The Customer Is Always Wrong

[bp1986]

Can't wait until I start work in public, I've only worked with the council in the finance department so far for work experience.
Seriously, from these stories, where do the dumb asses come from?

Mostly rich neighborhoods... people born into money (mostly) have no common sense, little logic and no respect/decency.

I find myself saying this alot, but if everyone were to work at least 6 months of their life in retail/customer service, this world would be a much nicer place. Everywhere I go now, I respect all the workers I see because I have seen what they go through every day.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Can't wait until I start work in public, I've only worked with the council in the finance department so far for work experience.
Seriously, from these stories, where do the dumb asses come from?

Mostly rich neighborhoods... people born into money (mostly) have no common sense, little logic and no respect/decency.

I find myself saying this alot, but if everyone were to work at least 6 months of their life in retail/customer service, this world would be a much nicer place. Everywhere I go now, I respect all the workers I see because I have seen what they go through every day.

Totally agree. They should bring back National Service, but make it so you have to work on a till on a Saturday near Xmas. That would make the whole world a nicer place.

I always find that the cheap shops are FAR more polite to go into. Most of the richer shops (You know who you are Smiths...) are snotty, arrogant and downright rude. Even if I get some dolt who swaps a price sticker and tries to buy Harry Potter for 99p, I'm polite.

End of the day though, I just come and rant on forums.

 

[maxusy3k]

I work in a call centre dealing with customers who have put their money into a lottery based product. It's exactly as it sounds... you know, random chance of winning money, no guarantees. It's a lottery, after all.

Yet I've seen no less than four occassions where customers have lodged formal, official complaints because they haven't won anything.

 

[runtheplacered]

Last night was a funny one.. I work in a fairly nice restaurant and a guy complained that his rice was sticky and he didn't like it. But, don't you WANT your rice to be sticky? Who wants flaky rice? Isn't that like minute rice?

So I got him some broccoli and he didn't even eat it. But guess what? He ate his rice.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

When I calm down, I'll let you know about some REAL scum.

You don't know real scum until you've met and resisted the temptation to kill the ones I have to work around. Trust me - those fuckers are dangerous.

I've already written a story where I murder my sub-boss whilst giggling.

 

[RetiarySword]

Firsty, let me thank you guys for the laughs, I enjoy this stuff and beleive this to be one of the best thread on the forum. Now, its my turn!

basicaly, I worked in a school as an IT technician (mouse jockey) from about 17. I was about one year older than the students, which made things a little awquard. Well, the call came in, a member of the senior management team was teaching a year 11 (15-16, top year) class and couldn't turn on his computer. This guy was old as well, late 40's at best, so had an axe to grind about someone he sees as a student fixing his PC.

I walk into the room, have a look around, and find that the plug behind him isn't switched on. Being the nice, caring guy I am, I decide to go to the back of the computer, and make it look like I'm fixing something to not make him look like a phenominal idiot! This is a bottom set class, so if I made it obvious that he is a twat the class will rip at him like a pack of rotweilers at a baby!

Anywayy.. I tell him it was a wiring problem and he starts having a pop at me! He starts raving on about how we (tech crew) should do our job and maintain the PC's. I keep calm, apologise for my 'lack of ability', and head back to the office.

Later, my manager comes in and says 'A complaint has been made against me by senior management, whats your side of the story'. I tell him, in straight English, that it was him being a f**k nugget and should learn teh basic prinicpals of switch flicking! Funny enough, this guy never gave me problems again, and everytime I had to repair something in his classes, he would be all like 'Is it fixed Sir?', or 'Thankyou for your help Sir'. That made my balls feel like boulders! (I know hollow victory but I still came out on top!)

 

[cleverlymadeup]

ok here's an oldie but still funny

working at an isp as tech support, i had a bunch of fun calls. this is still one of my fav ones

lady calls up
she says "what operating systems do you support?"
i say "well you can connect with any operating system"
she says "ok, so you support window nt?" (this was before win2k)
i say "yes we do"
she says "great, i just graduated from a course and that's what i use. how much for an account?" (i'm guessing it was her mcse)
i say "well it's $20 for unlimited"
she say "ok so what all do i need to connect?"
i say "well you need the dial-up numbers and the dns server ips and of course an account"
she says "great tell me what they are"
i give her the numbers and server ips
she say "so this is all i need to connect"
i say "well besides an account yes"
she says "well my system is automatically configured to setup an account, so i just have to dial in and it will do it"
i say "well we don't have that service running, you have to make an account over the phone and i can walk you thru manually setting up an account"
she says "my computer can't do that"
i say "ma'am you're running windows nt, i have the instructions in front of me how to do that for you"
she says "well my computer will only automatically do it, i'll go find another provider"
i say "ok good luck, tho i don't know of any isp that works like that"


when working for a cell phone company i had this call

customer says "why isn't my direct debit working?" (direct debit is auto-withdraw from your bank account and you have to sign a form and submit a voided cheque)
i say "well let me look into this, can i have a second?"
customer says "sure np"
opening his account, i first off see a message that pops up warning me about the customer AND his current issue he's calling about, it also says he's mostly harmless if not a bit slow
i say "well it says here in your account, we got the form for direct debit but the information is incorrect, we just need you to resubmit the form"
customer says "well i submitted the correct information, just sign me up"
i say "well i can't sir, i'm sorry but the information is wrong and we need an updated form"
customer says "well i have talked to my bank and they say it's illegal to do that"
i say "sir, i assure you we can legally ask you to resubmit a form if it's not filled in correctly"
customer says "no the bank said it was illegal and i've also talked to a lawyer and the rcmp and they know what you're up to"
i say "sir we're not up to anything, we just need the correct information, which we don't have, you could go to this store and they will help you fill out the information and resubmit it for you"
customer says "well i know my rights and you can't do that, i've gone to a justice of the peace and they are ready to sue you"
i say "well sir, the justice of the peace is handy if we need to get married or a search warrant but they aren't judges and hold little legal sway and we are within our rights to do this, if you submit your form i can have it fast tracked"
customer says "well i'm not going to do it and you better give me the direct debit right now"
i say "well sir i can't do that unless i have the correct information, we can't withdraw money from the wrong account, that is illegal"
he hangs up at this point

recently we had one of our clients call up complaining about our software messing up. he claims that he logged onto the wrong terminal, it should be terminal 2 but says it's terminal 11 (which they don't have) and the float wasn't able to be entered, it was 0 instead of the $150 it should be. after we make the ticket, he calls our business relations person, who offered to be on-call for just one weekend. she calls us and tells us to look into the ticket asap.

after investigation and a screen shot, we find out he is indeed on terminal 2, there is a float of $150, his till is currently till 11. so we close the ticket and send our business relations person the screen shot

 

[Nimcoy27]

As a manager for burger king, ive got some real winners in the customer department. Ive had people go through the drive through and refuse to roll down their window or open their door to order, insisting that shouting through the glass would work. Customers who want a random combo but say the wrong one and expect me to know what they want, and that they shouldnt have to pay the difference cause it was my mistake. People bringing in food from other fast food places and telling me i need to replace them. Ive had people try to seriously order pizzas, donuts, popcorn, hotdogs, corn on the cob and chicken wings.
Ive seperated more then one crackhead fight because they didnt want to show the other crackheads in the car how much money they had. One time they even grabbed a pick axe from a work truck out side and almost killed the guy. Ive had crackheads come in and say my bathrooms were filthy after they decided to leave their crapped-in, gold tinted, speedo underwear floating in my toilet.
I had one lady start a fight with me over a canada penny. She refused to accept it, even after i told her that i cant open my drawers after the transaction is complete. Her change was exactly one penny. She decided her only recourse was to wait for me to open the window and toss it at my head and demand a new penny. So i grabbed my keys from my office, open the drawer, grab a penny and throw it at her. It slid down her chest and into her cleavage.
Many people come in asking for refunds on items. I always ask for a receipt. Some people give me receipts from other burger kings, some people give me reciepts from 3 months ago, but this guy brings in a hand written receipt after i asked him if he had one. He went out to his truck and wrote it out and told me that is what he ordered. He was extremely unhappy when i told him that wasnt a reciept.

Ive got millions of 'em... ive been working the fast food world for almost ten years now

Wow.... just, wow. Some of my peers still wonder why I'm not getting a job at McDonald's. For the record, I will never work in a fast food joint. I will never work with the general public.

wimp

 

[Blayze]

Can't wait until I start work in public, I've only worked with the council in the finance department so far for work experience.
Seriously, from these stories, where do the dumb asses come from?

Rule 1: People are stupid, especially when you have to deal with them directly.
Rule 2: People are vindictive, especially when they believe you owe them something.
Rule 3: The customer always believes they're right.

Put those three rules together and you get this thread.

I've already written a story where I murder my sub-boss whilst giggling.

Oh? What's your method? I wish to compare it to mine. I favour the use of Araldite, laxative and a buttplug. I figure that the extended period of physical discomfort, followed by extreme physical pain when the shit has nowhere else to go, would be awesome to watch before their intestines rupture and something dreadful happens.

 

[Ancalagon]

I've worked for twelve years in various roles that involve dealing with customers, and their idiocy never ceases to amaze me. But if I had to pick one, it would be a customer in a nightclub in Scotland about ten years ago. Apologies for the bad language, but it's somewhat integral to the story.

So the customer, a guy in his thirties, walks up to the bar, orders a couple of drinks, and pays with a tenner. I hand him his change, which he closely examines, and then drops on the floor as he ham-fistedly attempts to put it in his wallet.

"Give me my change" he says to me, with an air of menace.
"I already have."
"You threw it on the floor. Give it to me again."
"You dropped it. Pick it up."
"You pick it up."
"No thank you."
"Pick it up or I'll kick your head in."

So I take the drinks he ordered, and pour them down the sink.

"Okay, problem solved. You're not getting served again in here tonight, here's your tenner back, I'll pick up the change later."
"I'm not getting served?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I don't have to tell you why you're not getting served, but trust me, you're not."
"I think you have a moral responsibility to tell me why I'm not getting served."

Well, this was an unusual tack, even for a customer. I take my moral responsibilities very seriously, however, so replied:

"The reason you're not getting served is because you're a fucking c**t."

The customer is not satisfied by my response. In fact, he turns a rather amusing shade of crimson. And demands to see the manager.

So, my manager Alan rolls up, and asks what the problem is. The customer reels off an impressive piece of fantasy, along the lines that he was quietly and meekly going about the business of buying some drinks, when I throw his change in his face and mock him.

"... and then, he called me a fucking c**t. So what are you going to do about it?", jabbing his finger in to Alan's chest.

Now, I never got on with my manager, but for what he did next, he will always be dear to my heart.

He removed the customer's finger from his chest.
"Nothing."
"Why the hell not?"
"Well, I want you to know that I've listened carefully to everything you've said, and after considering your complaint, I've come to the conclusion that you are a fucking c**t."

The customer goes mental and grabs Alan, but by now a couple of bouncers had come to see what was going on, and they drag him, kicking and screaming, from the building, and eject him on to the frozen granite streets of Aberdeen, apparently with some force.

So while I agree with the point about mandatory National Customer Service, I'd like to add that anyone who's had to put up with customers for years should be given six months in a nightclub in Aberdeen, where you can say what you like to the customers, in order to blow off steam.

 

[Mistah Kurtz]

I've had many stupid encounters with people who would ask me where a certain item was in the grocery store I work in when the item in question was in row after row directly behind me..

I simple walk away from sheer exposure to idiocy.

Another would be the hundreds of people that have asked me if they can go out doors in the back that say ""EMPLOYEES ONLY" "AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY" everywhere, simply so they can get to their car a little faster.. again, I don't even dignify them with a response, and simple point at any one of the signs and proceed through said door.

I worked in a grocery store, and I think you're being a bit unfair. Grocery stores stock thousands of items, and sometimes it's easy to miss something while walking through the aisles. That doesn't really equate to idiocy, just absentmindedness or perhaps being a bit stoned. In fact, even after a full year of working there, I still couldn't tell you were many of the items were stocked.

That said, I've encountered many asshole customers (one of which I had an argument with in the checkout lane in front of everyone in the store. Not my finest moment, though the other baggers were smiling pretty big when I slammed her bags on the counter and pointed her to the door.
I also worked at a movie theater in a rich neighborhood, so we had snobs coming in constantly. Suffice to say, quite a few customers got a little of the special sauce (spit and dirt) with their popcorn. Not the most mature thing I've ever done, but it never would have happened if they hadn't acted like pricks. I hope some of them got sick and died.

 

[cleverlymadeup]

ok another one that i forgot

i used to work at 7-11 and it was located in a strip mall with a bar in it, this means that on friday and sat night we had drunks coming thru, my bosses attitude was deal with them as quickly as possible and don't provoke them, she even said "you don't get paid enough to risk your health or life"

for the most part the drunks were ok, just drunk and nothing too bad. one night a group came in and was ok, if not a bit loud. well one of the drunks grabs a burger, puts it in the microwave, heats it up and puts condiments on it. he then starts to eat it. his friends pay for everything and get ready to leave, without saying "and what he's having too"

so i go to the burger eating drunk "hey are you going to pay for that?"
he replies with "no i don't really want it, thanks tho" and puts the half eaten burger on the counter and walks out

my partner for the night runs after them, they yell and curse at him. well i walk outside and notice a cop car, which i point out to my partner, who goes running after it and does catch the cop

he trots back and we sit outside having a smoke, ppl walk up but we say "wait a sec we want to watch this" and tell them the story, most gladly sit and watch cause they found it funny

the cop talk to the three of them for a long time, then 2 walk off on their own and the burger theif comes walking back and slams a $5 bill in my hand with the words "worst f'n burger ever"

we both laugh and go inside, my partner pulls out a $5 and says "hey can i have that $5, i want to frame it"

a couple mins later the cop walks in and asks if he paid, i said yes and that as long as he did no need for charges and quip "thank god there's a tim hortons here"

the cop laughs and goes "actually i don't drink coffee, even tho i'm a cop, we were just doing a drive thru of the plaza"

i was alone on the sunday shift a few weeks later and in walks the same cop and goes "oh thank god there's a tim hortons here" and i just laugh and tell him "well you just made my night and reset the "where's a cop when you need him?" counter"


then there's the time i had these kids come in, they looked liked teenagers and come up and go "we'd like a pack of rolling papers please"

i say "well can i see some id please?"
they say "urrr ummmm we don't have any"
i say "well no id no papers, sorry i'm not getting a fine for you guys"
they promptly leave and go talk to their friend outside

so the friend walks in with a great pimp gangsta stroll, he was indian (as in the country) about 90lbs with a wet wool sweater on, so it was really funny. he does a pimp toss of his driver's license and says "gimme some papers yo"

i say "ok let's see your license" i grab it and look at it, he was 17 at the most.
i say "well for one your only 17, you have to be 19 to buy smokes and secondly i saw you talking to your friends out there and i already refused them, so i'm refusing you because of those reasons"

trying to be smart he says "they aren't tobacco, i don't need to show id to buy smokes"
i look at him and tell him "well you tell me one legal usage for rolling papers besides rolling tobacco" a regular who was at the magazine rack laughed at what i said to him
he gives me a great deer in the headlights look, blinks a couple times and goes "whateva yo i'm outtie, don't make me find you on the street"
i say "yeah i'm real worried about that, have a nice evening"

 

[JMeganSnow]

I find that the best strategy in life is to always abide by this rule: "If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it."

That being said, I think my favorite Stupid Customer story came when I was working at a hardware store and someone stopped me on my way back for a break. "Does this paint require mixing?"

I picked up the can of paint, flipped it around, and read off the back: "Pre-mixed. No mixing required." Then I handed it back to him and continued on my way.

My personal pet peeve was customers who would watch me walk by on my way to clock out at the end of my shirt and then try to get me to serve them when I came BACK through after TAKING OFF my uniform. I would always tell them, "Sorry, I'm not on the clock any more and it's illegal for me to work when I'm not getting paid."

Shoulda asked me when you first saw me, idiot.

Of course, this problem is exacerbated by the fact that companies can BARELY afford to pay for enough staff, so they're chronically shorthanded.

I've seen some funny quotes from businesses, though. One coffee shop endured a storm of indignation after they put up a sign saying "unattended children will be given a large espresso and a puppy".

You can also visit blogs like Waiter Rant [http://waiterrant.net/] if you like these sort of stories.

 

[Noznin]

Had two winners tonight....
Happens every know and then, but when a car doesnt set off the drive thru sensor.. we have no idea you are there. Apparently this greatly upset a 70 year old woman who claimed we refused her service. This was also hindered by the fact that when she drove by the window, my ordertaker apparently was bending over to pick something up and she thought she was getting mooned...at the best she prolly saw the top of a fat kids ass.
She refused to believe that any of this was accidental in nature, and said she was going to call the health department (which has nothing to do with anything she was complaining about). I reminded her that it was an accident and she said "yeah right, accident my ass!" to which i responded "actually it was accidentally his ass"

Later that night i got a call from a lady rhat was upset cause her fries were cold (she had been through about an 20 mins prior, any one working fast food knows fries dont last more then 10 mins period). So i kindly tell her that if she saves the reciept for me ill replace her whole order (1 meal) the next time she came through. Apparently she mistook my kindness for insincerity and told me i was rude and wasnt taking it seriously. I told her that i was sorry and that if she doesnt want the meal she can come back tonight with the receipt and i will issue the refund for it. She cursed me and told me she wasnt going to come back with gas at 4 dollars a gallon. At that point i realized she was one of the types that just wanted to give me trouble to see if she can get free stuff and her money back. She didnt want to believe that i couldnt replace her food and give her money back and said she was going to call the main office. I told her to wait one second while i got the number for her and she slammed the phone in my ear.

 

[Gitsnik]

I'm a tech so don't get that many in store customers, I get a whole hell of helldesk stories though. Two stories for you all:

(oh and sympathies to my fellow woolworth's bitches - I used to pack shelves for those guys to offset my income)

First story:

Standing in line to get my 8 shot orange cannon cappuccino at the Starbucks in Lavington, Albury, Southern NSW (this is like redfurn in Sydney, Elizabeth in Adelaide etc.) and behind me is two of the general white trash from the area - you all know the sort, ugg boots, tracksuit pants and a top so tight you can see the veins around the heart - talking about the actions of their nostrils due to a sickness.

They're talking quite loudly and I can see a lot of people getting uncomfortable about it, so I turn around and I say "ladies, please!". I get stunned looks for a few seconds, and then "Excuuuuse me, we're trying to have a PRIVATE conversation". I should point out at this point that I'm in my work clothes - so basically an expensive tuxedo and dressed to the 9's. My only response was "That's fucking great, why don't you go lock yourself in a toilet and have a private conversation in there". Things degraded from there, with the girls getting progressivly louder while I kept urging them to leave in my calm tone of voice (appropriate cuss words thrown in as any full blooded country boy would). Finally ended about 3 minutes later when me and a big south african (thanks marty!) physically picked them up and threw them out the front doors.

I got free coffee for that

The second story happened to me maybe a month ago. I have this awful habit of knowing what a users problem is pretty well instantly, I'm right 99% of the time and if I'm not I'll break things until I am, and I answer questions before people finish asking them. User calls me up and asks me why they can't send a 2GB attachment through their email. Apart from being mildly gob smacked at the thought I said it was a limitation of the mailing system and there was nothing I could do about it. The conversation turns into 20 minutes of:

"You're f*@&$ kidding me"
"No, I am not"
"Are you serious?!"
"Yes I am"
"You're fu@(#$&*$ joking"
"No, I am serious"
"You're f!@(#*4 kidding me"

(Rinse lather repeat)

I've never found someone who actually went through that process but there it is - he continuously asked me the same questions as if I would change my answer.

Thankfully for me my CEO understood that I was just being a bastard by not letting it phase me, and nothing ever came of it. Poor man has a severe knee injury after falling down some stairs.

 

[Sayvara]

I love messing with Starbucks.

*raises questioning eyebrow*

How much of what you posted in this thread are you making up?

/S

 

[Cyclomega]

I love messing with Starbucks.
Me and my firend go in for some cool drinks. The lady greets us and asks us what we want.
"I would like a large orange mocha frappuchino (SP?)."
"You mean a venti?"
"No, orange mocha frappuchino please."
"No, venti is the size. Did you mean you wanted a venti?"
"No, I think I'll stick with the large, I'm not too terribley thirsty."
"Sir, a venti is a large." And she gave me the 'some people' tone. Which I picked up on immediately, and gave her my own rageful tone.
"REALLY!? Is it now? Then you should have no problem ringing me up for a large orange mocha frappuchino."
"Sir, it's venti here."
"WHERE? You mean in America?"
"It's Itallian sir."
"Is it now? I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that I walked into an American franchise and was suddenly transported to Italy. Eddie, go tell me what that red sign out there says."
I give her a smug look as my friend walks out, she tried best to look at me without making eye contact, having probably realsied the tone she gave me just got her fired.
My friend walks back in. "It says....Arresto."
My jaw dropped.
"HOLY SHIT! We ARE in Italy. Omygodomygodohmygod how will we get home!? I don't have any money, I don't speak Itallian-"
"Here you go sir, one large orange mocha frappuchino." The manager hands me it laughing.
"Oh, thank you. Hey, uh, you know where we can catch a train to Stockholm?"
"No, you guys have a good day."
We then sat down at one of their tables and played checkers. I heard the manager say to the lady at the register, "Turn in your hat and your name tag."

Oh God I lol'd so hard, especially at the end... I gotta ruin some employees the same way !