Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

[ArcNitemare]

>Pester your Chums

You PESTER your CHUMS.....or you TRY to before that annoying CAT jumps onto your COMPUTER TABLE and PREVENTS you from doing anything until you COMPLETE TASK:FEED CAT.You decide to PESTER your CHUMS later after the CAT has been FEED.

>Grab Sword

Before you leave your ROOM you remember to grab your KNIGHT'S SWORD and stick it into your BLADEKIND STRIFE SPECIBUS.As your STORIES have told you,a good KNIGHT is always prepared and while you may not be a KNIGHT it doesn't hurt to think like one every now and then.

>Pat Angel Doll for good luck

You pat the LITTLE ANGEL DOLL for GOOD LUCK as you do EVERYDAY before leaving your ROOM.A little LUCK never hurt anyone.

>Open door and leave room

With a final SIGH,you reach for your DOOR HANDLE and pull it open.

>Step out into the hallway

You step out into the HALLWAY and to no SURPRISE the CAT has beaten to the PUNCH,having been WAITING for you apparently.You swear that THING is a frinckin NINJA.You walk down the HALL and make your way to the KITCHEN.

 

[CJ1145]

Spoiler: OOC

I was too slow! And here I was with these fantastic images of my character getting the shit knocked out of him for my next post. (That was a peek at my idea of the KITCHEN, if you'd like any visual aid to go off of. Even though it's astoundingly little.

> Dirk: React!

Oh, holy shit. You guess you should have seen this coming. Your SIS loves to beat the shit out of you, but she's also LAZY in the mornings. Figures she'd still leave a GUARD for your precious SBURB DISKS. Only one thing to do now, you suppose.

You whip out your SYLLADEX, with its unique WEEABOO FETCH MODUS. Each CAPTCHALOGUE CARD in your DECK is randomly assigned A POPULAR ANIME SERIES, and you can only store an item in it that somehow relates to said ANIME SERIES. The card you choose is boldly emblazoned in red, the fire of a man's soul. It is your TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN card, and in it you carry your RAD KATANA.

Spoiler

You are ready to KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS.

 

[CJ1145]

Spoiler: OOC

Nitemare I would recommend you tone down the commands just a little. No need to make a command for every single action your character takes, it just gets a little silly after a while. Also I only double posted so I could see my first post, as it had not yet appeared.

 

[WafflesandBacon]

> Xavier: Practice your stabs before the strife with Father
I stab the air multiple times.
HOW ABOUT THIS!? AND SOME OF THAT!? AND LITTLE OF THIS!? AND SMIDGEN OF THIS?! AND AN IOTA OF THIS!?
Ok, you look KINDA LIKE A DOOFUS.

> Xavier: Inspect knife before leaving
I pick up a teddy bear.
What a cute little guy, you think his name was Fluffykins at one point. You repress your urge to TURN HIM INTO A MONSTROSITY.

> Xavier: Throw the teddy bear at the ceiling
I throw the knife at the ceiling, it gets lodged in there.
Weee-AW FUCK!

> ==>
I am seen on top of stacked books reaching for my knife.
You make a small ladder BOOKS to reach the knife.

> ==>
My hand nears the knife.
Almost there!

> ==>
My hand is inches from the knife.
C'mon baby! Come to daddy!

> ==>
The small ladder of books falls, pages fly everywhere. I land on my back with a BONK sound effect.
GODDAMMIT ALL!

Spoiler: OOC

I just noticed I kinda made a call back to Nervous Broad what with the knives and teddy bear.
*Shrug* Go figure.

 

[Pappytech]

>Chas: Armed with your LUCKY FORK, you engage your FATHER in STRIFE! However, none of your attacks can get through his AUTO-PEDDLE! Using his trusty BRIEFCASE FULL OF UTENSILS, your FATHER is able to repel all of your attempts at AGGRIEVENCE!

Now, it's his turn. Your FATHER counters with GUARDIAN RUBRIC: FREE SAMPLE! You are barraged by hundreds of PIECES OF FRESHLY POLISHED FLATWARE!

Your EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH METER drops to its lowest point ever.

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>Dirk: You easily destroy the STUFFED ANIMAL GRUE TOY. What, you didn't think monsters like GRUES really existed, did you? Don't be ridiculous.

Among the scattered bits of fluff, you find a NOTE FROM YOUR SIS.

Spoiler: NOTE FROM SIS

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>Greg: You make your way down to the KITCHEN, only to find...

Nothing. The place is pretty usual. Table, chairs, and a few cabinets. Huh. Was kind of expecting some WEIRD GUARDIAN SHENANIGANS. Oh well.

 

[senorcromas]

>Rich: Nope.
<spoiler=nope>

nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nopenopenope
It's time to ABSCOND, you think. You close the door slowly and deliberately, thinking of any possible escape routes.

===->:
There are none. Stupid not having windows! You'll have to think of a way around him. somehow.

 

[Pappytech]

Spoiler: Chas' Guardian

Spoiler: Rich's Guardian

Yes, I know he's not wearing a t-shirt. I'll work on it later. I'm tired, shut up.

 

[ArcNitemare]

>Enter Kitchen

Huh.It would seem that LUCK was with you today as you didn't have an ENCOUNTER with your MOTHER and that the KITCHEN is as always quite CLEAN and the only NORMAL room in the house,the rest being either surrounded by BOOKS or by your MOTHER'S NINJA INTERESTS and CAT PORTRAITS.A QUICK search of the room and you find the CAT FOOD for the CAT,COMPLETING TASK:FEED CAT and it also tells you that the the MAIL isn't in here,meaning it's either in the MAILBOX or in the LIVING ROOM and with it possibly the SBURB GAME DISCS that your friends have been pestering you since the game was announced to get your hands on.

The only THING you do find of INTEREST is one of your MANY BOOKS on the subject of SPACE/TIME TRAVEL,this one in particular being about a GUY who HITCHHIKES around the GALAXY with his STRANGE ALIEN FRIENDS.You sometimes wonder if you will ever get to go on an ADVENTURE like that.

But enough of this room.It is TIME to check the LIVING ROOM and if isn't in there,to the MAILBOX.

>Leave Kitchen and Enter Living Room

 

[Pappytech]

>Chas: As you ABSCOND, your guardian resumes his task of polishing. Gonna have to think of another way to get those disks.

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>Rich: Your UNCLE resumes his knocking at your door. Through the wood, you can hear him talking about the pair of SPANDEX SHORT SHORTS he got for you. The situation is not looking good.

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>Greg: Before stepping into the LIVING ROOM, you make a quick check of the room. Good thing too, in the middle of the room you see your MOTHER, in the midst of her morning regimen of training and meditation. SHURIKENS are embedded in the walls, and you can see A KUSARIGAMA wrapped around one of your guardians many TARGETS.

At the moment, your MOTHER appears to be achieving inner peace with the universe. Her pet cat, PERRYWINKLE, is sitting beside her, eyes closed.

It's possible your MOTHER is not aware you're here. Then again, she may just be waiting to SNEAK ATTACK you. You never know with her.

Although you can't see any package in the room, that doesn't necessarily mean Sburb hasn't already been picked up by your mother. She may have hidden it somewhere in the LIVING ROOM. Or perhaps she's neglected to visit the MAILBOX this morning.

STRIFE, SNEAK, or ABSCOND?

 

[CJ1145]

> Dirk: To the basement!

Oh damn iiiiiiit. You knew this was too easy. You guess if you're ever going to get this over with you have to go to *gulp* the BASEMENT. Oh, wait, the DUNGEON, you guess you mean.

Spoiler

Your SIS always told you to avoid this place like the plague. You must be in for the beating of a lifetime if she wants you to come down here. You take off the BARRIER CHAINS, which are just for show, and twist the HANDLE to open the door. You step inside to get a look at the HORRORS THAT AWAIT.

 

[Pappytech]

>Dirk: You enter the basement, I mean DUNGEON.

Spoiler: Dungeon

You can see the SBURB PACKAGE on a table in the middle of the room. In addition, you can also see a LARGE BOOKSHELF full of ROLE-PLAYING BOOKS. The floor is also littered with D4's and D6's, which are coincidentally the easiest kind of dice to draw.

However, your SIS is nowhere to be found.

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>Bethany: While waiting for SBURB to finish downloading, you can't help but think that you're forgetting something... something about your guardian... something about maintenance... oh well, you're sure it was nothing important.

Spoiler: OOC

Hey just wanted to clarify something. If you guys have any questions about anything campaign-related, or just want to have a fun conversation, feel free to pester me on my bizarreEngineer handle. Anything said there is strictly out-of-character.

 

[Connor Lonske]

>Connor: WTF, why are you not playing Sburb.

Because YOU are ON the INTERNET! You continue to browse 4chan, running IRONICALLY into a Sburb thread. You open it.

Spoiler: 4chanlog

Anonymous: POST#8128211

DON'T PLAY THIS GAME!

Anonymous: POST#8128215

>>8128211

Nice dubs, fag.

BackroomSix: POST#8128223

Yeah, this game is for fags, then again, everything /v/ plays is for fags, ironically.

Anonymous: POST#8128227

>>8128223
>Ironically

Hipster namefag.

You leave the Sburb thread and go back to posting OFF TOPIC THREADS. Your INSTINCTS come off saying that something bad is about to happen, so you start watching Adventure Time on your PC just in case.

 

[Pappytech]

>Connor: As you begin watching Adventure Time, you also hear a theme song drifting from somewhere else in your apartment. Great, sounds like your DAD is watching My Little Pony again. You swear, you'll never understand how you can watch that kid show.

And now the theme song is stuck in your head. Great. My little pony, my little pony, ahhhhhahhhh...

Perfect. Now what are you going to do?

 

[Connor Lonske]

Spoiler: OOC for GM

My apartment has only one floor and my dad has a room across the place. He would be in another apartment if he were watching MLP downstairs, implying that he doesn't here.

>Connor: OK, maybe if you just put on your head phones the bad noises will go away!

It didn't work. You then play AT at full volume, still, that theme runs a rampage in your head. You go pester the first person on your chumhandle to try to distract yourself!

Spoiler: Pesterlog

-- backroomSix [BS] began pestering avouLeance [AL] at 09:41 --
BS: AGUH
AL: Hey
BS: THIS MYLITTLEPONY THEME IS STUCK IN MY HEAD!
AL: something wrong
-- backroomSix [BS] changed their mood to RANCOROUS --
BS: Oh god it stoped!
AL: what's that?
AL: ok cool
AL: Hypothetical question
AL: but
BS: My Little pony is a demon spawn of a cartoon show
BS: Go on
AL: ok
AL: One of my cousins is thinking of having a kid
AL: but she had diebeties
AL: type one
BS: Is this real?
BS: Type one is obusre
AL: No just hypotitical
BS: Ok
AL: but yeah
AL: so she needs insulin shots
AL: so if she were to get pregant would she needs to take any prevautions
AL: precautions
AL: or could she inject as normal
BS: Um, as normal?
AL: like she was before she has the baby
BS: I guess.
BS: ...
AL: Ok
AL: I'll tell her
BS: What?
AL: Nothing
BS: Um, tell her yourwecome
AL: Ok i will
AL: So what are you doing
BS: Watching a good cartoon called Adventure Time
AL: I don't know it
BS: Trying to get the MLP theme out of my head.
BS: It's OK, it's pretty obsure!
BS: ...So anyways, what's up with you?
AL: Working on a little side project
BS: Wasdat
AL: Complicated
BS: ?
AL: Too complicated to explain
BS: What, I'm smart enough to figure it out!
AL: Really?
BS: Yes!
BS: Really!
AL: How's your coding
BS: Uhhhh, good
AL: Ok well
AL: This is also completly hypothetical but I'm working on an enviroment suit
AL: I have to build the thing
BS: That sounds cool
AL: program the regualtion Ai
BS: Wow, that's really cool!
AL: and intergrate it with some biology
AL: Yeah it is
BS: Sounds kinda useless though, why would you need one?
AL: I need one because it's impossible
BS: Well, guess that makes sense
BS: You get Sburb yet?
AL: Yeah
AL: Just putting it on a disk
AL: to by pass the medium checks
BS: Why, didn't come already on a disk?
AL: Mine didn't
BS: Y?
AL: You try getting the latest game to the middle of nowhere canada
BS: Well try getting a PC game in the Bronx
BS: Anyways, I am not sure I want to play it so soon.
AL: Why not?
BS: Well, there was this post on 4chan, with a guy saying that playing it was a bad choice
BS: He was probly a troll or a fag, but I can't tell.
AL: He was definartly a trol
BS: He was using allcaps, which is cures control for cool, so maybe not
AL: he was a trole
BS: If you use crues control you got to have something wrong somehow.
BS: Whatever, it's just 4chan.
BS: Maybe your right
BS: Gonna check if the package came.
BS: brb
AL: Sure

You have to now make it out of your apartment to your MAILBOX if you want to get your game. HOWEVER, you must do so with out alarming your DAD in his BEDROOM. What do you do?

 

[CJ1145]

You look at the floor in disgust. Does your SIS honestly think you'd fall for those stupid DICE TRAPS? Please.

Spoiler

It may be dark in here, but you're not fucking blind. You approach the TABLE triumphantly.

Spoiler

Well, here we are BIG SIS. You finally lost your touch. DICE TRAPS? Leaving the DISK right out in the open? Please, this was too easy oh gog she knew this would happen and she's totally going to KICK YOUR ASS NOW, isn't she?

 

[Pappytech]

>Dirk: Yes she is.

Spoiler: This finally happens:

Using her SNEAK ATTACK SKILL, your SIS increases her ATTACK POWER by +2. Your HEALTH VIAL is reduced to 72%.

>Connor: You manage to make it to the MAILBOX without disturbing your DAD. Looking inside, you triumphantly discover TWO SBURB ENVELOPES! Success!

As luck would have it, your DAD seems to still be in his room, enjoying his daily dose of cuteness. If you're careful, you should be able to sneak back to your room.

Spoiler: OOC to Connor

My bad man. Yeah, I'll go ahead and edit my last post.

 

[Pappytech]

>Xavier: Your CRAZY ANTICS appear to have alerted your FATHER. You can hear him making his way towards your room.

How do you react?

Spoiler: Dirk's SIS

Spoiler: Well, since my MSPaint skills currently suck, I'm going to need you all to use your...

until I get my shit together and actually get some work done. Which will hopefully be sometime this week.