worst joke you've ever told
- Thread starter Stephen O'Hagan
- Start date
I make a lot of puns. I've actually gotten kind of good at it, but even the best pun is shit. Here's the worst in recent memory:
(Choosing Champs in League of Legends)
Friend: Oh, cool. We have a Jax.
Me: It's pronounced "Ajax" (Greek Hero)
[silence]
Me: You know what, that was shit. I apologize to all of you. (referring to friends in vent)
Friend: Bad job. 0/0 stars.
(Choosing Champs in League of Legends)
Friend: Oh, cool. We have a Jax.
Me: It's pronounced "Ajax" (Greek Hero)
[silence]
Me: You know what, that was shit. I apologize to all of you. (referring to friends in vent)
Friend: Bad job. 0/0 stars.
Two copper atoms are sitting at a bar. A gold atom walks in. One copper atom turns and says
"'ey you, get outta here!"
Also:
A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says "You need to leave. We don't serve pieces of string here", so the string leaves, ties himself up, and drags himself all over the sidewalk before walking back in. The bartender says "Hey, didn't I just kick you out 'cause you're a string?" and the string responds "Nope! I'm a frayed knot!"
"'ey you, get outta here!"
Also:
A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says "You need to leave. We don't serve pieces of string here", so the string leaves, ties himself up, and drags himself all over the sidewalk before walking back in. The bartender says "Hey, didn't I just kick you out 'cause you're a string?" and the string responds "Nope! I'm a frayed knot!"
The worst joke I've told, well I tell so many bad half-jokes it's hard to pick one, would be.
"...Okay, I've got a plan, we've got guns right? And bullets kill things right? And Zombies are things right? And Guns shoot bullets right? So let's use guns."
Worst joke of all time? Look no further: http://www.thetolkienforum.com/showthread.php?18654-Nate-the-Snake (read the entire thing)
"...Okay, I've got a plan, we've got guns right? And bullets kill things right? And Zombies are things right? And Guns shoot bullets right? So let's use guns."
Worst joke of all time? Look no further: http://www.thetolkienforum.com/showthread.php?18654-Nate-the-Snake (read the entire thing)
Ok, so there's this guy walking down the road, and he's passing a woman selling cakes and then this exchange takes place:
Woman - Hello, would you like some sweet cakes?
Man - No thanks, I've just bee to the fair
BA-DUM-TISH!
Woman - Hello, would you like some sweet cakes?
Man - No thanks, I've just bee to the fair
BA-DUM-TISH!
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve noble gasses here!"
Helium doesn't react.
The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve noble gasses here!"
Helium doesn't react.
Hmmm... I have several awful ones...
Q- How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A- Fish.
Q- How do you keep pirates from robbing your house?
A- Fill your yard with Beavers.
Q- What do you call a fish with no eye?
A -Fsssssh...
Q- What's worse that finding a worm in your apple?
A- The Holocaust.
And the worst, most bland horrible pun of all time...
Q- How does the Butcher introduce his wife?
A- MEET PATTY.
Q- How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A- Fish.
Q- How do you keep pirates from robbing your house?
A- Fill your yard with Beavers.
Q- What do you call a fish with no eye?
A -Fsssssh...
Q- What's worse that finding a worm in your apple?
A- The Holocaust.
And the worst, most bland horrible pun of all time...
Q- How does the Butcher introduce his wife?
A- MEET PATTY.
Q- How do you keep someone from stealing your violin?
A- Put it in a viola case.
Q- What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
A- You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q- What do you do when a drummer knocks on your front door?
A- You pay for the Pizza!
Q- What do you call a girl on a drummer's arm?
A- A tattoo.
Q- What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
A- There are skid-marks before the snake.
Q- What's the difference between an electric guitar and a vacuum cleaner?
A- Not much.
Q- What do you say to an aspiring Heavy Metal musician?
A- "Can I get a refill?"
Q- What's the difference between an onion and a viola?
A- No one cries when you chop up a viola.
And finally, the most cryptic inside-musician joke ever...
Q- How can you tell when there's a banjo player at your door?
A- The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know when to come in.
I have literally HUNDREDS of these. There are perks to growing up at a music camp.
A- Put it in a viola case.
Q- What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
A- You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q- What do you do when a drummer knocks on your front door?
A- You pay for the Pizza!
Q- What do you call a girl on a drummer's arm?
A- A tattoo.
Q- What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
A- There are skid-marks before the snake.
Q- What's the difference between an electric guitar and a vacuum cleaner?
A- Not much.
Q- What do you say to an aspiring Heavy Metal musician?
A- "Can I get a refill?"
Q- What's the difference between an onion and a viola?
A- No one cries when you chop up a viola.
And finally, the most cryptic inside-musician joke ever...
Q- How can you tell when there's a banjo player at your door?
A- The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know when to come in.
I have literally HUNDREDS of these. There are perks to growing up at a music camp.
...Persona 2 pick up line? I'm curious. XDemeraldrafael said:
OT: It's a toss-up between one of my dad's favorite jokes and a pun I've told a few times.
1) Q: Who's bigger: Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby?
A: The baby, because he's a little Bigger!
2) Two beavers are swimming in a river. They run into a wall, and one says, "Dam!"
(insert groans here)
I've got a couple of bad "short" jokes that I tell ppl
What do you call a telepathic midget who ecapes from jail?
A: A small medium at large
What's funner than kicking a midget?
A: Nothing!
What do you call a telepathic midget who ecapes from jail?
A: A small medium at large
What's funner than kicking a midget?
A: Nothing!
I haven't really told this, but I saw it yesterday on reddit.
What is Forrest Gump's password?
What is Forrest Gump's password?
1forrest1
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the duck cross the road?
"What's the difference between a letterbox and an elephant's asshole?"
"I don't know."
"Remind me not to let you post any letters for me."
And an absolute stinker -
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
To get to the other side.
Why did the duck cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken
"What's the difference between a letterbox and an elephant's asshole?"
"I don't know."
"Remind me not to let you post any letters for me."
And an absolute stinker -
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.