The Customer Is Always Wrong

[Insanum]

I used too work in a car insurance callcentre - I have millions of insurance stories.

Anyway - My job was a claims handler - If you crashed your car or if it was damaged, Stolen (towed in some cases ¬¬) etc, I was your first port of call, As well as the guy you spoke too to keep tabs on the claim. In short i was the jack of all trades, with a specialisation in repairible vehicles.

So, i gets this call in, dear old lady, who was slightly annoyed. I takes her claim reference number, Bring up the details and familiarise myself with the file (as best i can without putting her on hold).

her accident circumstances:

Vehicle parked & unattended in Iceland C/Park (its a kind of supermarket for all you non-UK's) when wind blew over an advertising board damaging extensively the vehicle.

So basically a giant photo of Kerry katona had demolished the car, hilarious if it wasnt for her attitude. She had recieved a letter saying she had too pay the insurance excess. Stupidly the garage never charged her it when her car was repaired.

She wasnt happy about this as (like everyone in the UK) she thought if it wasnt her fault she didnt have too pay her Excess, Which isnt true. It was an "act of god".

now she said all along that Iceland admitted fault for the incident, But never forwarded on the supposed details she had from them, Therfore we had nothing too go off too get our money back.

The gist of a 20 minuite conversation was:

Me: Unfortunately madam you will have too pay your excess, you havent sent us icelands details so we cannot recover from them
Policyholder: Well...My husband have just had a heart attack and so ive been really busy.
M: Thats unfortunate madam, But it has been over 8 months since the incident, And with all due respect it's only a letter that we need.
PH: Just ring up my local iceland, They KNOW about the incident.
M: We've tried that, They say they dont
PH: Well theyre Lying! Ring them Again!
M: We have rang them several times & so far we havent had any joy. We have spent the past 4 months trying too get a recovery from them. Our recovery dept has now closed theyre side and wrote the loss off, meaning you have too pay your excess, It says in you contr
PH: I AM NOT PAYING MY EXCESS - ITS NOT MY FAULT AND I SHOULDNT HAVE TOO PAY IT! ME & MY HUSBAND HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR COMPANY YOUR ALL USELESS *etc*
M: Madam it states in your contract, it is something you have agreed too and HAVE too pay it.
PH: No
M: no?
PH: Glad you heard me. You can get that money off iceland.
M: Well we need the details from yourself of who you spoke too at the time of the incident. If we dont get them we will be forced too affect your No claims bonus.
PH: FINE! ILL SEND THEM IN *slams phone down*.

But wait! Theres more:

I was good friends with the recovery dept and she never sent in the details - After ANOTHER 6 months we wrote off the £120 Excess, Effected her no claims (she lost something like 20 years) and didnt offer anymore policies too her.

All for a relatively minor claim.

Its not the worst, But it was amusing for the image of a giant Kerry Katona flattening a car.

Not as bad as a guy wishing my colleagues house would burn down...Ill go into that one if you want me too...

 

[nintenking10]

AL:"I Believe in aliens cause, I had sex with one once."

I started laughing uncontrollably when i read this

 

[ElephantGuts]

Now, I don't know what made me say it but I just found it pure awesome: "Miss, I'm HIV positive."

Her face went whiter than a ghosts.

That is indeed extremely awesome. Props for saying that. If that doesn't teach her to keep her kid in line, I don't know what will.

If I was in your situation I wouldn't be able to think of something that awesome, I'd probably just threaten to call the cops.

 

[ergoaddict]

I used to work over the christmas period for a company that makes gift hampers - wicker basket packed with wine biscuits cake and other luxury foods etc all sealed up in a cardboard box.

Anyway, most of the year's business was done over the xmas/new year with people/companies ordering these things as presents/rewards for other people, and we sent out tens of thousands of these hampers over the period. It was very hectic until mid january, and 95% of problems were with delivery, which sucked as we used couriers like parcelforce etc and there's little we could do when they screw up but the customers call us to complain about the hamper not being delivered. I was the poor sod tasked with dealing with these problems. My pet hates back then included:

Irish postcodes (the Irish, god bless 'em, don't have postcodes, once I swear the address for the hamper was more a description of what the house looked like and the "big tree" next to it)

People who get upset their friends didn't get the hamper when it turns out they didn't know their friends have jobs and don't spend the day watching bargain hunt and listening for the doorbell (they have to be in the house? You mean you can't fit a hamper through the letter box? You mean you don't deliver at night? etc)
Or their friends are on a xmas holiday that the customer actually knew about... hamper spends xmas sitting in the depot.

Dumb customers who don't think to put any kind of message on/in the box, and when you ask them about it are genuinely surprised that the recipients aren't going to know telepathically who sent it

Customers who want to send their friends hampers but don't know their address (we used quickaddress to check) and can't understand why this just isn't going to happen

Customers who want to send a giant hamper that costs hundreds of £s and a grown man struggles to lift to a tiny little P.O. Box number (scared we might misuse the 'real' address maybe?)

Man totally outraged by absence of caviar from hamper. He thought it was a big deal and ruined the hamper. I knew it was actually a tiny pot of lumpfish eggs that are to real caviar what tesco value lemonade is to the finest champagne.

Amtrak.
Anyone else remember these guys?
They used to be a fairly big courier company, then one year they accepted a lot more business orders than they had the capacity to deliver. Most of their depots up and down the country were overflowing with the backlog and we had a sh*tload of hampers that were supposed to be delivered for Christmas that weren't. And I got the customers yelling in my ear. I couldn't tell the customers anything because I couldn't find out what happened to the hamper, because Amtrak depots stopped answering their phones, even to big business customers. Worst thing was the customers were right when they got upset, it was just hard to persuade them we weren't at fault, our couriers were (still gave a lot of refunds though).

After that year, a lot of people stopped using amtrak and I heard the company went downhill, but like many people in this thread, I discovered the universal truth about the customer, i.e. that he doesn't care if it's your fault or not, he just wants to yell in someone's ear, and you're closest.

(except when they don't know because you're actually too embarrassed to tell the nice lady in switzerland that DHL seem to have accidentally sent her hamper to Johannesburg and that while it's now being re-routed, the 1kg salmon may be a bit whiffy after sitting in the warm south african climate over christmas)

nothing spectacular I know, but I felt I owed this thread something for the enjoyment it gave me, keep the stories coming!

 

[bushwhacker2k]

I'm usually on the other side and hating people that constantly give me the wrong thing when a simple "Could you repeat that?" would suffice >_<

But I hear you guys, some people just don't get it.

 

[BravoZero]

After a couple of years working in a pub, my philosphy is "The customer is always right so long as they're agreeing with me."

I was bumped up to manager a few months ago. Last weekend at about 9pm one of the bar staff came to me

Barstaff: This guy says you authorised a free drink, how should I ring it through?
Me: What? No thats bollocks. Let me go talk to him.

So I go into the bar and theres this 18 or 19 year old guy waiting. He immediately looks at me.

Customer: Hi! Yeah the manager said I can have a free drink because my food wasn't that good.
Me: Oh yeah? When, and which manager?
Customer: It was like ten minutes ago, because I complained about my chips.
Me: What was the managers name?
Customer: Uhhh... Ben, maybe?
Me: Okay, and what was wrong with your chips?
Customer: Whoever made them had put too much salt on them, which is why I complained, which is why the manager said I can have a free drink.

(All of this was complete bollocks! I was the manager since 4pm, we dont have anyone that works at our place by the name of Ben, and our chips dont have salt added to them unless by the customer.)

Me: Okay. What drink did you want?
Customer: Can I have a bottle of white wine to take out?
Me: Right... Okay can I see some ID?

He pulls out a grey card with a photo, an 18 badge like you see on DVDs or games, and his date of birth in 1982. Its a pretty piss poor fake.

Me: Whats your date of birth?
Customer: 12th March.... 1983?
Barstaff: Ohhhhh so close!
Me: Ha, yeeeeah no. Get out of my pub.
Customer: What?!
Me: Right, firstly I've been the manager since 4, secondly we dont HAVE a Ben working here. Our chips dont have salt added to them, and Im sure as hell not giving out a free £10 bottle of wine for some £1.50 chips. This ID is a pretty bad fake and I can only hope someone fleeced you for it, and seeing as you dont have valid ID that means your under age and have just broken the law TWICE.
Customer: Huh?
Me: First in attempting to purchase alcohol under age, but seeing as youve just tried to scam us out of a bottle of wine, its more like stealing. You're barred from this pub indefinately.
Customer (Defeated): Can I at least have my ID back?
Me: What, so you can try this on someone else? Nah. The door is that way.





Clown.

 

[TheMatt]

I worked at a bank as a teller for about a year. We close at 5. It's 5:07 and some lady comes knocking on the door demanding to be let in. I inform her that we close at 5, she tells me it's 4:58 according to the clock in her car.

ummm... Why the hell would I care what time it is in your car? According to my car it's been flashing noon since I changed my battery 6 months ago.

People always believe that they deserve special treatment.

 

[ChromeAlchemist]

2: How long until that guy at the McDonalds I go to snaps?

As someone who messes with the local maccas so often they know me by name, I can safely say you can break them in a week.

Have you tried Going and buying a really large order, With 5c coins, they are not allowed to refuse service to you, that money is legal tender.

The old tactic used to be go in there and ask for chicken wings, or go into KFC and ask for a quarter pounder. My friend's brother did that, and when they said they didn't have any he said 'WHAT?? WHY THE HELL NOT??? YOU SHOULD DO!' And would do that, well, whenever he felt like.

 

[Renie]

I got a couple.

I work at a smoke shop/convenience store, and I'm starting to wonder if I should bother being nice to some customers. It seems every 40-something guy I'm nice to is so desperate, that a cute young woman (me, 24) is nice to them and that somehow gets translated int their brain as "she so wants to bang me." I hate getting hit on when I'm the only one working the store. I can't get away by making some excuse to hide in the back until they leave, and so I have had a lot of practice shooting would-be casanovas down.

Next, you know those little change dishes stores often have (at least in the US)? Where customers can drop their change if they don't feel like keeping it, usually leave-a-penny written on it? Well, a guy came in with a single dollar bill, $1, and went to buy a cigar. Now some of our cigars are priced under a dollar, and I thought it might be one of them, whatever. No. The cigar itself is priced at 1.09, already more than he brought in with him. It rings up as 1.17, and then he gestures at the change dish like I'm supposed to dig out .17 from it to feed his habit. I just gave him a stupid look and expected him to back down, since I knew there was no way there 17 pennies in there (we keep silver change in the drawer, to discourage "feeders" like him), but it turned out someone had snuck in a dime while I wasn't looking, so there was enough in there. I still wanted to deny him the sale, but didn't have a good reason for doing so. If you're going to virtually steal from the freakin' penny jar, fine, but don't try to make me look like the douche you are.

That incident probably made me angrier than the situation warranted, I think it was just his blatant arrogance that I would dig out the change and count it out for him, after the poor dear went to all the trouble of going over and getting his cigar.

Hmm, others....Oh! There's one of our regulars who comes in drunk (or maybe stoned) half the time and always asks if he can have a pack of cigars on credit ("I'll pay you back tomorrow"). Yeah, never be friends with that guy. I managed to dig out enough from petty cash (overflow penny jar) one night for him, and I think that was a mistake. Now he always asks me if I can do it again.

This just happened tonight. A lady came in (Mexican I think, her English was less than fluent) and asked for some cigarettes (Capris, green). That's ok, some cigs are easier to find by color anyway. I grab the green ones.
Her: No, the green ones!
At this point I'm very confused. There's only one kind of green in this brand, but apparently it's not right.
Her again: The green ones! They're lime green! right next to the pink!
Me: *points at the BLUE ones next to the pink ones*
Her: Yes! The green ones!
I picked up the BLUE pack and rang her up at the till still a little bemused. They weren't an ambiguous blue/green, like teal or aqua, they were clearly Crayola classic marker blue and green. The next customer, when she was out the door said "That was definitely blue." That made me smile.

 

[bookboy]

Speaking of crazies, a lady in a wheelchair once came in and asked if we sold funnels. I asked her what kind she needed, figuring I'd just have to either (a) sell her one for any of a half-dozen automotive chemicals, or (b) point her toward the food-safe ones, but no. What she said was, "I need one I can douche with." She then spent the next ten minutes telling me all about her medical history in excruciating detail, things that would give Charles Manson the cold sweats. By the time she was done, I wanted nothing more than to take one of said funnels and pour a healthy dollop of drain cleaner into each of my ears.

haha nice!

Just got a call from a customer yelling at me because he didn't bring his Ac adapter for his laptop as the hotel, and since we advertise WIRELESS internet he thought we could magically send electrical power to his laptop and his dead battery...

Yeah,no that's not how it works...
Customer is litteraly screaming and threatening to sue us for misrepresentation, i'd love to see that.He also repeats constantly that this other hotel he goes to does it (power-over-air? yeah sure buddy...)

Actually, you can do that. All you need is a high-powered microwave beam; you'd probably vaporize everything in the room, but that's a small price to pay for wireless power, right? lmao (If this ever comes up again, you have my permission to ask the customer if he wants you to do that, btw.)

actually, Nikola Tesla was transferring electrical power over air over 100 years ago!(and I don't just mean via Tesla Coils).
also, though I don't know how long ago Mekado's incident occured, Nokia has since developed a cell phone that can recharge itself by pulling stray radiation (I.E. TV and cell phone signals) out of the air and converting them into electrical energy.

 

[Curiosity's Cat]

Here's where a customer was pretty amazing...

I used to work at a formal dress shop. We have this one purple dress hanging on the rack that's been put on lay-by but we haven't put it in the back room yet. Middle aged woman spots it while she's paying for her own dress, comments on how nice it is.

The other shop girl says "oh, that one, the poor girl its for, she has her year ten formal, but she's pregnant and has leukemia." This shop girl is notorious for chatting to customers about stuff that is innappropriate, and now goes into an unsolicited ramble about some relative of hers that has cervical cancer.

I'm mortified and trying desperately to put this sale through so the customer can leave, only it turns out the customer has breast cancer, and gets right into the conversation. Soon they're both crying and and hugging and the upshot was the customer paid the remaining $150 off the lay-by for the pregnant girl high-school with leukemia. I've never seen generosity like that before or since.

 

[Arehexes]

I never worked in retail but I was a life guard, and no kid respected me. I remember one time this kid was running and jumped in the pool during a pool break(only off duty guards in the pool). And I was telling him he had to sit out, but he kept walking away from me telling me to shut up(he was 9 and I was 18). And all his friends where yelling at me to get off his back(and I can't yell cause my boss thinks yelling at kids isn't nice no matter what they do, she wouldn't even let me sit kids out who won't listen during swim lessons(30 minutes of "listen, stop swimming off" gets on one's nerves)). So after they all start yelling at me another life guard who wasn't even at that area, was talking to some people(one of them was the kids mom) started yelling "HE SLIPPED" and then all the kids yelled it. So I starting yelling at the kids told them to shut up I'm talking to the this kid and you go away before I have you all sit out for 20 mintues. Next thing I know the mother of the kid who jumped in the pool storms at me and says "THE OTHER LIFE GUARD SAID HE SLIPPED SO HE SLIPPED"(yes she yelled at me at the top of her lungs), and I said well if he wasn't running like I told him before he "slipped" it won't have happened. Then she yelled saying to pick on kids my own age, and then I told her "I don't care how old you are your not gonna stand in my face and yell at me all day while I'm doing my damned job. If you would watch your kids instead of talking to the life guard who is supposed to be on duty you would have seen what he did. So don't come in my face and tell me how to do my job since you weren't watching jack shit".

 

[Jaygee02]

I hate customers that lie to management and say you were rude just because they didn't get their way.

I used to work on checkout at a supermarket, and early in the morning we'd only have maybe three or four staff on checkout. There's odd jobs that need done in the morning like distributing stamps to all the checkouts and putting out the newspapers for the day, so there might only be a couple of checkouts open.

I'm on one of the express lanes, and the girl who was on a normal lane behind me is away putting out newspapers (she hadn't closed her checkout and she was forever dodging work so wasn't too happy with her after, but anyways...), and this guy comes and lines up in her aisle and stands there looking impatient. It's obvious that there's no-one there but to stop him getting angry I apologise and tell him the till is unattended and if he wants he can come through the express lane since it's not too busy.

Instead of being grateful he gives me a dirty look and dumps his stuff on the counter and complains how awkward I'm being (how? By not leaving the express lane completely unattended to take over someone else's work?) and then says that I'd better bag it all and put it in his trolley for him since that's what would happen on a normal lane. This is lies; at that supermarket we give the customer bags and they pack it themselves, but I do anyway to try and calm him down, which is quite hard as I have to bag the stuff, sit it on the counter and then walk around the other side and put it in his trolley (while he stands and does nothing at all to help).

I stayed polite the whole time and even said have a nice day, and the guy has the nerve to complain to the shift manager that I was rude to him!!!

Luckily she knew me well enough to know he's making it up, but yeah, it's not right to try and get someone in trouble just because you're having a bad day.

 

[Volucer]

I have found the worst question to ask a customer - "Would you like a bag for them?" Responses I have recieved in the past week:
"Yes please" and "No thank you" - Start off with the obvious ones, nothing wrong here or the variations of them.
30 seconds of hmmm-ummm------ummmm followed by no thank you, followed by them paying, with them finally either saying "where's my bag" or "actually can I have a bag" - you spent ages deciding, which annoys me in the first place, it's not a life or death question it's whether you want a bag or not, how do you want to carry your item, it's not that hard, and thenfor you to take forever to decide, and then decide you've chosen wrong, just bugs me.
And the best for last - one customer just stood there and laughed at me for 10 seconds, then said no...seriously...

And then someone complained about me just for the sake of complaining, I asked if I could take their basket before they went into the other shop (which has their own baskets) I explained that they had their own baskets, that it was due for hygene reasons, they reluctintly handed it over after a bit of moaning, then went to a supervisor to complain. Saying I stole their basket, didn't say there were others in the other shop, and was rude to them. Problem with their complaint is that there were 2 other members of staff behind them when I asked them for the basket, who backed me up completely so the complaint got ripped up

Oh and then I had some guy buy 2 bags of seeds, carry them around the store, got them scanned through (we have a fancy till set which shows the customers what's been scanned in the till so they can see if there is any errors etc.) the customer was looking at this the whole time, I told them the price, they stood staring at the screen for a while, handed over the money, then looked at the reciept, then asked me how much they were individually, I looked at the prices on the seeds and on his reciept and told him, and then, then after checking the prices so much, after having plenty of oppertunities to put them back, after paying, then he decides they cost too much and he doesn't want them...meaning I need to call over a supervisor to refund them all, then say he's never coming back to our store again...the seeds were £2.11 and £1.99...

 

[dantheman931]

actually, Nikola Tesla was transferring electrical power over air over 100 years ago!(and I don't just mean via Tesla Coils).
also, though I don't know how long ago Mekado's incident occured, Nokia has since developed a cell phone that can recharge itself by pulling stray radiation (I.E. TV and cell phone signals) out of the air and converting them into electrical energy.

Worst. Hijack. Ever.

 

[Jaygee02]

I have found the worst question to ask a customer - "Would you like a bag for them?" Responses I have recieved in the past week:
"Yes please" and "No thank you" - Start off with the obvious ones, nothing wrong here or the variations of them.
30 seconds of hmmm-ummm------ummmm followed by no thank you, followed by them paying, with them finally either saying "where's my bag" or "actually can I have a bag" - you spent ages deciding, which annoys me in the first place, it's not a life or death question it's whether you want a bag or not, how do you want to carry your item, it's not that hard, and thenfor you to take forever to decide, and then decide you've chosen wrong, just bugs me.
And the best for last - one customer just stood there and laughed at me for 10 seconds, then said no...serious
*snip*

I've had that! Seriously, how hard is it to decide if you want a bag or not?

 

[rosac]

sorry to threadcromance (I am wearing the black robes to do it though!) but I now have a job in thomas the bakers. And alreay, after 4 days, I have had an annoying customer. here is how it went.

(me behind counter, serving people, a man is looking at the cakes)

Me: Can I help you?

Man: no, no, Im just looking.

(I serve customer behind him, get halfway through when...)

Man: Hey! you were serving me a minute ago.

Me: you said you were only looking at the cakes, I decided to help the customer behind you whilst you were busy.

Man: Thats a terrible excuse, I have a bus to catch, and will be late, sort out my order!

Me: sir, you werent waiting for a bus five minutes ago when you were looking at cakes.

(He leaves, I win.)

rosac

 

[Xhumed]

I had a customer the other day ask me to come back to his house and help him print out his daughter's party invitations. This was at 20:55, 5 minutes before we close. I offered to tell him how to use word to do it. He offered to pay me for my time, and that he lived not to far away. I told him I couldn't leave during my shift, and I wasn't going to finish work until 11pm. He bought his items and left.
Why would someone think that was a reasonable request?