The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess-- Dropping the Bombshell

[HT_Black]

Too much 'suck it up nintentards' 'oh i can hear the fanboys crying already' etc. sort of spiel, makes it sound more like you want to get a rise out of people than critique the game. Rest of it is good though, if not a bit under researched at points

Spoiler: example

Early on in the game, the main character is pulled into an alternate dimension...where he turns into a wolf.

...Am I missing something here?

When you look over everything that came before, it still doesn't make sense. Was his mother a nature spirit? Was his father a shaman? Was he born under an enchanted full moon? Did he make a deal with Satan? Did he get nipped by a sheepdog and happen to possess a markedly-less-unique mutation? Nope. That's not explained.

That's not a good thing.

I recall at some point it's mentioned that humans turn into spirits in the Twilight realm, but the 'Hero' will become a 'blue eyed beast' when in Twilight.

Yeah, that's nice and all, but...why?

Also, how come you never mentioned pretty much anything about after you get to the sword swinging bits? It genuinely sounds like you got to the wolf bit, got annoyed at the combat and getting lost then stopped playing or something.

Right after the part with the second spirit I just decided to dash it all-- does that make sense?

 

[HT_Black]

O-Kay

first off, those uhh, impure thoughts are obviously because of your corrupted point of view. pedophilia and beastiality? really? such a thing never cross MY mind. I think this speaks a chapter of your personality if this is your first thought on the situation when it occured.
nah, I'm kidding. but really, I'm going to assume you watch South Park of some other show of the sort, if you do then I don't think LoZ has much to complain about on it's decisions for characters.

A-hem.

SHE'S STRADDLING A 12-YEAR OLD. WHO IS ALSO A WOLF. IT DOES NOT TAKE A DIRTY MIND TO REACH THAT CONCLUSION.

he turns into a Wolf because it some thing in the dark word that changes people into a form that represents thier peronality. it was explained in some of the earlier games but I'll take your word that they didn't explain it. I suppose it's for the fanboys yeah?

I wrote that book once. But honestly, why the Hell is it a wolf? I think a lot of things when I see that kid, but 'husky on steroids' isn't on the list. Try again if you like.

you can move when you make the wolf use that big circle thingy to finish those dudes off

You...you can? Well...shit.

auto-jump = look at the destination + hold Up. you haven't played many 3D platformers have you?

Naw-- only the entire Prince of Persia franchise, Super Marios sixty-four and galaxy, both 'Screed games, Escape From Butcher Bay, Harry potters 1-3, that crappy Bionicle game from days of yore, every 3d Spider-man game ever made, and the entire LEGO franchise. Also, inFAMOUS and Prototype. And Arkham Asylum.

I'm a bit of a greenhorn. /sarcasm

I love the items you find and how you use them to solve the dungeon and beat the boss but you seem like the impatient type who wants to fight the Boss, it's about the destination and the journey/buildup is just a waste of time huh?

When the journey's as dull as that, yes.

 

[Danzaivar]

Too much 'suck it up nintentards' 'oh i can hear the fanboys crying already' etc. sort of spiel, makes it sound more like you want to get a rise out of people than critique the game. Rest of it is good though, if not a bit under researched at points

Spoiler: example

Early on in the game, the main character is pulled into an alternate dimension...where he turns into a wolf.

...Am I missing something here?

When you look over everything that came before, it still doesn't make sense. Was his mother a nature spirit? Was his father a shaman? Was he born under an enchanted full moon? Did he make a deal with Satan? Did he get nipped by a sheepdog and happen to possess a markedly-less-unique mutation? Nope. That's not explained.

That's not a good thing.

I recall at some point it's mentioned that humans turn into spirits in the Twilight realm, but the 'Hero' will become a 'blue eyed beast' when in Twilight.

Yeah, that's nice and all, but...why?

Also, how come you never mentioned pretty much anything about after you get to the sword swinging bits? It genuinely sounds like you got to the wolf bit, got annoyed at the combat and getting lost then stopped playing or something.

Right after the part with the second spirit I just decided to dash it all-- does that make sense?

Right after the part with the second spirit? You mean Faron Woods? That means you literally quit just before the first dungeon. No bosses, no special weapons/tools, no 'why is this happening', no exploring and collecting random upgrades. No wonder you didn't enjoy the game, hah.

 

[DrDeath3191]

O-Kay

first off, those uhh, impure thoughts are obviously because of your corrupted point of view. pedophilia and beastiality? really? such a thing never cross MY mind. I think this speaks a chapter of your personality if this is your first thought on the situation when it occured.
nah, I'm kidding. but really, I'm going to assume you watch South Park of some other show of the sort, if you do then I don't think LoZ has much to complain about on it's decisions for characters.

A-hem.

SHE'S STRADDLING A 12-YEAR OLD. WHO IS ALSO A WOLF. IT DOES NOT TAKE A DIRTY MIND TO REACH THAT CONCLUSION.

Isn't he 17 in this game? I might not be recalling correctly, since I haven't played the game since the Wii's launch.

 

[HT_Black]

Right after the part with the second spirit? You mean Faron Woods? That means you literally quit just before the first dungeon. No bosses, no special weapons/tools, no 'why is this happening', no exploring and collecting random upgrades. No wonder you didn't enjoy the game, hah.

No, no, man. There was a dungeon and this big plant thing and this little chicken thing and this big spider and these woods and this monkey with a torch and this folorn princess in a castle that looks like it was pulled straight from a cloud of fear gas and three or so sections where he was a wolf; and then there were gorons and this other wolf who sang choir with him and then there was this horse and this big field and this town and these butterfly things and then a mountainside and then the other wolf again then there was the town one more time and the annoying children from earlier; and then the keebler elf got this tunic and a kickasss sword...

But things didn't get any more interesting.

Oh, just thought I'd add this here: that plot twist with Minda? Yeah, that's more predictable than the one about Atlas in Bioshock.

 

[Lotet]

SHE'S STRADDLING A 12-YEAR OLD. WHO IS ALSO A WOLF. IT DOES NOT TAKE A DIRTY MIND TO REACH THAT CONCLUSION.

you really believe that's what the artists at Nintendo were thinking whan they made those characters? when the 3D moddellers were making the meshes? maybe you don't need to be a filthy person to think it but to be disgusted by it at the sight of the situation must mean you have some strong feelings about the subject *cough* sorry, I'm making the same insult twice

I wrote that book once. But honestly, why the Hell is it a wolf? I think a lot of things when I see that kid, but 'husky on steroids' isn't on the list. Try again if you like.

edited post above

When the journey's as dull as that, yes.

*reads other posts*
YOU DIDN'T GET TO THE FIRST DUNGEON???

 

[ScarlettRage]

it wasn't bad
but apparently i am a mad bastard.. lol

 

[Avatar Roku]

Alright, I'm very, very short on time and didn't have time to read the entire thing, but I'll briefly address what I can.

They explain why he turns into a wolf. Because he holds the Triforce of Courage (And Zelda the Triforce of Wisdom, Ganon of Power. It's something from the entire series). I knew that at the time and it was the first Zelda game I'd played. Granted, it's only really brought up one time, but it's still an explanation.

I'll come back here later and read the entire thing to address it all later. I'll try not to be a fanboy about it though.

Well thanks...it's not as sensible as the Kool-aid man being red, but thanks all the same.

But wait...since when is 'wolf' synonymous with 'courage'?

I have slightly more time now, so I can explain more. That "other dimension" was just the rest of Hyrule, except that it was being taken over by Twilight Creatures. Normal people just became spirits, completely unaware of what was going on, but the holders of the triforces either transform into beasts (Courage) or stay the same (Wisdom). We don't know what happened to Ganon, we don't see him in Twilight.

 

[HT_Black]

SHE'S STRADDLING A 12-YEAR OLD. WHO IS ALSO A WOLF. IT DOES NOT TAKE A DIRTY MIND TO REACH THAT CONCLUSION.

you really believe that's what the artists at Nintendo were thinking whan they made those characters? when the 3D moddellers were making the meshes? maybe you don't need to be a filthy person to think it but to be disgusted by it at the sight of the situation must mean you have some strong feelings about the subject *cough* sorry, I'm making the same insult twice

I wrote that book once. But honestly, why the Hell is it a wolf? I think a lot of things when I see that kid, but 'husky on steroids' isn't on the list. Try again if you like.

edited post above

When the journey's as dull as that, yes.

I don't get it. What's the insult? Regardless, don't feel bad--I made the same point three times.

And by that, I mean that I made the point that a naked princess had both legs over a twelve-year old werewolf.

Oh-- if that 'insult' was what I think it was, mark it up to one too many BFME games lost to Isengard.

 

[Aura Guardian]

He's 17 in Twilight Princess.
"The reviewers lied. Gamespot lied (par for the course), Gameinformer lied (likewise), Nintendo Power lied (obviously), and John Funk was just screwing with you."
They did? Wow...I loved it anyway. This isn't a review, more like an angry letter.
Not even since I see mostly the word 'Nintentards' this is just making fun of what the fans like. Mostly likely, this game didn't hold your attention due to the lack of guns,blood and gore right?

 

[laikenf]

O-Kay

A-hem.

SHE'S STRADDLING A 12-YEAR OLD. WHO IS ALSO A WOLF. IT DOES NOT TAKE A DIRTY MIND TO REACH THAT CONCLUSION.

Come on dude, really? I don't know if I should call it a sick mind, but certainly creative and alert. Midna on top of a boy wolf eh? I gotta tell you, neither I nor anyone who's played this game that I know of (as a matter of fact, first time I see someone come up with such observation) have ever come even near of thinking such things.

 

[Danzaivar]

Right after the part with the second spirit? You mean Faron Woods? That means you literally quit just before the first dungeon. No bosses, no special weapons/tools, no 'why is this happening', no exploring and collecting random upgrades. No wonder you didn't enjoy the game, hah.

No, no, man. There was a dungeon and this big plant thing and this little chicken thing and this big spider and these woods and this monkey with a torch and this folorn princess in a castle that looks like it was pulled straight from a cloud of fear gas and three or so sections where he was a wolf; and then there were gorons and this other wolf who sang choir with him and then there was this horse and this big field and this town and these butterfly things and then a mountainside and then the other wolf again then there was the town one more time and the annoying children from earlier; and then the keebler elf got this tunic and a kickasss sword...

But things didn't get any more interesting.

Oh, just thought I'd add this here: that plot twist with Minda? Yeah, that's more predictable than the one about Atlas in Bioshock.

Hang on I'm confused as to what bit you got up to. Did you quit just as you got the tunic, or did you quit at Kakariko village?

Basically, did you get the wind boomerang? If not, in HL2 terms you got bossed about for a bit and then some fat guy threw a crow bar for you use, then you quit cos it's meant to be a first person SHOOTER not a first person IMA OPEN BOXES WITH MY METAL STICK.

Twilight Princess could definitely be slammed for having a very slow build up to the main game. Before you write off the whole series however I would suggest giving Ocarina of Time a whirl, even if you suck you'll be in dungeons doing the righteous stuff within 20 minutes of naming your character.

 

[HT_Black]

Alright, I'm very, very short on time and didn't have time to read the entire thing, but I'll briefly address what I can.

They explain why he turns into a wolf. Because he holds the Triforce of Courage (And Zelda the Triforce of Wisdom, Ganon of Power. It's something from the entire series). I knew that at the time and it was the first Zelda game I'd played. Granted, it's only really brought up one time, but it's still an explanation.

I'll come back here later and read the entire thing to address it all later. I'll try not to be a fanboy about it though.

Well thanks...it's not as sensible as the Kool-aid man being red, but thanks all the same.

But wait...since when is 'wolf' synonymous with 'courage'?

I have slightly more time now, so I can explain more. That "other dimension" was just the rest of Hyrule, except that it was being taken over by Twilight Creatures. Normal people just became spirits, completely unaware of what was going on, but the holders of the triforces either transform into beasts (Courage) or stay the same (Wisdom). We don't know what happened to Ganon, we don't see him in Twilight.

Hmm...Bastards stole my book. Well, at least it makes something approaching sense now. Thanks a good deal...and if I recall properly, Ganon(dorf) made a BLAM appearance as the final boss.

 

[HT_Black]

Hang on I'm confused as to what bit you got up to. Did you quit just as you got the tunic, or did you quit at Kakariko village?

Basically, did you get the wind boomerang? If not, in HL2 terms you got bossed about for a bit and then some fat guy threw a crow bar for you use, then you quit cos it's meant to be a first person SHOOTER not a first person IMA OPEN BOXES WITH MY METAL STICK.

Twilight Princess could definitely be slammed for having a very slow build up to the main game. Before you write off the whole series however I would suggest giving Ocarina of Time a whirl, even if you suck you'll be in dungeons doing the righteous stuff within 20 minutes of naming your character.

No-- I got the boomerang, got to the second creepy wolf choir bit, climbed to goron mountain, and healed the second spirit. That's when I got fed up with it...come to think of it, that was more than five hours.

O-Kay

A-hem.

SHE'S STRADDLING A 12-YEAR OLD. WHO IS ALSO A WOLF. IT DOES NOT TAKE A DIRTY MIND TO REACH THAT CONCLUSION.

Come on dude, really? I don't know if I should call it a sick mind, but certainly creative and alert. Midna on top of a boy wolf eh? I gotta tell you, neither I nor anyone who's played this game that I know of (as a matter of fact, first time I see someone come up with such observation) have ever come even near of thinking such things.

That's not on top of him. She was not standing on him like a surfboard: she was straddling him, scratching him behind the ears, and giving him naughty pats round the tush. Now quit calling Freud a liar.

 

[Archer147]

Just read the... Um...

Sorry, I can't call that a review.

A review objectively looks at a subject and gives a summary of it. What you've done is played a game, barely halfway through, decided you didn't like it, and thought you'd show everybody how much you didn't like the game by ripping on it repeatedly.

Nice try though.

Fair enough, you didn't like the game. But to call this a review? I didn't like Halo, and wasn't a huge fan of Half-Life 2, Bioshock, Prototype, Assassin's Creed, and Resistance: Fall of Man, but I'm not going to write a whole page of hate, fire and pain about them all.

By all means, voice your opinion. But don't bash people in the nose with it.

-Archer147 regrets a few things. And he never actually read that book.

 

[HT_Black]

Just read the... Um...

Sorry, I can't call that a review.

A review objectively looks at a subject and gives a summary of it. What you've done is played a game, barely halfway through, decided you didn't like it, and thought you'd show everybody how much you didn't like the game by ripping on it repeatedly.

-Archer147 regrets a few things. And he never actually read that book.

Yes, but I did it objectively. And there was most definately a summary there-- so what if it was loaded with enough curses and condemnations to embarrass the Necronomicon? It was still a review.

Shame you never read that book though. It was good.

 

[Archer147]

Just read the... Um...

Sorry, I can't call that a review.

A review objectively looks at a subject and gives a summary of it. What you've done is played a game, barely halfway through, decided you didn't like it, and thought you'd show everybody how much you didn't like the game by ripping on it repeatedly.

-Archer147 regrets a few things. And he never actually read that book.

Yes, but I did it objectively. And there was most definately a summary there-- so what if it was loaded with enough curses and condemnations to embarrass the Necronomicon? It was still a review.

Shame you never read that book though. It was good.

Oh-hoo, alright then.

People of the Escapist- is this a review or a rant?

 

[Avatar Roku]

Alright, I'm very, very short on time and didn't have time to read the entire thing, but I'll briefly address what I can.

They explain why he turns into a wolf. Because he holds the Triforce of Courage (And Zelda the Triforce of Wisdom, Ganon of Power. It's something from the entire series). I knew that at the time and it was the first Zelda game I'd played. Granted, it's only really brought up one time, but it's still an explanation.

I'll come back here later and read the entire thing to address it all later. I'll try not to be a fanboy about it though.

Well thanks...it's not as sensible as the Kool-aid man being red, but thanks all the same.

But wait...since when is 'wolf' synonymous with 'courage'?

I have slightly more time now, so I can explain more. That "other dimension" was just the rest of Hyrule, except that it was being taken over by Twilight Creatures. Normal people just became spirits, completely unaware of what was going on, but the holders of the triforces either transform into beasts (Courage) or stay the same (Wisdom). We don't know what happened to Ganon, we don't see him in Twilight.

Hmm...Bastards stole my book. Well, at least it makes something approaching sense now. Thanks a good deal...and if I recall properly, Ganon(dorf) made a BLAM appearance as the final boss.

And that's explained by the first Spring Spirit you rescue, so you must not have been paying too much attention.

And yes, Ganon does make an appearance as the end boss, but I meant that we never see him in the physical realm of Twilight, not the game. I mean, we see him once in the fake final boss Zant's flashback and he's just a giant ball of fire, but I don't think that's what he's like in Twilight. If it is, Link got royally shafted.

 

[HT_Black]

And that's explained by the first Spring Spirit you rescue, so you must not have been paying too much attention.

And yes, Ganon does make an appearance as the end boss, but I meant that we never see him in the physical realm of Twilight, not the game. I mean, we see him once in the fake final boss Zant's flashback and he's just a giant ball of fire, but I don't think that's what he's like in Twilight. If it is, Link got royally shafted.

Really? I don't recall. All I rememeber is something about the 'blue-eyed beast' and 'the impending darkness'.