"Undateable"

[Verlander]

Have you got hobbies or interests? Then you have a shared connection with someone. If they're not in your area then move, but there are always going to be people out there.

 

[Shamanic Rhythm]

Don't be silly. Get a camera, take a sepia-filtered wide angle shot of yourself from a reasonable height, put it on Tinder, and wait for people to find you interesting.

 

[Casual Shinji]

No, there isn't someone for everyone if you just wait around, but anyone can go out there and meet people (unless you suffer from some very severe ailment). It's all up to you to throw yourself out there.

This is coming from someone who doesn't have any friends and who has never had a date, because I don't take the initiative to get involved with others. Even if you're a big fat slob who straggles his pets, you can meet people and get dates if you only make the effort.

I guess my severe ailment would be anxiety. I don't exactly NEVER try but when I do it's usually under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol and I usually spend the next month or so feeling shitty about it. Which I'm trying to do something about, but if the progress was any slower, I'd be going fucking backwards.

Well, then you have one up on me. I never try at all. As the years roll by it becomes natural to just not bother anymore. Also, small talk is like brain surgery to me, and I'm just a rather thick individual as well -- I probably wouldn't notice someone showing interest in me if they screamed it right at my face.

 

[Mister K]

The worst mistake I've done during my younger years is, without being able to put it in better words, actively searching SPECIFICALLY for a date. It always made me a bit nervous when I was talking to girls and it seems to me that I looked weak-willed. Nice guy, but without a backbone.

I got older and stoped carrying about it too much. When I got into Uni I started meeting people JUST because I liked hanging aroud with them as people.

Me and my lady had our first anniversary few weeks ago.

What I mean is that you shouldn't look for lady friend speciffically, but rather meet with nice people. Oh, and be a nice guy. Not the trilby-wearing "internet nice guy" stereotype, obviously.

 

[Doclector]

No, there isn't someone for everyone if you just wait around, but anyone can go out there and meet people (unless you suffer from some very severe ailment). It's all up to you to throw yourself out there.

This is coming from someone who doesn't have any friends and who has never had a date, because I don't take the initiative to get involved with others. Even if you're a big fat slob who straggles his pets, you can meet people and get dates if you only make the effort.

I guess my severe ailment would be anxiety. I don't exactly NEVER try but when I do it's usually under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol and I usually spend the next month or so feeling shitty about it. Which I'm trying to do something about, but if the progress was any slower, I'd be going fucking backwards.

Well, then you have one up on me. I never try at all. As the years roll by it becomes natural to just not bother anymore. Also, small talk is like brain surgery to me, and I'm just a rather thick individual as well -- I probably wouldn't notice someone showing interest in me if they screamed it right at my face.

I'm much the same. And I do mean "copious" amounts of alcohol. For clarification, none of these attempts have worked.

 

[MrHide-Patten]

I came to that reasliation ages ago, and thus gave up all ideas of 'scoring' and focused on what things I am good at, never been happier. People like to perpetuate that there is somebody out there for everybody, but here I sit on the otehr side of the fence decrying such faf, screw the system man, all the plebs saying what you should want and value.

But in all honesty I am very bland, or more correctly, what I like doing can be done best with only one person, more people just make things akward.

TL;DR: Be happy wit chow bland self.

 

[brtt150]

OP, you will never go on a date. You aren't allowed to approach women. I think that's the point of another thread here. Sorry.

 

[Mezahmay]

By any chance OP, do you like to count things and read the ingredients on the back of food packaging?

Spoiler: In case you don't get the reference

http://heyarnold.wikia.com/wiki/Arnie

Yeah this comment is completely not serious, but I felt it wrong no one else posted this.

 

[shootthebandit]

I can offer you some magic elixir which boosts your stats as follows

+50 charisma
-20 intelligence
-40 dexterity

N.b The effects are temporary and it may take between a few hours and a day to recharge your mana after consumption

fortunately you are in luck my friend, as my magic elixir can be obtained from most inns, taverns or ye olde shops

Spoiler: magic elixir

 

[Ihateregistering1]

No, not radio carbon dating.

I was having a discussion with a friend the other day about how I've only ever gone on one date. He kept arguing that "Of course you'll meet women and go out" and that "everyone goes on dates on has a girlfriend at some time or another". I said that no, even I were to get lucky and get a first date, a second wouldn't happen. I told him that someone like me would be undateable not because of creepiness or being BAD; rather someone like me is just so bland and not interesting that people would rather go out with literally anyone else. He thought it was a silly idea.

I'm not sure it is. So I wonder; setting OBVIOUS things that would make a person undateable like being mean etc. Could someone be just so bland, average (or below average) and uninteresting that no one would want to go out with them? Or, to up the requirement, no one would want to go out with them that THEY would also want to have anything to do with?

No one is completely 'undateable'. Unless you're in a coma, EVERYONE has some sort of hobby that others are interested in. However, limiting yourself to a single hobby or not doing much of anything else does tend to make you more one-dimensional and thus, as a lot of people will see it, dull.

For example, playing video games is great, but if quite literally all you do in life is wake up, go to work, come home, play video games, go to sleep, repeat, then yeah, the vast, vast majority of people are going to consider you very uninteresting, bland, and average (unless your job is something extremely interesting), because you're entirely defined by basically one thing.

On the other hand, if you pick up lots of different hobbies or are willing to try lots of different things, you exponentially increase the number of people whom you can relate to and share stories with. THIS is what keeps people from considering you bland and uninteresting. I'd also recommend it because you'll be shocked at the things you'll fall in love with that you never thought you would if you just try them. To give a small example: I've never been a huge fan of swimming or the water, but when I lived on the coast, I decided "what the hell?" and gave SCUBA diving a shot. Absolutely fell in love with it.

 

[Robert B. Marks]

No, not radio carbon dating.

I was having a discussion with a friend the other day about how I've only ever gone on one date. He kept arguing that "Of course you'll meet women and go out" and that "everyone goes on dates on has a girlfriend at some time or another". I said that no, even I were to get lucky and get a first date, a second wouldn't happen. I told him that someone like me would be undateable not because of creepiness or being BAD; rather someone like me is just so bland and not interesting that people would rather go out with literally anyone else. He thought it was a silly idea.

I'm not sure it is. So I wonder; setting OBVIOUS things that would make a person undateable like being mean etc. Could someone be just so bland, average (or below average) and uninteresting that no one would want to go out with them? Or, to up the requirement, no one would want to go out with them that THEY would also want to have anything to do with?

You know, I married quite late, relatively speaking. I was 36 when I tied the knot. I had also had my share of cases where I met somebody for one date, and it never got to a second. I even had the opposite problem that you had - I've done so much (handled antique swords, written books, started a publishing company, made professional contacts from famous authors, become a trained swordfighter) that I figured most women would think I was lying through my teeth if I told them about it, or just be overwhelmed if they believed it.

Thing is, I've had five truly meaningful relationships in my life (relationship being defined in various degrees of emotional closeness). Four of those five started with just meeting somebody with common interests without any real attempt to "pull." The second happened after years of being desperately single, and coming to peace with the fact that I probably wasn't going to be dating anybody soon - and it happened within a few weeks of that.

If you asked me how I did it, all I could tell you is that I concentrated on doing the things I loved, while paying attention to who I met along the way.

But, as to your question - what makes somebody interesting is their hobbies and their, well, interests. If all you did was go to work, eat TV dinners, come home, watch television, and sleep, then you would indeed be as boring as dishwater. Happily, most people have more in their lives than that. If you don't, though, then you need to get out and try some new things - pick up some hobbies, figure out what your interests are, etc. - not for the sake of getting dates, but for your own personal development. The dates will come naturally later, so long as you pay attention to the people you meet.

 

[Dalisclock]

A rather bizarre friend of mine once said "The only type of person who is never going to be able to get a date is someone who is already dead. And that's mostly because they make lousy conversationalists."

Yeah, I have some interesting friends.

I was gonna make a comment about necrophilia but....

 

[2HF]

I think of myself as a pretty bland and boring individual. I hate people, I hate going out, I don't like many of the things people my age are supposed to like.

How's my love life you ask, knowing full well that I'm going to say something counter intuitive based on my previous comment.

I dated tons, before I got engaged. Now I'm marrying a wonderful woman. The last woman I went out with before her made it known to me that she thought I was interesting and sexy as hell because I beat her in a game of Love Letters using the mathematics of probability which I learned while playing poker.


My last serious relationship before that was with a woman who thought the absolute world of me, despite the fact that I was a miserable asshat who didn't have a single positive thing going for him at the time.

All the women before that thought I was sexy, smart, funny, and countless other descriptors because they were all clearly on all of the drugs. I'm overweight, dropped out of highschool, was working minimum wage jobs, drove a shitty car, and was about as social as a poor, fat, highschool dropout who hates people.

Everyone is looking for something different.

When I was in Vegas I met a woman, I invited her to sit with me at dinner because I was sitting alone and she'd have to wait another 10 minutes for a table, she agreed and she went on to tell me all about herself. When she was done she made a comment that implied I'd been nodding along politely the whole time. I proceeded to recount her life's story for her and she sat there with her jaw in her lap at the thought of me actually listening and committing it all to memory. Had I not had a plane to catch in 2 hours I'd have been in her room having dessert immediately after dinner. I know because she told me so.

I didn't even have to be interesting, I just had to provide what she wanted, someone who would listen.

Everyone wants something different.

 

[happyninja42]

I think you might have more luck with getting dates, if you show interest in your date. You describe yourself as being dull and bland, so I'm assuming that you don't small talk with them? I don't have much data to go on, so I'm just speculating here.

Well, become interested in the stuff they're interested in. Everybody's got something they love and enjoy, and showing genuine interest in what they like goes a loooong way towards getting you in their good graces.

And I don't mean pretend to be interested in what they're talking about, I mean genuinely show interest. It's not that hard really. I just remind myself that "this person likes that thing as much as I like *insert favorite thing*, so ask them about it and why they like, learn to find the interest in it that they do." This will warm them up to you a great deal, and then you can start building connections that span the gaping maw of your blandness. xD Sorry, had to go there since you described yourself as a human version of Eyore.

 

[A_Parked_Car]

If you keep meeting new people and making an honest effort then you will find someone eventually. Everyone has something about them that someone else will find interesting. There is no need to have a low opinion of yourself. You have been on one date in your life before, so you are already doing better than me.

 

[chocolate pickles]

You've had one more than me, mate. Although i guess the problem with me is that I'm too quite and passive to really be noticed.

 

[2xDouble]

Here's some food for thought: you only think you're boring because you're used to being you. From an outside perspective, you're a mystery, and one people will want to investigate.

The only trick is, you have to show them there's something "in it for them", in other words, that you are at least as interested in knowing and learning about them as they are about you. To put in gaming terms, nobody ever raided a dungeon because they like vines. It's all about the treasures inside, be they archaeological discoveries (lore and story progression), personal growth (leveling up), or other gains (teh phat lootz!... which I guarantee are quite rare drops indeed).

 

[LegendaryVKickr]

Unlikely. I'm rather boring to the people I hang around irl (as in, I'm a gamer and hang with people that couldn't tell you Mario from Master Chief) and yet, I'm getting freaky with at least two of them two days a week on average. If I can score two of them while being entirely unrelatable to them, you can definitely get one. Then again, I'm a practicing polyamorist, so that may help me get a lot of action...

Besides, it's all about perception. You see yourself as datable because you're bland. But to someone, your blandness will seem really red hot spicy.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Its hard to see how someone would want to go on more than one date with someone like me though. I don't really do anything that would interest another person, I'm quiet and keep to myself and I'm not particularly attractive or wealthy. Even if someone DID like me, its hard to imagine how it would be difficult to find someone who was like me, but just better (or less bland at least).

 

[Vault101]

Yeah don't lie ladies , we know the score so don't play that game.

oh I'm sorry...were you talking to me? or anyone else here?

[quote/]A guy can be the most intolerable bigoted, rageaholic asshole on the planet but so long as his bank account has more than 5 digits and he's free about spending it...he will have a date.
.[/quote]
and a guy wants a nice pretty lady to compliment his sports car...what's the difference?