The R Word

[SlugLady28]

Thank you so much for writing this. It was obviously very hard and I commend you for it.

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

Still, there's another issue of how using 'rape' on Xbox Live could contribute to people not reporting rapes for fear of ridicule, but from this point on I won't use "torture" on Xbox Live.

Prove that me saying that I "raped a match" in California is going to cause a person in NYC to not report when they have been raped.

As for your torture comment, good to know that you won't use that term anymore.

 

[ShotgunZombie]

You want to know what the most depressing part of this whole ordeal will be? That most of the people that use the word and this kind of language liberally, the exact kind of people that the author is trying to reach will most likely never read this article or any of the others that try to explain why this is such a sensitive issue.

 

[subtlefuge]

Still, there's another issue of how using 'rape' on Xbox Live could contribute to people not reporting rapes for fear of ridicule, but from this point on I won't use "torture" on Xbox Live.

Prove that me saying that I "raped a match" in California is going to cause a person in NYC to not report when they have been raped.

As for your torture comment, good to know that you won't use that term anymore.

Joke about rape.->Rape is a joke.-> Someone gets raped.-> They don't want to be ridiculed or blamed.-> They keep quiet.

At this point, I should just come out and say it: we're not debating anything. By that I mean that I make a point, you latch on to a single word (words that you claimed were meaningless less than 10 pages back), you deflect and justify and distract from the issue.

You clearly know that nobody uses "torture" on Xbox Live. It's obvious that people who had an issue with murder would likely steer clear of violent online video games. You pose hypothetical questions about whether we should stop using words that most people are totally in favor of stopping. Nothing that has come from your keyboard has been productive or even on topic. However, you can't get off of these points, because arguing directly in favor of antisocial douchebaggery is even more flimsy than the meaningless drivel that you're coming up with.

 

[Bvenged]

I don't know what to say to this. Its certainly opened my eyes more to the situation at hand with trashtalk and internet communication, and it reminded me of a video that I watched the other week on the effects your "minor" insults can actually have, but I didn't expect "rape" to be as much of an issue.

I think it's a delicate situation where the world shouldn't be shunned from the dictionary or linguistics, but it should be treated with due care of the affects. This article shines more light on the issue of online gaming communication and how few precautions are in place in terms of making it a friendly environment. I know for sure that I will be more concious of my use of "raping an enemy".

 

[oplinger]

To the author, you deserve some kind of award.

To me that's all anyone should be saying in here.

 

[ProtoChimp]

Okay I say rape all the time around my friends. Only ever as an inside joke and never in front of other people but I think I should cut it down. I get a feeling I've become "that guy", I really need to cut that shit out.

 

[Moromillas]

Wtf. Is this some kind of joke? No, seriously. Is it meant as trolling or something?

Yeah, I do think saying rape isn't a good idea, and don't use the word rape all the time. (I have to say this part, otherwise idiots will assume I'm defending the usage of the word rape.) But why are you also telling everyone just how peachy and fantastic your life is in the article? I don't think you realize just how insulting this is.

What's that? You have friends and family and get to do stuff together like "game of thrones" night? That's nice. Oh, you have a job and your own apartment? Shit, that's not bad ehy. Right, so you got to go out on lots of dates, and you have a girlfriend that you're considering moving in with? Oh, and you play a whole lot of games on xbox live. How wonderful. But why have you tacked on "If others didn't say rape, I wouldn't be reminded of painful memories in my otherwise wonderful life." WTF, why?

 

[Helmholtz Watson]

Joke about rape.->Rape is a joke.-> Someone gets raped.-> They don't want to be ridiculed or blamed.-> They keep quiet.

So isn't racism effected in the same way? People joke about racism all the time and I don't see people being reluctant to go to the media about how they feel they have been racially discriminated against.

At this point, I should just come out and say it: we're not debating anything. By that I mean that I make a point, you latch on to a single word (words that you claimed were meaningless less than 10 pages back), you deflect and justify and distract from the issue.

I'm just pointing out that if a person is going to be so apposed to using the word rape, I see no reason why they should not also feel so strongly about the word "torture", "murder", or "kill".

 

[saintchristopher]

Idk about everyone else but for me the takeaway here (and from nearly everything i read about this issue) is that Xbox live - or even online play in general - is the worst thing that ever happened to videogames. I have without exaggeration never, ever once actually enjoyed playing a videogame with other people. because other people are horrifying. it breaks my heart that online play is "the new normal" because we are clearly unfit to interact as human beings. and not a single story of "but not me! / not my friends! / not my guild! we're nice!" will convince me otherwise.

 

[Ramzal]

The experience of being raped has touched every aspect of my life. People like Ron Rosenberg, the PR head for Tomb Raider, tend to talk about rape like it's some character-building challenge to overcome, a wound that heals into scar tissue, making you tougher. That's a fundamental misunderstanding. Rape isn't a scar, it's a limp -- you carry it with you as long as you're alive, and it makes life harder, not easier. Being raped does change you: it's more than non-consensual sex, it's psychic murder. The person you were beforehand ceases to exist and you can never, ever be them again.

I was with him until here. As a person who has gone through this experience, I do not need someone speaking for me or--playing the victim. Yes, it's hard on you. It's hard on anyone who goes through it. Sad to say, it happens. It's not a part of life everyday life, but it can be a part of life. When bad things happen in the past, you move on, get over it and get stronger. Mine is a scar but I've made it a very small one. I don't need someone making it sound we need special treatment or protection.

It happened. Move on, get over it.

 

[Bmagada]

The feminist arguements also come down to a dual standard as to what should be allowed. The basic arguement being that it's okay for women to produce, and read books about being ravished by pirates or whatever, but it's not okay for men to create or read the same thing.

I touched on this in a response to The Jimquisition recently about fantasy rape and the differance between it and reality. I generally don't think "rape" in a story where everyone winds up (eventually) having a good time is a big deal. It's adult material because you need to have an adult point of view to seperate that from reality. The problem of course being that a lot of feminist arguements come down to there being seperate standards for men and women when it comes to entertainment. If some lady reads about a female protaganist being tied up and raped (which is more politically changed to "ravished" in such cases) in a book with Fabio on the cover, purchused from the romance section, that's okay... but if some guy reads a book/comic/watches a movie about the same basic thing then it's to be treated differantly.

Feminism sucks because it by and large represents a dual standard, and the arguement that girls should be able to do things that get guys branded freaks or wierdos.

-

As far as rape as a TERM goes, it's use comes from the belief for many people that rape is more about power than sex. In reality that's not the case as much as many people like to believe, the belief being popularized because of the victims being upset over the loss of power and control, rather than that nessicarly being the motivating force for the rapist. I've read some analysises in the past that have pointed towards a trend where if it's about power for the rapist then the victim is unlikely to survive the experience as it usually crosses over into torture and murder as opposed to just being about the sex. The term gets used as a way of talking about dominating and using someone completly, with nothing they can do about it. Rather than saying "I'm going to dominate you and use you up" or "you got dominated" it's simply "your going to get raped". which flows better and conveys the meaning. I don't care for it myself even if I've used the term that way myself to fit in, but I don't think it's worth getting upset about either, slang changes over time, and we're liable to see this go away in a decade or so. Truthfully the more people complain about it, and the more they show their cards about it getting their goats, the longer it will stick around, as such complaints will simply fuel the subversive quality that fuels slang. Indeed I'd argue that articles like this are actually going to encorage people.... want to see the term die? Wait for it to be used non-stop, and only correctly about 20% of the time on some primetime programming that's trying to be hip (as opposed to judgemental). Have a bunch of "hipsters" running around a modern 90120 using the term constantly on some preppy beach or whatever, and that will kill it.

Well said sir, well said. I understand that for victims of rape it can be a touchy subject. I myself was abused when I younger, but I still believe that the only person who could ever give words power are the people that let the words affect them. It's impossible to stop someone from saying something just by saying that it's bad. More often than not it gives the word more weight by implying how much damage it may cause.

 

[ReiverCorrupter]

At this point, I should just come out and say it: we're not debating anything. By that I mean that I make a point, you latch on to a single word (words that you claimed were meaningless less than 10 pages back), you deflect and justify and distract from the issue.

^^snip^^

I'm just pointing out that if a person is going to be so apposed to using the word rape, I see no reason why they should not also feel so strongly about the word "torture", "murder", or "kill".

Neither of you are really engaging in a debate so much as going around in circles making counter-assertions.

People can have strong reactions to almost any word. Someone whose loved one was murdered could have a very bad reaction to people using the word 'murder'.

However, rape is different in that it's something that is extremely personal. It's the actual victim of rape who is traumatized by it. Not only that, but it is an act of one person violating another in the most intimate way possible. The real problem is that it is pretty much the most traumatic thing that can happen to a person, and thus hearing the term 'rape' tossed around casually is bound to cause more suffering than tossing around the term 'murder'.

I would say that torture is probably even worse, but there just aren't nearly as many people who are tortured so you're less likely to cause someone distress by throwing around the term.

Joke about rape.->Rape is a joke.-> Someone gets raped.-> They don't want to be ridiculed or blamed.-> They keep quiet.

So isn't racism effected in the same way? People joke about racism all the time and I don't see people being reluctant to go to the media about how they feel they have been racially discriminated against.

The evidence for jokes causing that sort of thing is extremely flimsy. It might seem to make sense that jokes can have those effect, but there really isn't any proof that they actually do. This is the kind of argument that is used to remove speech that one finds offensive by appealing to the "shouting fire in a crowded theater" clause, i.e. that its effects are so harmful that it shouldn't be protected.

However, no one here seems to be arguing that this speech should be made illegal (and companies can limit your speech in their services however they want, using their services is a privilege, not a right).

If the argument is that people who throw around the word 'rape' casually are d-bags, then I'd say there really isn't even a need for an argument: that conclusion should be obvious to anyone with half a brain.

However, I would add that it is really easy to avoid hearing these sort of things on Xbox live: just go into a party or change your settings. While one is quite right to point out that people who throw around the term 'rape' carelessly are complete assholes, it's also kind of hard to see it as an epidemic that must be stopped through drastic censorship when the people who are offended by this sort of thing already have the ability to avoid it completely.

If you know the nature of Xbox live, and you're offended by what people on Xbox live commonly say, then at that point it's kind of on you to take some simple steps to avoid the things you don't like. If someone goes out of their way to harass you, then by all means, report them. But if you get offended by a overhearing a conversation that doesn't involve you, then you should probably just mute the offenders.

Think of it this way: could someone sue the city for being offended by a KKK march while walking down a city street? No. Corporations can (and do) state in their license agreements that they are not responsible for what the other people who use the service say. When they ban people, they do it for business: they might lose customers if they didn't ban people for certain behaviors. If enough of their customers demanded that certain forms of speech be banned, then they would do it simply because their profits might suffer otherwise. They don't have any moral obligations to censor offensive speech. It's their service, and how they run it is up to them. If you don't like it, don't use it.

On the other hand, if you're going to use disgusting language that many people would find offensive, the least you could do is do it in party chat so others don't have to hear your filthiness. That's just common courtesy.

For some people it's not about the harmful effects of the speech so much as the simple fact that they don't want people using that speech period, regardless of whether it actually offends someone in the particular instances when it is used. These people have a right to complain, but that's about all they can do. If the corporations and their customers decide to ignore their complaints, there's nothing else that can be done.

 

[AngelBlackChaos]

Thank you for speaking for those who cannot talk about it in public. Or the ones who haven't been able to tell anyone. The ones that are bothered by this being involved with games.

It has pretty much made me unable to play or have the urge to play the new tomb raider, and i was truly looking forward to it.

People don't realize, dealing with things that involve that can really cause flashbacks, and worse.

 

[Scorpid]

This article is true for the word retard too. When you got a brother or sister or know someone who is actually mentally disable retard doesn't men something that is stupid, it's a term filled with hate. People should stop dropping that word so casually too.

 

[ms_sunlight]

Anonymous: Thank you for setting out so clearly the difference between "offended" and "hurt". I was moved by your story. I wish I had the courage to share mine.

 

[ReiverCorrupter]

The feminist arguements also come down to a dual standard as to what should be allowed. The basic arguement being that it's okay for women to produce, and read books about being ravished by pirates or whatever, but it's not okay for men to create or read the same thing.

...snip...

Feminism sucks because it by and large represents a dual standard, and the arguement that girls should be able to do things that get guys branded freaks or wierdos.

Well, to be perfectly fair you're overgeneralizing feminism. The feminists who fight so that women get paid equal wages for equal work shouldn't be lumped into the same group as those who try to scandalize things in the media by talking about 'objectification'.

Whether you agree with it or not, there's a huge difference between fighting something as concrete as a discrepancy in pay between two people who have the same job and the same hours by trying to get certain pieces of legislation passed, and fighting a vague cultural war in which the ultimate goal is to change people's "perceptions" or "prejudices". Not only are the goals of the latter enterprise vague, but the effects of the things that they are trying to combat are hardly proven.

(In case it isn't obvious, I support the former, but am cynical of the latter. I, for one, wouldn't allow my daughters, if I had any, to spend too much of their time playing dress-up or doing other things that might make them think that their worth lies in their appearance. I also wouldn't enter into a relationship in which I didn't consider my partner an intellectual equal. However, I can't help but feel that the constant complaints about pop-culture are both counter-productive and silly. A woman who was raised properly isn't going to be a slave to the images in the media. The real thing at fault is bad parenting.)

As far as the double standard goes, I can hardly speak for these people, but I imagine quite a few of them would argue that romance novels are as just as bad as their male equivalents. Others might argue that it isn't the same for men as it is for women because of the entrenched patriarchy. I won't defend or even suppose that I am presenting these arguments successfully. But I do think you're overgeneralizing a bit.

 

[Arctic Fox]

I believe that the point of the article is that words carry weight. I've only read the first 40 comments, but a few seem to be getting caught up with the word 'rape' itself. We have to realize that words that we say casually could actually hold more meaning than we know.

A while back someone called me a Nazi because I was being strict with my sister. While I understood that he wasn't accusing me of following Hitler, I was still taken aback by the comment because of how strong the word still is, even 70+ years later.

There are many words that we as a society use too frivolously. There are some words that should carry weight behind their meaning. Rape, in my opinion, should be one of them. I don't think that it is being said that you should never say these words. Just put some thought into what you are saying before saying them.

 

[Kelethor]

I'm sorry if this sounds insensitive but, Mr. Anonymous, you need to stop having the mentality of a fucking victim. You need to stop being a coward, trying as you do to block out anything to do with rape. It only represses your emotions and thus gives them more control over you. You need to stop living in fear.

You can do it. You know how I know that you can do it? Because when I was a wee lad of 4 I was raped multiple times. I repressed it. It haunted my dreams for 14 years until I re-experienced it in its totality when I was 18. It was the fucking worse thing ever but it still wasn't enough. After that I had 5 imaginary death experiences that were at least as painful as my initial re-experience. Even after that I had to quit my university for a few semesters because I found myself to be now so incapable of dealing with any stress that I would go into a state of paralytic shock for hours on ends at the simplest demands. Hell, it's only now that I've finally got over my subconscious fear of intimacy that has prevented me from forming any kind of sexual relationship.

But you know what? I got the fuck over it. Sure, my rape is still an uncomfortable subject but I didn't have to spend two damn weeks of suffering to write this post. As for the subject of rape in general I'm fine with it. I don't get offended at the use of rape in media or in the news or by punk-ass kids on Xbox. That's because I've learned to accept it and integrate it. I am no longer afraid because instead of repressing and running away from my fears I have the courage to confront them.

Mr. Anonymous you, sir, are a damn coward right now. You're letting your fears govern your life and the more you continue to run away from your fears the more they will own you. You don't have to be a coward, Mr. Anonymous, you can find the courage to confront your fears if you just get out of the mentality of being permanently damaged. No matter what anyone tells you, you don't have to be a damaged man.

Dude...the fuck?

I was never raped, and hopefully I never will be. You were. You know how painful, how traumatizing it is. Why in the FUCK would you rip on this guy, or call him a coward? he made it clear that rape isn't something to "overcome" or a challenge you can grow from. its something you carry with you for the rest of you're life. clearly the two of you disagree, because you seem to think it's just another part of life, or something you can "roll with"

Im really happy that you no longer suffer from trauma or fears, but for christ's sake, have some sympathy for the guy. as someone who suffered as you did, try and understand, like I, and everyone else is.

OT: I can't say anything that hasn't already been said, other then thank's for pouring you're soul into this article, and I hope you can live the best life you can. you deserve it.

Edit: Okay, so, I should have probably read the ENTIRE 16 pages of comments before commenting myself. sorry about that.

 

[macfluffers]

Child abuse, assault, and torture victims do not "nearly" suffer. You just trivialized parental neglect, battery, and torture.

No, I just rank them as less traumatising than rape

The precise point at which I abandoned this ridiculous debate.

You and me both.

I mean, really? Imrix literally said that victims of child abuse, battery, and torture only nearly suffered a bad fate.

The only way to know if rape really is worse than other horrors is to conduct a study of people who've undergone various traumas including rape, and have them rank them. Otherwise it's purely subjective and not even worth suggesting. (And even that would be shaky.)

So, for the love of God, do not try to tell me that attempted murder and other traumas are not as bad as rape. I'd rather be raped than stabbed repeatedly in non-vital areas, and perhaps you feel differently, but either way, there's no way to objectively scale the horror, so we shouldn't try to say one is worse than another.

We either treat them the same or we do not expect others to have our sensibilities.