The sarcasm/BDSM discussion thread!

[Elate]

The power dynamic in D/s relationships is a style of sex- when i'm saying D/s is about the sex i don't literally mean the act itself but rather the context and mentalities behind the act. Traditional relationships arn't built solely round a certain style of sex, and indeed therefore motives for getting and maintaining a traditional relationship are different to those in a D/s relationship.

D/s relationships are not built entirely around the sex, the motives behind it are more to do with Dominant/submissive personalities, least the ones I'm talking about. A lot of said relationships may have no sexual connotations what so ever. This is what I'm saying is a misconception, that saying BDSM relationships are built around the sex is plain wrong.

I'm curious now- what makes BDSM lifestylers different to fetishists? Fetishism itself is a sexual arousal associated with an act or behaviour or thing which isn't in itself sexual. The dom/sub power dynamic isn't inherently sexual, but a number of people find it so, and therefore i would personally classify it as a fetish. The difference i suppose is that BDSM lifestylers carry on that fetish outside the bedroom- and that's effectively making a lifestyle out of a fetish.

Again, it isn't extended outside of the bedroom, sometimes it may not even originate in the bedroom. Fetishists are just that, people that like aspects of BDSM in the bedroom (least I would describe them as that.) lifestylers get pleasure out of /all/ aspects of BDSM, and a great many have nothing to do with anything sexual and are not carried from the bedroom. A fetish is a singular item which one finds arousing, bondage, etc. BDSM is not a fetish because it is too all encompassing, while BDSM lifestylers often have fetishistic practices, but the thing is, the very word fetish doesn't inherently mean sexual, people just seem to only think of sexual things when it's used.

To break it down;

Fetishist - Someone that is in a vanilla relationship, that practices the more sexual sides of BDSM in the bedroom.
Lifestyler - Someone who goes into D/s relationships from the start, and it runs through the entire relationship, as I said sometimes not sexually.

Some people just have submissive or dominant impulses and want to act on them, and while a lot of it is sexual, since that is the easiest way to display such traits, I would say the vast majority of people like that would tell you that a great deal of it lies in rituals and other services which translate that dynamic into every day life. Think of a typical early 1900s vanilla relationship, where the woman was subservient to the man, /that/ is the difference. Only replace woman with submissive and man with Dominant. Now of course it's a lot more complicated than that, but those relationships weren't "built from sex" and neither are D/s ones.

In terms of lifestylers, I imagine that many of them extend the BDSM's range of influence beyond just the sexual domain, evolving it into something more than just a fetish. It defines the relationship, and, to an extent, the individuals themselves. I can imagine it being used for specific types of relational needs/wants based around dependancy, trust, motivation, personality training, etc.

I guess the deciding factor might be whether or not the root the lifestyler's relationship was based around sexual satisfaction/gratification.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Pretty much this.

 

[Vault101]

I don't treat men any differently here or in real life. Just so happens that many (but not all *cough*Moonlight Butterfly*cough*No Hime*cough*) of the people I argue with are men.

so you and moonlight arent part of some "sisterhood" representing womanhood online?....

well its just whenever sexism rears its ugly head you two are always right in the eye of the storm

[quote/]The only real time I treat men differently, I suppose, in real life is sexually; I'll refuse to allow a man any say sexually, but am willing to take a lesser role with a woman.[/quote]
does that imply your bi?....ok ok I know none of my buisness I just want sure what that meant

 

[darlarosa]

Can't we just all have sex and be happy?

 

[Vault101]

]I love Moonlight. I think she's a beautiful person and count her as a friend. We just come at some things differently and end up disagreeing at times. But yeah, I totally consider her a sister in the sexism wars

Yes, I'm bisexual. Probably something akin to pansexual with how flexible I am in some regards (despite my strong limitations in others).

ah....well thanks for the info

fight the good fight then!

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I don't get what the big deal is. Listen after a hard days work where you are in control of everything, where you have to babysit everyone, making sure everyone is doing their job its nice to come home and be able to let someone else control you.

It has to do with stress relief for me. Having someone else to "take over my life and choices" is actually a relief. There is nothing degrading about it. Putting yourself in a situation where you are helpless and powerless can be very stimulating for some people.

Also I have found it a great relationship builder. Think about it, your tied spread eagle to a bed and your significant other now has the chance to do whatever he/she wants to do to you. They could pleasure your brains our or they could kill you and you can't do a thing about it. The amount of trust that is involved is immense.

 

[Nickolai77]

*snip*

Interesting post, i consider your post very informative. By the sound of things then 50 shades is a poor interpretation of a D/s lifestyle relationship so i imagine the book has actual D/s lifestylers frothing at the mouth more than the fetishists. At least we both agree that the book is bad PR for lifestylers and fetishists alike.

 

[Elate]

*snip*

Interesting post, i consider your post very informative. By the sound of things then 50 shades is a poor interpretation of a D/s lifestyle relationship so i imagine the book has actual D/s lifestylers frothing at the mouth more than the fetishists. At least we both agree that the book is bad PR for lifestylers and fetishists alike.

OOohhh yes, we can both agree on that, it's bad PR all around.

 

[Overusedname]

I deeply apologize in advance for the following poem.

I hurt you
You hurt me
This excites us sexually
Cause as long I trust you
And you trust me
We're one happy fam-i-ly

...I desperately need sleep, but my point stands. It seems that for many, trust is often the main factors. And pain is close to sex for some people.

And who said the couple wouldn't take turns?

I don't get the BDSM thing.

I could totally get into vampirism, though.

Perhaps someday a miraculous tooth operation can let you live the dream.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Talking of BDSM, hasn?t anyone watched Secretary? If so, is it a good film that accurately portrays a BDSM-oriented relationship between a dominant male and a submissive female?

I like the fem-dom kind of BDSM roleplay, personally. I don't like the male dominant version because I dislike men having any power.

That's just you, though. Some women do find it quite a turn-on for a man to be dominant in the bedroom, and vice versa. As well as the whole ?trust? thing. It's not as if the man will necessarily have the superior power all the time in the relationship. There's a balance.

All in all, since fetishes can be such a personal thing, who the fuck is really to see whether or not it?s sexist? I know that if someone took a trip in my mind, they?d probably call me out for being a misogynistic pig. But I?d know that they?re wrong, and I just can?t help what turns me on. It?s not necessarily reflective on my entire opinion on the female population.

I mean, heck, I recently stumbled upon a tumblr of a transvestite whose ultimate turn-on was to be a submissive slave to a man, including being spat on and called a ?dirty sissy ******?. Does that mean that he?s homophobic? No, it?s just a kink.