Trying to convince my friend he's not a paedophile

[AcacianLeaves]

He's not a pedophile, but he will go to jail if he acts on this attraction. It depends on the Country/State obviously, but most call it within 2-3 years if they are over the age of 14 or so.

In related news, teenagers are hot. They were designed to be the most physically attractive when they are the most fertile. That's kind of how our species works. Luckily we've evolved to a point where people can live life without worrying about having children before they die at age 30, so naturally the age of sexual maturity has been given more legal leeway. (obviously pregnancy isn't an issue with homosexuality, but the rule of teenagers being hot is still true)

 

[Sacman]

Hell I've been attracted to 15 year old girls before... I've been attracted to 13 year old girls before... but they didn't look like they were 13... I swear to god I thought she was in high school...<.<

 

[no one really]

My mother is close to 10 years older than my father and 15 is legal in scandinavia, so I don't think it's weird at all.

 

[Cyrus Hanley]

The title in and of itself says it all really, but I'll elaborate so you can actually know what's going on.

Basically, for the past month and a bit now, my friend has been thoroughly convinced that he must be a paedophile, or at least some kind of potential sex offender. The reason for this? He has an immensely strong attraction to a 15 year old boy. My friend is 19.

He's been pissing me off with this because all he's talked about is either how much he likes this 15 year old guy, or how much he hates himself and fears he's going to go to prison.

So is there actually any way I can effectively convince my friend he's not a paedo for this? Or is he just a creepy freak?

Your friend is neither a paedophile, nor an ephebophile.

Paedophilia is a primary or exclusive sexual interest in prepubescent children (generally ages thirteen years and younger). Ephebophilia is the sexual preference of adults for mid-to-late adolescents, generally aged between fifteen to nineteen years.

You told us yourself that your friend is nineteen years old and has a crush on a particular fifteen year old boy, not all fifteen year old boy. I see nothing wrong with it, so long as he doesn't stalk or sexually harass the fifteen year old and, judging from how you have described your friend as all talk and no action, I wouldn't be worried for them. Although, I do advise that your friend wait until the fifteen year old is at the appropriate age to engage in sexual activity before attempting to start a romantic relationship. It's not illegal to be attracted to someone who is four years younger than yourself, but it's a pretty strong social taboo (especially during the teenage years).

/thread

 

[Naleh]

He's fine. 15 isn't prepubescent, and the age gap isn't huge. As long as he doesn't act on it before the age of consent.

(I'm just glad that most of the thread hasn't been bothered about the homosexuality. I know the internet isn't representative of the public, but it gives me hope that society is finally getting somewhere.)

 

[CoL0sS]

Well it's good that he's open with you. Just talk to him, make him feel better, show him this topic (if you're sure he's not gonna mind you discussing his personal life on Escapist ) Age difference can be a tough thing to overcome, but 4 years ain't that bad.

 

[Sikachu]

The title in and of itself says it all really, but I'll elaborate so you can actually know what's going on.

Basically, for the past month and a bit now, my friend has been thoroughly convinced that he must be a paedophile, or at least some kind of potential sex offender. The reason for this? He has an immensely strong attraction to a 15 year old boy. My friend is 19.

He's been pissing me off with this because all he's talked about is either how much he likes this 15 year old guy, or how much he hates himself and fears he's going to go to prison.

So is there actually any way I can effectively convince my friend he's not a paedo for this? Or is he just a creepy freak?

Actually, the term for what he is is Ephebophile [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia].

Except of course that one can't test for ephebophilia while in those who fit in that age category as it manifests as a continued attraction to males of that age beyond the time when it would be age appropriate.

OP:
The CORRECT terms for what your friend is is 'neurotic' and 'tiresome'. The solution is to tell him you're bored of his bullshit, the 15 year old is old enough to make decisions for himself, and to stop obsessing about something meaningless, and then to stop indulging him by listening.

 

[zombiesinc]

The title in and of itself says it all really, but I'll elaborate so you can actually know what's going on.

Basically, for the past month and a bit now, my friend has been thoroughly convinced that he must be a paedophile, or at least some kind of potential sex offender. The reason for this? He has an immensely strong attraction to a 15 year old boy. My friend is 19.

He's been pissing me off with this because all he's talked about is either how much he likes this 15 year old guy, or how much he hates himself and fears he's going to go to prison.

So is there actually any way I can effectively convince my friend he's not a paedo for this? Or is he just a creepy freak?

I certainly don't blame him for being concerned about possibly going to jail if he were to act on these feelings, as the kid is underage. But simply because he's underage doesn't make your friend a pedophile. From 10-20 age difference is usually more significant, yes, but in the long run, four years isn't a huge gap. That's not to say he should go ahead and 'present' himself to this kid, but it's also not to say he's some sort of pedophile.

He's over-analyzing the situation because his feelings are so strong for this kid. It's understandable he'd be worried about jail time, but you should let him know he shouldn't believe he's a pedophile.

If your friend still refuses to believe he's isn't one, then perhaps you should show him a website that lists the characteristics of a pedophile, which would help support what you're saying.

 

[Wutaiflea]

Considering how close your friend is in age to this boy, I very much doubt he's exhibiting any kind of sexually deviant or questionable behaviour. As has already been stated, by definition, the guy he likes is too old to have the attraction classified as paedophilia anyway.

It's natural to have crushes even beyond your normal sexual preferences (ie. for a heterosexual to have a homosexual crush etc), particularly during teen years so this may not even turn out to be a long-term preference.

As long as he acts responsibly, particularly if he decided to pursue any form of relationship with him, I don't see that there's anything wrong in how he feels. Would he really feel so bad if he were say 25 and dating a 21 year old?

Be supportive through what seems like a confusing time, but also make it clear where your boundaries lie. You shouldn't have to listen to this all day, every day- it puts too much pressure on you.

 

[SinisterGehe]

Bah, it's not really that big a deal. And since you're saying "paedophile", rather than "pedophile", I'll assume the age of consent is 16. Therefore, all he has to do is wait a year or less, and it'll be perfectly legal.

I don't think anything would happen unless he, y'know, fucked the boy or anything though. He's just being a paranoid parrot. The police have better things to do than hunt down a 19 year old with an attraction to a 15 year old.

You would think some but most of the time it seems they are too busy doing something else than the important stuff.

 

[LawlessSquirrel]

That's not so bad. That age difference is probably just on the wrong side of the law, but...well, screw the law.

A friend of mine, about the same age, dated a 14 year old (14 by memory, but may have been a few months earlier), nothing bad came out of it. The law may disagree with me on this, but I think maturity and respect is more important than elapsed time before death. In my friend's case, although I could tell she was younger than him, I would not have been able to tell just how much until she brought it up (for the purpose of explaining that she didn't think age should be a factor, actually).

Look...basically what I'm saying is that it's nothing unnatural, just socially questionable in today's cultures. If this boy is mature, and your friend is mature, there's no real reason it can't be a healthy relationship. If, on the other hand, they're not, then age is irrelevant anyway.

If it's a strictly sexual attraction though, tell him to get over it. No relationship should be based on sex, especially if one person could be in a state of vulnerability.

Oh, and even though it's been said before, he's not a paedophile. He's closer to Ephebophile, but even then only if he's exclusively or almost exclusively attracted to that age bracket. One person only qualifies enough to get you charged if anything suspect or abusive happens.

UNRELATED EDIT: Heh, Aylaine's got this topic under watch. That amuses me for some reason >.>

 

[the rye]

The title in and of itself says it all really, but I'll elaborate so you can actually know what's going on.

Basically, for the past month and a bit now, my friend has been thoroughly convinced that he must be a paedophile, or at least some kind of potential sex offender. The reason for this? He has an immensely strong attraction to a 15 year old boy. My friend is 19.

He's been pissing me off with this because all he's talked about is either how much he likes this 15 year old guy, or how much he hates himself and fears he's going to go to prison.

So is there actually any way I can effectively convince my friend he's not a paedo for this? Or is he just a creepy freak?

Technically that's not paedophilia it would be called Ephebophilia. Also the legal age of consent differs in diffrent countries and 15 year olds don't really have the bodies of children, some 15 year olds look 18. The point is your friend is not a paedophile because he's not attracted to children he's attracted to a 15 year old.

 

[TaboriHK]

If he did anything, then legally yes, he is. However, IMO, the age difference isn't to bad. It's not like your friend is 40 trying to bang a 15 year old.

No. He'd get statutory at the most, and actually being convicted and having a real sentence would be even more unlikely.

 

[Sparrow]

I think it's closer to "jailbait" rather than actual pedophilia.

Still jailbait though, so tell him to keep it in his pants.

Yurp, this covers it for me. He may also want to check that the 15 year old kid is gay too, while he's at it. It might help him with his brooding.

 

[YoBadMama]

This is a a strange topic indeed. Maybe he should just stop thinking about it so much and it will go away.

 

[Kris015]

Wow...

I don't know how to convince him, but i know a 15 year old girl whose boyfriend is 23-24 (i don't remember). I know lots and lots of people like this.. Not any gay people though.