Weird/Crazy stuff people have said to you/you've heard.

BrawlMan

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Meanwhile, the people who did bully me said nothing
The fact that they could not bother means they have not changed much or are either afraid, stubborn, or prideful to bother apologizing. At least you had one person that actually bothered.
 
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Dalisclock

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One of my co-workers, trying to downplay COVID-19: "I don't know anyone who has it. Do you?"

Keep in mind, this was in late April at the earliest, well into the preventative measures in my state. We were having the conversation outside, with our company-mandated facemasks on.
Oh man. I love that.

"It hasn't personally happened to me or my friends. Therefore, it doesn't exist".

Because the edge of the world is apparently just beyond your circle of friends, apparently.

Then again,that's so easy to turn around.

"I've never met a criminal. Therefore, they don't exist"

"You can't see the imaginary line that makes up a national/state border. Borders do not exist".
 
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Hawki

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I had two crazies at work today.

One was an old woman, who told me that if I ever married a woman, she shouldn't be wedded to her job, and that if I did, she wouldn't be able to cook me dinner. I gingerly assured her that I'm capable of cooking my own meals, and that if I did marry someone, I wouldn't expect her to do all the cooking and whatnot. Truth be told, it hit a bit close to home considering the last person I tried to ask out was at work, but before I could process that, I learnt that apparently movie stars suffer cancer more, because they're exposed to more light. I told her that I found that hard to believe, unless those lights were in the UV spectrum, but despite my inquiries, she assured me that statistics can't be trusted. That she trusts people.

Later on, I had a guy come up to the desk who told me that he believed that Covid was a means of population control. I told him that if that was the case, it was a very inefficient means, since the virus has a death rate of about 4%. He headed off, but I don't think he was convinced.
 

Dalisclock

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I used to work with a guy who believed that the Hubble Space Telescope was actually a spy satellite. He also believed that the Russians were incapable of putting satellites in Orbit, which is why they used extremely elongated orbits that went way up into space before coming back to earth(like a very high arc).

I tried speaking with that guy as little as possible. Luckily he no longer works there anymore, so I don't have to avoid him anymore.
 
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Thaluikhain

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One of my co-workers, trying to downplay COVID-19: "I don't know anyone who has it. Do you?"

Keep in mind, this was in late April at the earliest, well into the preventative measures in my state. We were having the conversation outside, with our company-mandated facemasks on.
Sadly, that sort of thing is depressingly common, doesn't really count as weird. Unlike imagining Fem-Obsidian, that's unusual and doesn't kill people.
 

happyninja42

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snip

But then she put her hand on my arm. And she was like "No, Obsidian... You would look so very hot as a girl. It's insane. You would look like a Goddess".

Now, this is a point in my life that I was very unsure of my looks to begin with. In fact, I felt I was really unattractive. So that mixed with her looking me dead in my eye, almost confessing these feelings to me was confusingly weird.

"Hey, thanks (Her name). Honored by that."
snip
Yeah I've never really had a problem if people thought I was hot. It hasn't happened in like 20 years, but when I was in my 20s, it happened a lot. And actually that reminds me of a funny "weird thing I heard someone say".

So in highschool, the girls did NOT find me interesting. Or well, I didn't learn that several of them found me attractive until years later, as they hid their affection during school. Anyway, got to college, and it was like a switch had been flipped. Girls were crawling after me left and right. It was quite jarring of a change, to going from "the friend of the guy they all want to fuck" to "the guy I want to fuck right now in this elevator." But I remember, going through the dorm lobby, past the reception desk, and one of the student receptionists was a young black woman, and she frequently had her friends keep her company during her shift at the desk. So it was a common thing to be passing through the lobby and see her chatting with her friends. And one night, one of the girls, called me out by name, in a tone of voice that was very clearly implying attraction. So much so, that as I walked past and waved to her, hearing my name out of reflex, the rest of her friends were like "oooh! girl!" Now for context, I'm a white guy, and this was in Alabama in the 90's, so while it wasn't unheard of to see mixed couples (in fact it was pretty common in my personal experience) there was still some stigma about it, from both sides. Especially a black woman being interested in a white dude. You just didn't see that equation much. Now her friends weren't being mean about it, it was mostly that tone of just playfully calling out a friend who has expressed interest in someone, but also somewhat shocked by the choice. It was a little jarring for me, mostly because I was still adjusting to the whole "Why do so many girls find me hot all of a sudden?" thing, and to be on display in front of an entire cliche of women that I didn't know at all, being clearly the object of focus and judgement, however light hearted. So I just sort of waved awkwardly and kept moving with my friends. But as I was walking away, I clearly overheard the girl who liked me say, in response to some unheard comment by a friend

"So? We're all pink on the inside"

To which I remember laughing to myself, and thinking that was the most sexually charged way I'd ever heard someone declare that "race doesn't matter." Looking back I wish I had taken her up on her offer to get busy, as she was hot as hell, but I wasn't really in the right mindset back then, so my usual response was to just disengage and move on. But yeah, that was an amusingly weird thing I heard someone say.
 

Chimpzy

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Back in college, I was heading home on the train, eating a sandwich, when this Ned Flanders lookalike dude comes sit across from me. At first was preoccupied with my food and didn't pay him any mind, but then I noticed he was staring expectantly at me with this practiced looking smile. So I stopped eating and knowing I would regret it I asked "Yes?" He replied "You eat bread, but you don't eat truth" and started proselytizing at me while I sat there all wtf mate for about 5 mins. I eventually managed to interrupt him by saying something along the lines of "I'll stick to bread, cuz I'd starve living off your truth". He got the message and left, off to the next set of seats. "You drink coffee, but you don't drink truth."

Also used to have a coworker who was really into conspiracy theories. Flat earth, faked lunar landing, chem trails, fluoride in the water, space is not real, global transsexual plots, and so on. The works. I could go into detail, but I don't think I have to.
 

happyninja42

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Back in college, I was heading home on the train, eating a sandwich, when this Ned Flanders lookalike dude comes sit across from me. At first was preoccupied with my food and didn't pay him any mind, but then I noticed he was staring expectantly at me with this practiced looking smile. So I stopped eating and knowing I would regret it I asked "Yes?" He replied "You eat bread, but you don't eat truth" and started proselytizing at me while I sat there all wtf mate for about 5 mins. I eventually managed to interrupt him by saying something along the lines of "I'll stick to bread, cuz I'd starve living off your truth". He got the message and left, off to the next set of seats. "You drink coffee, but you don't drink truth."
That actually reminds me of a comment a guy said to me once when I was getting my oil changed. It was a Wal-Mart quick oil change, and I was just sitting outside the place on the nearby stairs, reading a fantasy novel. Don't remember which one, as I've read thousands by this point in my life probably. But I'm just reading it, minding my own business, and this guy just pokes his head out of the door that was right in front of me, looking at me with this sort of vacant, happy expression. He asked me what I was reading, and I showed him the cover of the book. He goes "Oh, I thought it was the bible, I was going to talk to you." And proceeds to close the door and go back to the body shop and..I dunno, praise jesus to his toolbox or something. *shrugs* And yeah, I could probably quote a couple dozen things that fall under the category of "batshit crazy religious fuckos and what they babbled at me." But I'll spare everyone the general insanity in this thread.
 

happyninja42

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This one girl on Tinder said I looked like a school shooter. That wasn't very nice but what can ya do?
Reply back saying she looks like an ex-trophy wife in training? Or she looks like the kind of lady that ends up on cops as they drag out her boyfriend?
 

Bernzz

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The one that sticks out to me currently happened only earlier this year.

To set the scene - I work in the ICT field, in a middle of the road public (government funded) school. I'm part of a three person ICT team, and I'm not the manager of said team. My coworker (same level as me) has one day of the week off and on those off days, the manager likes to get on his soapbox or tell me a past story from his life, as if he thinks I care.
To further set the scene, I'm a male in my mid 20s and my manager is a male in his mid 60s. Both of us white.

Now sometimes his soapbox rants get a little bit more politically incorrect. His usual slant is misgynistic.
So this one day, we're somehow on the topic of discrimination. But not the racial kind!

Him: "You see, if I walked down <main shopping mall in our city's central business district> in a burqa, no one would look twice. But if I walked down the same mall in my SS uniform, I'd get insulted, spat on, you name it."
What point is he even trying to make? Also note he said "my SS uniform", which leads me to suspect he owns the fucking uniform.
Me: "Well, the Nazis aren't exactly the most popular group of people these days."
Him: "You know, too many people buy into propaganda."
Hoo boy. What followed was a far too long conversation in which he tried to convince me that, because history is written by the victors, the atrocities of the Holocaust were greatly exaggerated. He didn't outright deny it happened, but he sure did try to play it down.
When I wasn't really buying it, he switched tactics, and somehow it got worse. From downplaying the Holocaust to attempting to justify it.

Him: "Well, what do you do? You have this group of people in your country, they're poor, diseased, sick, they don't contribute to your economy, and you tell them, 'You have one year to leave the country'."
You'll note this is a wildly incorrect and antisemitic view of the Jewish people living in Germany at the time.
Him: "Anyway, a year passes and they haven't left. What do you do?"
Me: "Well, you don't murder them, for starters."
This post will be far too long if I cover every point he tried to argue, so I'll summarise the rest:
  • He made bad faith analogies, making the Jewish people out to be outsiders living in the country stealing from the German people (as opposed to being German citizens who were also Jewish and who owned businesses and contributed to the economy).
  • He argued for the seizure of their goods to pay for the war effort (he brushed over the fact that it was a war Hitler started).
  • He tried to cast doubt on the concentration camp gas chambers by arguing that if they truly wanted to kill Jewish people, why didn't they just line them up and shoot them? (They did that, but gas was more efficient, plus bullets were needed for the war effort, which is an earlier point he made but disregarded when it suited him).
  • He argued that most of the data is made up because the camps didn't keep very good records, so people said whatever they wanted afterwards (they gave every prisoner a fucking numbered tattoo for easy sorting and categorising, but go off I guess).
I countered his points as politely as I could (I'm not big on confrontation) whilst still openly disagreeing, and eventually he moved on.
And by "moved on" I mean he jumped back to his "people buy into propaganda" point by bringing up how many people believe in climate change.

I'll mention once again that we work in a school, so this Holocaust downplaying Nazi fan works with children!
And fuck me, but I've gotta work with him until at least the end of the fucking year.

TLDR: I work in a school with a possible Nazi who tried to downplay/justify the Holocaust to me.
 

Thaluikhain

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(they gave every prisoner a fucking numbered tattoo for easy sorting and categorising, but go off I guess).
A quibble, but that's not actually true, only some camps (such as Auschwitz) did that.
 

TheMysteriousGX

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It's a toss up from the dude who thinks that the Air Force should take over wildfire management because they could just use their B1 Bomber drones stationed at Malmstrom AFB to bomb the fires out (Malmstrom AFB's runway has needed critical maintenance for decades and doesn't have a flying mission)

or

The 60 year old women excited to show me her new Qanon stickers and how we should really check out her favorite new website 8chan to learn all the details.
 

SilentPony

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I have a crazy Aunt, we call her Loony Toons, who is such a hypocondriact she's convinced she has had and survived diseases she literally couldn't. She as a white woman had sickle cell, a disease that only affects a small percentage of African Americans. And just last year she 'survived' testicular cancer, and her justification was that she had a twin in utero, absorbed him, his testicles still developed inside her, and 40+ years later she got cancer.
Sounds like something Dr. House would be interested in. But she never actually went to a doctor. She had a stomach ache, went on WebMD, found out she had testicular cancer then went and saw her Yogi for space crystals to hear her somethings. And boom, cured.
 

Chimpzy

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My boss has stated on various occassions, directly and indirectly, that he thinks I'm the ideal son-in-law. That's already kind of weird, but it gets worse. He's got 4 daughters, the 3 oldest of which would help out at the office as a student job during school holidays. A few years ago, once asked me if I was "into his daughter'. Didn't specify which one. I hope he was talking about the one that had recently turned 18 and not the two in their mid-teens, cuz at least not underage (tho by no means less creepy). But it gets worse, the way he phrased has a connotation of also being sexually interested which doesn't translate into English. Anyway, yeah, noped out of that conversation at the speed of light.

TLDR: boss basically asked me if I want to bang his barely legal/jailbait daughters. Bailed the fuck out.
 

SupahEwok

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My boss has stated on various occassions, directly and indirectly, that he thinks I'm the ideal son-in-law. That's already kind of weird, but it gets worse. He's got 4 daughters, the 3 oldest of which would help out at the office as a student job during school holidays. A few years ago, once asked me if I was "into his daughter'. Didn't specify which one. I hope he was talking about the one that had recently turned 18 and not the two in their mid-teens, cuz at least not underage (tho by no means less creepy). But it gets worse, the way he phrased has a connotation of also being sexually interested which doesn't translate into English. Anyway, yeah, noped out of that conversation at the speed of light.

TLDR: boss basically asked me if I want to bang his barely legal/jailbait daughters. Bailed the fuck out.
Did you work across the border in the Netherlands?
 

Chimpzy

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Did you work across the border in the Netherlands?
Prostitution is also legal in Belgium (tho underage obviously is not), so wouldn't need to cross the border.

Also, no, not that kind. Haven't made up my mind whether I think that's better or worse.
 

Xprimentyl

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Our friend, the world renowned magician Diamond Jim, came over last night and told us this joke:

"What sound does an infant in microwave make?

I don't know; I was too busy masturbating."

I laughed for an hour. That joke is so wrong on both the build up and the punchline, I couldn't help myself.