Why Twilight is nonsensical.

[DeathWyrmNexus]

Bear in mind I quoted from the Requiem rulebook, which is New World of Darkness and does away with generations, using blood potency instead.

Fair enough.

 

[Direwolf750]

It's probably quite difficult to attempt to vindicate the various problems of Twilight, or indeed many fictional books. Stephenie Meyer says she didn't know anything about conventional vampires, so I assume this was overlooked.

Then she obviously shouldn't have written about them, now should she? That's just bad writing, bad form, and plain stupidity.

And yet she made shitloads of money on said bad writing, bad form, and plain stupidity, as do a lot of people out there.

Methinks the one to pin the "blame" on is the demographic, particularly the female tween/teen demographic (wooh, they crop up everywhere), rather than the author. They're the ones buying it.

Do you blame the crackheads for buying the crack, or the person who makes and sells it?

 

[Czargent Sane]

really? this is why twilight is nonsensical? this is the overriding factor that breaks the suspension of disbelief?

 

[Snarky Username]

Say what you will about Twilight, but when critics of the series say Stephanie Meyer contradicts her own plot, they aren't kidding. Allow me to explain.

<spoiler=Yes this is a real spoiler alert>Later in the series, Edward the sparkly "vampire" and Bella have a baby. Jacob pedo jokes aside, it makes no sense that Edward and Bella had this kid, because it makes no sense that Edward and Bella can have sex. You see, the Twilight "vampires" are supposed to be undead. This by itself is a worthy reason, but what I'm really getting at is the fact that they have no blood in their bodies, save that which they drink. If vampires have no blood in their bodies, how the fuck does Edward get a boner?

Can anyone answer this question, or am I right in assuming that the series is nonsensical bullshit?

I'm pretty sure you should have thrown all expectations of realism or sense out the window when vampires became involved.

 

[StarStruckStrumpets]

Thumb it in... takes longer... still effective in baby making.

Dead bodies don't produce sperm. Even if they did, those would die faster than new ones were created.

Exactly what I was about to say.

Then again, when did Twilight, or its fans ever make sense?

Edward can watch girls in their sleep and be called the "Perfect/Ideal Man", but if I do it, I get slapped. The logic is where? WHERE!?

 

[Blow_Pop]

VAMPIRES ARE NOT SPARKLY. A few notable examples: Vlad the Impaler (AKA Count Dracula), Kane, Angel, Blade, Nosferatu, seriously, this woman wrote a crappy book that doesn't deserve any of the credit it's getting, its a crappy romance novel about magic fairy princesses that have a thing for blood

I. Love. You.


This is my argument all the time.....


[small]even though I do go and see/buy the movies and have read the books quite a few times...shut up....its my mindless reading[/small]

 

[Master_Fast]

I was forced to read the books by my sister. I did so begrudgingly because I knew eventually I'd be able to have inside knowledge on it and thus be able to make educated stabs at it instead of just ignorant ranting.

I didn't notice the no blood = no boner thing at first, and I don't think it's entirely true, but I do remember that earlier in the series, someone said that all the fluids in a vampire's body turn into their "venom" including spit, urine, everything. During the sex scene I wondered that since all fluids are venom, won't his *gasp* semen just turn her right there?

Amazingly huge plot holes.

 

[Jonluw]

It's probably quite difficult to attempt to vindicate the various problems of Twilight, or indeed many fictional books. Stephenie Meyer says she didn't know anything about conventional vampires, so I assume this was overlooked.

This has nothing to do with conventional vampires though. It says in the books that Edward's heart does not beat. It would rather have something to do with her not knowing anything about the male reproductive system. That, or she just overlooked it.

Edit:

someone is arguing to me that
"If the cullens drink animal blood that's still blood in their bodies to be used as fuel OR apparently other bodily functions however Bella is human therefore able to conceive"

as much as I'd like to believe you, OP this guy seems to be making sense..
however would an undead vampire be able to produce sperm?

Tell that person that blood simply being contained inside the body (probably the stomach even) is not enough; that to get an erection, something has to transport that blood to the corpus cavernosum (thank you wikipedia), and keep it there for a while.

 

[Jonluw]

Rigor mortis? XP

.....This would mean that he never goes soft.

By god..... Assemble the Extraordinary League of Manly Men.... I think we've solved the reason as to why women love Twilight.

Undead sparkly dicks which never go soft?

Then all we have to do to counter the twilight craze is invent a sentient sparkling dildo with stalker tendencies!

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

It's probably quite difficult to attempt to vindicate the various problems of Twilight, or indeed many fictional books. Stephenie Meyer says she didn't know anything about conventional vampires, so I assume this was overlooked.

Then she obviously shouldn't have written about them, now should she? That's just bad writing, bad form, and plain stupidity.

And yet she made shitloads of money on said bad writing, bad form, and plain stupidity, as do a lot of people out there.

Methinks the one to pin the "blame" on is the demographic, particularly the female tween/teen demographic (wooh, they crop up everywhere), rather than the author. They're the ones buying it.

Do you blame the crackheads for buying the crack, or the person who makes and sells it?

Interesting analogy. A little of both then, but mostly the buyers rather than the seller.

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

He uses the magic of Applied Phlebotinum.

 

[Glademaster_v1legacy]

Yes to everyone out there after 1 year Twilight Vampires possess no blood of their own(I googled it). Maybe they retain the ability to get a boner because they have control over their muscles? Also there are even inconsistencies in Star Gate.

 

[Flying Dagger]

talk about missing the woods for the trees...

 

[Akai Shizuku]

Yes to everyone out there after 1 year Twilight Vampires possess no blood of their own(I googled it). Maybe they retain the ability to get a boner because they have control over their muscles? Also there are even inconsistencies in Star Gate.

Boners are caused by blood rushing to your dick. No blood, no boner.

Also, as it has been previously mentioned on this page, in Twilight all a "vampire's" fluids become their "venom". In which case, it still wouldn't cause a boner, and even if it did, Edward would have turned Bella into a vampire right on the spot...just after eating the fuck out of her pillows like they were potato chips.

 

[Flying Dagger]

Seriously, Darren Shan's work is poop too. Most teenage fiction is.

You, me, outside, now.

Darren Shan's books are fantastic.

If it's not your type, that doesn't make it crap, it just makes you a jackass for saying it is.

(Wow, my fanboy gene just got tripped}

 

[HandOfFate]

If Twilight vampires have no bodily fluid, then how the hell does Edward have a family?!

 

[Breaker deGodot]

They'd probably need artificial insemination, and I REALLY don't want to think about what Vampire jizz looks like. Probably sparkles.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

Seriously, Darren Shan's work is poop too. Most teenage fiction is.

You, me, outside, now.

Darren Shan's books are fantastic.

If it's not your type, that doesn't make it crap, it just makes you a jackass for saying it is.

(Wow, my fanboy gene just got tripped}

I think it's important to keep in mind that not finding something tasteful and something being crap are two different things. I think whether or not something is crap is objective, while personal tastes are subjective. For instance, I don't like beans. Beans in chili won't make that chili bad; that chili just won't be in my tastes. In fact, that chili could be fucking awesome and I still wouldn't like it, not because the chili is bad but because I don't dig beans.

By the way, I freaking love the Darren Shan series.

 

[Master_Fast]

Sort of on-topic...
Did we ever receive confirmation that Breaking Dawn would be a two-parter, a la Deathly Hallows?

If that happens, I will kill myself.

 

[Glademaster_v1legacy]

Yes to everyone out there after 1 year Twilight Vampires possess no blood of their own(I googled it). Maybe they retain the ability to get a boner because they have control over their muscles? Also there are even inconsistencies in Star Gate.

Boners are caused by blood rushing to your dick. No blood, no boner.

Also, as it has been previously mentioned on this page, in Twilight all a "vampire's" fluids become their "venom". In which case, it still wouldn't cause a boner, and even if it did, Edward would have turned Bella into a vampire right on the spot...just after eating the fuck out of her pillows like they were potato chips.

Your penis is also one big muscle thus having the magical ability to have full control over your muscles and also it would be able to be filled with venom. It doesn't turn Bella into a vampire bcause it turns her kid into a Vampire in fact it turns all kids into vampires. So I guess there aren't any inconsistencies this time.