The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess-- Dropping the Bombshell

[Arkhangelsk]

Just read the... Um...

Sorry, I can't call that a review.

A review objectively looks at a subject and gives a summary of it. What you've done is played a game, barely halfway through, decided you didn't like it, and thought you'd show everybody how much you didn't like the game by ripping on it repeatedly.

-Archer147 regrets a few things. And he never actually read that book.

Yes, but I did it objectively. And there was most definately a summary there-- so what if it was loaded with enough curses and condemnations to embarrass the Necronomicon? It was still a review.

Shame you never read that book though. It was good.

Sorry, I had to laugh there. I hope you know what objective means, and as most people already know, a review is automatically subjective, because they base the review on what they think of the game, thereby letting their own personal feelings affect the review. There are no objective reviews.

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TWILIGHT PRINCESS
I can now say that The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess now holds a special place in my heart...

As the worst piece of crap I've ever played.

Finally, some one with some sense!

Anyone that disagrees is a fanboy or a troll.

EDIT: You shouldn't have to play through to the end, if after 5 hours the game is still boring as fuck then it doesn't deserve a chance.

Oh, so I'm a fanboy/troll? Well, maybe that's true, what do I know, I've only played 3 Zelda games, none adding up to my favorites, (if I'm a fanboy of anything it's Ratchet & Clank and FFVII) and have an almost clean slate on this site. But you seem so wise, so how can I object? You certainly know what an opinion is!

 

[HT_Black]

Snip

Aww the wittle valve fanboy doesn't comprehend the story and puzzles.
Seriously dude this is all flamebait, and before you call me a "nintentard" as you put it I'll have you know I'm a PS3 fanboy.
I can't believe your entire review of the storyline was accusing nintendo of obscure plot lines and weird sexual preferences, In fact I think I would get a better PS3 review from the screaming 12 year old portion of Halo 3's fanbase. Just admit it was over your head and leave it at that.

Aren't you cute? But seriously, I think you're lost. God of War is in the next building-- it's about your speed.
That is to say, agressive, judgemental, overly defensive, spoiling for a fight, not clever enough to look at my profile, and not discerning enough to go for Among Thieves.

You fanboy-fu is weak.

I would love to comment on your review but I gave up after five paragraphs.

So I will generalize it by saying only this...

It sucks.

Each to his own-- I'd make a comment about your statement, except you used 'generalize; quite creatively there: I've never seen it used that way in any dictionary.

Here's what i get from your review
The bad parts.

Theres several things that suffer udner the fact that you haven't played through the game. Sometimes it's like reading a movie review based solely on the trailer. Seriously, dislike a game as much as you want, critisism is always better than dazed fanboys, but calling a review of a game you've only played about 15% a feview is as big a lie as the ones you attack the professinals for telling.

Actually, as fate would have it, I made it through 70% of the game-- I suppose I can be thankful that it seemed short. Also, I'd reccommend practicing more before you touch-type. Want to know something cool? I'm typing this with my eyes closed.

And yes, by the way-- He is twelve-- but I'm pretty sure they pull an Ocarina on us and shave five years of his lifespan right around the second dungeon. And regardless-- 17 is still too young.

Despicable characters, a pointless and disengaging story, broken controls, uninteresting combat, annoying puzzles, bad character design, and an absolutely infuriating score make The Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess one of the worst things you can waste money on (just above a thumbscrew and just below a blowjob from a starving coyote).

Let's see...
Despicable characters? Well, Midna can be annoying, although I personally liked her. The kids were annoying, but then they were meant to be. Colin is awesome, as is Zant. Zelda, I found to be far too passive in this game, right up until the end. I enjoyed the side-story with Ilia and found Renado to be incredibly awesome. Telma, I found pretty annoying with her thinly-veiled advances.

A pointless and disengaging story? Since you didn't even finish the game, one wonders how you know how the story goes. I had no problems following it, personally, but then again I've played Zelda before.

Broken controls? I played the Gamecube version, but it had the best controls of any Zelda game I've ever played. And the Zelda games in general definitely compare favourably to the action-adventure-whateverthehellthisgenreis games that I've played. The lack of a jump button never annoyed me, because the dungeons and such are actually designed with the inability to jump on the spot in mind. You jump when you need to, and at no other time; considering that Zelda's not really a platformer, I don't see the problem here.

Uninteresting Combat? Well, that's entirely subjective. I personally loved it, especially fights against bosses, Dark Nuts and Dinalfos. Except you didn't get to the latter two, did you?

Annoying Puzzles? I liked them. But then I never ended up "angrily stalking the room for 45 minutes looking for the easily-missed last door". Not to mention I paid attention to the in-game hints, was fairly meticulous and used the map.

Bad character design? Isn't this a reiteration of your first point? Were they really so banal as to force you to repeat yourself twice?

Infuriating Score? I'm afraid you are beyond help here.

Finally: Paedophilic bestiality? For one, Link is 17. For another, there is nothing sexual between Midna and Link, implied or otherwise. Midna pats Link, rides him like a horse (get that? A horse. Not anything else), twists his ear and so forth because she starts off as, frankly, a vindictive ***** who loves to bend others to her will, which is pretty obvious from her first appearance (Her condescending tone and impish laugh were pretty clear).

See above, with maybe a few extra wuips thrown in. Aslo, about the whole "uninteresting characters" thing? Anyone with half a brain in their heads should be able to get you interested in them right off the bat. Moreover, I don't know if you caught this, but I was playing this game ON THE WII.

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TWILIGHT PRINCESS
I can now say that The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess now holds a special place in my heart...

As the worst piece of crap I've ever played.

Finally, some one with some sense!

Anyone that disagrees is a fanboy or a troll.

EDIT: You shouldn't have to play through to the end, if after 5 hours the game is still boring as fuck then it doesn't deserve a chance.

You're likening someone who like a certain game with a person who deliberately posts short, annoying, often bewildering messages for the sole purpose of getting a rise out of someone?

My god, you're a fucking idiot.

If the game you've been playing for 5 hours isn't interesting you, YOU'RE PLAYING THE WRONG GAME FOR YOU. If you don't like FPSs,don't play CoD or Halo.

Well said, hater.

I do not think that your reveiw was particulary clever or funny.

You are entitled to dislike the game, however a more balanced reveiw, without any references to paedophilic bestiality, would have been more articulate.

They would've also been less accurate. That'd be a bit like me reviewing Rapelay and forgetting to mention the whole 'rape' aspect.

I would love to comment on your review but I gave up after five paragraphs.

So I will generalize it by saying only this...

It sucks.

IMO, you just won this thread. Good job.

OT: Meh, not necessarily a review, more like a rant. I read through it, and while I don't agree with most of it (I liked TP), you are free to your own opinion. Although the stuff about bestiality? You totally missed the point and characterization of Midna. Sorry. Try again.

(Also, take the time to listen to Midna's Lament [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUXhSvvxmN0]. It's one of the best tracks in the game. It's much better when it's actually played in the game, though.)

See above. Again.

I stopped respecting your opinion about the time you claimed Bioshock wasn't good either, though your comment about having never played a Legend of Zelda game made skeptical of either your age or your credentials as a gamer.

I stopped respecting you right about here. Attacks aren't a good way to open a correspondence. Insert another quarter.

I disagree with almost all of your points, but what I found most disturbing of all was the way you treated your own opinion on a game you barely played.

70%. Although nice job on not being offensive there.

First of all, the story is the one of the simplest in all of gaming history. You basically must gather weapons and powerful old relics from dungeons while at the same time defeating the evil inside which will prepare you for the final boss confrontation.

How many of said bosses are mentioned for more than a single level? Dissapearing plot points.

From what you told me, you didn't even make it far enough into the story to get a feel for it.

As near as I can tell, there was no stroy. There was a plot, to be sure, but anything resembling a story was conspicuously absent.

Secondly, you barely mention the swordplay at all. I can only gather from this that you actually enjoyed it, but enjoyed writing your hateful and ugly "review" so much that you left it out. It is a huge part of the game and some of the best moments occur when Link has a sword and shield in his hand.

It's all there in the review, pal-- I did like the swordplay.

Finally, you need to realize that your opinion isn't a fact.

Likewise.

You scream liar at other reviewers like it is impossible for anyone else to enjoy this game.

Hey kettle-- you're black!

To be honest, you came across like wannabe, know it all jerk who is commenting on a subject he really doesn't understand.

Et tu.

P.S. It feels like you are trying to imitate Yahtzee but even he realize that other people have different opinions that might be valid.

I eagerly await proof of this.

Well, I can tell a few things from this review....
You don't know how to ride an animal.

Tell that to the trailhorse and the Apaloosa I keep out back. Sweet home Alabama, buddy.

She's simple riding him like a horse. You also apparently have seen some rather old looking 12 year olds.

No, he looks like a china doll. It say in the game that he is, in fact, 12.

Aside from this the review is pretty much a good assessment of the opening, which I think was terribly flawed. The world they made is beautiful and dynamic, and forcing you to see each section of it first in a bland palette with dull music before it makes it bright is a terrible design decision.

Oh, you magnificent bastard! You gave me an off-handed compliment! Now I can't bear to insult you!

That being said, I still think this was the best Zelda game, once those first two dungeons get knocked out it's all uphill. However, I also think that you would certainly not agree. In fact, i'd likely guess that you do not enjoy puzzles in games you play at all, and thats all Zelda is really. Combat and puzzles.

Tell that to Portal and Prince of Persia. Nicely done, though.

 

[Woodsey]

And there I was thinking I was the only one - boring and tedious is all I remember of it.

 

[DrDeath3191]

5 hours = 70% of the game.

WHAT?!?!

Zelda Twilight Princess has almost 50-80 hours of gameplay! This is a confirmed fact! You barely played 10% of what the game has to offer. Your entire review is now completely moot. I haven't actually read the review; I already own Twilight Princess and enjoyed the game. It's not the best Zelda, sure, but it's a damned fine game all the same. But when you claim to have made an honest review, I'd suspect that you would at least play through more of the game, or even do some research.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

Oh, so I'm a fanboy/troll? Well, maybe that's true, what do I know, I've only played 3 Zelda games, none adding up to my favorites, (if I'm a fanboy of anything it's Ratchet & Clank and FFVII) and have an almost clean slate on this site. But you seem so wise, so how can I object? You certainly know what an opinion is!

I'm confused, you didn't like 3 other Zelda games yet you liked this one?

I never said that I didn't like the other Zelda games, but liking them doesn't make me a fanboy. Neither does it by liking this game either.

 

[JaredXE]

I think that reviewer was a liar when he called TP the best Zelda ever.

*Ahem* A Link to the Past.

He may apologise to me at his convenience.

 

[obex]

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TWILIGHT PRINCESS


The critics lied.

You had me up till here im prepared to here anyone's reasons for not liking a game as what some people consider a good game is different but if you try to tell me that every critic and every person who liked this game is either lying or a fan boy then you can royally piss off.

Now quit calling Freud a liar.

Only if you quit justifying any half baked reasoning by referencing freud, infact if freud was here he would more likely say that it is you with the problems from drawing such a conclusion from the image.

 

[everfreeDragon]

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TWILIGHT PRINCESS
I can now say that The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess now holds a special place in my heart...

As the worst piece of crap I've ever played.

Finally, some one with some sense!

Anyone that disagrees is a fanboy or a troll.

EDIT: You shouldn't have to play through to the end, if after 5 hours the game is still boring as fuck then it doesn't deserve a chance.

I disagree with this review but I am also disapointed in Twilight Princess.

OT: I have a few points, I haven't played the game in a while so I may be a bit rusty but;
1. I don't remember any mention of Link being 12.
2. I found some of the music to be great, but some of the music (the theme for Hyrule when in Twilight) to be quite bad to horrible.
3. you say 7 percent of the game but did you even reach the desert? There are 2 mcguffins you need to collect, then a couple more dungeons after that.

Also if you want a better Zelda game to see what it is capable of, my recommendation is Majora's Mask, but when playing it don't skip the sidequests, some involve a lot of character development and make the world feel more real.

Finally, if you have any proof against my points please post it.

 

[HT_Black]

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TWILIGHT PRINCESS


The critics lied.

You had me up till here im prepared to here anyone's reasons for not liking a game as what some people consider a good game is different but if you try to tell me that every critic and every person who liked this game is either lying or a fan boy then you can royally piss off.

Now quit calling Freud a liar.

Only if you quit justifying any half baked reasoning by referencing freud, infact if freud was here he would more likely say that it is you with the problems from drawing such a conclusion from the image.

The Shift key is your friend. By the way-- the Freud reference was made in perfect context. You made a fair point about my calling liar on the critics though.

I haven't played the game, but this review just annoyed me - you were simply flaming the game after playing it for only about five minutes.

And don't attack other's opinions, you're here to get yours across, not bash everyone else's.

Correction: After playing it for about twelve hours and looting my little brother's profile so I could see the endgame.

On an unrelated note: did you ever consider telling everyone else to leave my opinions alone?

 

[Jeronus]

"sigh" You just don't get it.

 

[Samurai Goomba]

I don't know if this has been answered yet, but why is Link the only one who transforms? What's special about the Triforce of Courage that isn't in the other two pieces? Why does Zelda not become a magical owl and Ganondorf an evil giant rat or something? I would instead propose the hypothesis that they do not simply because the idea of Link turning into a wolf was something the design team thought would be "cool," and then they pulled an explanation out of their butts to attempt to explain it.

I mean, in Link to the Past EVERYONE is transformed by the dark world. Just one reason why LttP is the best Zelda.

And I agree the creepy sexual undertones in TP get really out of hand. Okami wasn't nearly so bad like that, and that was a game where you were a wolf 100% of the time AND there was the whole "is Amaterasu's wolf form male or female?" thing going on.

That said, while I agree TP is a bad game, it's hardly the most offensively bad Nintendo game, or even Zelda game. I'm more indifferent to it than anything. To me, Wind Waker is the most obnoxiously horrible Zelda game (though I suspect most people would disagree). The worst thing about TP is how the wolf form is something you'll never want to use, because you never get any new moves for it!

 

[DrDeath3191]

On an unrelated note: did you ever consider telling everyone else to leave my opinions alone?

People aren't attacking your opinions: you're allowed to think whatever you want. However, basing your review on such a small part of the game (nowhere near your claimed 70%) and calling anyone who disagrees with you a liar or a fanboy does call some doubt in regards to your credibility.

Also, for the umpteenth time, Midna riding Link is not a sexual image. Did you get a similar idea from when Link rides Epona? Probably not, if you have any development of the libido. You seem to be stretching for criticisms when you mention that.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

Oh, so I'm a fanboy/troll? Well, maybe that's true, what do I know, I've only played 3 Zelda games, none adding up to my favorites, (if I'm a fanboy of anything it's Ratchet & Clank and FFVII) and have an almost clean slate on this site. But you seem so wise, so how can I object? You certainly know what an opinion is!

I'm confused, you didn't like 3 other Zelda games yet you liked this one?

I never said that I didn't like the other Zelda games, but liking them doesn't make me a fanboy. Neither does it by liking this game either.

Yeah, Yeah. I know. I was just exagerating. Look, I'll recover my dignity by apologizing:

sorry

Yay, friends? *offers to shake hands*

 

[TheyTookOurJobs]

I believe you said you'd never played a Zelda game before this. I can't help think you approached the game with the wrong expectations or opinions of the Zelda series.

 

[wordsmith]

I've not played Twilight Princess, it's a Wii game. In my experience, the wii controls are woolly as hell compared to Controllers, which in turn feel woolly as hell compared to Keyboard and mouse. Pick up a gameboy, grab any one of the umpteen LoZ gameboy games. Much better.

Yes, it's the same "Princess has been taken by Gannon, get a load of stuff and rescue her". That's LoZ.

Also, I know the LoZ games are fairly story-driven, so a short attention span (as your review seems to indicate?) will not be too brilliant.

 

[Mr_M]

If you've never played a Zelda game before or since, how can you make comments such as this?

"Now add about fifty NPCs, all of whom are Navi from Ocarina of Time."

How the hell do you know who or what Navi is, or what kind of character she is? You then say:

"I never played a Zelda game before Twilight Princess; and thanks to it, I sure as Hell won't now. Ocarina of Time could be better than Portal (with included alien superpowers and treasure vault!) and I still wouldn't touch it."

So I repeat my original question. If you haven't played Ocarina of Time, how can you reference it?

Seriously, I liked the review but those OoT references are confusing beyond belief.

 

[hittite]

Meh, I actually liked the game, but there are a few differences between you and me.
1. I played it on the Gamecube, maybe the Wii controls were that bad, I don't know
2. The first game I ever played was A Link to the Past, so nostalgia tended to gloss over the annoying parts.

Anyway, since you didn't finish the game, I thought I'd add some points that annoyed me from the later parts.
1. Not enough Spinner puzzles. Riding on the Spinner made me feel like Tony Hawk with a sword and it's easily my favorite item from the game, yet you only use it for one dungeon and few contrived puzzles.
2. Why do the Ice Dungeons always suck so much?
3. The brief foray into the Twilight realm is controller-breakingly difficult until the half way point where it gets ridiculously easy.
4.How did Midna not die?

Spoiler

Ganon crushed her freaking head