The Customer Is Always Wrong

[DannyDamage]

My best stories are from a few years ago when I worked at a Shell Petrol Station.

A farmer came into the garage on a hot summer afternoon, grabbed a small AND a large cig lighter powered fan for his vehicle and joins the line. He gets to the front of the line and holds up both boxes. The small fan has a picture of a car on it, with the fan set up inside it. The larger box had the same idea, but with a big wagon instead.

The guy looked at me and said "so you have a fan for cars and one for trucks, do you have any for a tractor?"

A woman behind him nearly pissed herself laughing and I bit my lip so hard it bled. After about 10 minutes of me telling the game to just pick whichever will fit in his cab and to ignore the picture on the front, he informed me that I was unhelpful, left both boxes and told me he'd phone my boss in the morning to order one in for him.

Seriously though, what a tool. I was pretty close to grabbing one of the boxes and just drawing a tractor on there but I didn't want to insult the dude's intelligence.........further.

After a few years of several jobs like this I tend to stay away from jobs dealing with the public as I now have ZERO time for morons and end up telling them how much of a tool they are. If anyone's seen Randall from the Clerks films/series.....yup, that's me.

 

[rougeknife]

You want some really funny stories on this? Check the SA forums, comedy goldmine.

 

[howard_hughes]

You want some really funny stories on this? Check the SA forums, comedy goldmine.

http://www.workorspoon.com/default.asp is dedicated to this and things like it.

 

[Sayvara]

"Roy," I say in a pleading tone, "I haven't had a breakthrough with my psychologist yet."
"Oh, you'll be okay."
"But, I'm weak sir, I've had the urges all day."
Black girls chimes in.
"Boy, you ain't gonna kill us quit playing and let's go, sheeeeit."
We both look at her with horrific stares.
"He's.....He wouldn't kill you..."
"Sir, please, if I have to go back to the prison they'll eat me alive. I don't want to rape again. If I have to drive them I won't be ale to control it!"
Their faces turned white as chalk.
"That last girl," I begin to sob and claw at my face, "I can still hear her screams! I didn't want her to die! But I couldn't control myself." Here my voice dropped to a purposeflly audible whisper. "I didn't mean to rape her to death." and I start crying.
They BOOKED! They were gone quicker then you can say, "Say what?"
And then we bust up laughing.

Funny, very funny... mind you had *I* been your manager I would have friggin' crucified ya but since Roy was obviously in on it: thumbs up to both of ya.


EDIT: Keep posting hillarious stuff! I have this habit of reading the first post to these !question" threads and then posting my own opinion before taking in everyone else's. So never mind my boring, rational response until you've let us hear your funny anecdotes.

/S

 

[meatloaf231]

You helped me get through that spreadsheet, necro! I can finish this paperwork! I can do it! I can-- *passes out*

Hey... HEY!

WAKE UP. You aren't done yet!

 

[Nimcoy27]

You want some really funny stories on this? Check the SA forums, comedy goldmine.

i think that this is so god damned hilarious because its making fun of others stupidity, which is but oh so much fun to do

 

[Portkins]

You helped me get through that spreadsheet, necro! I can finish this paperwork! I can do it! I can-- *passes out*

Hey... HEY!

WAKE UP. You aren't done yet!

Oh, ugh, damnit! I almost forgot to check those balances and... fluff that.. pillow... Zzz...

 

[Hey Joe]

[score]DISAPPEARING ACT[/score]

CUSTOMER: "Hi, can I have 6 coffees? I'm just going to go to the ATM and get some money"
ME: "Okay"

3 hours later

CUSTOMER: "Where's my coffee?"
CO-WORKER: "When did you order?"
*dirty look*
CO-WORKER: "Okay...We'll make the order for you again if you want"
CUSTOMER: "Okay...I just have to get some money first. Will it be ready when I come back?"
CO-WORKER: "Yeah, sure"
*customer walks away*
ME: "Nooooooooo!"

[underscore]SCAMMER GETS THE MESSAGE[/underscore]

REGULAR CUSTOMER: "Hey, can I get a free coffee from one of these?"
*hand Hey Joe a voucher that expired 3 months ago*
ME: "No...unfortunately this expired 3 months ago"
REGULAR CUSTOMER: "I'm a regular here"
ME: "Yes...I still can't validate that."

*customer leaves in a huff, comes back the next morning*

REGULAR CUSTOMER: "Hey, can I get a free coffee from one of these?"
CO-WORKER: "Sorry, this ran out about 3 months ago"
REGULAR CUSTOMER : "But I'm a regular here!"
CO-WORKER: "I know, but we can't just give you free coffee. I mean, I wish I could but we'd make no money"

*Customer walks away in a huff*

This went on for a week before he cottoned onto the fact that it WASN'T GOING TO WORK. No matter which staff member he approached, they just wouldn't validate his 3-month old coupon.

 

[PurpleRain]

Necro, I wish I could meet you in person and shake your hand.

Ok, here goes the happenings of two days ago.

This woman came up to me and wanted her money back for some yogurt gone wrong.
"Yeah sure," I say pulling out a SINGLE packet of yogurt.
THis is where she seems to get stupider by the moment. The yogurt was out of date by half a week and had a Reduce To Clear sticker on it for a cheaper price. When it has a RTC sticker, it basically means you eat it quickly or it'll go off in a few days so we sell it cheap.

I look at the woman and ask her when she bought it.
"About a week ago."
"I'm not sure that's our problem sorry. If it was off when we sold it to you then we could give you a full refund."
"What?! No, I bought that here and when I opened it yesterday it was off!"
"But the due date was almost a week ago and it is an RTC."

The she blows, shooting off the usual comments with "This is bullshit!" "Woolworths is trying to take more money from me!" "I want your manager."
Since I was the only one there, I had to deal with this woman.

By the end I begrudgingly gave her money back just to get her to fuck off. I gace her all 50 cents back! As she left she gave me one of those snide comments,
"I'll be phoning your boss later!"

Haha *****, still haven't heard back from him.

 

[Studoku]

*Sigh*

Anyone in Australia know about those new Woolworths petrol cards? You scan them before or during the transaction and you get a tiny bit off petrol and a chance to win in some draw? Yeah sounds all fancy. But obviously, for it to work on your transaction, you have to put it in when it's going through. Right? Easy enough? Wrong.
I was serving some elderly lady. All hapy with fake smiles from me. So far, it was all good. She was pleasent and I was talking to her about dogs I think, since she was on that topic.
Anyway, she gives me the money and I give her, her change and receit.
"Oh," she says, "I have this card, any wasy I can still put it through?"
"Sorry, I should have checked," I said appologising, "it can only go through with the purchase."
At that moment, her face went from smiles... to a look of evil! I kid you not, you should have seen the rapid change in this old ladies face when I told her I couldn't do it.
"Well! I want this purchase put onto this card somehow! I'm not going to leave until it is done!" quote unquote. Exact words, 'I'm not going to leave...' seriously, you missed your mark. No big deal.
"Ah, sorry, there's nothing I can do."
"To bad. (Boy she had some lip) Get me your manager!"
Brought the mans=ager over, and all that occured was exactly what I said, and she held up the line for a bit. Congrates!

The same thing happens with Co-op membership cards. There used to be a code on the recipt so people could phone a number and use the card after the transaction. Now there isn't unless I specifically tell the till to print it.

There are also the customers who claim that every card reader is different. Apparently there are even some that require the chip in the card to be outside the machine.

There are also muppets who attempt to use a closed till, despite the fact that:
I'm not sitting at the till
There is a closed sign on the belt
There is another closed sign on the belt which I took from another checkout to stop this happening
I have a bucket and cloth
I'm washing the till
There is a till next to me that is open with no queue.

 

[Portkins]

So.. I'm assuming Woolsworth is the equivalence of all American businesses, most commonly 'Wal Mart'?

 

[electric discordian]

I sold a chainsaw to a customer who got very snotty with me when I suggested safety gear, stating he wasn't a moron and I didnt need to be condescending to him. So he left with no goggles chainoil or gloves.

A week later he returns with a pile of slag and cuts across his face and burns up his arms.

1, He tried to use olive oil to keep the thing lubricated as the remains of the chainsaw smelt of italian food I kid you not.

2, He threw his wrecked glasses on the table and told me they has been destroyed when a link from the chain smashed the right lense when it shattered.

3, the burns on his arms were caused when the unlubricated chainsaw hit the concrete pillar and the engine overheated.

Yeah and he tried to sue the shop for not properly labelling the fact that chainsaws were for wood and not Concrete especially the kind reinforced with steel piling rods.

I am english by the way if you just think these stupid law suits are an american invention...

 

[Reaperman Wompa]

So.. I'm assuming Woolsworth is the equivalence of all American businesses, most commonly 'Wal Mart'?

Kind of. But they don't sell as much.

 

[poleboy]

You poor, poor people. If it's any comfort, I always try to treat the people working registers with respect and not ***** about the service even if I'm not satisfied with something. Better to just not buy anything there again if you don't like the service.
The worst thing I had to deal with was working as whipping boy (also known as kitchen assistant) in a busy restaurant. Some kid had puked up and down every single wall and step on a stair spanning two floors. Mysteriously, the trail of vomit ended at the toilet door. I'm sure you can guess who got to clean it up...

 

[Noznin]

As a manager for burger king, ive got some real winners in the customer department. Ive had people go through the drive through and refuse to roll down their window or open their door to order, insisting that shouting through the glass would work. Customers who want a random combo but say the wrong one and expect me to know what they want, and that they shouldnt have to pay the difference cause it was my mistake. People bringing in food from other fast food places and telling me i need to replace them. Ive had people try to seriously order pizzas, donuts, popcorn, hotdogs, corn on the cob and chicken wings.
Ive seperated more then one crackhead fight because they didnt want to show the other crackheads in the car how much money they had. One time they even grabbed a pick axe from a work truck out side and almost killed the guy. Ive had crackheads come in and say my bathrooms were filthy after they decided to leave their crapped-in, gold tinted, speedo underwear floating in my toilet.
I had one lady start a fight with me over a canada penny. She refused to accept it, even after i told her that i cant open my drawers after the transaction is complete. Her change was exactly one penny. She decided her only recourse was to wait for me to open the window and toss it at my head and demand a new penny. So i grabbed my keys from my office, open the drawer, grab a penny and throw it at her. It slid down her chest and into her cleavage.
Many people come in asking for refunds on items. I always ask for a receipt. Some people give me receipts from other burger kings, some people give me reciepts from 3 months ago, but this guy brings in a hand written receipt after i asked him if he had one. He went out to his truck and wrote it out and told me that is what he ordered. He was extremely unhappy when i told him that wasnt a reciept.

Ive got millions of 'em... ive been working the fast food world for almost ten years now

 

[TaborMallory]

As a manager for burger king, ive got some real winners in the customer department. Ive had people go through the drive through and refuse to roll down their window or open their door to order, insisting that shouting through the glass would work. Customers who want a random combo but say the wrong one and expect me to know what they want, and that they shouldnt have to pay the difference cause it was my mistake. People bringing in food from other fast food places and telling me i need to replace them. Ive had people try to seriously order pizzas, donuts, popcorn, hotdogs, corn on the cob and chicken wings.
Ive seperated more then one crackhead fight because they didnt want to show the other crackheads in the car how much money they had. One time they even grabbed a pick axe from a work truck out side and almost killed the guy. Ive had crackheads come in and say my bathrooms were filthy after they decided to leave their crapped-in, gold tinted, speedo underwear floating in my toilet.
I had one lady start a fight with me over a canada penny. She refused to accept it, even after i told her that i cant open my drawers after the transaction is complete. Her change was exactly one penny. She decided her only recourse was to wait for me to open the window and toss it at my head and demand a new penny. So i grabbed my keys from my office, open the drawer, grab a penny and throw it at her. It slid down her chest and into her cleavage.
Many people come in asking for refunds on items. I always ask for a receipt. Some people give me receipts from other burger kings, some people give me reciepts from 3 months ago, but this guy brings in a hand written receipt after i asked him if he had one. He went out to his truck and wrote it out and told me that is what he ordered. He was extremely unhappy when i told him that wasnt a reciept.

Ive got millions of 'em... ive been working the fast food world for almost ten years now

Wow.... just, wow. Some of my peers still wonder why I'm not getting a job at McDonald's. For the record, I will never work in a fast food joint. I will never work with the general public.

 

[Cyclomega]

Roy looks at them, then looks at me, and winks.
"Well, I personally can't do it, but I will be more than happy to send *name withheald* here to take you three home."
"Roy," I say in a pleading tone, "I haven't had a breakthrough with my psychologist yet."
"Oh, you'll be okay."
"But, I'm weak sir, I've had the urges all day."
Black girls chimes in.
"Boy, you ain't gonna kill us quit playing and let's go, sheeeeit."
We both look at her with horrific stares.
"He's.....He wouldn't kill you..."
"Sir, please, if I have to go back to the prison they'll eat me alive. I don't want to rape again. If I have to drive them I won't be ale to control it!"
Their faces turned white as chalk.
"That last girl," I begin to sob and claw at my face, "I can still hear her screams! I didn't want her to die! But I couldn't control myself." Here my voice dropped to a purposeflly audible whisper. "I didn't mean to rape her to death." and I start crying.
They BOOKED! They were gone quicker then you can say, "Say what?"
And then we bust up laughing.

I fukken lol'd !

Man, I have done the same once as a receptionist... I worked as a replacement receptionist for a month in a low-2-star hotel in Paris, near the Gare du Nord (city North train station, there are 6 big train stations FIY), and Gare du Nord is especially known for its lowlife chavs looking for a fight to pick, the sex-shops lying around, and the ugly Asian and African hookers...

I had to talk dudes away, usually shoddy looking travelers or bums who wanted a room for 20 bucks for an hour with the whore, and I was in a tourism hotel*, not a prostitute's joint...
FYI, a single room was around 60 bucks (in Euros).
So I would usually tell'em to scram, not our biz, prices are non-negotiable (lies, I was allowed to offer bargains for a last-minute room, like 50 for a single room with breakfast, but here you go), I'm not the boss, would you like a word with the boss, etc.

Until this fated day where I wanted to snap so bad, my co-workers were bitching they were not paid yet less than 24-hours after payday (since most were paid with checks instead of a transfer it was slower to get done), and I had to get them the boss on the phone to shut them up, and this muhfuggin bum, visibly dirty and all with an aging Asian female thing looking like the plump 50-sumthin Chinese cashier at the supermarket near my place at the time, asking if they can spend some time in a room for 15 bucks...

That was it. I first said our prices were fixed and non-negotiable, I'm not the boss, wanna talk to him etc. And then the magic kicked in... First I said "Who the hell you think I am ? The Red Cross ? The Salvation Army ? Scram before I call the cops for trespassing."

I leaned over the counter, gesturing "come closer" to the smelly old bum, and whisper to him "Or maybe you want to end skinless in a dumpster like the two other hobos that vanished last week... I'm quite the skilled tanner you know, wanna see my wallet ?"

He went white as chalk, said he would denounce me, I said "Try, I have papers and ID, you have nothing, wanna bet on the issue ?"
Then he said to the whore "Let's try another one" and they left.

I just love myself, and yeah, due to years of dishonest panhandling by the Romanian mobs in the underground, and loud, obnoxious drunkards almost vomiting on my pants, I hate bums.
So, double pleasure, scaring a hobo and driving nuisances out of my workplace.


*(Our rooms were booked by travel companies and I had clients from Germany, Netherlands, Japan, US of A (met a very friendly family from Texas who came with grandparents and kids, they asked me to post their postcards because they didn't know where the mailboxes were and gave me popsicles because they bought a pack and forgot there was no fridge in the rooms, they were friendly and all), UK (there have been a gentleman collecting christian stuff who was a delight to have around, he was a fine company), etc.)

#73 Man this guy was a retard...

 

[PurpleRain]

There are also muppets who attempt to use a closed till, despite the fact that:
I'm not sitting at the till
There is a closed sign on the belt
There is another closed sign on the belt which I took from another checkout to stop this happening
I have a bucket and cloth
I'm washing the till
There is a till next to me that is open with no queue.

I hate that! I put up a closed sign, I turn off my light. I have one last customer to serve and somebody walks up and, get this, puts away my close sign!! I put the close sign back up, but he still came through. So I served the bastard regardless, but I didn't look at him or speak to him. The ol' silent treatment. Not really, I fi think if I opened my mouth or looked at him, I would have been fired.

So at the end he bunches up his groceseries and says, "Bye," in a sarcastic tone, to which I reply, "Yeah." I could have said something better, but I still want to have a job.

 

[unholy vagrant]

This is one when I worked at Subways. This kid comes in and has to use the bathroom. I doesn't matter that he isn't buying anything, so I tell him, "Go ahead." He is in there for about 20 minutes, then he runs out of the store and leaves a strange smudge on the front door. I look at this brown smudge on the door and realize that it's shit, so I run into the bathroom. Turns out that this kid decided to fingerpaint with his own shit. It took me an hour to clean up his "masterpiece."