Total Recall Getting Total Remake

Tom Goldman

Crying on the inside.
Aug 17, 2009
Total Recall Getting Total Remake

Movie goers will be asked to get their posteriors back to Mars in an upcoming remake of Total Recall.

Women with three boobs. People's faces bugging out due to exposure to Mars' atmosphere. Pulling a golfball-sized tracker device out of your nose. These are but a few of the memorable moments from one of the greatest movies of all time: 1990's Live Free or Die Hard [] director Len Wiseman is tasked with protecting its legacy with a remake.

Columbia Pictures is calling it a "contemporized adaptation" of Total Recall which was originally based on Phillip K. Dick's We Can Remember It for You Wholesale []. Due to the mention of the book, it's possible this won't necessarily be a direct copy of the original film and may stick closer to Dick's text instead. Whether it does or not, there's simply no way it'll be as cool as the first movie.

I pride myself on not being a negative Nancy. If someone wants to remake a classic film I usually don't mind, and I'm even really looking forward to the expansion of the future Telltale adventure games []. However, Total Recall might be too sacred a property to take on again. I'm just not sure anything can live up to the genius of the original, especially without Arnold Schwarzenegger punching everybody in the stomach as Douglas Quaid.

Despite the twists and turns, Total Recall itself isn't really all that cerebral. It just has so many funny moments, primarily due to Schwarzenegger and quotes such as "Get your ass to Mars" and "See you at the party Richter!" Who could replace Arnold in one of his best roles ever?

Columbia Pictures president Matt Tolmach says Wisemen will being a "contemporary feel to the film while taking care with everything we love about Philip K. Dick's original story." I'm interested to see what Wisemen can do, but let's face it: Nothing will ever beat a prostitute with three boobs. The film doesn't appear to have a release date just yet.

Via: Collider []



This name was cool in 2008.
Feb 11, 2009
*sigh* Why do they have to remake fucking everything? I don't think people even care about this move any more, I'm sure there are much more famous movies that they could remake.


Better than Vash!
Oct 20, 2009
Ok this is one Nostalgia flick I DO NOT WANT A REMAKE OF. screw that im never gonna see the new one! it will forever tarnish the fond memories of the over the top original.

still thinks the best part was when Arnold pulled a random civilian as a meat shield, when he is suppose to be the good guy! XD


The British Paladin
Jul 14, 2009
Oh wow, talk about blasts from the past! Well...with all the modern technology we have could actually be rather intresting!


New member
Nov 1, 2007
*slow sad face palm*

There have been maybe 3 good remakes and a hell lot of crappy ones. My crap sense is tingling.


New member
Apr 21, 2009
Ive never seen Total Recall but because of what you've just said Mr Goldman, I may just give it a watch.

More on topic most fans of originals usually do not like Remakes and I assume this wont be any different.


New member
Oct 9, 2008
Dear Hollywood,

Fuck you.

The World.

Really now, I know there's no such thing as an original idea these days. But why is it every filmmaker of this generation feels the need to to create some shitty, poorly written remake of every great film I grew up with? What happened to the days when putting ones own ideas in front of millions of people was the goal? I dunno, I've seen too many films that I have such fond memories of completely destroyed with the modern retelling, and it's getting old.

And ya know, the last time I went to see a movie in theaters, I couldn't help but notice... that out of all the previews I saw, only one was for an original story. The rest? Remakes...


New member
Feb 25, 2008
I feel Len is a bit doomed here, how can you possible remake Total Recall without Arnie and Michael Ironside. But...

Hey Benny, Sccreeewwww yyoooouuuu!


New member
Jun 24, 2008
Couldn't they just put the original on at the cinema again? There's nothing wrong with it that it would need a re-make.


New member
Jan 24, 2010
Ummm... Why?

The movie Total Recall was an awesome action film with lots of weird features, but it didn't really have anything to do with Dick's original short story, which was little more than a silly punchline-driven story. I don't think it was even more than 12 pages long. Where is the movie in that? This is totally pointless.

But if this is an attempt to make the worst movie ever, you're halfway there. Cast Jack Black in the lead role and you'll be rolling in the misery.


New member
Feb 16, 2010
Lovely. Nothing like re-hashing a moderately successful nostalgic "classic" (well, in certain circles) for today's dipshit audience. I'm sure it'll make money, and any ads I see for it will cause me to die a little inside...


New member
Apr 9, 2009
Naw, I mean...naw...

I don't mind remakes but Total Recall was just one of those movies I think that was not meant to survive outside the timeframe of its birth. Like the old Bond movies. Or like The Last Boyscout. I look back on those movies and you wanna hug them to peices, but you just know that if they were remade and re-released today, they wouldn't survive and it makes you sad.

So...this is one I don't have a good feeling about, but so long as they don't go the Lucas route of trying to marginalize the originals with the re-masters and remakes...I guess it won't make much difference to me anyway.

Funny...I'd still say Total Recall was where Arnie actually genuinely bought me with his acting (other than his usual set of one-liners :p ) precisely because of the kind of character he played.


New member
Jun 7, 2010
Money. That's all its about.

Granted, some films need a new retelling (King Kong) because the original is so old the film it was filmed on can barely run through a projector these days.

But movies that are only 15-20 years old? Its SO blatantly an executive saying "Our target demographic is 20-30 year olds, lets make movies out of their childhood" its degrading.

Hollywood is basically putting a bit of special FX on film, not really caring about it, and standing outside the cinema with their hands out saying "Okay, we have 120 minutes of footage we did as minimal effort on as possible, BUT THE NAME IS TOTAL RECALL/A-TEAM/TRANSFORMERS/etcetcetc. Hand over your money because you enjoyed it the first time."

The most laughable thing is the folks who dont believe they'll remake things from the 90s.

Why should Hollywood execs have morals over 10 year old films if they dont over 20 year old films?

If the public is dumb enough to pass through a paycounter to see it, they'll do it.

So if you've gone to see any of these remakes - you're the one you should be blaming. If no one watched them, they wouldn't make them.


New member
Mar 23, 2009

Okay to be serious, I really liked Paul Verhovens Total Recall.. I thought it was shit hot. Mostly (as said by the OP) because of Arnold's hammy acting and punching people.

That said, I'm sort of looking forward to a remake, I've learned my lesson of having a negative outlook on future films or games before I know enough about them. I do enjoy watching a different directors take on adapting the same book, to see how they envisioned the world, setting and characters of the book.

So yeah, I'm pretty optimistic of this project. Will it be a piece of shit or a flop?. Who knows.