worst joke you've ever told

[StellarViking]

Two copper atoms are sitting at a bar. A gold atom walks in. One copper atom turns and says

"'ey you, get outta here!"

Also:
A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says "You need to leave. We don't serve pieces of string here", so the string leaves, ties himself up, and drags himself all over the sidewalk before walking back in. The bartender says "Hey, didn't I just kick you out 'cause you're a string?" and the string responds "Nope! I'm a frayed knot!"

 

[Jodan]

someone at work asked me if there were any straws left
so i told her that i was at my last straw an hour ago

 

[Feralcentaur]

The worst joke I've told, well I tell so many bad half-jokes it's hard to pick one, would be.
"...Okay, I've got a plan, we've got guns right? And bullets kill things right? And Zombies are things right? And Guns shoot bullets right? So let's use guns."

Worst joke of all time? Look no further: http://www.thetolkienforum.com/showthread.php?18654-Nate-the-Snake (read the entire thing)

 

[-Dragmire-]

I thought the new nintendo console would be called the We Wii.

 

[Thundero13]

Ok, so there's this guy walking down the road, and he's passing a woman selling cakes and then this exchange takes place:

Woman - Hello, would you like some sweet cakes?
Man - No thanks, I've just bee to the fair
BA-DUM-TISH!

 

[Killclaw Kilrathi]

Helium walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Hey, we don't serve noble gasses here!"

Helium doesn't react.

 

[Harry Mason]

Hmmm... I have several awful ones...

Q- How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A- Fish.

Q- How do you keep pirates from robbing your house?
A- Fill your yard with Beavers.

Q- What do you call a fish with no eye?
A -Fsssssh...

Q- What's worse that finding a worm in your apple?
A- The Holocaust.

And the worst, most bland horrible pun of all time...

Q- How does the Butcher introduce his wife?
A- MEET PATTY.

Spoiler: Here's a bonus list of good musician jokes

Q- How do you keep someone from stealing your violin?
A- Put it in a viola case.

Q- What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
A- You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q- What do you do when a drummer knocks on your front door?
A- You pay for the Pizza!

Q- What do you call a girl on a drummer's arm?
A- A tattoo.

Q- What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
A- There are skid-marks before the snake.

Q- What's the difference between an electric guitar and a vacuum cleaner?
A- Not much.

Q- What do you say to an aspiring Heavy Metal musician?
A- "Can I get a refill?"

Q- What's the difference between an onion and a viola?
A- No one cries when you chop up a viola.

And finally, the most cryptic inside-musician joke ever...

Q- How can you tell when there's a banjo player at your door?
A- The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know when to come in.

I have literally HUNDREDS of these. There are perks to growing up at a music camp.

 

[Uber Evil]

I make a lot of puns. I've actually gotten kind of good at it, but even the best pun is shit. Here's the worst in recent memory:

(Choosing Champs in League of Legends)
Friend: Oh, cool. We have a Jax.
Me: It's pronounced "Ajax" (Greek Hero)
[silence]
Me: You know what, that was shit. I apologize to all of you. (referring to friends in vent)
Friend: Bad job. 0/0 stars.

Wouldn't 0/0 be a: impossible, or b: a 100%

 

[ace_of_something]

Why did the Spy cross the road? He didn't, he never really was on your side! *rimshot*

three guys walked into a bar...
...the fourth one ducked

I read the second line as "the fourth one punched a duck".

That's a much better, yet nonsensical, punchline.

 

[Infernai]

A baby seal walked into a club.

 

[Gauntes]

So two trees walk in the bar and one of them doesn't make a sou..

hm..

 

[LiberalSquirrel]

I remember my friend had failed at something, and I was being a dick to him just becuase I can be, and said "Oh my, you'd better look out for Kratos, cause you are a god... of FAIL!"

yeah... not quite as bad as my persona 2 pick up line, but pretty close.

...Persona 2 pick up line? I'm curious. XD

OT: It's a toss-up between one of my dad's favorite jokes and a pun I've told a few times.

1) Q: Who's bigger: Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby?
A: The baby, because he's a little Bigger!

2) Two beavers are swimming in a river. They run into a wall, and one says, "Dam!"

(insert groans here)

 

[Dorkamongus]

I've got a couple of bad "short" jokes that I tell ppl

What do you call a telepathic midget who ecapes from jail?
A: A small medium at large

What's funner than kicking a midget?
A: Nothing!

 

[Firetaffer]

I haven't really told this, but I saw it yesterday on reddit.

What is Forrest Gump's password?

Spoiler: Answer

1forrest1

 

[floppylobster]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Why did the duck cross the road?

Spoiler

It was stapled to the chicken

"What's the difference between a letterbox and an elephant's asshole?"
"I don't know."
"Remind me not to let you post any letters for me."


And an absolute stinker -

Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.

 

[SwimmingRock]

yeah... not quite as bad as my persona 2 pick up line, but pretty close.

Sorry, but I missed that the first time around and, being a huge Persona fan, I must know.

OT: Christ, how to choose. Had one of those lame joke books as a kid. Probably the one where the airplane pilot told the stewardess to offer the noisy kids chips on the condition they eat outside. Yeah, I'm not even gonna bother with presentation on that one. It always stuck out in my mind as just being the most groan-worthy one in the book and the reason I never bought a second book of jokes.

 

[Wait...What]

-Why are Pirates, Pirates?
...Because they ARRRRRRRRRR

A personal favourite of mine

 

[emeraldrafael]

...
...Persona 2 pick up line? I'm curious. XD

...

...

Sorry, but I missed that the first time around and, being a huge Persona fan, I must know.

....

Oka, for you two, here it is, cause I've been posting it around the site when its relevant and i think its just that bad:

....

So Ig uess the worst one that failed was I referenced P2 Innocent Sin by saying, and i kid you not "you are my Maya Amano, and I'm your Tatsuya Suou, so lets make an Innocent Sin for some External Punishment". Amazingly the girl knew what i was talking about, and giggled before walking away. though I later asked her out like a normal person.

.... I know, its amazing I got rid of my V-Card.

....

From the worst pick up line thread.

 

[Urgh76]

Stupid; but I laugh every time

 

[KingofallCosmos]

So two fridges are up in a tree playing cards when an egg walks by.
One of the fridges says "Oi, egg, wanna play cards?"
And the egg says "No I'm gonna get a haircut."