Teaching kids about homosexuality

[the7ofswords]

I think it's important to teach kids tolerance at an early age. I actually taught my kids (I have one girl, one boy) a little about homosexuality BEFORE they even got the "birds and the bees" talk. Kids start "going together" at a young age - often before they really develop sexual feelings, and before their sexual proclivities are even known. Unfortunately kids use words like "gay" or "fag" as an insult before they even have a full understanding of what they mean. So when my kids first heard such words, I decided it was time to give them some explanation.

I asked them if they understood about how sometimes boys & girls "like" each other and so they "go together" and explained that's how their mom & dad ended up together. I explained that when two people love each other they sometimes decide to live together and often get married, such as we did. I then explained that though most people have a special love like that for members of the opposite sex, some people have feelings like that for the same sex. I told them that even though that's the minority of people, that it was still perfectly normal.

I also explained that unfortunately the larger society sometimes shuns or is abusive to people who are in the minority, whether the minority is racial, sexual, religious/philosophical, or whatever, and some people use hurtful words or sometimes actions against people in the minority. I also told them that as they grew older they would eventually have special feelings towards other people, and that while statistically it would be likely that they would prefer members of the opposite sex, it was always possible that they would prefer to have a boyfriend/girlfriend of the same sex, and that however they felt when they reached that time, it wouldn't matter to their mom or me: we'd love them just the same either way.

Of course, as they grew up they got more detailed information, and I updated my explanations as necessary. (They're both in High School now.)



It's really not that hard. People make too big an issue out of it.

Oh ... and to anyone who thinks homosexuality is simply a matter of choice for most people: you need to get an education.

(There may be a few who can "choose" ... I really don't know - but I'd guess they're probably just bi-sexual.)



~Cheers!

 

[Dexiro]

oice in life. You chose whatever way seems the right one to based on what you know and feel.

Being gay means you're attracted to the same sex, you don't choose who you're attracted to.

A gay guy can choose to have sex with a female, and a straight guy can have sex with another guy, who you have sex with isn't the deciding factor on your sexuality.

So basiclly then everyone is bi? I am straight and i chose not to have sex with men, i dont want to. So how can you be gay and attracted to men and chose to sleep with women? That would make you bi?

See this is a problem, people aren't being educated on what homosexuality is.

Who you have sex with has NOTHING to do with your sexuality. Your sexuality is entirely 100% based on who you're attracted to.

If you're a gay and you're attracted to other males than you're gay, if you're attracted to females then you're straight, if you're attracted to both sexes then you're bi.

A gay guy can choose to sleep with females, but he'll still be gay and there'll be no physical attraction. A lot of gay people stay in denial and try to condition themselves to sleep with women, but there's no benefit in doing so and you just end up with a troubled and unhappy person.

Yes. You have captured what i think. You are what you are, gay or straight. No one is commenting against that. Everyone accepts that you are attracted to who you are attracted to. But explaining this to a child? That is difficult. It can take time. People can experiment with both sexes before they decide if they are gay or straight. It takes maturity. Or it can take seeing that one special person at whatever age you are. You can be 40 years old before you meet a guy that attracts you and makes you question what you want. The choice is difficult, or should that be the confliction between what you want and what the world wants you to be. Adults have problems dealing with this and i wonder how could a child be expected to deal with this choice before they are mature enough to know exactly who they are and what they want in life?

I was just arguing that being gay isn't a choice.

On the subject of teaching this stuff to children I don't think it'd be any different from teaching about heterosexuality. You don't have to go into detail, just make sure they're familiar with the idea of 2 men/women loving each other to stop any potential confusion later in life.

After that it depends how old the kid is but whatever they're old enough to learn regarding straight relationships they should be old enough to learn about regarding gay relationships as well.

 

[Something Amyss]

I didnt say everyone way bi,did you read the comment i commented on? They said a gay guy is attracted to men but can chose to sleep with a woman. Where as me, a straight, loves woman and has no interest in men at all. So how can you say you are a gay man but yet can sleep with a woman? Whatever. This is all off topic anyway.

I responded to the context. You're still wrong. Oddly enough, for the exact same explanation I gave.

As for how, the parts function rather universally. If you're still unsure how that works, there's a whole litany of materials on sex on the web, but I don't want to explain how intercourse works.

 

[StBishop]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

...or the kid might catch the gay?

You would be amazed how many people think they have a sexuality they indeed have not (at least that's what I firmly believe). I laugh at people under 18 who claim to be homosexual, as it's more often than not insecurity.

That I can agree with. Lots of 'bisexual' kids running around because it's the cool thing to be this week. My point was just that in my oppinion, information is important when building tolerance. If she doesn't know about gays, they'll always be strange and different. Teach a kid from the start that people are different and like different things, and maybe the social stigma will eventually go away.

I think it would be more productive to explain at a young age about homosexuality, at the same time as explaining love, and the difference between the bond shared by mother/father and child to that shared between mother and father or uncle and uncle or what have you.

I think that being taught the science behind reproduction is important but I don't think that most children are equipped to understand the relationship between sex and love or sex and pleasure.

I agree that children should have homosexuality explained to them; my nephews who're all under school age know about homosexuality, and we don't really have any homosexual relatives[footnote]I say don't really because we have a cousin who's bisexual but she never brings anyone to family gatherings and she's more of a party girl than relationship type[/footnote] and I think that's great, they don't really know how baby making works but they know that sometimes boys love other boys instead of girls and visa virsa.

 

[liveslowdiefast]

If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer,.

Please don't use the word queer when talking about homosexuality. I find it offensive just use homosexual or gay, I see "queer" as a derogatory word.

 

[Snowalker]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

The same goes for the opposite- The kid will learn soon enough, and probably ask her parents about it- then they should tell her, naturally, as unbiased as they can. If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer, it would be better if she does not have any subconscious issues with it inherited from her parents.

But still, they should not be handled equally, as heterosexuality is still the norm- and the natural way to reproduce. If the children are gay, they will probably find it out themselves. The important thing is to then make sure they are neither ashamed or feel otherwise repressed.

This... Exactly... And I love how your avatar and title matches the statement.

 

[PrimoThePro]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

...or the kid might catch the gay?

Someone clearly didn't read the post. What was said was teach the heterosexual way, and if the child finds out if they are gay, or ask about homosexuality, then that is an appropriate time to explain it.
OT: I agree with Hairminator, don't tell them about it until either they are gay, or they ask about it.

 

[Pumpkinmancer]

I feel that releationships should be addressed in gender neutral terms when it come to children. "When two people love eachother" instead of "whena man or woman loves eachother"

We should not shelter children from diffenert kinds of sexuality. It is not 'encouraging' them'to be gay or bi anymore than reading them fariy tales encourages them to kiss frogs, or anymore than letting them belive in Santa encourges them to try to climb up and down chimneys.

I would say that shelting them from these other types of sexuality is the most damaging thing to do. What happens if they turn out not to be straight? If there is one thing a child does not want to be is abnormal. Well if sheltered they will think something is wrong with themselves. They will hide it, fall into self lothing and so on.

 

[Thespian]

NoNoNoLaLaLa
If we don't know about it, it will stop existing!

LA LA LA DROWN OUT THE DIVERSITY

 

[The Heik]

My pregnant sister has a 7 year old step-daughter who's in the process of learning about the birds and the bees. I was a little rattled to learn that my sister is only teaching her about hetrosexual relations, saying that it would be 'inappropriate' to tell her about homosexuality at such an early age as the step-daughter might discuss it at school and awkward phone calls from the teachers might follow. Since my sister is in a hetrosexual marriage she argued that it's what her step-daughter encounters on a daily basis, and thus is what she should be taught as the 'norm'.

Do you escapists think that children should be told about homosexuality and homosexual relationships at the same time as they're learning about straight relationships?

Hell yeah! Hiding one side of relationships would be just wrong. Being gay is a naturally occurring genetic trait. There is nothing wrong with it, and on the off chance that your kid knows someone gay, or is gay themselves, it is such a confidence boost knowing that their situation is perfectly normal.

BTW, I must applaud your sister for teaching her step-daughter about sex before the biological change occurs. Knowing that the things she's going to go through are natural, and furthermore, being prepared for that change, should really help her.

 

[DYin01]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

The same goes for the opposite- The kid will learn soon enough, and probably ask her parents about it- then they should tell her, naturally, as unbiased as they can. If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer, it would be better if she does not have any subconscious issues with it inherited from her parents.

But still, they should not be handled equally, as heterosexuality is still the norm- and the natural way to reproduce. If the children are gay, they will probably find it out themselves. The important thing is to then make sure they are neither ashamed or feel otherwise repressed.

As well as you put it, I'm afraid I'll have to completely disagree with you.

Telling your kid about the existence of homosexuality is not 'encouraging' them. Do you encourage your kids to be heterosexual if you tell them about it? You're gonna have to tell your kids about the birds and the bees sooner or later and you might as well tell them it can be both hetero- and homosexual.

If you don't tell them about homosexuality 'because they'll find it out themselves', they might feel terrible if they actually find out. Simply because they were taught that heterosexuality is the norm and that they're strange and different.

Most people don't have sex or feel love to procreate. It's only 'the norm' in biological terms and love and sex are much more than that.

The only thing I DO agree on is the last thing you said.

 

[soul_rune1984]

I was told about hetero, homo, bisexuality, transgenders etc. at a very young age. In fact, one of my earliest babysitters (that I can remember) was a lesbian. It depends on how the parent handles the subject. I was raised to not judge people simply because they are not what is considered "the norm".

 

[Alloflifedecays]

I guess it depends on the age you teach them. I still think it should only be man and a woman. But anything else at a young age may confuse them. Being gay is a choice, but i dont know anyone gay people that felt they were gay at a young age. Maybe teach the gay aspect later. Also then you have to add bi sexual to the mix as well. Thing is alot of people are not as tolerant and this could add issues to the childs life before they are old enough to cope with them. It is a tough one.

???
What?
Care to explain how you reached that conclusion?

Fuck here we go. Do i really have to spell it out? Did you stick to your straight upbringing or did you chose to be gay based on what you felt? You made a choice between what your heart said and what you were taught. I have a friend that has finally come out as gay eventhough he had been married and had a kid. He finally made a choice based on what he felt. Why do all gay people get up tight by the word "choice". Everything is a choice in life. You chose whatever way seems the right one to based on what you know and feel.

What this says to me is that being gay is not a choice, coming out is. Those are two VERY different things.

I agree with what you say. Can i child really know whether they are gay or straight? And if so is it fair to make them choose or make them confused before they are mature enough to make that choice? I guess that would be the issue. Not whether you are gay or not.

No, it's not fair to make children identify their sexuality (I still really dislike your use of the words "choice" and "chose" - the only people claiming it's a choice are particularly ignorant straight people and those poor brainwashed folk in the ex-gay camps). But that doesn't mean they shouldn't know that people of alternate sexualities exist, and that they're just like you and I. Just touching upon the subject is fine - as I said earlier, it can be as easy as "some people like people of their own gender too. They can't help it, and it's alright." People always ask "How to I explain that two men or two women can be together to my child?". You just tell them. Nothing graphic, just mention they exist. Kids can, on a whole, handle that. In fact, if you mention this in the context of sex ed, they're more likely to understand that, like sex, it's something they don't need to worry about until they're older.

 

[101flyboy]

You're sister is anti-gay and making excuses for why she thinks homosexuality is offensive.

 

[Talespinner]

The most healthy way for a child to learn about these things is to be around it and see that homos are EXACTLY like everyone else and that any sort of hype, fear or special attention is pointless and stupid.

If the family in question have no homosexual friends, relatives or acquaintances then it's most likely a concious choice to avoid those people. Homosexuals represent such a significant percentage of the population that you need to put some actual work into not knowing any. In that case the best approach would probably be to ignore the matter until it pops up (You see two men holding hands on the street or something) and then make sure to just comment on it as casually as possible.

Teaching special behaviour towards homosexuals is counter-productive no matter if you attempt to indoctrinate the kid with a positive or negative bias. In a world where information is everywhere the risks of a negative backlash makes grooming the thoughts, opinions and feelings of a child extremely unpredictable and even more unethical than it would've been 30 years ago.

Oh and:

If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer,.

Please don't use the word queer when talking about homosexuality. I find it offensive just use homosexual or gay, I see "queer" as a derogatory word.

"Queer" is commonly accepted as a term that describes a sexuality that's not exactly the vanilla hetero but also doesn't really fit into any of the "boxes". Some people may use it as a derogatory word but anything can be used as such if the intention is there. "Queer" is not only a commonly recognized term but also a really important one. To teach a child that they're either straight, homo or bi (50/50 split) will confuse the heck out of that kid once (s)he encounters people that are actually queer. Or even find him/herself to be.

I thought for a long time that I was gay (As in 100% homo) and the amount of confusion and frustration I felt when I fell for a girl but still were attracted exclusively to men, apart from her, was most unsettling. All my life (even in the gay culture) I'd just heard about the 3 "boxes". I never saw it coming that the definition of love and sex are not nearly as rigid as I had been told.

If I can save someone else from the crisis of identity I went through back then I'll consider it an important achievement in life.

 

[random_bars]

I couldn't be arsed to read through the whole 6 page discussion, just wanna throw this out there:

Kids don't develop a sexuality until their teens. Telling a 7 year old girl about the possibility of being attracted to other women instead of men, at a time when she still thinks boys are icky, could confuse her and give her mixed messages. Would you still be happy about being totally open and honest if your kid gets the wrong end of the stick and announces to you that they're gay, before they even reach the age where they'd consider ANYONE in a sexual way?

Not saying I have any evidence this would happen, it's just something that came to my mind.

 

[101flyboy]

I think there should be as less outside teaching over homosexuality as possible, if a person is homesexual then they should be able to come out as one without any external knowledge. I just don't believe kids should be taught about homosexuality at a young age.

So basically, LGBT teens should be left on their own with absolutely no help or possible advice. We should just raise an entire group of kids where they don't understand or acknowledge their potential same-sex attractions.

Yeah...................no.

 

[PoliceBox63]

Teaching them about it from an early age is the best way for them to accept is as a normal part of our society as they grow up, and thus become the members of a more tolerant society in the future.

 

[101flyboy]

I couldn't be arsed to read through the whole 6 page discussion, just wanna throw this out there:

Kids don't develop a sexuality until their teens. Telling a 7 year old girl about the possibility of being attracted to other women instead of men, at a time when she still thinks boys are icky, could confuse her and give her mixed messages. Would you still be happy about being totally open and honest if your kid gets the wrong end of the stick and announces to you that they're gay, before they even reach the age where they'd consider ANYONE in a sexual way?

Not saying I have any evidence this would happen, it's just something that came to my mind.

Since sexual orientation is not "created", these are false statements. Also, saying kids don't develop sexually until their teens, is false as well. Kids are developing sexually at 7 years old. Their immutable sexual attractions don't start fully emerging until early adolescence/early teen years.

Being gay/lesbian is not a "wrong end of the stick" or "confusion". There is nothing wrong in being non-heterosexual. Implying that there is, is offensive.

 

[thiosk]

Kids aren't supposed to learn about "what gets them off" at the age of 7.

They are supposed to learn very basic biology of where babies come from.

Whats next-- should toddlers be taught S&M techniques? Remember kids: make sure you can pronounce a safe word with a ball gag in your mouth!