The Customer Is Always Wrong

[Xhumed]

Ah yes, the crazy customers.
Once in the pub I worked in, we had these group of guys walk in. They'd clearly been in a pub previously, but they were still fairly sober. They order their pints and sit down outside. 5 minutes later, 2 of their friends show up, sit down, one of the wanders up to buy 2 more pints. All well and good. One of them has a dog. Our policy, like most pubs, is "No pets, other than Guide dogs." When they bring this dog in, we politely tell them they can't bring it in here. No problem, one of the guys takes it off for a bit of a walk.
Then, all of a sudden, one of them comes back in the pub. And he is out-of-his-tree drunk. I can see why his friend came up and ordered while he stayed outside. Swaying, he slurs out a drink order. "Sorry sir, I believe you've had enough to drink already."
Pisshead: "What the fuck do you mean?! Come this side of the bar and say that!"
Me: "I'm quite comfortable this side, thank you sir."
Boris, my supervisor, stops his usual fucking-about in the kitchen to see whats going on.
Pisshead: "Where the fuck did you come from?!"
Boris: "What seems to be problem sir?" (He's Latvian, his english is good but not great.)
Pisshead: "I wanna drink. Wheres my dog?!"
Me (to Boris): "I told him I couldn't serve him, because I believe he is intoxicated."
Boris: "Sir, I'm afraid I have ask you to leave."
Pisshead: "You stole my fucking dog!"
At this point, Pete the manager appears. "Whats going on?"
Pisshead: "Fuck me! You keep getting taller! Come on then, I'll take you all on!" (Pete is a good 6 foot 2 inches. Boris is 6 foot. I'm 5 foot 10 inches without my New Rocks.)
Pete: "Sir, you have to leave now. Otherwise we're calling the police."
Pisshead: "Call the police! You stole my dog! I'll call the police."
Me: "Sir, your friend took your dog for a walk. We haven't got him."
Boris at this point has called the police while he is distracted.
Pisshead: "C$%*! You stole my dog!"
Pete: "Leave. Now. You're trespassing. The police have been called, they are on their way."
Pisshead: "Good! They'll arrest you! You stole my dog!"
This went on for about 20 minutes. For some reason, he eventually walked out...straight into the arms of the local constabulary. While their presence would have been appreciated 10 minutes earlier (considering the station is all of 100 metres away), their comedic timing made up for it.
Pete was the best boss I ever had, he was just a funny bloke. Like the time he and his wife Danni bailed me out when a group of drunkards came back in after giving me abuse for not selling them rolling papers (the tills had been taken upstairs for counting. They didn't have any change. Nothing I can do.) One of the regulars had imbibed more than usual (he was so pissed, he started falling backwards off his stool. His feet were wedged under the metal pole that runs along the base of the bar, so he essentially was hanging on by his feet, looking at me, blinking, until I ran round and propped him up.) We called him a taxi, and they told us how long it would be. We told the regular, and this group went out with him to keep an eye out. 5 minutes BEFORE we told them the taxi would be here, they come back in, raving and ranting about how the taxi isn't here yet, this guy is in a dreadful state, etc. Pete, god love 'im, responded with an equally aggro "We're not fooking magicians! Get the fook out of my poob!" (he was from scarborough). I nearly pissed myself laughing, even though it was actually a little scary (this was my first week on the job.)

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

I.LOVE.THIS.THREAD....ahem...needed to be said.

Can't you kick a customer out of a store if they make racist or insulting comments?
Thought it was allowed.

 

[Portkins]

Pisshead: "You stole my fucking dog!"

Is now a meme.

Great story, I laughed at the bar ones, mostly, but they've all made me crack up.

 

[meatloaf231]

"We're not fooking magicians! Get the fook out of my poob!"

That just made my day.

 

[Senor Pantz]

When the food is delivered shes all smiles, hopefully feeling slightly embaressed about her a)Inability to read the menu properly and b)her imperious manner.

Elderly lady in her 60's, I'd have just assumed that she couldn't read the board. My dad is getting on and he never admits that he has trouble reading signs, especially at night, I guess he just doesn't want to admit to himself that hes getting older.

 

[ShadeFox]

Ah I have returned with more tales of stupidity that add on to my growing Cynicism

There was one guy that we kept catching getting a soda when he asked for a cup for water, so after a month or so of this, my GM said he couldn't get a cup of water because he had been seen getting soda, he fliped out and proceeded to threaten to smack my GM with a tray, well needless to say a short call to the police later and he can no longer come to that store.

ah yes I remember one of the funniest and yet most worrying customers of all, I refer to her as the alien lady, I had just taken her money and was having a little small talk when this conversation happened.

AL:"Do you believe in aliens?"
ME: "I guess I mean its a big universe, there has to be something else out there."at this point Im ready for a serious conversation, oh boy was I wrong....
AL:"I Believe in aliens cause, I had sex with one once." At this point I had to turn to get her food together to keep from staring in complete utter shock at her, and upon my return she tried to point out some guys she say sitting in the arches of our sign.

I love conditional specials, like a cheaper drink, but not if you get it with a combo, I had one gentleman who after reading his receipt demanded to know why he was charged for a full price drink and not a discounted one, I told him that the discount was only valid if you got the drink by itself, he claimed to have gone by this store "the other day" and got the discount and he wanted it again, when I again refused it he asked to speak to the store manager, the GM wasn't in at that time but an assistant manager was, in which he had an identical conversation with the guy saying over and over that he wanted the discount and had a receipt with it in his truck, but made no effort what so ever to get it even though we both told him that if he did produce such a receipt we would give him the discount, after about 5 minutes of this he finally demanded a refund and stormed out.

 

[Xhumed]

When the food is delivered shes all smiles, hopefully feeling slightly embaressed about her a)Inability to read the menu properly and b)her imperious manner.

Elderly lady in her 60's, I'd have just assumed that she couldn't read the board. My dad is getting on and he never admits that he has trouble reading signs, especially at night, I guess he just doesn't want to admit to himself that hes getting older.

She managed to read the rest of it fine, without any glasses. I'd say early 60's, and not one of those little old ladies, more the old battleaxe type. And that still doesn't excuse her earlier manner.

 

[Yan-Yan]

Oy... The most memorable incident I have is when I worked for my Dad, who had a franchise of Verizon Wireless stores. I sold cell phones out of one of his stores, and it was pretty much me, by myself, at this store, for 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. Business was slow because it was a new store, in a new strip mall, in an area people didn't expect to find a phone store (though to be fair after we went out of business, a Cingular store leased the place, then promptly failed there too).

Anyway, one of the basic things our stores had in the way of policy is that if you use a phone for more then 100 minutes, you can't return it. That's the official break point where if we get it back, it's not going to move from the shelf without us losing money. We make a point to tell everyone this, because it's relatively important that people understand that they can use it for a bit, and decide if they like the phone within reason.

One day, however, a man in his late 20's, early 30's, came in wanting to return a phone his company had purchased for him to use on their line. It wasn't just a common phone, it was the most expensive phone Verizon had at the time, bar none. I told him I'd see what I could do, and asked if he had all the paper work from when it was purchased. He did, and I took a look at the phone, and found out he had used it for more then 325 minutes. According to the receipt, his company had bought it a couple days prior, and he had somehow managed to rack up over 5 hours worth of time on the phone. I was impressed. But not enough to return the phone.

I told him I couldn't accept the phone back because of the amount of time he logged on the phone, and he got all kinds of indignant with me. Telling me I was being racist against him, telling me his company told him he could return it, and saying the person in this store didn't tell them about the 100 minute rule. I debunked the last one, told him he was wrong on the first one, and let him know that I couldn't help it if his company didn't tell him the truth.

He called up the company on his phone, and started cussing about me right there in the store, cussing to my face, just pretty much going off. I asked him to step outside, because I wouldn't tolerate that, and he just gets more insulting. So I told him to leave, or I would call the cops. He got all insulting about not doing business with us again, how we were liars and cheats, and throwing ever bad name at me as he leaves.

Never saw him again.

 

[Sayvara]

Well what can I say: people are but human beings: i.e. not perfect. Just as there a few foul service employees, there are a few foul service customers.

How to handle it?

You ask youself, over and over again: "which kind of reply serves everyone as a whole best?".

Does it serve anyone well to reply in a terse or patronizing manner? No it does not. It doesn't help you, nor the client, nor your employer... especially not your employer because you know that Mr Asshat before you is not aware that he is an asshat and will only remember being met by an idiot clerk/cashier/waiter that blew off his bad day in Mr Asshat's face for no reason at all.

And speaking of that... I have always wondered why it is that I always get met with kindness and polite behaviour by service emplyees while certain other individuals are constantly complaining that service people are always rude to them and give them poor service. Well... not that I really wondered because I have my opinion/guess pretty clear on why my polite behaviour never meets any rudeness while others get a bucket of bile.


Then of course there is always the case of Enough is Enough. One can only bend backwards so far before it becomes really uncomfortable and you have to start asking yourself if losing this customer really is as bad as the effort needed to keep him/her. To anecdote from reality...

http://www.snopes.com/business/consumer/bethune.asp (While the original myth on top is false, keep reading).

Eventually there comes a point where the manager/floor man/president of the company may say "I'm sorry Mr/Mrs Customer, I value my employees too much to allow them to suffer abuse, please leave".

To anecdote from my own career in the IT consultancy business.... a few years back the company had a client (in form of another company) for long term project. Eventually it became clear though that this client did not have a sound methods of work. Loads of problems that constantly bogged down the project arose. Eventually we had so much trouble with this client, causing such an amount of frustration and grief on our end, that the project manager on our side recommended that we sever the ties with the client. And so we did... we told the client to pay us for the time we have put into the project so far, and voided the contract. It was simply not worth the money to try to keep this troublesome client onboard any longer.

So is the customer always right? No, they are not. There is a limit... a very high limit, no doubt, but there is one.

But... again, the most important part is to ask yourself: what course of action will be most beneficial for all? You have to concider the customer, the employer, and yourself. Rudeness never helps. Keeping cool and calm at all times is important, even when telling someone to take a hike.

Let me finish by quoting Patrick Swayze: "Be nice. [...] It's a job. It's nothing personal. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojPVOhHhwnk]".

/S

 

[meatloaf231]

Rationality and calmness

Man, you killed it by being all rational and calm. Now everyone's going to feel weird posting stuff here.

EDIT: Well, maybe not Necroswanson, but I don't think he feels anymore.

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

"Roy," I say in a pleading tone, "I haven't had a breakthrough with my psychologist yet."
"Oh, you'll be okay."
"But, I'm weak sir, I've had the urges all day."
Black girls chimes in.
"Boy, you ain't gonna kill us quit playing and let's go, sheeeeit."
We both look at her with horrific stares.
"He's.....He wouldn't kill you..."
"Sir, please, if I have to go back to the prison they'll eat me alive. I don't want to rape again. If I have to drive them I won't be ale to control it!"
Their faces turned white as chalk.
"That last girl," I begin to sob and claw at my face, "I can still hear her screams! I didn't want her to die! But I couldn't control myself." Here my voice dropped to a purposeflly audible whisper. "I didn't mean to rape her to death." and I start crying.
They BOOKED! They were gone quicker then you can say, "Say what?"
And then we bust up laughing.

I can die happy now.

seriously, funniest thing i have heard in ages.

U R GOD. Just for scaring the crap out of a couple of brats.

 

[Portkins]

@Necro
Epic. I must say. Epic.

 

[quack35]

Necroswanson that was the best.

This is a great thread.

 

[ShadeFox]

I just want to say TheNecrosawnson you sir are awesome .

 

[Portkins]

You helped me get through that spreadsheet, necro! I can finish this paperwork! I can do it! I can-- *passes out*

 

[Serge Drago]

I used to work in a video game store on the shadier side of town and we'd have a few colorful customers come in per day. This one group, I can only assume a mom, her sister, and the mom's kid. The sister was trading in video games and the mom already had an attitude about her anyway just for having to demean herself by being in 'this store.' Well, the kid decides she has to go to the restroom, ours are not public and we just point everyone to the restaurants next door.
"What do you mean we have to go next door, you guys have a bathroom right?"
"Yes, ma'am but it's not a public restroom."
"Well this is BS, he's not going to make it next door and needs to go now"
"Sorry ma'am but store rules are only employees behind the counter."
"But he has to go now and he won't make it."
"Like I said the restaurant is over there, and only employees behind the counter."
The woman takes her kid out, opens the door to her car, and has her kid piss in the parking lot. While this was going on I tell the sister that because of her sister's actions I would have to dock everything she was trading in. I didn't say how much but she went from $25 to 25 cents.

At a midnight sale for NCAA 2007, a man claimed I was a racist for giving him 2 cents for Madden 2001. This scenario played out many times while I was there.

This one group wanted me to refund them for gas because they had drive from two towns west to shop at our store. We refused, they said they'd never shop there again, and they were in the next week.

One woman didn't like the fact that we don't do cash refunds, a store policy that was on the front door and in front of every register. She walked out of the store, walked back in, and said that her kid in her car said it wasn't the right one. We didn't have the right one, I don't remember what the game was. She demanded her money back and we pointed out the no cash refund policy clearly written on the door, in front of the registers, and now on her receipt. She stormed out but not after getting her fat ass stuck between two case racks and kicking the one by the door. As she left I yelled 'thanks for shopping with us today.'

If I remember more I'll say something.

 

[howard_hughes]

gotta love it when co-workers play along with the madness. I've done some work for a thrift store and one day a customer approaches me for a price check on a piece of furniture (antique chest). So I went to find the guy who does the pricing and ask him here's the ensuing convo.

me: "I need a price check on a chest"
him:"which one?"
me: "The one that would fit a small child"
him:looks at me for a second "show me" follows me out
me: "that one there"
him:"That chest could easily fit two small children if not an adult" turns to customer "$150"
me: "no way you could get an adult in there"
him:"you could if you lean on the top"

he's such a straight laced guy too I'd never expect he'd be completely deranged, I spent the rest of the time talking to him about German dungeon pron and BDSM.