I thought I did in the very post you quotedKaulen Fuhs said:
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There are also relationships called "hookups" and such where, while they aren't considered serious, they are still considered to be ?a couple?.
What's wrong with cheating?
- Thread starter Professor James
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There are also relationships called "hookups" and such where, while they aren't considered serious, they are still considered to be ?a couple?.
The thing is the line between serious relationship and casual hookup is not defined, relationships can be incredibly varied.Kaulen Fuhs said:
The term ?cheating? itself is mostly used in reference to a situation between boyfriends and girlfriends whereas "infidelity" or "adultery" is used to describe a breach of marriage vows.
That?s why my stance is essentially ?it is as bad as the damage that is done?. At the same time I do not put much stock in emotional damage as I view most people as the wardens of their own prison in that regard.
Because it's heartbreaking. It hurts a lot. The reasons why are pretty obvious, it's a breach of trust, when it's with someone you love and they go and cheat it breaks all the trust in a relationship but a lot of people here have said this already and more eloquently so I'll offer up an extra reason: It's a slight of the ego. I've noticed that, personally, when I was cheated on that besides the general piss offery at all the other reasons I was also insulted that there was someone better than me for someone who loved me and I also loved, it's really fucking offensive and this also just sounds big headed but that doesn't change the fact it hurts to know there's someone better than you out there for the person you love.
There's a number of reasons, but generally it's less the act itself and more the betrayal of trust that is the issue.Professor James said:
I know a handful of people who regularly have sex outside of their "primary" relationships, and no one really cares because they're all open about it.
People get upset when their partners decide to cut them out of the decision making process, which is one of the fundamental cornerstones of a committed relationship. As long as people are open about it, it's usually not nearly as big a deal.
Is it really so hard to understand? You made a promise to another person, one that your entire relationship hinges upon. You cheat and you broke that promise, you broke their trust, and quite often you broke the relationship.
And if you can't be trusted to be honest to the people you claim to care about how can a third party trust you in other matters?
And if you can't be trusted to be honest to the people you claim to care about how can a third party trust you in other matters?
Well it's about trust, and maybe at its heart - humanity. If you can't trust the people you're closest to in life then life would be a lonely miserable experience.
Condoning affairs is condoning lying and deceit. If you have an affair and admit it I'm not going to judge you, I can see how these things might happen. But to deliberately conceal it from someone who has a right to know (as they will or could be affected by it) would just be wrong. Because if everyone acted that way the whole world would fall to shit. And it's just hanging on by a thread as it is.
Condoning affairs is condoning lying and deceit. If you have an affair and admit it I'm not going to judge you, I can see how these things might happen. But to deliberately conceal it from someone who has a right to know (as they will or could be affected by it) would just be wrong. Because if everyone acted that way the whole world would fall to shit. And it's just hanging on by a thread as it is.
If a public official is found cheating, it's an indirect suggestion that if he's capable of doing harm to his/her own relationship and commitment to a spouse, then one is also forced to question whether he can be trusted with other binding agreements (such as being in office commands). It's a form of guilt by inference, but it comes with the territory.thiosk said:
It's simple; cheating is breach of trust and is very cowardly.
This is not to say that if you are in a committed relationship, you are stuck from every being interest in another person. If you want to pursue other relationships, then you need to be man/woman enough to tell your partner that it is over and that you want to move on.
Cheating on someone merely implies that you want to fulfill some need from another individual outside of the relationship while still having the comfort of your significant other. No one's perfect, and if there are issues that arise in a relationship, the first step is to be open and honest about these issues. If there are some things that can be changed, than that's fine. If an individual's needs are unreasonable or unobtainable, then it's best to just move on and find someone that will meet those needs.
This is not to say that if you are in a committed relationship, you are stuck from every being interest in another person. If you want to pursue other relationships, then you need to be man/woman enough to tell your partner that it is over and that you want to move on.
Cheating on someone merely implies that you want to fulfill some need from another individual outside of the relationship while still having the comfort of your significant other. No one's perfect, and if there are issues that arise in a relationship, the first step is to be open and honest about these issues. If there are some things that can be changed, than that's fine. If an individual's needs are unreasonable or unobtainable, then it's best to just move on and find someone that will meet those needs.
Cheating implies deception and disregard for the emotional well-being of someone for whom you're supposed to care deeply about. In other words, it's an indicator that you're disloyal, untrustworthy and selfish to the extent that you're comfortable breaking longstanding social contracts and hurting people in exchange for fleeting physical pleasure. In a way, it seems worse than committing random acts of violence on strangers because you're overcoming (or falsifying) the binds of close relationships rather than simply taking advantage of someone you hadn't even known existed fifteen minutes ago and may never see again. The guy you just robbed is only some guy, but your wife is, well, your wife.
The reason it hurts is because people tend not to like losing what they want and think is safely theirs. And when you deceive them you're allowing them to invest themselves into a relationship you know isn't what they think it is, which means you're using them. Most people claim to have a problem doing that to one another and generally fear having it done to them, and for good reason, so they judge it negatively. There's also the associated feelings of inadequacy, etc.
Open relationships don't count as cheating because transparency and consent are implicit.
The reason it hurts is because people tend not to like losing what they want and think is safely theirs. And when you deceive them you're allowing them to invest themselves into a relationship you know isn't what they think it is, which means you're using them. Most people claim to have a problem doing that to one another and generally fear having it done to them, and for good reason, so they judge it negatively. There's also the associated feelings of inadequacy, etc.
Open relationships don't count as cheating because transparency and consent are implicit.
Yeah I cheated on the first girlfriend I ever had. Of course I didn't leave her because I was afraid that no other girl was going to come along. You know the girl that I slept with, only wanted me because I was in a relationship. After she found out I was taken, she was all over me. Remember thinking in my head, screw it, I am doing it. Even though it was a horrible thing to do, I broke up with my girlfriend 3 weeks later.
If you're in a relationship, usually it means you've placed your trust in the other person not to cheat. Therefore i'm assuming its the usual relationship the OP is talking about. Even in cases where you don't have a lot of romantic love for eachother, its usually not ok to cheat unless you've talked about it first, in which case it stops being cheating.Abomination said:
Say dating, your example doesn't work because it isn't cheating, you have no obligation to the first girl. Once you're in a relationship (which is what everyone will be talking about, not dating, which is different in so many ways it deserves its own topic) you have an obligation.
Perhaps it should be, considering the person cheating is a pathological liar, manipulator and slut. Other than the relationship they obviously didn't value enough ending or not, there are very little consequences for someone committing what I deem one of the most disgusting acts a person can undertake.Caiphus said:
The people affected by it will be insecure and vulnerable for quite a while. When it happened to me I was angry a lot and the mention or appearance of the other guy will still bring up resentful emotions. All sorts of thoughts go through your head, where you have gone wrong or what you should have done, while in a lot of cases the victimized party hasn't transgressed at all. It's a sick, crippling ailment that you bestow upon your supposed loved one.
I would scold my friends if they did such things and probably question their every move for quite some time.
lol, the captcha said 'broken heart'. Sounds about right.
People should have more self control and self respect. If you cheat on someone, then you've just proven to everyone that you are immature asshole. Don't cheat, just because that just what decent people do. On the flip side, if you get cheated on, have the ball to stand for yourself.
The trick is to learn through experience, if you know how much it sucks to think you're special to that person and then find out you're one in 2 or more then you're far less likely to try and excuse yourself from it.Darken12 said:
Having open relationships is perfectly acceptable so long as everybody knows and agrees that it's fine, sneaking around behind your partners back about the whole thing is not however, because as somebody said it betrays their trust and trust is a very important thing for relationships.
Interestingly the whole monogamy thing is part of why I'm terrible at getting boyfriends.
Edit: In short, don't maintain or start relationships if you plan on sleeping around, keep things casual, you'll cause less people less misery. The horrible feelings of betrayal and inadequacy really do have deeper effects than people like to realise.
Edit edit: Oh, and don't cheat on crazy. So someone like me? Yeah don't do that, it's how you end up with a beehive under the floorboards or something. Or a skunk in your wardrobe. Or pictures of you on the internet.
In games is see no problems with cheating in singleplayer games as that is your own enjoyment....
oh! We're talking about relationships? Well, unless you've talked it over with your significant other (in which case it wouldn't be cheating) you are lying to them, being dishonest, and breaking their trust. Since intimate relationships are based around trust people find it despicable.
oh! We're talking about relationships? Well, unless you've talked it over with your significant other (in which case it wouldn't be cheating) you are lying to them, being dishonest, and breaking their trust. Since intimate relationships are based around trust people find it despicable.
There's nothing wrong with it if your partner thinks there's nothing wrong with it. If they think it's the worst betrayal that could ever happen to a person, then it doesn't matter if it's cutting a tomato in quarters, the meaning behind the action isn't what you assign to it, it's what it means to them.