"As the exasperated Chinese zoo keeper said to the last male panda on earth FUCK THAT!"
Pure comedy gold
D
Pure comedy gold
D
Your Favorite Zero Punctuation Quote
- Thread starter Snoody
- Start date
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"some people have told me final fantasy 13 gets good around 20 hours in. YOu know that's now a point in it's favour right? Put your handon a stove for 20 hours and sure you'll probably stop feeling the pain but you'll have done serious damage to yourself"
FFXIII review. Utterly classic!
FFXIII review. Utterly classic!
thought of a few more, though i forget what ep its from >.> and the context actually, but i use it when i have a chance
"which makes it about as hard as the staypuft marshmallow man's dick in the presences of his grandma"
"i could mention the hugely satisfying penis extention gun that lets you pin baddies to walls with entire tree's, but all you really need to know is there's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning. i wish i could make something like that up. it shoots shurikens and lightning! it could only be more awesome if it had tits and where on fire"
the saints row 2 review, ALL of it, BUT
"games have been on this quest for total realism, but now that we'er on the verge of it I'm thinking its probably not worth it, and its up to games like Saints Row 2 to remind us that realism is an acceptable sacrifice if it means i can throw old lady's into jet turbines" (quoted for truth really)
" so you end up in these weird scenario's wear your sitting on an arms stock pile that would same north Korea, but are flinging peas at a giant robot crab on the off chance there's a BIGGER robot crab around the corner"
"which makes it about as hard as the staypuft marshmallow man's dick in the presences of his grandma"
"i could mention the hugely satisfying penis extention gun that lets you pin baddies to walls with entire tree's, but all you really need to know is there's a gun that shoots shurikens and lightning. i wish i could make something like that up. it shoots shurikens and lightning! it could only be more awesome if it had tits and where on fire"
the saints row 2 review, ALL of it, BUT
"games have been on this quest for total realism, but now that we'er on the verge of it I'm thinking its probably not worth it, and its up to games like Saints Row 2 to remind us that realism is an acceptable sacrifice if it means i can throw old lady's into jet turbines" (quoted for truth really)
" so you end up in these weird scenario's wear your sitting on an arms stock pile that would same north Korea, but are flinging peas at a giant robot crab on the off chance there's a BIGGER robot crab around the corner"
The entire review for Wolfenstein.
I've never hear a limerick flow so smoothly and hilariously in my entire lifetime.
I've never hear a limerick flow so smoothly and hilariously in my entire lifetime.
Clive Barker's Jericho:
"I could go on listing the stupid design decisions... so I will. The game occasionally breaks up the action with, all together now, God of War style, Simon Says button matching sequences which I'm informed I should probably be calling Shenmue style button matching sequences because they did it first but frankly who gives a shit? And considering how much practice the game industry in general has had with these ubiquitous fuckers it's surprising that there are still games that can cock them up. In this case making the indicator so small and neutrally colored that they're very easy to overlook. But even if they were bright pink and six feet wide it wouldn't remove the fact that the sequences are unnecessary, obnoxious, cliched and some other mean words."
that and: "Assault on Cool Ranch Doritos"
"I could go on listing the stupid design decisions... so I will. The game occasionally breaks up the action with, all together now, God of War style, Simon Says button matching sequences which I'm informed I should probably be calling Shenmue style button matching sequences because they did it first but frankly who gives a shit? And considering how much practice the game industry in general has had with these ubiquitous fuckers it's surprising that there are still games that can cock them up. In this case making the indicator so small and neutrally colored that they're very easy to overlook. But even if they were bright pink and six feet wide it wouldn't remove the fact that the sequences are unnecessary, obnoxious, cliched and some other mean words."
that and: "Assault on Cool Ranch Doritos"
Damn, ninja'd by the first reply...VaudevillianVeteran said:
The other one that's always stuck out to me is from the Clive Barker's Jericho (by Clive Barker) review, which happened to be my first ZP:
"The plot's about as twisted and impenetrable as a granite octopus."
"Those wacky fun-loving lepers have this hilarious tendancy to shove you with all their retard strength and send you flying Ye Olde Mosh Pit style."
- Assasin's Creed
Classic.
- Assasin's Creed
Classic.
But its so soooo true. It doesn't matter how much I like to shoot feral ghouls and chop up necromorphs I still enjoy recolouring the curtains.Roganzar said:
this is one of my favourites too rofl.Drop_D-Bombshell said:
For me, it's gotta be the awards.
"The Copulating Jelly Baby Award for #@%*ing Sweet Game"
"The Indiana Jones In A Fridge Award For Franchise Murder"
"The Quadruple-Amputee Kindergartner Award for Most Redundant Sandbox"
And, to round it all off:
"...But the winner of the 2007 Best Invisible Dumbfounded P$!#@k award is none other than the main guy from the 2K steampunk objectivist philosophy-fest Bioshock. Now, there's a lot of criticism that can be leveled at him: he's a b@#%*h, he's an alcoholic, he has some very strange ideas on how to treat small children, but all of this is countered by the fact that he has a magical hand that shoots bees.
And that's why he takes the prize; because, no matter who you are, the moment you're compared to a magical hand that shoots bees youre going to f#@%*ing LOSE."
"The Copulating Jelly Baby Award for #@%*ing Sweet Game"
"The Indiana Jones In A Fridge Award For Franchise Murder"
"The Quadruple-Amputee Kindergartner Award for Most Redundant Sandbox"
And, to round it all off:
"...But the winner of the 2007 Best Invisible Dumbfounded P$!#@k award is none other than the main guy from the 2K steampunk objectivist philosophy-fest Bioshock. Now, there's a lot of criticism that can be leveled at him: he's a b@#%*h, he's an alcoholic, he has some very strange ideas on how to treat small children, but all of this is countered by the fact that he has a magical hand that shoots bees.
And that's why he takes the prize; because, no matter who you are, the moment you're compared to a magical hand that shoots bees youre going to f#@%*ing LOSE."
Your never told about what crime you committed, I believe your supposed to fill in that blank for yourself, so, I chose to believe that I was out shagging the emperor's wife and daughter while doing a rock guitar solo on the desecrated corpse of God.
~Oblivion
~Oblivion
Your never told about what crime you committed, I believe your supposed to fill in that blank for yourself, so, I chose to believe that I was out shagging the emperor's wife and daughter while doing a rock guitar solo on the desecrated corpse of God.
~Oblivion
~Oblivion
Actually, quote from OP's post is from the Tomb Raider Underworld episode and yours is from the Tomb Raider Anniversary episode.VaudevillianVeteran said:
My favorite will always be:
"Fans are clinging complaining dipshits who'll never ever be grateful for any concessions you make. The moment you shut out their shrill tremulous voices the happier you'll be for it."
-From his Silent Hill: Homecoming review
Runner up:
"A society where anyone can make jokes about anyone else and everyone laughs is a truly tolerant society. Political correctness charged censorship only serves to engender resentment in distance between social groups."
- From his 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand review
"Fans are clinging complaining dipshits who'll never ever be grateful for any concessions you make. The moment you shut out their shrill tremulous voices the happier you'll be for it."
-From his Silent Hill: Homecoming review
Runner up:
"A society where anyone can make jokes about anyone else and everyone laughs is a truly tolerant society. Political correctness charged censorship only serves to engender resentment in distance between social groups."
- From his 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand review