NOTE: I AM IN NO WAY CONDONING ADULTERY; but I do wonder why exactly having an affair merits the overwhelming negative response it gets?
What's wrong with cheating?
- Thread starter Professor James
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- Mar 31, 2010
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Cheating generally makes your significant other very unhappy, making your significant other very unhappy is generally considered a bad thing according to conventional morality. That's pretty much it.
Because someone who cheats is betraying their partner's trust that they'd remain monogamous? And, trust is the basis of a relationship?
If someone doesn't wanted to be in a monogamous relationship, they should be upfront and honest with their partner and then let the chips fall where they may.
If someone doesn't wanted to be in a monogamous relationship, they should be upfront and honest with their partner and then let the chips fall where they may.
There is nothing wrong with having relationships with multple people at the same time, as long as they are aware of this and agree to it. The reason it merits an overwhelming negative response is the dishonesty, manipulation, betrayal involved and the risks you are exposing multiple partners to. It is often seen the same as being a "con artist" and stealing. Being a liar also merits a negative response as well as not keeping your word. There are different types of relationships some that allow for you to see others and some that do not just as you have different types of contracts. If you wish to be in a relationship where you and your partner date others, that is fine because you both agreed to it, and you both are aware of the risks you are exposing yourselves to. When you are in a monogomous relationship however, you are basically breaching a relationship contract and not keeping your word and exposing your partner to risks without their consent. There is much more to it than that, but that basically addresses the biggest reasons I think it gets such a negative response. People often view that if someone would be willing to betray someone they supposedly care about, they would also not be someone you would trust with other matters that they care even less about. You would be branded as " untrustworthy" and " dishonorable".Professor James said:
All the above.
And I really don't want anyone sticking anything in me that's been somewhere that I don't know for sure is clean. Although that kinda falls into betrayal.
Being cheated on just really hurts when you're in a committed relationship. It makes you doubt yourself, as obviously your partner has to get something they need elsewhere. That's mainly how I felt, anyways. I wasn't nearly as angry at him as I should have been.
I found it was mainly "Why am I not good enough?"
Then I grew some balls a long time later and realised he was an asshole. He was the insecure one, needing more than one person to want him. He even admitted it, years later.
And I really don't want anyone sticking anything in me that's been somewhere that I don't know for sure is clean. Although that kinda falls into betrayal.
Being cheated on just really hurts when you're in a committed relationship. It makes you doubt yourself, as obviously your partner has to get something they need elsewhere. That's mainly how I felt, anyways. I wasn't nearly as angry at him as I should have been.
I found it was mainly "Why am I not good enough?"
Then I grew some balls a long time later and realised he was an asshole. He was the insecure one, needing more than one person to want him. He even admitted it, years later.
It's about empathy, really. There have been studies where people were asked to rate how excusable it would be if they cheated on their partner, and then how excusable it would be if their partner cheated on them. Most people were quick to excuse themselves and to declare certain activities (kissing, some sexual acts, emotional cheating) as "not really counting", while simultaneously being very unforgiving of others cheating on them.
If you can empathise with your partner, you know what's so bad about cheating.
Now, open relationships are completely different and are in no way related to cheating.
If you can empathise with your partner, you know what's so bad about cheating.
Now, open relationships are completely different and are in no way related to cheating.
It's the breaking of trust that is the problem and has been said if everyone agrees to more than 1 vs. 1 then there is no break of trust.
You can't control your mind, it does what it does you can however control your body, so being attracted to others or falling in love with someone else is not something you can really stop, as long as it stops there though.Darken12 said:
Off the top of my head, cheating doesn't speak very highly of your trustworthiness. And once you deceive someone that close to you, anybody else would think you'd be just as cool with deceiving them.Professor James said:
I didn't know falling in love was under the category of lust (we're probably just talking past each other anyhow).madwarper said:
Well my point was if you fell in love with someone is beyond your control and as long as you don't act on it it's not cheating.
Dishonesty is probably the worst part, at least from my perspective.
Instead of talking about problems in a relationship or being honest about what you want or expect from it, leading your partner on and pretending everything is fine while sleeping with someone else is a pretty shitty thing to do. It's incredibly cowardly to be too afraid to own up to your own actions or admit what you want and it's essentially abusing their trust.
Basically, if you're emotionally or sexually dissatisfied to the point where you'd rather be with someone else, or if you simply don't want to get into a monogamous relationship with that person, why lie about it? Why lead them on?
Cheating, in that sense, tends to be pretty conclusive evidence that you've abandoned that relationship, or otherwise that you're only continuing to be in that relationship for purely selfish reasons - because you want the parts of it that benefit you.
Instead of talking about problems in a relationship or being honest about what you want or expect from it, leading your partner on and pretending everything is fine while sleeping with someone else is a pretty shitty thing to do. It's incredibly cowardly to be too afraid to own up to your own actions or admit what you want and it's essentially abusing their trust.
Basically, if you're emotionally or sexually dissatisfied to the point where you'd rather be with someone else, or if you simply don't want to get into a monogamous relationship with that person, why lie about it? Why lead them on?
Cheating, in that sense, tends to be pretty conclusive evidence that you've abandoned that relationship, or otherwise that you're only continuing to be in that relationship for purely selfish reasons - because you want the parts of it that benefit you.
Emotional cheating is not being attracted to another person. Emotional cheating is developing an entire relationship with someone else (minus the sex), possibly falling in love with them (though this is not a requirement), while you are already in another relationship. It's a deliberate sequence of acts. You go on dates with them, you flirt, you act like you're a couple, and so on, but you don't have sex with them. All that is emotional cheating.Boris Goodenough said:
I might have misread your original post, but I think there's a difference between falling in love with an idolized concept of someone and actually forming an emotional relationship with them.Boris Goodenough said:
If you meant the former, I apologize.
However, the latter is most definitely an emotional affair, especially when they place emotional distance themselves and their original partner.
Because you've agreed not to. If both people are fine with it, fine, but that's not cheating.
Cheating requires the other person not to be happy with it.
Cheating requires the other person not to be happy with it.
I don't consider it to be a terribly bad thing. Sure, it's a bad thing, but it's just as bad as cutting in line or littering.
Now, breach of marriage vows? That's a different kettle of fish because you signed a CONTRACT.
Now, breach of marriage vows? That's a different kettle of fish because you signed a CONTRACT.
For married 2-income couples, cheating signifies a break in trust & honesty & also signifies potential income loss due to divorce & having to separate belongings & move to new homes.
In dating, it's humans following their primitive biological behavior.
In dating, it's humans following their primitive biological behavior.
It's a philosophical question. What would make you assume they are trolling?Silverslith said:
There is a disproportionate amount of disgust towards adulterers compared to the actual practical damage caused by their actions. It is reasonable to inquire to multiple people on a forum as to why they think that is.
Because its obvious, that's why I would assume. People don't like cheating because its betraying the trust of someone you supposedly love, which is a shitty thing to do. It'd be fine if both partners agreed to sleep with other people, but you know, that's not sleeping, that's poly.Abomination said: