual desires in the same way an adult does) about any sexual orientation during the discussion about how babies are made could be extremely confusing. So i dont think kids should be explicitly taught hetero- or homosexuality. Theyll figure it out once they have the basics