The sarcasm/BDSM discussion thread!

SpectacularWebHead

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Jun 11, 2012
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(I'm also gonna put this here: This forum starts with sarcasm and leaves you to discuss bdsm. That's how I roll)



Just when you thought it was dead, that "Wacky" Sarkeesian lady (Who, because I haven't played Iko or Heard of any of her stuff before I have no opinion on) Sparks back up everyone talking about feminism, sexism and shit.

And seeing as how I'm inherently Hypocritical and a slave to trends I've decide to contribute to the problem with this thread, seeing as how no-one ever wants to talk about monkeys or non-anger inspiring stuff when they could be talking about the difference between a penis and a vagina and why one is better than the other. Congratulations people of the escapist, you've worn me down and I'm leaping onto the bandwagon with gusto.

Aaaaanywho, The topic I want to discuss is: The whole BDSM fetishism type thing. I've heard a lot about a book called 50 shades of gray, a book I am inherently terrified of reading because it started life as a twilight fan-fiction. Buuut, the content of this book is apparently largely sado-masochistic pornography, and, because my brain works in weird ways, It led me to question whether you can truly say the BDSM fetish is sexist or wrong in some other way, considering the fact it requires a lot of mutual trust and co-operation, and that as some people have claimed otherwise, the man is not always dominant.

However, a lot of statements claim that these sorts of actions are inherently sexist towards women, often objectifying them as toys or slaves to a mans whims or desires. But, Even in these situations where the women act submissively, consenting adults usually have to put a lot of trust in their partner to not hurt them too badly, or to any degree that takes away the enjoyment of the experience, and, everything is set in place by choice. So whilst you may not be into that sort of "exchange", Is it neccesarily a bad thing? It almost seems that these exchanges require a deeper and more trustibg relationship from the parties, due to the nature of being immobilised in such a way that your safety is completly in your partners hands. It's interesting to think about, in a kind of "Why the damn hell has this thought just popped into my head" kind of way. So yeah, discuss.
 

Colour Scientist

Troll the Respawn, Jeremy!
Jul 15, 2009
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What consenting adults do in the bedroom is their own business. BDSM does not mean you trust your partner any more or any less then another couple, it's just a thing you dow within a trusting relationship.

It's not that BDSM as a whole is sexist or portrays women as objects but in many cases it can.
The Fifty Shades of Gray brand of BDSM is this kind of BDSM, you kind of have to read the book to properly get it but it is very much about reducing an otherwise independent(ish) woman to a slave/dog status. He follows her around, wants to beat her up, only wear the clothes he approves of, wear her hair a certain way, eat what he wants her to eat, sleep an approved number of hours, not look him in the eyes unless directed to and "punish" her if these demands are not met. The author attempts to make this okay by adding in that the main character had also been a submissive to an older woman when he was young but it kind of falls flat.

Anyway, back to my original point, consenting adults can fuck whatever way they want to.
 

SpectacularWebHead

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Colour-Scientist said:
The Fifty Shades of Gray brand of BDSM is this kind of BDSM, you kind of have to read the book to properly get it but it is very much about reducing an otherwise independent(ish) woman to a slave/dog status. He follows her around, wants to beat her up, only wear the clothes he approves of, wear her hair a certain way, eat what he wants her to eat, sleep an approved number of hours, not look him in the eyes unless directed to and "punish" her if these demands are not met. The author attempts to make this okay by adding in that the main character had also been a submissive to an older woman when he was young but it kind of falls flat.
That's not so much BDSM as it the realisation of a misogynist control freaks wet dream, and it can't really be applied to (And this is SUCH an oxymoron) Normal Bdsm. I'm sure the hardest of the hardcore would be a little freaked out by that brand of smut. Anyway, I was kind of using the mention of that book to spark of some semblance of reason as to why I've started talking about bondage, I wasn't relly being specific to it. And also, I didn't mean to suggest that those sorts of couples are closer than others, I meant that it requires a great deal of trust and COULD indicate closeness, in a weird way.
 

Realitycrash

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SpectacularWebHead said:
Aaaaanywho, The topic I want to discuss is: The whole BDSM fetishism type thing. I've heard a lot about a book called 50 shades of gray, a book I am inherently terrified of reading because it started life as a twilight fan-fiction. Buuut, the content of this book is apparently largely sado-masochistic pornography, and, because my brain works in weird ways, It led me to question whether you can truly say the BDSM fetish is sexist or wrong in some other way, considering the fact it requires a lot of mutual trust and co-operation, and that as some people have claimed otherwise, the man is not always dominant.

However, a lot of statements claim that these sorts of actions are inherently sexist towards women, often objectifying them as toys or slaves to a mans whims or desires. But, Even in these situations where the women act submissively, consenting adults usually have to put a lot of trust in their partner to not hurt them too badly, or to any degree that takes away the enjoyment of the experience, and, everything is set in place by choice. So whilst you may not be into that sort of "exchange", Is it neccesarily a bad thing? It almost seems that these exchanges require a deeper and more trustibg relationship from the parties, due to the nature of being immobilised in such a way that your safety is completly in your partners hands. It's interesting to think about, in a kind of "Why the damn hell has this thought just popped into my head" kind of way. So yeah, discuss.
Do these morons people not realize that any partner - male of female - can be submissive?
How is it then "inherently sexist"?
 

SpectacularWebHead

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Realitycrash said:
SpectacularWebHead said:
-el snipo-
Do these morons people not realize that any partner - male of female - can be submissive?
How is it then "inherently sexist"?
I think the fact that any chance a feminazi can get to show men as all being Misogynistic wanker monkeys they will take, even when it defies all reason and logic. To be honest, I've only heard two opinions from a feminazi on BDSM and one was specifically reffering to 50 shades of gray, where the main guy is in fact, a Misogynist wanker monkey. the other wasn't so, still, stupidity :p
 

Realitycrash

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SpectacularWebHead said:
Realitycrash said:
SpectacularWebHead said:
-el snipo-
Do these morons people not realize that any partner - male of female - can be submissive?
How is it then "inherently sexist"?
I think the fact that any chance a feminazi can get to show men as all being Misogynistic wanker monkeys they will take, even when it defies all reason and logic. To be honest, I've only heard two opinions from a feminazi on BDSM and one was specifically reffering to 50 shades of gray, where the main guy is in fact, a Misogynist wanker monkey. the other wasn't so, still, stupidity :p
So in essence; Stupid people are stupid people?


Well, that's no fun at all.
 

Geo Da Sponge

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Yeah, I'm just going to say that anyone who takes Fifty Shades of Grey as in anyway indicative of reality needs a slap on the back of the head. Yeah, it's worrying that something that contains an abusive relationship is held up as a paragon of romance, but that's not exactly BDSMs fault.
 

Relish in Chaos

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Bsically, there?s nothing wrong with consensual adults want to do in the bedroom, as long as it doesn?t harm anyone against their will. And BDSM?s definitely not misogynistic, because both males and females can be submissive and dominant. It?s a fact that many men like strong, dominant and/or experienced women. Just look at the amount of dominatrix and mature porn out there.

Just ignore Fifty Shades of Grey; it?s a pile of crap. Everyone should know a book that originated as Twilight fanfiction wouldn't have a grain of artistic merit.
 

Nickolai77

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Going by what other posters on the Escapist have said about fifty shades and BDSM...The style of sexual dominance in the book- i.e- a male dom control freak who controls every aspect of her day-to-day life- is a form of BDSM lifestyle which a couple may choose to act out. Contary to popular opinion, BDSM can occur outside the bedroom and can be done subtly in public if it's a turn on for both partners.

The thing to bear in mind though is that BDSM is always a fantasy- the BDSM role-play is an aspect of a couple's (or anyone else involved)sexual relationship- but it isn't the whole relationship itself. The sexual fantasy that a couple may indulge in is a role-play, it's not how they want the whole relationship itself to be. For the non-sexual components of a relationship, the couple are for all intents and purposes equal, both fairly respecting each others preferences and opinions.

The thing with this book is that the entire relationship between the two leading characters is a sexual fantasy, which is, as i've explained, an inaccurate of typical relationships which feature BDSM aspects. Hence readers may come away not understanding the vital dichotomy between sexual fantasy and reality, and falsely assume that if you want to experiment in BDSM, it has to define the whole relationship which is very miss leading.
 

Zeema

The Furry Gamer
Jun 29, 2010
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i much rather read 50 shades of Greyskull :D (see what i did there)

also i haven't read the book so i can't say my direct opinion but from what people have said it's total bullshit
 

Bertylicious

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Frank Castle teaches us that if you wish to sandpaper another's genitals then you should be prepared to have your own sandy scrub, but that the trick is to do it first.

It is also possible to derive enjoyment from all manner of sources:

 

Vampire cat

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Apr 21, 2010
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As someone deelpy into this kind of thing, I really can't see how this is sexist at all. There is no given that the man is the dominant one (in fact, in the circles I mingle, the other way around is more common), and there IS a great need for trust between the parties. If that trust is broken, if one doesn't trust the other to respect your limits, then you can't lose yourself in the moment and truly enjoy it.

It takes extremely many forms though, there are countless variations that would fall under the umbrella term BDSM. Some are quite gentle, others are in the extreme in ways those of us not interested can't possibly understand causes sexual release.
 

Vault101

I'm in your mind fuzz
Sep 26, 2010
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BSDM is fine and not sexist

the situation if 50 shades was...fucked up to say the least
 

Elate

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Oh oh, I'm into BDSM, pick me, pick me!

50 Shades is essentially seen as a joke, twilight fanfiction that portrays BDSM lifestyles in a really shit light, I've yet to speak to anyone involved in BDSM that likes, or even approves of that book.

Also, BDSM, being sexist? WHAT? WHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?

Vampire cat said:
As someone deelpy into this kind of thing, I really can't see how this is sexist at all. There is no given that the man is the dominant one (in fact, in the circles I mingle, the other way around is more common), and there IS a great need for trust between the parties.
Yeah I must say, this seems to apply for me too. It makes me sad really when I see books like 50 Shades and their portrayal of BDSM being that the man is always in charge and such.

Nickolai77 said:
I disagree completely, it isn't always roleplay and a lot of D/s "couples" are not conventional couples in the slightest, and as such are not equal in anyway (by their own choosing of course.) I guess we're talking about a standard couple that beside to bring BDSM into a relationship, and a relationship formed ground up around BDSM. Relationships like the one in 50 Shades do exist, but it's the way the Mr Grey was portrayed that I think annoyed a lot of people, it implies that to enjoy something like that one has to have severe mental issues.
 

Starik20X6

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Colour-Scientist said:
What consenting adults do in the bedroom is their own business. BDSM does not mean you trust your partner any more or any less then another couple, it's just a thing you do within a trusting relationship. Consenting adults can fuck whatever way they want to.
Well that was quick. Pretty much this, whatever floats a couple's consensual boat is none of my business.

That said, I'd be getting concerned if it goes beyond a sex thing and into the territory of "I'm going to brutalise this person just because I'm an asshole and I can get away with it".
 

Blunderboy

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Boudica said:
I like the fem-dom kind of BDSM roleplay, personally. I don't like the male dominant version because I dislike men having any power.
I can't say I'm surprised.

OT - I've never been really into the BDSM side of things, and 50 Shades of Grey is total twaddle.