Ten Reasons Why Pac-Man Sucks

[laol1999]

but theres Mrs Pacman

 

[LightOfDarkness]

I hope to God my Sarcasmograph is just broken and he's not being series or else he's a fucktard.

He broke mine, but only because he went off the scale.

I managed to daisy chain 100 together to work as a gigantic one.

He got to the last fucking one.

 

[Kiju]

Ha ha? Um...someone's a little desperate for attention, it seems.

 

[More Fun To Compute]

Once you gave me the idea I had to do it:

...Er, sorry it's not colored, but I'm out of time-- I have to go to work.

Now that is what they call, in the trade, a bold re-imagining of a significant classic IP. Well done sir.

 

[V8 Ninja]

David Hill forgot reason #5. =D

Anyways, the LOLs have triumphed again!

 

[Outright Villainy]

Ah, poorly disguised satire. It makes my stomach churn to see that finest of humors abused in such a way; at least he could've been subtle in his critique of the modern day games industry. 'Tis a shame, 'tis a shame, and an even greater shame still that so few of our ostensibly intellectual community fail to understand the meaning of this particular piece; I imagine that if they were perchance presented with "A Modest Proposal" then a rash of infant slashings would spring up about the land like so many satirically disabled weeds. Rest in peace, ye holiest of wordy muses, and know that your legacy goes to ground with you.

Truly, how can it be that such a large group of people, each of who are supposedly possessed of excessive cleverness and wisdom, miss this man's point in such a stupendous fashion? Do they not see that he is mocking the furor with which modern-day artists pursue graphical perfection? Are they truly blind to his blatant statement about the oversexualization and gratuitous violence present in many modern-day titles? How can they miss his lament of times gone by, when games were for one and all, and anyone could happily join in? Why, oh why, are these numerous professed geniuses ignorant of his disdain for taxing game engines and absurd system requirements, or the way he out-and-out says that he is joking? Has the ego of the great Escapist community at last swallowed its brain? Truly, I am ashamed to think that the community I was once proud to be part of has succumbed to the devils of hubris and misguided nostalgia, and that the deviants and trolls may be the wisest of us.

Escapist, I am dissappoint. Very disappoint indeed.


On an unrelated note, I seriously didn't think much of Pac-man.

You put that a lot more eloquently than I would have my friend, I had to resist the urge to post the tired old facepalm.jpg
Sure, it's not very clever satire, but it's blatantly obvious that it's satire.

 

[afaceforradio]

I see that the lad is trying to be funny, but he just isn't. Stuff like that is just boring and old at this stage.

Agreed. Sarcasm that makes people believe a bit too much that you're serious is BAD SARCASM.

Unless it's a mindfuck. Make it subtle enough and people will believe every word of it, or they'll flame you to hell and back because you're taking the piss out of something they love.

(British folks, did I use the phrase "taking the piss" correctly? You guys have the best phrases.)

Haha yes you did, well done

You could've also said 'having a Giraffe' but then I remembered we're not all cast members of Snatch and don't all come from London ha.

OT: True, it could be, but I reckon that the guy just didn't know when to say when on his sarcasometer.

 

[Vitor Goncalves]

Was sarcastic but my sarcasmograph is not working properly, just reacted to this:

10) The CEO of Rockstar Games said he doesn't really like Pac Man anymore. Read this out of context quote, "I don't really" [like Pac Man anymore].

EDIT: The reason being there are lots of people out there mentioning all other 9 arguments about many classic games and are not being sarcastic at all.

 

[Alexander Pierre]

Such a hater.

 

[cainx10a]

Blatant sarcasm. Enjoyable read nonetheless.

 

[Treefingers]

Umm.

He's trying to be funny, right?

 

[crudus]

why would complain graphics from a 30 year old game

because it is 30 years later. I should need to over-clock anything my computer runs! That includes Pac-man. Get the graphics better. They have had 30 years to do it. I agree with this list entirely!

 

[The Night Shade]

He cant be serious might be a joke

 

[Composer]

troll?

 

[theironbat46]

Har Har Har.

 

[Wicky_42]

That is hilarious XD Everybody not getting it is also hilarious ^_^

Cheers for posting it

 

[Wicky_42]

Once you gave me the idea I had to do it:

...Er, sorry it's not colored, but I'm out of time-- I have to go to work.

That is s hilarious as the article Weth the recent spate of Youtube de-makes, this fit nicely into the reverse role. Wait, that's just a re-make and people have been doing that for years. Huh. Well, not with such flair!

 

[GamerPhate]

posted [http://machineageproductions.com/] the following ten reasons why Pac-Man should wrap his big yellow mouth around the barrel of a shotgun:

Today's the 30th anniversary of some old people game. If you go to the Google Home Page, you can play it on their logo.

I'm going to tell you why it sucks.

1) The graphics are shit. Even outside of a console, you should at least be able to get 2005-era textures out of a browser-based game. This tells me that the designers didn't care about the fans.

2) Pac Man is tired. There hasn't been a good Pac Man game for like thirty years. It's because designers keep making games like this that we almost never get memorable titles like Bayonetta. They're worse than Nintendo with Mario.


3) There's no chicks. Why's Pac Man killing ghosts if he doesn't even get to pork a hot babe at the end? I heard there's a "Ms Pac Man" game, but that's probably just designed by Ubisoft to appeal to the DS fashion designer game crowd. (BTW: If you think this statement is sexist, it's not. You should just get thicker skin.)

4) There's no violence. Some professor in Indiana proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that video games can never, ever have an influence on children's minds, so there's no excuse to have a video game without excessive violence. Real gamers only play games that are rated M.

6) You can learn to play it in minutes. You can just turn it off and pick it back up at any time. My mom's played it. That's right: it's a casual game. It's just another stupid browser game like Farmville, made for lousy housewives. When's Google going to get a life and start making games for the hardcore gamers? A guy I talked to said that casual games don't make as much money as hardcore games.

7) There's no multiplayer. Get a clue. Modern games should be played in online multiplayer. If you don't include multiplayer, that's just Google saying that you're leaving the option open to sell us later as DLC. Lamesauce.

8) It doesn't have a good physics engine. If the Unreal and Half Life engines aren't broken, why use other ones?

9) So you're a little yellow guy that hunts ghosts and wanders around mazes getting randomly attacked? Didn't anyone tell these guys that JRPGs are dead?

10) The CEO of Rockstar Games said he doesn't really like Pac Man anymore. Read this out of context quote, "I don't really" [like Pac Man anymore].

In summation, Pac Man should die in a fire.

My Replies -

1) It is like trying to compare a Jim Carrey movie of today to a Charlie Chaplin movie of yore.

2) That is true, where is the Pacman MMO ?

3) And thats where Ms. Pacman comes into the scene. This is where they hooked up and so forth. That being said, follow by that was Jr. Pacman which means they had Pacsex I guess. Although there was no following Mrs. Pacman game, so I suppose Jr. Pacman was born out of wedlock, but makes a key political statement for its time.

4)No violence you say? Ghosts are trying to kill you! And if you touch them you die. But eat the magic power pill and you flip the script and turn the tables on them ghosts, killing them instead. However, unfortunately the ghosts are not limited to the number of times they can respawn, unlike Pacman. Although you bring up a good point. Why haven't they made Death Pac 2010 with blood, guts, explosions, and helicopter escapes.

5) Number 5 is so hardcore it didn't even get listed.

6) It was one of the first games to grow in popularity like that. There was no casual or hardcore. Hell, people played and do play Pacman hardcore. There is some guy that got a "perfect" game, as in beat the whole game, ate every dot, ghosts, fruit, and what not until the last level. But again I refer you to the Pacman MMO comment.

7) There was 2 players, but not at the same time. But yeah, I guess your friend should be playing the ghosts trying to get your, right? Although I have seen some version of Pacman where you play the ghosts instead, and its much harder than it seems.

8)Yeah, I know what were they thinking using 8bit hardware instead of software overlays, I mean come on!

9) I heard from a guy at a rave that he said that he doesn't think video games are addicting, he said if that was true, with Pacman for example, you would be running around in a dark room, listening to repetative music, being acosted by figments, and consuming power pills. With that, he took something from his hand, downed it with his water bottle, and darted, arms flailing into the crowded room.

10) That was an exact quote, no way to take that out of context, you got me there.

11) Ahh I see what you did there...

 

[ratmen]

the amount of sarcasm in that post just burned my eyes

 

[Jennacide]

And apparently this was someone's idea of comic or parody. I more amused by thier awful attempt than the actual jokes.