Most men never rape anybody. Rapists are a minority of terrible people.
That's not really the point I was making.
Rapists are indeed a minority. However, my point was that there isn't a distinct cultural "type" of man who is prone to rape.
My problem with the idea of "toxic masculinity" is that it assumes that there is one specific, static cultural form that is the bad masculinity, and that other forms of masculinity are thus benign. It's an attempt to link the social harms of masculinity with a particular kind of stereotypical cultural expression, which I find very suspicious.
Back in the 80s, a lot of radical feminists used to have this idea that male dominance over women was primarily based on the fear of violence, which I suspect is what you think I'm saying. Sure, most men don't rape, but there was this idea that most men liked women to be
afraid of rape, because being afraid kept women in line. Sure, you're not going to force your date to have sex with you, but she still
knows you could if you wanted to, and that thought is going to be in her head when she's deciding whether to put out. There's always going to be that power dynamic, because even if you think you never would do it, you always could, right? What could she do to stop you?
But this is
not actually what I'm saying. I think that was a bit more of a convincing argument back when rape was more present in media culture (back when men were renting
I Spit on Your Grave at the video store, picking up a box of tissues for the first half and then watching the second half to soothe their consciences) but I think today we recognize that it's a bit more complicated. Men who would be genuinely repulsed and disgusted by the violence and overt sexism that was so prevalent in culture during the 80s can and often do turn out to be predators, they just fill a different niche in the ecosystem.
Rapists can be violent aggressive jocks driven by hostility and contempt towards women. They can be suave conniving social manipulators who know the right things to say to get people to let their guard down and who dress what they do up as open-mindedness or sexual adventurism. They can be traditionalist family men who seem like they just want to settle down and find a nice tradwife who shares their values. They can be guys who just seem really pathetic and lonely and who seem like they just need that special someone to come along and kiss it all better. These are all different forms of masculinity, they're all different stereotypes, and they're all capable of camouflaging the behaviour of rapists.
The problem isn't the "type" of masculinity, it's a fundamental feature of masculinity itself. Namely, that social acceptance and social status for men is in large part based on control over women's sexuality. Masculinity is ultimately a set of strategies to achieve that. Most men aren't rapists. Most men have varying levels of squeamishness about the violation of consent and various degrees of behaviour they're able to rationalize. But most men have the same objective, and some of them will cross the line to pursue it.