Your current relationship, be honest, Did you "settle"?
- Thread starter Snowalker
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I agree with this statement!T8B95 said:
Although I've never actually been in a relationship, so there's a good chance that what I'm saying here is incredibly stupid.
I don't feel that relationships need to be this idealistic, "magical" thing. There are so many people with this attitude of waiting for the 'perfect' person to come along, and so they avoid actually getting in a relationship with many people to see how things work out because they aren't 'perfect'. The thing is, if you just avoid all relationships like that, you won't learn. You won't actually know what you want. So I'll settle for people, but not because they aren't ideal, but because I don't know what ideal is, and I don't think I will ever know. So I'll give people a chance.
I'm single, so this doesn't really apply to me. However, I don't think I'd settle, to be honest. If I don't really love a person and am only with them because no-one better has come along, then that's not fair on either of us, and the relationship would simply be doomed from the start.
Interestingly enough, this is a major conflict in a story I'm writing, or going to write if I ever get around to it. On of the main plot elements is that a girl is in love with her male best friend/bandmate, and he's with someone else, so she ends up settling for her other best friend, a lesbian who's in love with her (the main character is bi, by the way
). Later it turns out that the guy is starting to fall out of love with his girlfriend and more in love with the main female character, and ends up ending his current relationship fairly early after his realisation purely so he can try to salvage their friendship anyway, since he knows if he leaves it too long it'll be harder to break his current relationship and it'll just make both him and his girlfriend unhappy . Don't worry, it all ends up okay, but it's a pretty bumpy road xD
Interestingly enough, this is a major conflict in a story I'm writing, or going to write if I ever get around to it. On of the main plot elements is that a girl is in love with her male best friend/bandmate, and he's with someone else, so she ends up settling for her other best friend, a lesbian who's in love with her (the main character is bi, by the way
). Later it turns out that the guy is starting to fall out of love with his girlfriend and more in love with the main female character, and ends up ending his current relationship fairly early after his realisation purely so he can try to salvage their friendship anyway, since he knows if he leaves it too long it'll be harder to break his current relationship and it'll just make both him and his girlfriend unhappy . Don't worry, it all ends up okay, but it's a pretty bumpy road xD
I've only really been in one serious relationship... It lasted 15 months and ended two months ago.
I didn't settle for her, at the time she was the only one I really wanted and the only one I ever wanted that bad. That all changed during the last 5-4 months of our time together, thereby effectively MAKING it our last time together. I'm really not good with girls, and she was pretty much a stroke of crazy luck in my life.
I don't talk to her at all, and have no intentions of ever contacting her again, or even looking her in the eye if I happen to see her in the street somewhere.
Now I'd settle for anything. .
I didn't settle for her, at the time she was the only one I really wanted and the only one I ever wanted that bad. That all changed during the last 5-4 months of our time together, thereby effectively MAKING it our last time together. I'm really not good with girls, and she was pretty much a stroke of crazy luck in my life.
I don't talk to her at all, and have no intentions of ever contacting her again, or even looking her in the eye if I happen to see her in the street somewhere.
Now I'd settle for anything. .
I never settle and no such thing as the perfect mate.I ended up with someone cause I loved them and wanted to be with them
Well, idont always wear a suit.Snowalker said:
<spoiler=Here's normal Me>https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/28829_104290119620447_100001183776592_39728_7995748_n.jpg
And I know, I'm not saying I'm bad, but I'm not good enough for her, I know she settled, but she's pretty perfect to me, since my perfect gf died 5 years ago.
I did not "settle", it was more like convenient. I was getting what I wanted out of the relationship, and even though I felt like I could do better, I did not feel the need to.
It would be similar to landing a 90k a year job, and then later feeling like I could get a 95 or 100k job. It would be better, but I was getting more than I needed already, so no need to switch.
It would be similar to landing a 90k a year job, and then later feeling like I could get a 95 or 100k job. It would be better, but I was getting more than I needed already, so no need to switch.
Nabirius said:
Lolz!
Anyway, I have to admit that my girlfriend and I have been edging closer to that stage for a while now. It's not so much that we have settled, but that we have trouble expressing or even feeling emotions. I, for example, have become so obsessed with the rationalization of ideas and black and white concepts that I have difficulty feeling complex emotions other than the basic anger, frustration, depression, boredom, joy, lust, blah blah blah. The things I can, to a degree, quantify.
Is this bad? I don't think so. To be honest, my girlfriend is rather quiet, and I know that somewhere she can be very passionate about what she believes, but I am just having some slight trouble digging that out. But we've only had one fight over the whole year and more that we have been dating, and even that only lasted two hours tops.
Of course we oft bow to society, lest we all be anarchists. I simply meant do not bow to society on things of such import.Snowalker said:
Furthermore. Settling does sometimes lead to good, and sometimes you find out that the person in question was better than you thought. Usually however settling does lead to problems down the road.
From a romanticist standpoint people are protective of their relationships they are proud of them and people like myself live for them, I have nothing else in this world I really care about, I find love to be the primary reason for living (as opposed to surviving)we are all bound to find 'settling' to be bad as it is having such an important part of your life second best. Not to offended or anything, it isn't pretentious to find something bad providing you actually see it as bad.
DISCLAIMER: This does not apply to starting a relationship Mr/Mrs Right will never be right in-front of you, however still settling after a year or so is what '2nd best' refers to.
Thanks. I sincerely hope that what you say will come to pass.McCa said:
There is a major problem, though: I don't find real women very physically attractive, nor are they all that interesting. It may be because of my heavy childhood exposure to the media, but I'm the kind of guy who is far more likely to develop a crush on an anime character than a real person. It's kind of sad to admit, but it's quirks like this that make me seriously consider that being single is the best way to go.
Settle... no never. Compromise? Yes.
I like my relationship and I don't think it could get too much better
I like my relationship and I don't think it could get too much better
No, its not pretentious to say you believe something is bad, it is, however, if you present your opinion as fact and imply that people who disagree are wrong. I know you didn't do this, but I think iI made that clear, I wanted to get that out there. I also feel that relationships are important, though not as much as you. My mentality is the same as wolf, in the sense of mate>family(pack)>yourself>everything else. But you must know the situation and make a choice accordingly,as in, never sacrifice the entire pack for your mate solely, but that kinda thing happens so rarely, it wouldn't matter. This may be why my relationships never work out, I treat them as casual thing, and hardly ever reveal my full hand.McCa said: