Your Favourite Zero Punctuation Quotes!

[Grabtharr]

I thought the term "Soapy titwank" was an asset to my lexicon.

Agreed.
Personally, one that kills me every time is "oh wook, he's a doggy! Mash up his widdle face and call him 'Chips'"
Also: "but hypothetically, if I wasn't an idiot and talked him (Liam Neeson) into doing voices for my video game, I'd have him voice a character named 'Captain DYNAMITE!' who has the face of Frank Zappa and nuclear missiles instead of legs. He'd fly around the player in a magic space buggy for the entire course of the game sprinkling rose petals and friendship."

 

[Rolling 20]

"You get to eat shit space cowboy"

 

[Specter_]

go team retard

unhelpfull, but fuckin funny

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[AngelSword]

"Fable II is less of a sequel; more like an upgrade of Fable I, warts and all. It just tries to distract from the flaws by going, 'Oh, wook! He's a doggie! Mash up his wittle face and call him Chips.'"

 

[MaxFan]

"it all comes down to what you personally prefer in a console"

Not the quote itself, but the background animation of Yahtzee holding up a keyboard.

 

[Mr0llivand3r]

"it was imaginative, witty, and charming enough to totally bypass my usual male instinct to steer clear of brightly colored cartoony graphics for fear of catching The Gay."
i can honestly say that i laughed for a good 15 minutes when he said "The Gay". the fact that he referred to gayness as a disease, and the way he used it was absolutely priceless

"... to make them clean toilets and fuck."

"He has a magical hand that shoots bees, and that's why he takes the prize, becuase no matter who you are, the moment you're compared to a magical hand that shoots bees, you're going to f(bleep)king LOSE" (the bleep makes it perfect)

 

[Otaru Ikari]

I got a few of his jokes I like.

From his Smash Bros. Brawl Review:
"Engineering a scenario in which Mario can beat the ever loving stupid out of Princess Peach while the crowd screams for blood is very satisfying."

From his Braid Review:
"And do you know who I blame for all this? YOU! Yes you! The public! Especially you Adrian! That probably isn't your name but it was fun to mess with all the Adrians in the world."

From GTA4 Review: (may not be correct but along those lines)
"While steel lamp posts snap like a twig when anything heavier than a kitten leans on them, mother nature continues to reign supreme as my rampage was brought to an abrupt end by the world's toughest poplar tree, causing Niko to go hurling through the windshield wincingly painful as it was FUCKING AWESOME!"

From Oblivion Review:
"He took one look at the camera floating behind my character's head and said "Oh bloody you're the protagonist. Guess I better die now!"

From Soul Calibur 4:
"What's there to get? Violence is cathartic. It's like squeezing a big angry stress ball except you're kicking it in the face, and you're a skinny Japanese schoolgirl in your underpants."

From Umbrella Chronicles:
"Umbrella Chronicles is a heavily cut down retread of the 3 major Resident Evil games, starring Johnny Bravo, a prostitute, an idiot, a mullet, a 9 year old boy, a brick shithouse, and Carlos."

I'll think of more when I can.

 

[ffxfriek]

Done before just to let you know.

GO TEAM RETARD!

Makes me laugh every time.

probably this one was the best

 

[sanomaton]

"Go Team Retard!" is one of my favourites as well, cracks me up every single time. Here's some others that made me fall off my chair laughing:

"It's like when you tell a joke and nobody laughs. You explain the joke and people go, "Oh that's pretty clever I guess" but they still won't laugh cos you didn't tell the joke properly in the first place!"

"Ba-dum tish"

"Never stick your dick in a pudding. It might still be good pudding and you can spend all afternoon explaining that but no one's gonna eat it cos you stack your dick in it!"

Oh yeah, and I laughed so bad that I actually cried in Guitar Hero World Tour review when the guy was screaming "OI!" and the drums looked at the guy going "WOT".

 

[Neo Kojiro]

"Well, it's certainly not you, becuase you've just been upgraded to dickhead, and a presumptious dickhead, at that."

The wanking visual is what really made it funny, i think.

 

[Spectre39]

My most enjoyed quote was not necessarily what he said, but how he said it.

Mirrors Edge review: "...so he did, and then he ate his own shoes."

also

"...you can take a wild guess and jump straight off, hoping that solid ground can be will into existence from the land of dreams."

 

[Calax]

"Pants on head retarded"
"Go team Retard"
"Just for once I'd like to see a spaceship that actually seemed like a nice place to live"
"horray for captain ambitious over here."
"It suffers from Indigo Prophecy syndrome"

 

[AngelSword]

Wait! I've got another one:

"(From Left 4 Dead)"As I said, it's up to you if this is all work $50. But then, of course, I paid $100 for Mirror's Edge. So apparently, I'm a retard"

Sorry.

 

[Otaru Ikari]

What review is that dick in pudding joke?

 

[Zarake]

"It's not as fun as twanging another man's balls, as much as it used to be.....I'm not gay."

 

[y8c616]

"I backed her into a corner to get a view of her nice juicy..... thighs"
or "... and whistled for a babboon!"

also the entire sketch after The Witcher review " 20 minutes... round the back... puffer fish"

 

[merf1350]

I can't remember the exact quote, and I'm not gonna waste my time looking through all the videos for it, but he mad a comment at the end of on vid, something along the lines of "like a menstruating woman jumping off a building, it breaks flow."

 

[carter91]

"But Fuck that, the kids are into anime these days so lets all jump around on the ceiling dressed like twats"
LOL
(E3)

"Groovey pants"
(E3)

"It's like asking us to feel sorry for a brick cause its brick children have left home and never write it letters."
(Deep space)

"Mounted targets manned by tragic sufferers of the stupid virus".
(Haze)

"Yeh its pretty good" (theme music)
(Fallout 3)

"Most people are to busy staring at walls to worry about you"
(Fallout 3)

"I dont even know why im talking to you. Piss of close the browser and fuck off back to gears of war. Has he gone?? Good I hate that guy"
(Braid)



Also I was not a big fan of the highlights, or lowlights, they put in for the 2008 year in review video. Anyone else in agreeance??

 

[Jharry5]

A few of my favourites are:
"I don't know what would happen if you put Branston pickle onto 'No More Heroes', maybe the universe would end... and it would be AWESOME"

...and...

"This game is still as close to Branston pickle as you can get, they just spread it too thinly. But it's still Branston pickle and you can swim in it until your eyes fall out - Fallout 3, that is!"

(Wierd how both of those are Branston pickle related...)

"The voices of the characters may get a little irritating though. I didn't think so but my roommate said it was like getting raped in the ear by a person wearing a sandpaper condom..."

There are so many others though...

 

[Bolverk]

SPORE:
'Wasn't this the whole appeal of Sim City? Watching the transformation from scout hut in the middle of nowhere to a sprawling carbon dioxide spewing vomit puddle. That's what it felt so cathartic to then drop Godzilla into the middle of it and watching everything you worked for 'neath his mighty tread, while crying and breathlessly rubbing yourself through your trouser pocket or maybe that was just me...'

'Spore will never have the appeal of the Sims because of the excision of the human element. It wasn't simply controlling life that made the Sims popular. It was controlling life that resembles people we know, or alternately, Batman.So here's what I'm really asking. Can brightly coloured monstrosities really compare to Batman? Short answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...'


ASSASSIN'S CREED:
'Climbing, running, jumping, misjudging distance and faceplanting 6 stories down. It's actually FUN and especially exhillarating when your cover is blown and every Crusader from here to Azabaijan is hacking at your shins. Said Crusaders are rather bewilderingly quick to mark you for death though. Part of that might be from you having an arsenal of knives and a huge neon sign saying 'I AM AN ASSASSIN' strapped to your back, but explain to me how this makes any goddamned sense. If you make your horse ride past soldiers in the country side they'll all somehow twig that your up to no good and become hostile, but if you hold down a button that makes the horse go a little bit slower then suddenly nobody cares.'


SUPER MARIO GALAXY:
'Marios hateful emotionally retarded ball and chain has been kidnapped AGAIN but before you can do the rescue you have to collect a whole bunch of stars and it is ALWAYS stars for some utterly arbitrary reason.'


That was longer than I planned..hmm...Oh well. It's hard to pick my favourites coz all the ones I like, said out of context, make no sense what so ever, so I put in the surrounding script too. There's plenty more, I just couldn't be assed to watch the other videos to get the wording right.
I will join the club and say that 'Pants-On-Head Retarded' has become a quick fave. I started using it without realising..