The Feminine Female

[Murais]

I wish to go to a land where Abercrombie, American Eagle, Hollister, and the like do not exist. I miss when people but more thought into their outfits besides a solid color shirt with a brand name on it.


Why do I bring it up? Because I leave in New England, and the women here LIVE in the hoodies made by those companies, and I think they're ugly as shit.

/spit

 

[Alexei Do'Urden]

Well as a girl who could maybe be like what you described, I am much more quiet and gentle than most of my friends, I'd say that the reason I don't dress in bright skirts and such is:

a) I am a little worried about unwanted attention. Not many people dress like that, and as a quiet person I don't like people noticing me.
b) I need pockets. I carry my iPhone, DS, and other various electronics and even when a skirt has pockets they don't seem secure enough to me. I like feeling my phone against my leg and being sure it's there.
c) If they're short I worry about sitting incorrectly and if they're longer I trip and/or get caught in them. I live in the country and going for a walk in a skirt is just a bad idea

Part of that is due to the fact that I don't wear skirts often enough to be used to them, but I do love bright colours. I have one skirt that's striped all kinds of colours that I pull out during the summer, but usually when I'm home for the day, I don't go out in public in it.

In my opinion feminine would just be a lack of t-shirts and jeans, wearing exclusively female clothing. And maybe also not girls who are crass and confrontational, which seems to be unfortunately popular these days. Unfortunately the 'slutty' type of girls, for lack of a better term, would also be classified as feminine in my mind, excessively so. Same with valley girls, though I haven't met any of them in a while.

The problem with finding a girl of the type you described, in my mind, is that for whatever reason being polite and quiet and yet embracing a bright female look seems to have gone out of fashion. I'll bet many girls are really quite gentle inside and would naturally fit into your definition of feminine, but don't act that way in public. A lot of my female friends were like that, they could act in ways that really annoyed me sometimes even though I knew they were really quite nice. Even I would love to wear interesting and vibrant clothes, but just don't feel willing to stick my neck out so much.

 

[Wharrgarble]

I admit get annoyed at the constant excuse that girls won't wear dresses or skirts to do them being uncomfortable. I guess a lot of people didn't get the memo that comfortable clothes are usually not attractive.

So... You get annoyed because girls wont wear what you want them to because they don't like it? I think that's a perfectly valid reason for someone choosing not to do something. Some girls like skirts, others don't. Comfortable clothing can be attractive, but if you're someone who doesn't like jeans on girls you wont see it regardless.

 

[Detective Paul]

In answer to your first question:I consider a feminine girl/woman to be someone who does not relate a lot to the opposite sex:such as an interest in video-games that borders on fanatical or the same devotion to sports clothing has never tole me much I listen to speech and general personality. In answer to your second:It is fairly hard to find a girl/woman who is interested in wearing the stereotypical girly or womanly clothing , yet it is not very hard to find a girl/woman who acts girly both of these are an opinion not a statement. In answer to your third and final question:If anything has changed nobody has really bothered to notice (save a few of course) as I still see people point and say "Look at the girly one or the girly girl (sounds redundant ,but the definitions of both words are different) it may have just become a bit more subtle.I do not intend to offend anyone my words were not crafted in this way.

 

[ks1234]

I wish to go to a land where Abercrombie, American Eagle, Hollister, and the like do not exist. I miss when people but more thought into their outfits besides a solid color shirt with a brand name on it.


Why do I bring it up? Because I leave in New England, and the women here LIVE in the hoodies made by those companies, and I think they're ugly as shit.

/spit

I Lol'd so fucking hard at this comment...
Seriously, When I was in highschool that was all people wore and I had more refined tastes and people thought that garbage from A&F looked better than Ralph Lauren or CK.
And then I grew up and got into bodybuilding and none of that shit fits anymore.
Anyway, Touche' my friend, touche'

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

My mom actually accused me of being gay because I'm "not feminine enough," so I assume feminine is however I don't act. I wear tee shirts and jeans, no make up, spend no time on my hair, and am a carpenter/mason.

However, one of the only actual lesbians I know gets manicures and pedicures on a weekly basis, has perfect hair and make up, and I've only ever seen her wearing skirts or dresses.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that thinking you can tell how a person acts based on who they're attracted to is a load of garbage.

Sorry, I just needed to get that rant out.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

What's wrong with scrunchies? It's just an accessory for making pony tails. Ditto butterfly clips. Why is that equated with being juvenile?

Actually, I equate them with being vaguely white-trashy, but that's a personal bias.

I am very attracted to feminine women. The sort of girl who is happy to wear bright coloured skirts down past her knee and a long ponytail hair adornments. Girls who have a soft demeanour and are gentle in their actions.

OP: I think the reason you might be seeing fewer women of this description is due to the items I highlighted above. Soft demeanor and gentle are descriptions of weak women.

Not that being gentle and kind is necessarily a bad thing - it's a great trait in guys - but honestly I have no interest in being weak. I far prefer being a *****. A scrunchy-hating *****. ^^

I like wearing dark clothes that show off my figure. Black is always a sexy color - so is red. I like red, I got a hot red top recently.

I also like flowy dresses that look like something you might wear in classic Greece. Those are feminine, but in a sleek, sexy way.

That's the thing - being feminine doesn't mean you have to be soft or gentle or weak - being feminine is being the most "female" you can be. Women are strong, tough, and capable. There is no reason for us to pretend to be weak.

I originally clicked on this thread because I misread the title as fem fatals. That is a much more interesting topic.

 

[Chemical Alia]

The style you're describing sounds very old fashioned, like how my mom had to dress when she was in middle school. I don't know how old you are, but I'm reminded of juvenile styles as well.

Like a lot of people have said, I think a feminine person isn't defined by how they dress, nor necessarily how soft/emotional they are. One of my most feminine friends was a short, pretty girl, who was very outspoken and competitive, but also bubbly and "girly". She was a cheerleader in high school, she took great pride in being able to beat most guys in PT scores and we always tried to outdo each other, to see who could have run 2 miles faster, have better ironed BDUs, shinier boots, etc.

I'm a female, and I don't get what it is you're asking what it is we do or do not agree on. I spent some years wearing skirts and "feminine" clothes often, but in the end I don't think it suits me and I found that people took me less seriously when I dressed in a "girlier" or more younger way. Simply put, I felt I was judged as weaker and more immature when I dressed that way, and I hated that. It also took a lot longer to get ready in the morning with long hair to style, makeup to put on, and fancy outfits to pick out.

I wouldn't say I dress that casually, or like a dude, however. I prefer neutral colors and fashionable outfits that are more serious and gender-neutral. Not necessarily feminine or manly at all. I'm not soft-natured or gentle, but I love the idea of shopping at the mall with female friends as equally as I do working with a bunch of guys to make video games.

 

[Sejs Cube]

See and personally I much prefer it when women don't wear skirts.






[sub]...ba dum tish[/sub]

 

[Verlander]

-snip-

Dude, really? I live in the UK too (London) and there are always TONs of women in summery dresses. Go to the park on a hot day, or walk along the main shopping streets, you're bound to find a few

Me? I don't consider that as "feminine". I think friendly, confident, reassured, and independent without need to follow someone else's lead to be feminine. A feminine girl can still wear jeans and be feminine in my eyes. I see femininity as being positive, as being smiley, and enthusiastic.

As for the second thing, no, I don't find it hard to find feminine women. Yes the definition of femininity has changed, and the old fashioned version of femininity strikes me as oppressed, restrictive and subservient. While that can be a good thing in certain situations, I like a girl to be able to hold your hand, and walk proud in the sun with a smile on her face. I like a girl to drag me into clothes shops against my will. I like to go to build-a-bear shops, and get her a bear, only for her to hit me with it (but then sleep with it on her bedside table). The long dress, long hair tied back thing seems very out of place. Kind of Amish. I find girls who are like that to be nervous and have a massive lack of confidence. If you find a girl like that, and can give her the confidence she deserves, than that's truly amazing. If you like women like that, then you may end up disappointed when they inevitably change.

Of course you could always meet a real woman, and engage in a more S+M private sexual relationship. Many girls are submissive, and maybe that's where you're attraction lays?

 

[Doctor What]

So far, all the girls I've dated have been really girly girly. Except for one. That one being the only one who never cheated on me.

I'm done with girly girls. They all have issues and are bitches. Tomboys, here I come.

But damn, do I love sun dresses with a fiery passion.

 

[lostzombies.com]

Maybe you (like me) find the traditional 'lady' attractive, and equate that with the types of clothes you described?

For example I don't like the type of girl who goes out with a gang of her mates, falls out of a taxi onto her knees and vomits onto the floor while trying to put her fake tits back into her top and then rejoin the wolfpack and stumble into the next bar/club shouting like they are at a football match.

This is how a lot of girls near me (Northern English city)tend to behave all weekend, then spend the week waiting to do it all again.

So I find quiet and sensitive girls more attractive/ladylike.

---

Nb, most males are like the above example near me too- 'players' who get hammered, vomit everywhere then get into a fight/drunken shag. So it's not a gender specific theme.

 

[blah_ducks]

Hmm the thing about skirts (and this could easily just be me watching copious amounts of anime) is that I personally always feel paranoid when I'm wearing one. All it takes is a strong gust of wind then -BOOM- panties for all to see. Plus, if you sit with your legs apart (which I normally do) -BOOM- panties for all to see. It just adds possible unwanted attention to my lady bits and I don't want to deal with that. ^_^;

In my opinion, I like people who are a mix of masculinity and femininity, it just makes people more interesting that way. I'm regarded as a very masculine female, but that doesn't mean I don't have feminine traits. Really, as long as there is a little from either side, it's for the best.

 

[LHZA]

I think there is nothing wrong with you voicing your preference and you did so in a respectful manner. I'm not sure I agree with your definition of femininity, but whatever. My biggest contention is you seemed to associate femininity with a certain appearance and there is more to being feminine then just how you look but I'm not upset over it. And yes, less woman then before match your description, at least where I live. I don't know of any girls who wear scrunchies.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

My mom actually accused me of being gay because I'm "not feminine enough," so I assume feminine is however I don't act. I wear tee shirts and jeans, no make up, spend no time on my hair, and am a carpenter/mason.

However, one of the only actual lesbians I know gets manicures and pedicures on a weekly basis, has perfect hair and make up, and I've only ever seen her wearing skirts or dresses.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that thinking you can tell how a person acts based on who they're attracted to is a load of garbage.

Sorry, I just needed to get that rant out.

Well I could hardly blame you for not showing up in feminine clothes for that job. ^_~

I remember one time I was working on a masonry project with my class (as of now, I'm a student in a residential construction management program), and got a bunch of mortar in my hair. Mortar is horrible for your hair. (It contains a lot of the mineral lime) I stopped and checked my reflection in a window, and said "Crap, my hair's all messed up now." The guy next to me froze and looked at me. It's not often that my classmates experience a "[DTJ] acting like a normal girl" moment. It's sort of like witnessing Hailey's Comet. Once in a lifetime.

 

[BlackIronGuardian]

Well, if girls don't dress ''girly'' anymore...then...can you...still really...call that...girly?

 

[Labyrinth]

I'm going to nit-pick before I get to the rest of my post. Why is it that you (the OP) refer to the male proportion of this forum as "men" and the female proportion as "girls"? For one, there are a lot of teenagers here and for two, why are we females automatically given a group term with connotations of a younger age? Why are we also asked if we agree with positions already taken by the males here, rather than the other way around or simply asked for our own opinions? Again, this is nitpicking, but these are noticable descrepancies which have an impact which I'll go into later.

On to the rest of this.

I would define 'feminine' as a set of characteristics which a culture has naturalised for people with female genitals. What this means is that if something is defined as 'feminine', it is associted with the female due to repeated allignment of the two through a cultural canon. This varies from culture to culture. In my experience of current western culture the naturalised attributes designated as 'feminine' are passive and come along with a longstanding system in which the majority of power rested with a select male elite. Characteristics such as chastity, nurturing, gentleness, submission, elegance, delicate and youthful beauty etc. I don't consider these to be traits which are automatic to females people, any less than the strength, stoicism etc. associated with male people are. As mentioned, these are of a cultural construction.

I personally see feminine characteristics as beginning with "considers herself female" and ending with it. As such, I'm a feminine person. I'm not a traditionally feminine person given that I posess too many traditionally 'masculine' qualities and am of too solid a build. I am strong, capable, willful, skillful and intelligent. From my perspective my personal traits are irrelevant as it is personal identity, not cultural codes which define my gender. I have been influenced by culture over my life but that has become an internal contribution to identity rather than an external label.

I'm going to bring up a feminist ethical point here. It relates back to my nit-picking at the start. The problem with using 'feminine' as a definition associated with a set of characteristics is that it tends to devalue the link between women lacking those characteristics and their gender identity. It is also used to degrade and 'cissify' males who have those traits. The OP refers to a preference for these characteristics. I don't take any kind of issue with that, preferences are not a problem. Normalising people who have traditional feminine traits is, as it ostracises the rest of us. The language used in the first post to refer to women does this due to the association of women with immaturity which implies the 'youth' of femininity, but also a reduced capacity. Just nitpicking, again, but these are meanings that weren't considered and really should be when writing threads like this.

 

[FaithorFire]

I am very attracted to feminine women. Girls who have a soft demeanor and are gentle in their actions.

Am I the only man who thinks that its hard to find girls who act / dress feminine these days?

That first part is a source of confusion. you identified some traits of our culturally feminine style, but it sounds like you're looking for dominantly female personality. Louder, aggressive, "tougher" behavior is a direct result of higher amounts of testosterone. Of course everyone has testosterone, but women generally have much less. Whatever, I get what you mean, you want a woman with a more female balance.
I am more attracted to the more feminine women too, but I've never included included how she dresses as part of that evaluation. I am honestly turned off by pushy, partying, aggressive women. But things like jeans, and a a girl cutting her hair short have never bothered me if she carries herself like a kind, gentle, respectable woman.

As for your other question, no you're not the only man who has struggled to find women who act feminine today. I'll give you this warning though, I've found that a LOT of women who naturally ARE feminine, make an effort to act aggressive and masculine becasue the women in their lives have taught them that being soft, feminine, and gentle makes them inferior and insignificant.
I base that off my relationship with the woman I'll be marrying in a few months. She is a counselor whose academic focus is on pre-pubescent girls and teenage girls self-identity issues. She has actually talked to me before about the issues she runs into with girls forcing themselves into a masculine cultural role they don't want, or being forced into a ""feminine"" role that's not really feminine, but just more sexually open than the girl is ready for yet.

 

[FaithorFire]

Characteristics such as chastity, nurturing, gentleness, submission, elegance, delicate and youthful beauty etc. I don't consider these to be traits which are automatic to females people, any less than the strength, stoicism etc. associated with male people are. As mentioned, these are of a cultural construction.

Out of curiosity, in how many real cultures in human history do those "masculine" and "feminine"
traits not hold true for the current respective genders, at least to some extent?

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

I'm really shy and quiet and I like pink and butterflies and kittens. I'm good with kids and animals and I'm always overly nice to people. However, I wear hoodies and dye my hair black and wear jeans so maybe I give a mixed message :<... sorry *backs out of thread*

Most men I have met like confident outgoing women I know that.