Where would you hide a dead body?

[SirPlindington]

Hypothetically, assuming I had time and no one would miss said person for a while, I would clean up, chop them up into little pieces, stick the remains in a bag full of weights and somesuch shiznit, then buy or rent a boat, take the body out to deep sea, and throw the bag overboard, where it will sink to the deep dark depths, diverting dozens of denizens of the deep to dig into the dead. No one will ever find you, Jameson. NO ONE WILL FIND YOU

What? Nothing.

[small]************ knows what he did[/small]

 

[StormShaun]

I would hide it inside my best friend.
Although I doubt that can count since HE IS the dead one.

Other then that ... I would put it in some poor guy's unactive woodchipper.
He turns it on then WHOOOSH!

 

[Olas]

Would rather destroy it somehow. Breaking Bad style

Damn, ninja'd. Ya that's pretty much the best way to do it.

Or if you're cheap there's always a controlled burn. But be smart about it, make sure you pulverize the teeth and disfigure the skull as much as possible. maybe mix the remains with tar or cement and pour it into a stream.

But if you really just want body disposal techniques, well... has anybody seen the movie Man Bites Dog

 

[Marik2]

Put it in the locker like how metal gear solid 2 does

 

[The_Echo]

If hiding it is my only option? A grave.

Ideally, though, I would find a way to destroy it, like whatever that chemical is they used in Breaking Bad. That seems like a better plan, to me.

 

[Gitty101]

Hmmm, sitting here in the early hours of the morning and this thread pops up. Anything you wish to confess to OP?

OT: I'd actually suggest destroying the evidence rather than hiding it. But if you absolutely must hide it, you can't go wrong with weighing it down and dumping it in the ocean. Likelihood of somebody finding it down there are pretty slim.

 

[Mike the Bard]

Meat factory, turn him into a pile of sausages along with a horse. Then i'll tell the media that's there's horse meat in their sausages. People will be too busy freaking out over the horse meat to notice anything else.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

As for your manhole plan, the body would clog the sewers, thus calling for swift intervention by your local government health squad, the body will be found and an investigation will commence.

If that were the case how much evidence could they actually get from that body? I'm no sewer expert but wouldn't it be covered in everybody's stuff? You might be fine unless they had some reason to suspect you or you have some tie to the person. Right?

It wouldn't be so much getting it in there but how well you could get it to the manhole without anyone seeing anything. Do your neighbours have CCTV on their house? Do they have late shifts or work nights? Do they have teenage children that may be staying up late, sneaking out or coming back from a party?

On top of that I'm sure dropping it down a manhole would lead to the body being swept to the bars that stop stuff like that being jetted into the ocean like where Commissioner Gordon is found in The Dark Knight Rises.

Hiding a body is easy so long as nobody goes looking there. You could hide it in your back garden and it'd be completely safe until the next occupier tries to make a nice flower bed on top of your victim's corpse and digs them up. Dropping them into the sea is fine but they're going to drift back to shore after a while and someone is going to find them. The, like I said, you have to make sure nobody sees you dumping them, it's going to be fairly difficult disposing of a 6ft human being without raising suspicions. Best to dispose of them outright and go all acid on their corpse and then throw the bones away in the trash maybe, as long as you don't have anyone searching through your bins you should be good. But the question is where to get some acid and containers to do it in and then how to dispose of that cleanly.

Best bet? Don't kill them. Kill someone else and frame them for their death.

 

[Fijiman]

If I didn't do it, then why the fuck would I be trying to hide it? If I did do it, the receptionist's desk. Just prop it up, put some sunglasses on it, maybe put some fresh closes on it, and it's good to go.

Where I hide all of my victims! In the ventilation system of my house...

Why go for practical when you can score points in the creepy factor?

I hope you don't have to turn the AC on very often, or have an ass load of air freshener.

 

[juyunseen]

I live near a rather large, rather deep river.
Weigh it down just enough that it goes to the bottom, but the current still takes it along. By the time it gets to a dam, it'll have traveled so far that it's hard to identify, and they can't prove it was dumped in my area. This river stretches across most of the State.

As far as ways to make sure it's never found, I subscribe to the cement filled barrel in the ocean school of thought.

 

[Robot Number V]

Would rather destroy it somehow. Breaking Bad style

Took the words right out of my mouth. Just don't use a bathtub.

 

[Headdrivehardscrew]

Eat the meat, cure the good stuff, carve flutes out of the bones and let mother nature handle the rest. Recycling matters.

Then again, I prefer proper burials. They're just less messy.

 

[Andy Shandy]

Down the couch. You can never find anything that gets lost in the couch. People would have to give up looking eventually.

 

[Headdrivehardscrew]

Buried deep underneath a dead dog which is also buried. Should the police be suspicious of the overturned dirt then all they'll find is the dog.

Wasn't that the (poor) excuse of the two brothers that recently killed Gandalf for his MtG cards collection and then buried him at their dad's place? I hear it didn't quite work out too well for them.

Gandalf's still dead, though, so I guess it's a matter of priorities.

Louis de Funès had his own ideas back in Jo (1971).

Spot the Body!

 

[teebeeohh]

inside a running wood chipper.
because wood chipper beats anything

 

[Grouchy Imp_v1legacy]

I'll tell you where I wouldn't hide a dead body: up on the old rec by Simpson's Garage, next to the oak tree growing next to the run-down skatepark.

Nope, no bodies there.

<..>

 

[ace_of_something]

Outside of the pig farm and the barrel in the ocean most of these are pretty easy to link back to the murderer. I say that as an actual detective. The other thing is you guys are underestimating how hard it is to do some of this stuff without other people noticing you doing it.
....if any of you want to let me know where you live so I can notify... err... call... some friends who might want to hang out.

 

[Headdrivehardscrew]

Would rather destroy it somehow. Breaking Bad style

Damn, ninja'd. Ya that's pretty much the best way to do it.

Or if you're cheap there's always a controlled burn. But be smart about it, make sure you pulverize the teeth and disfigure the skull as much as possible. maybe mix the remains with tar or cement and pour it into a stream.

But if you really just want body disposal techniques, well... has anybody seen the movie Man Bites Dog

Awesome movie.

I'm also rather fond of Bernie (1996) by/from/with/starring Albert Dupontel:
<youtube=YAXdAcEI_mg>

 

[Sacred_Flame]

Buried deep underneath a dead dog which is also buried. Should the police be suspicious of the overturned dirt then all they'll find is the dog.

Awwww. You took mine.

I guess I would bury mine in a graveyard with other dead bodies or buy some piranhas and feed them with it.

 

[Kaymish]

in a black plastic bag and into the dumpster on Sunday night because they are emptied Monday at 10:00 or Tuesday night because they are emptied at the other place Wednesday midday and no one is going to notice a few extra black plastic bags are they? and the cameras there are just for show anyway and its round the back of a couple of wharehoses that close up at 1730
what i have only put a little planning in... and there was that one man whore