The Escapist Advice Thread

[Kae]

Well I think your legs should weigh 10 ponds more or less, I recommend amputating them.

Dear Escapist how can I have better memory?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Hit you head with this

Dear the Escapist, am I suppose to throw the pin or the grenade?

 

[VanQ]

Throw both. Can't go wrong, can you?

Dear Escapist, should I go play some games or continue to waste time on internet forums?

 

[scorptatious]

Go play Sonic 06. Fantastic game. *wink* *wink*

Dear Escapist, I think I see a UFO heading towards my direction. What should I do?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Shout and scream! Get their attention! YOU CAN BE THE ONE TO LEAD HUMANITY TO A NEW AGE OF PEACE AND PROSPERITY!

Dear escapist, I find scorptatious's image to adorable. How do I get back my man card?

 

[MrCollins]

Go punch a woman in the face, domestic abuse is SUPER-Manly (The "super" is too pronounced as Franky does in the japanese version of one piece)

Dear Escapist, I don't really know much about Anime, how can I learn more?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Go to a anime forum and say it sucks. You will get more information about it than you will need.

Dear Escapist how do I post here when I don't have the Internet during the week?

 

[MrCollins]

Go to every single thread and quadruple post, that way, on average, you will still be posting the same amount.
Or go insult a mod, you will get suspended and couldn't post even if you had internet.
O carrier pigeons.

Dear Escapist, how do I make plans for Easter?

 

[MrCollins]

Sit down and think about it.

Dear Escapist, how do I finish my assignments faster.

I object to this post. That is good advice, I demand only the most terrible of advice!!

OT: Plagiarize!!

Dear Escapist, how do I make money quickly and legally?

 

[MrCollins]

In order to improve your concentration, you wear glasses. Everyone knows they add +2 to concentration and +5 to intelligence.

Dear Escapist, how can I make problems for myself so I can contribute to this thread?

 

[thesilentman]

You make problems for your- DOESN'T FRUCKING COMPUTE.

Dear Escapist, how do I be less cynical?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Become almost over aggressively passive.

Dear Escapist I think I'm allergic to grass what should I do?

 

[Fractral]

Allergies are all in the mind. You need to get over what is quite obviously in fact an irrational fear of grass, by eating copious amounts of it. I hear it tastes good with chutney.

Dear Escapist, how do I win at dwarf fortress?

 

[MrCollins]

Winning at the game "Dwarf fortress" is pointless, you should win at real life dwarf fortress:
Step 1: Capture large amounts of midgets.
Step 2: Buy a chateau in the Loire Valley of France
Step 3: Purchase a mining permit for the land next to the chateau
Step 4: Force the midget to mine all day.
Step 5: Rule over them as a "benevolent" dictator.
step 6: Profit.

Dear Escapist, how do I stop my compulsion to scratch my nose?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Chop it off.

Dear the escapist, how do I stop procastinating everything I do?

 

[scorptatious]

Eh, I'll help you tomorrow.

Dear person who has an account on this website dedicated to gaming, I feel depressed. What should I do?

 

[thesilentman]

Be less depressed and play a game you like.

Dear Escapist, how do I manage my limitless anger today?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

PUNCH SMALL CHILDREN! They make the best stress release!

Dear the Escapist, me and four other people are going on a long wagon train through the unexplored Western United States to get rich in the mountains of gold hidden there. What should I buy for the six month journey?

 

[Dr.Susse]

All of the Anti-dysentery pills you can.

Dear Escapist I'm worried that I'm alienating myself. What should I do?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

De-alienate yourself by playing more XCOM: Enemy Unknown

Dear Escapist, how do I tell a friend I like her?