What's the point of having a girlfriend/boyfriend?

[KarlMonster]

You want to go hang out at Teds house and play games, well to bad because you promised your girlfriend you would go to dinner. ... Can't put the ***** on hold because she gets mad when you don't answer, yuck.

Karl disagrees with most all of you.

Most of the answers that I am seeing are from people thinking with their hormones, or deciding that the question was 'why did you choose a mate?'. So naturally, the answers range from "its a compromise so I won't have to pay for sex" to some bizarre game of Monopoly:Relationship Edition. [Technically, I suppose the game really is "Oh my God, there's an axe in my head!" (and my girlfriend is going to be mad when she finds out)]

The point in having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is at least twofold:

1) to evaluate the relationship partner as a potential mate

2) to learn how best to manage an intimate interpersonal relationship

3) nice red uniforms

You're in a relationship. If its just for sex, you've missed the point and you fail. If the relationship has dragged on for years and you haven't learned anything lately, you also fail. Get married, break up, do something besides wasting time. Being in love is great, but being in love doesn't necessarily make your relationship healthy.

Now get out there and be charmingly awkward in front of somebody!

 

[General BrEeZy]

hopefully to find love. since love is bloody oxygen to the human spirit. but we usually just get hurt a lot then we kinda end up losing hope after more failure (since that's just how we learn). such has happened to me, but hang in there, you'll all do fine!

...thats a bit of a tangent...but seriously, its just being human. don't give up when the hard times come, thats what i'm saying.

 

[William Dickbringer]

I love that feeling, when everything you're supposed to do is done, and you have a whole day to spend on yourself, doing whatever you want. I tend to begrudge anything or anyone that tries to take it away from me. And I especially resent it when people feel entitled to my free time. Of the few relationships I've started, they inevitably end because the girl wants to waste an entire day "just hanging out", and either I refuse and she gets pissed off, or I relent and end up thinking of her as a chore. Are all relationships like that? Am I just being uncompromising?
What do you think? What's the point of being in a relationship? What do you gain out of it (or hope to gain out of it, if you're not in one)? And what do you lose out of it? Is it worth it?

well first off some girls out there understand when you want time alone to yourself those who don't come off a little too clingy and some people aren't really looking for relationships
reason I'm in one is because I like knowing that there's somebody that loves me deeply she picks me up when I'm down and vice versa and plus I've been single for like a year before I met my current girlfriend so I guess I was getting lonely and wanted to find a companion to make me feel better and that's all really I can say about this

 

[TheTim]

My girlfriend keeps me very happy, makes my life brighter.
and keeps me out of trouble.

 

[chocolatekake]

I simply don't consider commitment a negative. It's something positive in my eyes.

I suppose it depends on how much you value being on your own. For me, having time to myself is a necessity: without it I go from happy to dull to depressed to insane. The less time I spend on my own, the less content and emotionally stable I feel. Being on my own charges up my social batteries, and having a girlfriend is like a constant drain on them. So, in that way, I find commitment to be a negative.

See I feel the same way about everyone else but my husband. He's the only person that doesn't put any strain on me or stress me out in anyway what so ever. Everyone else makes me stressed and social gatherings are a nightmare but being with him is like being alone if that makes any sense whatsoever.

Makes sense to me. It seems like when people are in a good companionate relationship, being with their partner is about as good as being alone. Not all the time, but you can still spend time together and not be together. That's companionship.

Personally, I like being in relationships. I find it comforting to know there's someone who cares about me and someone I care about and am committed to. I really like providing compassion, cuddling, comfort and care.

 

[theguitarhero6]

Sir, you just verbalised every jumbled, incoherant thought that I've ever had on this topic. (Get out of my head!!)
To put it another way, I feel the exact same way on this. I don't have much for answers, sadly, though I'll be reading right along with ya.

 

[mental_looney]

Shrug I like them alot and want them around and you know free hugs and the feeling of closeness, I don't need him and I doubt he needs me but he wants me about and I want him.

 

[AdamRBi]

As always, I browsed and saw a few good answers; but here's my take on it.

There is no point.

If there is, it's biological; we're programmed to mate so we instinctively seek out a mate to... well, mate with. The family structure to which Girlfriends/Boyfriends/Wives/Husbands are derived from the need to protect the offspring, which you don't really need until you actually have offspring.

People in relationships, good relationships, are in them for more personal reasons usually associated with something the other person has to offer and not practical ones. If you get along fine on your own, great! Use that to your advantage and don't focus too hard on landing a date when you can use that time to improve a skill or learn something new. Have a rich social life that isn't focused on finding one person to complete your life when there are thousands of others who can help fill in any holes and won't leave you devastated when they dump you.

Eventually, you find someone who is a person that even if you spend all day with them accomplishing nothing you don't feel bad at all. It's at that point you won't need him/her to be your significant other, you'll want them too. And usually there's rarely ever a point to what we want.

 

[Sutter Cane]

I feel genuinely sorry for those who say its only about the sex. I really do.

 

[Texas Joker 52]

There are plenty of points to having a boyfriend or girlfriend. Like a previous poster said, good and great relationships are based on mutual need and want respectively, but sometimes it happens to be a lot more specific than that.

In my case, what I wanted and got from my girlfriend is a fairly long list. Shes my lover, my best friend, my confidant, someone to lean on, someone to believe in me and someone for me to believe in in turn. Shes someone to talk to, share things with, watch things with. There's much more to a relationship like that than just sex, and in my case, I deeply frown on anyone who simply wants 'friends with benefits'. I find that incredibly selfish and self-serving, as well as simply disgusting.

When you genuinely love someone, and they love you back just as intensely, sex becomes something infinitely more beautiful and meaningful. But, like I said, there's more to it than that. In my case, my girlfriend is one of the few people who will tolerate and even laugh at my absolutely horrible puns. And for her, I always try to be there and support her whenever I can.

Though, to break it down to one of its most basic points, some of us... We just want someone to care about us, or even really know we exist. I was like that at one point, though I've grown out of it, being heavily introverted myself. Still, its infinitely reassuring that my girlfriend will be there for me whenever I need her, so I'll be there for her.

 

[Ghengis John]

I'm okay it was a long time ago now although reading that post back I did sound very emo lol.

Nah, I don't think so. But then again I'm pretty emo sometimes so I'm not in a position to judge, lol.

Hugs are always welcome :3

I'm unsure what the shipping on a hug is. I'll get one in your post box when I figure it out.

As for the OP I would just say for him to get on with things love often finds you where you least expect it I guess.

Exactly. Couldn't have put it better myself.

See I feel the same way about everyone else but my husband. He's the only person that doesn't put any strain on me or stress me out in anyway what so ever. Everyone else makes me stressed and social gatherings are a nightmare but being with him is like being alone if that makes any sense whatsoever.

I think that's sweet, Duo.

 

[archvile93]

Beats me, I've been wondering this myself for some time. I guess it's for sex, but it hardly seems worth all the time effort and money for such a slim chance for physical pleasure. Maybe I'm just too antisocial and cynical to see anything deeper in there, but In seriously boubt there's anything more. I've never been in any relationship, nor have I ever made an attempt ( though I did reject an advance from someone once, I suspect it was a cruel trick of some kind). I just can't see myself caring about them, or seeing them as anything more than a drain on my bank account and time.

 

[Sangreal Gothcraft]

I do enjoy others company than me myself and i because me myself and i get boring....others company is quite nice...and besides sex is good once in a while..

 

[Delsana]

I simply don't consider commitment a negative. It's something positive in my eyes.

I suppose it depends on how much you value being on your own. For me, having time to myself is a necessity: without it I go from happy to dull to depressed to insane. The less time I spend on my own, the less content and emotionally stable I feel. Being on my own charges up my social batteries, and having a girlfriend is like a constant drain on them. So, in that way, I find commitment to be a negative.

See I feel the same way about everyone else but my husband. He's the only person that doesn't put any strain on me or stress me out in anyway what so ever. Everyone else makes me stressed and social gatherings are a nightmare but being with him is like being alone if that makes any sense whatsoever.

Makes sense to me. It seems like when people are in a good companionate relationship, being with their partner is about as good as being alone. Not all the time, but you can still spend time together and not be together. That's companionship.

Personally, I like being in relationships. I find it comforting to know there's someone who cares about me and someone I care about and am committed to. I really like providing compassion, cuddling, comfort and care.

I knew someone like you, he didn't like social interaction that much either, though he did it from time to time just didn't seek it out himself.

Me though? I can't stand being alone, it is literally what drains me of all my energy.

 

[MeatMachine]

Most people aren't loners.
Most people think being a loner is a bad thing.
Most loners think being a longer is a bad thing, based off what most people think.
Culture in general resents loners.

Just look back at the evolution of loners in cinematic history. Back in the 40's and 50's, most movie heroes were loners... Gary Cooper played a cowboy who was abandoned by his town and his new wife, and fought off a gang of murderers on his own in "The Searches". Between Westerns, Noirs, and just about every other genre, its the protagonist against the world. Nowadays, however, loners are NEVER portrayed in a positive light. They are seen as misanthropes, perverts, chronic masturbators, stalkers... generally, people who should be vilified for their creepy, hidden agendas.

Don't let the bastards get you down, and DON'T get pressured into conforming. If you enjoy solidarity, it DOES NOT make you a recluse or a loser.

 

[UltraXan]

I love being with my gf for the simple fact that I love her, and I know she loves me. Just being in each others company and having fun together (not necessarily sex). It's a great feeling, and I guess you could also consider it as some kind of drug. Kinda like cigarettes, only without the lung cancer.

 

[RaikuFA]

its to prove to your friends that youre not a homosexual so they can hang out with you

least thats how it was for me in high school

 

[Whateveralot]

Firstly, I'm quite reclusive.

Love FAQ really put this nicely the other day. You're not reclusive, just introvert. I'm pretty much like that, I can entertain myself for weeks on end and I simply can't go out and hang out with people every day of the week; I have stuff to do for myself. That said, I'm not even that introverted any more (I used to be, though).

In fact, I've decided to be proud of the fact that I'm secure in myself enough to enjoy my own company, and I think it's kind of pitiable when people need to spend every waking moment with another person because they're too dull or afraid to be alone with themselves.

Go you, seriously, that's a good standpoint. However, it does make you seem to look down upon other people and their company (in general, not even talking about hanging out with a significant other here). And it makes you sound rather arrogant or at least take yourself too serious. That being said, there is a lot of people out there that won't ever be your (or my) friend, companion or anything alike. That's pretty natural, but doesn't mean that everyone's too much of a loser to hang around with.

Question for you; does having a friend (or a significant other) mean that you have to spend every waking morning with them?
My answer: Not always (sure, there are people that slowly take over your life, but those relationships are doomed). If seeing each other two or three times a week is your way to go, you don't have to worry, there are people that think the same and when you find one you'll probably have the time of your life.

That being said, seeing each other much less then that isn't a good thing. This is why I think you might be too uncompromising, because you sound like you hate hanging around with someone in general, regardless of what you're doing. If it's the motionless "hanging around" isn't your thing, suggest something to do instead.

They're just as bad as men when it comes to thinking with their reproductive organs, really.

Quoted for being interesting.

when I ask them why, they say things such as "for the sex" or "it's like having a friend you can screw" or "it's so nice to have someone to cuddle and get affection from" or "someone to pick you up when you're feeling down"

Your first two friends sure are a shallow bunch. They probably don't even think that way and just say that to sound cool. Sounds like men. The latter to would be the woman.

And I have a suspicion that's the key word: need. I have a theory that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) are formed on the basis of mutual need. And, being content on my own, I don't really feel the need for a girlfriend. But maybe that's just me rationalising my own failure to commit (as a pop psych women's mag dating columnist might say).

I thought about this for a while and I disagree. You'll only need it once it's there. If it's not, you can be perfectly happy as well (and you are). Some people feel as if they need it though, but that's just because they think their life is incomplete without "someone". Being content with your life is by no means a reason to stay out of a relationship. That'd be silly. Loving is always worth it. When it isn't; it's no longer love.

 

[Astoria]

A relationship isn't a chore. If you see it that way you're with the wrong person or you aren't at the right stage of your life for it. A lot of people seem to have the belief that you have to have been with a certain amount of people otherwise you're sad but it's just not true. Everyone is different so they just need to work out what is best for them.