What's there to be ashamed of for living with your folks still?

[McElroy]

Here in Finland you can switch from leeching off your folks to leeching off EVERYONE'S parents as in going to the 'welfare expenses' slot of the country's budget. I moved back to my parents' place recently to study for entrance exams, and we can all take it - it's temporary after all (with the horror of me failing at the exams looming in our peripheral vision). In theory I could get a part-time job flipping burgers and move into a tiny apartment in some suburban concrete block with alcoholics and immigrants, but I'm gonna say no thank you.

I didn't say you didn't have a life, I said you haven't made a life for yourself. It is possible to be living with your folks and still be a relatively productive member of society and indeed an extremely nice person; but in my view you simply wouldn't have matured into adulthood. I wouldn't associate with you because surprise, there is a massive difference in the outlook of a person who has financial independence and stand on their own two feet, and someone who doesn't.

So with your mindset I would take up a part-time job and move out even if my quality of life decreased?

 

[Flames66]

I don't know why you have to chastise me for answering the question in the OP honestly, but sure, I'll bite.

I don't recall chastising you, but I would consider "it is a sign of immaturity and failure" and "pretty pathetic in my eyes" as chastising and indirectly attacking me and anyone like me.

I think it is grossly immature to live with your parent(s) when you get into your twenties. It is pathetic and frankly an expression of a generation gone bad, if they themeselves cannot see a problem with it. I am only twenty four now, myself, but I've been working for ten years already. I'd wager most of the people staying with their folks and thinking it is "much easier" probably haven't worked a day in their life - or just as likely, simply have been unable to keep a job due to lack of discipline and commitment, which is a nice way of saying they can't hold a job to save their life because they are immature, coddled babies.

An interesting, if somewhat bigoted view. I don't mean to insult you, but the definition seems accurate. I am employed and have been for years. I work part time and earn enough to contribute my share of the expenses. I don't work more than I need to.

If you still lived at home in your mid-twenties, I'd say you and I have nothing in common and you should consider moving out and making a life for yourself.

I have considered it. My life is fine where I am for the time being.

 

[renegade7]

I am not a child and I do not need help. I stand on my own two feet because I am an adult.

Sometimes the adult thing to do is swallow your pride and recognize when you need help. It often just makes good financial sense for a person right out of college to stay with their parents for a while. Passing up the opportunity to save thousands of dollars in living expenses at a time in your life when you're probably not making much money and when it's in your interests to get financially stabilized and start saving as soon as possible simply because you want to feel independent would not be a very mature thing to do.

Having parents that can afford to support you through and after college is like having a gold bar fall out of the sky. It's not an opportunity that everyone gets and you'd be an idiot not to take it.

The person who has that choice and chooses to live with his or her parents, because it is "easier" or whatever the fucking reason, is pathetic.

I can choose between living in a house in a nice neighborhood while I focus on my studies for a low cost, or for the amount of money I make I could live in a shitty part of town in a run-down apartment where I'd have to split rent with my roommates. It's easier because it's objectively a better decision. You know what's really immature? Deliberately making things more difficult for yourself than they have to be out of some misplaced sense of pride.

It's not optimal, because most of us would actually rather be on our own because living with your parents in your 20s kind of sucks, but it's still preferable to the alternatives.

They are immature and they are not someone I would want to associate myself with because we would have nothing to talk about, with their outlook being so skewed.

So you base your entire opinion of someone on their living situation, but not in like a judgmental way or anything.

I see your point, I really do, but I am pretty entrenched in my view and it is something that has been fostered for years and years.

That's not a good thing.

I suppose it is worth nothing that I am from, and live in, Denmark.

In Denmark you are afforded a monthly government grant when you are studying, something you can be eligible for from eighteen. That is a big part of why it is so socially unacceptable here to be living at home later than that.

In Denmark, you also get a university education for free. In the US, a degree will probably cost tens of thousands of dollars. Try living on your own at 22 with $80,000 in student loans and no work experience because you need a degree for the entry-level positions which usually don't pay much, if they pay anything at all, while that debt is accruing interest every month. And heaven help you when you're no longer able to stay on your parents' health insurance.

 

[Flames66]

Isnt the "living with your parents = failure" thing an American nuance?

Most cultures with strong family blocks usually have 3 generations living in the same housing.

There is some here in the UK. I don't think it is as pronounced, especially among people who consider themselves "working class"

I, personally, couldn't see living with my parents for any great length of time anymore, unless it gets to be later in life and they are living with me so I can help take care of them.

I did this with my grandparents. If and when you decide to do this, be prepared for all kind of emotional issues from them not being able to do things for themselves.

The person who has that choice and chooses to live with his or her parents, because it is "easier" or whatever the fucking reason, is pathetic. They are immature and they are not someone I would want to associate myself with because we would have nothing to talk about, with their outlook being so skewed.

Why? What exactly is it that makes this so despicable to you? Why must people make things harder for themselves to meet your approval?

You have a job, can't afford to live on your own, but blow your money on things like partying - not ok

You don't have a/not looking for a job and your parents are working - really not ok

Although I'm sure there are other examples, it's hard to empathize with the last two cases, but the rest are generally acceptable, especially if it is to care for others. And that's the point: empathy should motivate us to work - it takes effort from someone so we survive. Either because we don't want others to work extra to support us, or at least we do what we can to minimize that extra support. Anything else makes you a lazy shithead.

Why?

I agree with that. I'm with a job network right now. In Australia, most have a fairly poor reputation. You go in, show them the jobs you've searched for (right now, it's 20 every three weeks, compulsory or they cut or block your welfare), show you a few jobs they have you might be good for (even when recommended for one, you don't get a call back from the employer or your case manager) then you're on your way.

And yes! My dad is always saying "ring up, go door to door." The three times I've done that on his insistence, I've been redirected to their website twice and the other took my resume and I didn't hear back. Apparently they lost it when I followed up and, that's right, redirected me to an online application.
Fast food jobs are only online here as far as I know. I almost got employed at Hungry Jack's (Burger King) a few years ago by doing the online app. I got another job during between the induction and my start date.

The advice given to me by local government was almost universally terrible. It didn't help that many of the "job advisers" employed at job centers around here have never worked anywhere else.

 

[sageoftruth]

If anything, it's not entirely about owning property. People get judged for living with their family because it implies that they're still being taken care of by their parents instead of handling responsibilities on their own (making their own dinner, doing their own laundry, sorting their own mail, etc.). When those judgments are made, I think people often overlook the fact that owning your own property also requires you to have the money to pay for it. In fact, if someone were to judge you for living with your parents and you said that you just didn't have enough money, then that person would probably back off, assuming you at least had a job or were getting an education.

 

[ultrabiome]

You have a job, can't afford to live on your own, but blow your money on things like partying - not ok

You don't have a/not looking for a job and your parents are working - really not ok

Although I'm sure there are other examples, it's hard to empathize with the last two cases, but the rest are generally acceptable, especially if it is to care for others. And that's the point: empathy should motivate us to work - it takes effort from someone so we survive. Either because we don't want others to work extra to support us, or at least we do what we can to minimize that extra support. Anything else makes you a lazy shithead.

Why?

Why what?

Why can't I emphasize with people who blow their money or are unwilling to support themselves? Or why that makes those people lazy shitheads? It's the same reason - selfishness. If you can't understand that living on this planet requires someone to work, either you or someone else, so that you eat and have water, then you don't have empathy and would be literally a psychopath. Either you or someone has to provide sustenance through work (hunting, growing, buying, stealing, etc.). Not doing it or relying on others when you are capable is lazy and makes you a shithead.

 

[Flames66]

Why can't I emphasize with people who blow their money or are unwilling to support themselves? Or why that makes those people lazy shitheads? It's the same reason - selfishness. If you can't understand that living on this planet requires someone to work, either you or someone else, so that you eat and have water, then you don't have empathy and would be literally a psychopath. Either you or someone has to provide sustenance through work (hunting, growing, buying, stealing, etc.). Not doing it or relying on others when you are capable is lazy and makes you a shithead.

While I agree that humans require certain things to survive such as sustenance, shelter and such, I don't see what that has to do with where exactly someone chooses to live. What does it matter if someone chooses to live with their parent(s)?

 

[ultrabiome]

Why can't I emphasize with people who blow their money or are unwilling to support themselves? Or why that makes those people lazy shitheads? It's the same reason - selfishness. If you can't understand that living on this planet requires someone to work, either you or someone else, so that you eat and have water, then you don't have empathy and would be literally a psychopath. Either you or someone has to provide sustenance through work (hunting, growing, buying, stealing, etc.). Not doing it or relying on others when you are capable is lazy and makes you a shithead.

While I agree that humans require certain things to survive such as sustenance, shelter and such, I don't see what that has to do with where exactly someone chooses to live. What does it matter if someone chooses to live with their parent(s)?

Looking back on my original post, the "cases" I described were from a set of situations of living with your parents, and the last two cases were not acceptable because it implies they aren't contributing to their survival. The other cases were acceptable because either the offspring was contributing monetarily or otherwise or was caring for someone or receiving care because they are disabled. Maybe look it over again .

 

[Flames66]

Why can't I emphasize with people who blow their money or are unwilling to support themselves? Or why that makes those people lazy shitheads? It's the same reason - selfishness. If you can't understand that living on this planet requires someone to work, either you or someone else, so that you eat and have water, then you don't have empathy and would be literally a psychopath. Either you or someone has to provide sustenance through work (hunting, growing, buying, stealing, etc.). Not doing it or relying on others when you are capable is lazy and makes you a shithead.

While I agree that humans require certain things to survive such as sustenance, shelter and such, I don't see what that has to do with where exactly someone chooses to live. What does it matter if someone chooses to live with their parent(s)?

Looking back on my original post, the "cases" I described were from a set of situations of living with your parents, and the last two cases were not acceptable because it implies they aren't contributing to their survival. The other cases were acceptable because either the offspring was contributing monetarily or otherwise or was caring for someone or receiving care because they are disabled. Maybe look it over again .

I have reread it, and I found the specific bit that drew my attention:

You have a job, can't afford to live on your own, but blow your money on things like partying - not ok

What specifically is wrong with this? The person in question has their own income and is supporting their own activities. Assuming that their parent(s) are ok with them still living there, what is the issue?

 

[s0denone]

Snip

I don't have to "reject" anything. I have worked alongside my studies all my life. Even if I recieved no grant, I would still be exactly where I am today, as I would have adjusted my budget accordingly and simply lived in a smaller apartment (or even a room) throughout.

So with your mindset I would take up a part-time job and move out even if my quality of life decreased?

Absolutely. I could have lived at home for years, enjoying less expenses and my mothers cooking, but I chose not to. It simply isn't how it's done here and it is how I think it should be done.

An interesting, if somewhat bigoted view. I don't mean to insult you, but the definition seems accurate. I am employed and have been for years. I work part time and earn enough to contribute my share of the expenses. I don't work more than I need to.

How on earth is my view "bigoted"? I have an opinion that you are unhappy with and severely disagree with me on. That doesn't make my opinion wrong or indeed "bigoted".

I have considered it. My life is fine where I am for the time being.

Good for you. I don't think you should put any stock in what me, a totally random Internet stranger that you will never meet, thinks about you or your situation. That doesn't change the fact that that is how I feel.

Sometimes the adult thing to do is swallow your pride and recognize when you need help. It often just makes good financial sense for a person right out of college to stay with their parents for a while. Passing up the opportunity to save thousands of dollars in living expenses at a time in your life when you're probably not making much money and when it's in your interests to get financially stabilized and start saving as soon as possible simply because you want to feel independent would not be a very mature thing to do.

Having parents that can afford to support you through and after college is like having a gold bar fall out of the sky. It's not an opportunity that everyone gets and you'd be an idiot not to take it.

You'd be an immature idiot if you feel proud taking it, though, yeah? That is my point.

I can choose between living in a house in a nice neighborhood while I focus on my studies for a low cost, or for the amount of money I make I could live in a shitty part of town in a run-down apartment where I'd have to split rent with my roommates. It's easier because it's objectively a better decision. You know what's really immature? Deliberately making things more difficult for yourself than they have to be out of some misplaced sense of pride.

It's not optimal, because most of us would actually rather be on our own because living with your parents in your 20s kind of sucks, but it's still preferable to the alternatives.

It depends how much stock you personally place on financial independence. You're completely in your right to be happy with your line of reasoning here, but that doesn't change that fact that I simply think people living at home with their parents are immature. I would call them leeches also, if they are honestly proud of doing it.

For people with NO other alternatives, it is totally fair, like I said. But those who CHOOSE to do it. Those are the ones I have issues with.

So you base your entire opinion of someone on their living situation, but not in like a judgmental way or anything.

I base that on my experience. It isn't like I would treat someone living with their folks any different, it is just EXTREMELY unlikely that I would want to associate with them. You simply reach a totally different point in your life, when you move out on your own. Your outlook on a lot of things change.

That's not a good thing.

Perhaps my phrasing was a bit off. I didn't intend to make it sound like I thought my own point of view was unacceptable or immoral. I heartily accept how I feel about these matters; I was merely attempting to express that my opinion is based on years and years of experience and isn't just something I pulled up from my Asshole Guidebook or whatever the fuck some of the people in the thread seem to be thinking.

In Denmark, you also get a university education for free. In the US, a degree will probably cost tens of thousands of dollars. Try living on your own at 22 with $80,000 in student loans and no work experience because you need a degree for the entry-level positions which usually don't pay much, if they pay anything at all, while that debt is accruing interest every month. And heaven help you when you're no longer able to stay on your parents' health insurance.

That a great point and something I haven't really lent enough credence to in this discussion. My opinion is perhaps a little misguided when it comes to America because of you guys healthcare and study programs, but it is still very difficult for me to see it any other way. I just don't think I'd have anything in common with John Doestar living with his mom and dad, regardless of his student debt.

Why? What exactly is it that makes this so despicable to you? Why must people make things harder for themselves to meet your approval?

Nobody NEEDS to do anything. I am just saying me and a person of that kind would be worlds apart in our perspectives and thus likely have extremely little in common and indeed therefore having no reason to associate with oneanother. Why is that so hard to understand?

 

[Flames66]

I describe him as bigoted.

How on earth is my view "bigoted"? I have an opinion that you are unhappy with and severely disagree with me on. That doesn't make my opinion wrong or indeed "bigoted".

Because the definition is "a person who has strong, unreasonable beliefs and who does not like other people who have different beliefs or a different way of life". Stating that you feel anyone who chooses to live with their parents is "pathetic", "grossly immature" and "coddled babies" is a somewhat bigoted view. I'm trying to understand the mindset of someone who holds such a view.

I have considered it. My life is fine where I am for the time being.

Good for you. I don't think you should put any stock in what me, a totally random Internet stranger that you will never meet, thinks about you or your situation. That doesn't change the fact that that is how I feel.

I don't put any stock in it. It doesn't effect me in any way how someone in a different country I will likely never meet feels about my life choices. I'm asking because I'm interested. I don't want to change your views, I want to understand them, because I have no idea how someone could feel the way you do.

Why? What exactly is it that makes this so despicable to you? Why must people make things harder for themselves to meet your approval?

Nobody NEEDS to do anything. I am just saying me and a person of that kind would be worlds apart in our perspectives and thus likely have extremely little in common and indeed therefore having no reason to associate with oneanother. Why is that so hard to understand?

Because it is completely different from my life experience. I enjoy speaking to people from different backgrounds, exploring and celebrating our uniqueness. I don't understand your point of view and I want to find out more.

 

[Dreph]

s0denone, I got extremely lucky and was able to get a well paying job a few years out of college, but before then me and my wife had to move in with my parents in law. Yes I was a step worse and lived with my parents-in-law, we moved out when I was 25.

I had a part time job as a contractor doing data analysis, my wife was tutoring and together we made a little over 2k a month. Even with that we were unable to afford health care, food, rent, travel expenses, utilities, and car payments. We had to live we her parents. My life and my life experience is very different from yours. Please don't generalize and assume everyone has the same options that you do. I would have done almost anything to not have to do that, but sometimes life doesn't let you do that.

If you don't believe me on the expenses please feel free to google rent prices in the Bay Area in California, US. Here is a hint, they are absurd.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

I live in New York, so that should color a lot of what I'm going to say next.

I live with my parents. In 3 days, it will be a decade. In 2006, My dad had a severe stroke that's left him with aphasia and severe vascular dementia. I was called out of school (that my parents made me pay for after a major depressive episode caused me to drop out of my first college) to help close out my dad's business. I thought we should just sell the business and focus on dad getting better. My family wanted to live in the dream world that he would get better in time, which I didn't believe. Turns out I was right. But who cares.

Once I finished his business three years later, I tried to go back to school. My mom told me if I left with dad still needing care, she would have to quit her job to look after him, and that she didn't have a pension. They would be destitute. She promised she was going to retire that summer. So I stayed.

During that time, I became a personal trainer. I became one in 2009. What else happened in 2009? Oh yeah. The Global recession. NO ONE wanted personal training then. People didn't even want to eat out. But even so, even after I decided to stay and help out around the house... my mom decided I needed to do more. She wanted me not to touch the food in the fridge because she earmarked it for them. She didn't want me to use the fridge that much because it took space away from them. She also wanted me to start paying rent. But it doesn't matter, right? She's going to retire the end of that year.

Oh, but she wasn't sure she built a pension then. So she wanted to work an extra year to be sure. 2010.

2010 passed. But 2011 it would be for sure. 2012! good year! Mayans thought grand things about it. She didn't retire until the summer of 2013. I promptly moved out, moved to Brooklyn, and was determined to start my life over again after a 8 year lull.

November 2013 my mom had her first stroke. Christmas 2013 she had her second stroke. April 2014 she had her third. August 2014 is up in the air. The hospital said it was a UTI and high blood pressure, but her dementia really kicked off then. So probably not that mild of a thing.

Oh, kicker? My mom lied to me. For years. See, she didn't sign the paperwork to get her pension. After the first stroke, she didn't have dementia, so she was still able to sign. I read it to make sure she was getting the right stuff. She was able to collect a pension since 2002. She knew it, because she was sent yearly paperwork about her pension was progressing, and she had to sign off that she received it.

So, it's been a long journey to get Durable Power Of Attorney, My Parents' dementia declared, and for me to find a suitable assisting housing for them because a.) their dementia only worsening and b.) my entire extended family is ok with me having to be around 24/7 (I can barely sleep at nights because my mom wakes up and thinks she needs to walk to school at 2 am because there are kids waiting for her) which prevents me for... well, living. My parents barely planned for this time, but we have some Long Term Care insurance. If I move them to Florida, they can stay in a good place for about... 8 years. As I've told my extended family after that it's up to them.

I'm going to be 36 years old in May. I'm not a college graduate. I don't have a family. I'm not married. I have a brother who was only interested in their bank accounts. I've been more of a supportive parent than these two. NO ONE is helping me build my life back. I have everyone's thanks, but no one's support. From Dating websites, I found that no woman actually cares of the reason why you're living with your family, but if you are, you're a punk and don't waste their time.

... No, seriously, you'll be surprised how many profiles have that somewhere. And yet, they almost always say they want a man who values family. I honestly don't think they will get the disconnect.

I say all this for one reason; Do you think I give a damn about what anyone thinks of me? All those haters out there. Everyone of them who say you have no drive in life if you live with your parents, how many of them would have stopped their lives for a decade to take care of people who don't even respect them? Judge me how you see fit. I'm still doing things you possibly can not even fathom undertaking yourself.

 

[ultrabiome]

You have a job, can't afford to live on your own, but blow your money on things like partying - not ok

What specifically is wrong with this? The person in question has their own income and is supporting their own activities. Assuming that their parent(s) are ok with them still living there, what is the issue?

Then, my opinion is that they aren't good parents because the person isn't really supporting their "activities", because support of life (food, water, shelter, power) is all part of that and should be prioritized before anything else (Bills first, then fun). Not that people do, but again, we're talking about opinions. I grew up poor, I know what things cost and the effort to get them, and I don't like freeloaders because it's selfish and imho, damages society from lack of potential, setting a bad example to others, and wasting resources.

If you're fine letting your child live at home and not contribute, more power to your child. Hope you're rich though, because your child won't be responsible enough to take care of you when you're too old to do it yourself :/.

 

[s0denone]

Then, my opinion is that they aren't good parents because the person isn't really supporting their "activities", because support of life (food, water, shelter, power) is all part of that and should be prioritized before anything else (Bills first, then fun). Not that people do, but again, we're talking about opinions. I grew up poor, I know what things cost and the effort to get them, and I don't like freeloaders because it's selfish and imho, damages society from lack of potential, setting a bad example to others, and wasting resources.

If you're fine letting your child live at home and not contribute, more power to your child. Hope you're rich though, because your child won't be responsible enough to take care of you when you're too old to do it yourself :/.

@Ultrabiome, forgive me for quoting you here in the opening of my post, but I just want to add that I think you hit my reasoning pretty close to home, even if you and I have some quite serious differences in the severity of our opinions, it seems.
I grew up without a lot of ressources to the name of my family. I knew about the trials and tribulations that go along with providing for a household at a young age, and that certainly coloured my perception (and still does) - and that is what this is all about, to me. Living with your folks if you have an option of going elsewhere, and are of adult-compatible-age, you are simply taking advantage of them, in my eyes. Even if you provide some token amount towards rent and utilities, you are still overstepping a sacred boundary that simply isn't to be crossed willingly.
You can word it differently if you like "What if your parents can help you?" "What if they can make it easier for you to stabilize your own situation?" well hey, again, you're free to take that "help" if you want, but you're really just taking advantage, in my eyes. It is immature and displays a colossal lack of pride in oneself to do such a thing. It is really, really scummy.

Because the definition is "a person who has strong, unreasonable beliefs and who does not like other people who have different beliefs or a different way of life". Stating that you feel anyone who chooses to live with their parents is "pathetic", "grossly immature" and "coddled babies" is a somewhat bigoted view. I'm trying to understand the mindset of someone who holds such a view.

You're being ridiculous. You finding my view offensive doesn't make my view bigoted. Try to expand your horizons a bit, mate.

I don't put any stock in it. It doesn't effect me in any way how someone in a different country I will likely never meet feels about my life choices. I'm asking because I'm interested. I don't want to change your views, I want to understand them, because I have no idea how someone could feel the way you do.

There is no real nice way of saying this, so MODERATORS PLEASE DO NOT GIVE ME ANOTHER INANE WARNING POINT FOR ANSWERING A DIRECT QUESTION, but I will try:
The reason you do not understand, is likely because you are immature and not fully "grown up", yet. Which is fine - we don't all have to be the same, right?
The reason I say that is because you will simply understand the position once you get older / get on your own two feet.
People living with their folks and people not living with their folks are miles and miles apart mentally. That is something that may sound impossible to you, but it is the truth and is something you will only know once you are not one of the former and associate with someone of the latter.

Because it is completely different from my life experience. I enjoy speaking to people from different backgrounds, exploring and celebrating our uniqueness. I don't understand your point of view and I want to find out more.

I enjoy speaking to people of every race and creed too, but I don't actually hang around with people who aren't compatible to myself. People living with their parents in their twenties simply aren't compatible.
If you are saying we should all be able to be friends with everyone, then you are massively naive.

s0denone, I got extremely lucky and was able to get a well paying job a few years out of college, but before then me and my wife had to move in with my parents in law. Yes I was a step worse and lived with my parents-in-law, we moved out when I was 25.

I had a part time job as a contractor doing data analysis, my wife was tutoring and together we made a little over 2k a month. Even with that we were unable to afford health care, food, rent, travel expenses, utilities, and car payments. We had to live we her parents. My life and my life experience is very different from yours. Please don't generalize and assume everyone has the same options that you do. I would have done almost anything to not have to do that, but sometimes life doesn't let you do that.

If you don't believe me on the expenses please feel free to google rent prices in the Bay Area in California, US. Here is a hint, they are absurd.

But see, that sounds like a situation where it is necessitated - and adding to it, and specifically, you seem to feel pretty shameful about having to do it (versus gladly doing it) which I respect and do not condemn.

It seems my point of view has been misunderstood by at least some of the readers, yourself included. I will stress for the umpteenth time: I am not faulting those without other options, particularly those who hate doing it but simply do it because there is no other way.

If I was you I would probably take out a massive loan and put myself in debt for twenty years to buy a house I couldn't realistically afford, just to live with my wife - but I still cannot really fault you given you are aware that doing what you're doing isn't what you would like to be doing.

 

[Flames66]

Because the definition is "a person who has strong, unreasonable beliefs and who does not like other people who have different beliefs or a different way of life". Stating that you feel anyone who chooses to live with their parents is "pathetic", "grossly immature" and "coddled babies" is a somewhat bigoted view. I'm trying to understand the mindset of someone who holds such a view.

You're being ridiculous. You finding my view offensive to you, doesn't make my view bigoted. Try to expand your horizons a bit, mate.

I don't see how using the correct word for the situation is ridiculous. Disliking someone for living a different life is the definition of a bigoted view. I'm not saying you are wrong to feel how you feel. There's nothing I can do to change how you feel and it doesn't matter.

The reason you do not understand, is likely because you are immature and not fully "grown up", yet.

Thanks, I take that as a compliment. There is a saying that getting older is inevitable, but growing up is a choice.

The reason I say that is because you will simply understand the position once you get older / get on your own two feet.
People living with their folks and people not living with their folks are miles and miles apart mentally. That is something that may sound impossible to you, but it is the truth and is something you will only know once you are not one of the former and associate with someone of the latter.

I associate with many people who live by themselves. When we have discussed it they respect my choice to stay where I am and many wish they had a similar relationship with their own parents. Some say they do not understand it or could never do it themselves, but no one I know personally has ever condemned it.

"twenty four now, myself"

"you will simply understand the position once you get older"

Incidentally, I am already older than you.

I enjoy speaking to people of every race and creed too, but I don't actually hang around with people who aren't compatible to myself. People living with their parents in their twenties simply aren't compatible.

Good point. I also choose people of similar interests to call friends. I would not discount someone as a friend because of their living arrangements.

If you are saying we should all be able to be friends with everyone, then you are massively naive.

That is not what I'm saying, there are many people I could never be friends with. I don't judge someones worthiness until I have taken time to try to get to know them.

 

[Dreph]

s0denone, I got extremely lucky and was able to get a well paying job a few years out of college, but before then me and my wife had to move in with my parents in law. Yes I was a step worse and lived with my parents-in-law, we moved out when I was 25.

I had a part time job as a contractor doing data analysis, my wife was tutoring and together we made a little over 2k a month. Even with that we were unable to afford health care, food, rent, travel expenses, utilities, and car payments. We had to live we her parents. My life and my life experience is very different from yours. Please don't generalize and assume everyone has the same options that you do. I would have done almost anything to not have to do that, but sometimes life doesn't let you do that.

If you don't believe me on the expenses please feel free to google rent prices in the Bay Area in California, US. Here is a hint, they are absurd.

But see, that sounds like a situation where it is necessitated - and adding to it, and specifically, you seem to feel pretty shameful about having to do it (versus gladly doing it) which I respect and do not condemn.

It seems my point of view has been misunderstood by at least some of the readers, yourself included. I will stress for the umpteenth time: I am not faulting those without other options, particularly those who hate doing it but simply do it because there is no other way.

If I was you I would probably take out a massive loan and put myself in debt for twenty years to buy a house I couldn't realistically afford, just to live with my wife - but I still cannot really fault you given you are aware that doing what you're doing isn't what you would like to be doing.

Sorry if I'm phrasing this harshly, but need to run to a meeting and genuinely curious here. You keep saying that it is the mature thing to do to move out and not live with your parents and not doing so is immature. What exactly is the mature part of the decision to ruin your finical future, your wife's finical future, and possibly irreparably damaging any future children's finical future, because you refuse to live with your parents?

Beyond that, you couldn't qualify for a massive loan with an income of 2 thousand a month. A cruddy house around here runs at half a million US, again not kidding.

 

[Charli]

Currently living with my parents so we can help support one another. I don't have any shame about it, times are tough, we had some seriously extenuating circumstances, anyone looking down on me at face value can eat a cold plate of shit. I'm working full time and hard to support my parents and in exchange I get to live somewhere warm and have someone make me a meal at the end of the day.

 

[CeeBod]

If you don't believe me on the expenses please feel free to google rent prices in the Bay Area in California, US. Here is a hint, they are absurd.

According to this report - http://ceoworld.biz/2015/10/19/top-50-most-expensive-cities-in-the-world-to-rent-an-apartment-2015-report the most expensive places are 1. New York, 2. Hong Kong, 3. London, 4. Geneva and 5. Chicago, so I don't think that the Bay area is uniquely bad - San Fransisco didnt even make the list.

In my experience people are pretty useless at actually looking for property, and this is a lack of talent that estate agents make lots of money from - it's always in their interest to push people towards the most expensive places, because they get more commission that way. A young, recently recruited graduate at the previous place I worked, wanted the company to pay for a 1,400 quid($2,000)per month 1 bedroom apartment in Bristol when he went on long term secondment there, because "There's literally nothing cheaper in Bristol". One 5minute google search showed he could get quite a nice 2 bedroom house for about half of that and as a young single guy working away from home for the first time, the studio flats at around 500quid per month were what he should have been looking at - he'd gone straight for city-centre penthouse luxury apartments with parking, which he somehow thought the company would pay for!

For San Fransisco, here's a $650 per month rental in a 2bedroom, 2 bathroom place - https://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/roo/5443530569.html It's probably not ideal, and I'm only looking on craigslist because I have no idea what websites and estate agents are good/bad in the USA, but it also shows there's always deals out there somewhere. The other advantage of craigslist is of course the entertainment value in some of the offers - how about this totally not dodgy as hell one for "free room in a 3BR house for female"? - https://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/roo/5443550450.html