What's the point of having a girlfriend/boyfriend?

[Mr.Floppy]

My girlfriend keeps me very happy, makes my life brighter.
and keeps me out of trouble.

Haha. This, all of it.

Here's a first year sociology major's 2 cents (to explain my qualification, or lack thereof)

There are three ways in which people think: traditionally, emotionally, and logically. Traditionally meaning thinking in terms of "This is how its been done, so this is how it should be done." (example: most people vacuum the way their parents taught them, without question or innovation.) Emotionally is more in terms of "This feels right, so I'll do this because that's how I feel." (example: Masturbation, violence, consumption of alcohol, caring for others, love. None of these things have any reason to happen other than "it feels good.") Logically is rather obvious, "This benefits me, so in order to get there I need to do this and this." (Example: I'm hungry. To satiate myself, I need to find bread, put peanut butter on one slice, jelly on the other, and eat it. Then I will be full.)

I believe your problem (and many others') are that you are trying to logically and traditionally think about relationships, where they are strictly an emotional matter.

You make the logical assumption that there is some sort of goal to a relationship, that people can quantify the steps to getting there, and that these steps can somehow be applied to you. If you review the posts in the thread, you'll see that the goals are all over the damn place (sex, cuddling, emotional fulfillment, quelling the fear of loneliness, etc.), the steps to getting to these goals are hazy at best (go on an introspective, thought provoking personal journey? If you figure out how to do that on demand, let me know), and their application to you is probably minimal. Being logical about a relationship is iffy at best (Being logical about the choices made within that relationship can be helpful though, such as: Emotionally: I like this woman, I want to start a family with her because she makes me feel good so... Logically: I need to get a good job, buy a house, etc.) because there is no concrete logic to be found. Seriously, what exactly is logical about settling down with one person when the "logical" goal in life is to do the very best you possibly can? Certainly you'd be a far more successful not having to worry about another person's needs (Paying for food, clothing, shelter. Spending time with them when it could be spent bettering yourself, etc).

Traditionally thinking about a relationship is idiotic at best. Would you really spend the rest of your life with a woman because someone else thinks you should? Regardless of how you felt about that girl? It's already been stated in this discussion multiple times that following the crowd on this one is silly. So, applying traditional thinking is about as likely to create a successful relationship as applying logical thinking.

Leaving emotional "thinking." (Honestly, it's barely thought, at least by how society currently defines the word.) The way a relationship is conducted emotionally is simply because it feels good. Done. End of story. Why should I be with this girl? Damn it feels good. Why should I integrate her into my life? Damn it feels good. Why should I help her with her problems? Because her being sad does not feel good and, damn, her being happy feels good. THATS IT! Anyone who tries to give logical (I'm going to leave out traditional thinking because I don't believe I've seen a traditional appeal yet) reasoning to tying yourself to a person and dealing with all their BS is going at their relationship completely wrong and will probably see the end of it soon enough. When the only reason that you're in a relationship is because it makes you happy, when the only way you "think" about a relationship is in terms of emotion, you have finally begun a decent relationship, logical consequences be damned.

p.s.: And people who argue for compromise should realize that while that is a logical action, it is for the emotional result of mutual happiness. So while compromising may make you temporarily unhappy, if it was done for emotional purposes, it will eventually lead to happiness again. An emotional relationship spans the whole range of emotion, not just happiness, but is generally happy.

 

[Hylke Langhout]

I used to be a recluse too. People looked at me funny and I didn't have many friends. When I met my girlfriend she pulled me out of that.

 

[Mr.Floppy]

snip, sorry

 

[Ganath]

I used to be quite a recluse. But seeing myself then and now, I'm not really the same person anymore. Maybe it's somewhat pathetic, but I always feel bad when my girlfriend isn't around and she can't always be. Doing something with her is far more important to me than being alone at this point and now being alone just feels dull and I get rather restless, even when there's stuff to do right in my face. Now, I'm pretty sure it's not about sex. Because we haven't even done it yet. It's not that I'd mind, but her just being around is enough for me at this time or just being able to speak to her, rather.

Anyways, I suppose I can value the worth of a relationship. Not a shallow one. A proper relationship, that shouldn't be about the sex, but about two people actually wanting to be together and make plans to live together because they connect on so many levels.

 

[Hylke Langhout]

I used to be a recluse too. People looked at me funny and I didn't have many friends. When I met my girlfriend she pulled me out of that.

 

[meselfshimself]

Unless you can find a person of the opposite sex with identical intrests and vices as you.
You will need to learn to compromise, relationships cannot function without it, sometimes you gotta consider the persons needs, not just your own.
It not just about one person doing it for the other either - other wise that is selfish/selfless combination, it should be a two way street, with a 50/50 balance. Diplomacy and Compromise in relationships is essential, but there must also be a limit, if one person has to go too far or too often they will no longer be happy.
Boy /Girl Relationships are trickly things to balance out, but it works, it's well worth the effort.

 

[Kuroneko97]

Well, someone's losing faith in humanity.

Haha, just kidding. I guess the want to be with someone that loves you that isn't related? That's my reason. Then again, right now It's 6:54 A.M., and I'm sitting at my computer desk with a blanket over me like a chronic shut-in.

I need to get out more...

 

[Turing]

First off, I don't want to make this thread about me, but I feel I should give context to my viewpoint by explaining two things about me...

Spoiler: Spoiler-tagged, so you're not hit with a wall of text

Firstly, I'm quite reclusive. It's previously been the source of much embarrassment and self-loathing because almost everyone puts pressure on me to "come out of my shell" (especially in Ireland, where being reclusive is so unheard-of people treat it like being a heroin addict or something), but in the last few years I've come to the realisation (after trying to force myself to be more sociable and failing on many occasions), that being reclusive is an integral part of who I am. In fact, I've decided to be proud of the fact that I'm secure in myself enough to enjoy my own company, and I think it's kind of pitiable when people need to spend every waking moment with another person because they're too dull or afraid to be alone with themselves.

Secondly, contrary to what you might be thinking, girls often come on to me. I went through a bit of an ugly phase in secondary school, so I know what it's like to be invisible to women. But it built character, and now the compensatory charm and humility that came with being unattractive works to magnify my current handsomeness. Plus there's about a dozen other ways in which I'm awesome (my sense of modesty still needs work though). It's funny how much nicer women are to me now that I'm one of the hot guys, though. They're just as bad as men when it comes to thinking with their reproductive organs, really.

Anyway, I don't really understand what the point of being in a relationship is, at least at my stage in life (21-year-old college student). I love that feeling, when everything you're supposed to do is done, and you have a whole day to spend on yourself, doing whatever you want. I tend to begrudge anything or anyone that tries to take it away from me. And I especially resent it when people feel entitled to my free time. Of the few relationships I've started, they inevitably end because the girl wants to waste an entire day "just hanging out", and either I refuse and she gets pissed off, or I relent and end up thinking of her as a chore. Are all relationships like that? Am I just being uncompromising?

A lot of my friends are starting to get girlfriends/boyfriends, and when I ask them why, they say things such as "for the sex" or "it's like having a friend you can screw" or "it's so nice to have someone to cuddle and get affection from" or "someone to pick you up when you're feeling down" (here's a fun game: guess the genders of the speakers!). But I don't really feel the need for any of that. And I have a suspicion that's the key word: need. I have a theory that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) are formed on the basis of mutual need. And, being content on my own, I don't really feel the need for a girlfriend. But maybe that's just me rationalising my own failure to commit (as a pop psych women's mag dating columnist might say).

What do you think? What's the point of being in a relationship? What do you gain out of it (or hope to gain out of it, if you're not in one)? And what do you lose out of it? Is it worth it?

Companionship, sex, someone you can relate to, support, laughs and all sorts of wacky adventures, in no apparent order and I probably forgot half a dozen important things.
Being a relationship (for me at least) means having someone that will tolerate my faults and love me for my for merits AND the other way around, as I do the same for her.
Yeah sure, sometimes you might feel like a partner is encroaching on your free time, especially if you're a guy and she wants to take away your hobby-time, but in a real, committed relationship chances are most of the times you'll want to spend time with your significant other as well.

I think the main kicker is that society portrays relationships as having to be "perfect" to be functioning and thats not true at all. We all have our demons and our down days, where we're just not really into a relationship and would just like to do something else, but since you love and respect one another you'll make it work regardless.

 

[Carboncrown]

These kinds of threads tend to get really repetitive, so I'll confess to not having read all of the posts, but I feel like throwing my (almost literal) two sents.

Do you enjoy spending time with each other? Do that.

Do you want to have sex with each other? Do that.

Everything else is just nonsense and overthinking, with very few exeptions. Oh, and all of that respecting and not being a dick falls under the general category of don't be a dick.

 

[Daggedawg]

Well, sex is a pretty big thing, yeah.

But there's more. I usually don't really open up to people, even to my closest friends. Sure, sometimes we can have serious discussions and talk from the heart, but most of the time, I keep a lot of things to myself.

With my girlfriend, it's different. I feel like I can confide in her, open up to her, more completely than to anyone else, and that is a very good feeling. It makes me feel like no matter how much stuff I've got cluttering up my mind, I can always let it out to her. That really takes a load off my shoulders.

I also find her interesting. I like to hear how her day was, what she's been doing and how she feels. I guess this exchange of feelings and thoughts, and some wonderful sex, is what makes our relationship worth it. I think that most relationships are similar, but I won't swear on it.

That's what I think makes relationships worth it.

 

[quantumsoul]

To fulfill a social need pre-programed into most people. Depending on your luck with such things it can either be a blessing or a curse. For me it's a curse.

I liked having a girlfriend and dating but I'm tired of being ditched for someone else. There's got to be something wrong with me but I don't know what. I'd rather not want the desire for a girlfriend at all.

 

[Robert Ewing]

Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is a universal bond. A mini-marriage if you will.

Almost every culture has a practice in which they bond two people together in some way or another. A relationship is one of those, less formal things.

Having a girlfriend or boyfriend is incredibly beneficial in the long run. It provides you with companionship, affection, all sorts of emotions, and if you're lucky. Sex.

All of these things are important, and if the relationship goes swimmingly, you will have no problem going for a properly recognized by the state bond. I.e marriage.

Remember, Marriage isn't a Christian thing. I hate it when people think that only Christians can get married. Everyone can get married.

Marriage is a bond between two people. Christian marriage is a bond between three. You, her/him, and a dude that probably doesn't even exist.

 

[Hisshiss]

Sex? Companionship? A person you can divulge more intimate details of your personality to? This seems like a simple question.

Assuming your significant other isn't a nuisance to you, which they shouldn't be if your in a functional relationship, It's just a quality of life improvement, and we can all do with those.

Plus again, sex.

 

[Sephychu]

You gain all sorts. Somebody to share everything with, somebody who always wants to pick you up, and yes, you tend to get to shag them too.
You do lose a lot of safety though. You become vulnerable to this person, and that does frighten people.

I hear it's worth it though.

 

[razer17]

In fact, I've decided to be proud of the fact that I'm secure in myself enough to enjoy my own company, and I think it's kind of pitiable when people need to spend every waking moment with another person because they're too dull or afraid to be alone with themselves.

Well I'm sure some would count the fact that you shy away from social contact as being pitiable. Just because others think differently to you makes them pitiable? Maybe we just feel that time shared with other people can be a lot more fun than sitting in isolation?

I can sit in my room and watch anime or play games, but you know what? I'd much rather sit in the living room watching shit TV with my housemates than sit on my own all the time. And that makes me pitiable, does it? In fact, essentially you are saying you are better than the majority, since more people like having company than not.

I don't spend most my time with others (when I can) because I am "dull" or "afraid to be alone". In fact, surely if I was dull people wouldn't actually want to hang out with me? But the point is that I can sit on my own and entertain myself, but as much as I enjoy gaming or listening to music or even just spending time inside my imagination, I'd much rather be with other people, usually doing the same things I'd do on my own anyway.

You prefer being on your own? Fine, good for you. But don't go around calling other "pitiable" because they prefer company, sitting their on your high horse.

Also, you say you have humility, and then say you need more modesty. They're synonyms of each other, they mean basically the same thing, genius.

OT Anyway, as I've just said being with other people is always preferable to being alone to most people, most of the time. And having someone to be affectionate with is even better than just a friend.

 

[AnarchistFish]

Companionship and intimacy

And because your brain gives you a telling off if you don't

 

[Rose Lalonde]

When you're a working adult, building a romantic relationship is an excellent way of building an extremely dedicated friend. AS a working adult, you'll find that many of your college friends are suddenly in different parts of the country and can no longer interact with you on a daily basis. Having somebody around who wants to be with you, who has sex with you, and who you enjoy spending time with and have shared interests with... it's like having any other really good friend with additional perks.

The only reason you wouldn't want a romantic partner would be if you are completely antisocial.

 

[Cowabungaa]

In the end, are you okay without a relationship? Not good, just okay. Can you be content with your life even if you don't have a person to share it with?

Honestly? I don't know. Again, I really do miss that warmth and love. I want to be loved for who I am instead of being looked at funnily. But at the same time, I don't want to hook up with some random girl, I want someone that really likes me and the other way around. But I don't want to be alone either, I've been alone for too long. It hurts, a lot.