Your Favourite Zero Punctuation Quotes!

[MercurySteam]

In the Army of Two review: "Somehow a burn becomes doubley funny when you imply that the subject also likes it rough from men with hairy bums". I laughed so hard, that instead of clicking pause, i cliked a link and accidently navigated away from the page.

In the same review "while mercenaries of unstoppable, immortal badasses make tons more money and like it rough from men with hairy bums. NO BAD YAHTZEE!!! I mean to say you wear funky skull masks like its Haloween every day, except its you giving out the candy and the candy is bullets."



I could go on forever.

 

[MercurySteam]

The great thing about ZP is that there are so many episodes that you can watch all of them, laugh youreslf into a coma, wake up just in time to do it all again the next week and never get tired of it. I dont have a good memory so this works pretty well for me since i need constant reminder to remeber all of Yahtzee's oldest and funniest jokes.

 

[MercurySteam]

What review is that dick in pudding joke?

Zero Punctuation: Prince of Persia Retrospective

The Spore review was the funniest one ever.

Here's an old one no may of you will remember: "But some people don't understand why I like putting lettuce around my cock and hiding it in other people's salads".

 

[Jaythulhu]

My fave has to be "pants on head retarded"
simple, direct, to the point and funny every time.

 

[Willwillwritehiswill]

I actually used the term "sheer determined retardation" while playing left 4 dead the other day.
We were playing versus mode, and these people we were up against didn't have a clue where to go.

 

[Spleenbag]

Which one was 'Go Team Retard!' from?

 

[Littaly]

"Why would you want to please fans..."because it's so right yet so wrong and "It will hardly make your mass erect"

 

[ZP---Fanatic]

1.well its certainly not you because you've just been promoted to Dickhead and A Presumtious*? Dickhead at that...|||Mailbag Showdown

2.if i wanted the experience that most Japanese Shows offer i would just pause it every 10 seconds to fiddle on with the Buttons...And eat some shit xD|||Forgot

3.and with out further adoo GO TEAM RETARD!||||Mailbag?

4.and "Name Forgot" isnt a very Sexy Man HAR HAR HAR sorry|||||Ninja Gaiden

5.You will be swimming in it till your eyes fall out FALLOUT 3 THAT IS!|||Fallout

6.Where i'd back her into the corner to get a best view of her juicy,Thighs|||TRA MY FAVOURITE

7.Btw i love ALL ZP,think my name gave it away

(Also love the character That does) IN MY FACE,DO IT! On Saints row

 

[oni565]

"So apparently I'm a retard" The way he says it is hilarious

 

[Railgun88]

"Never stick your dick in a pudding. It might still be good pudding and you can spend all afternoon explaining that to someone, but no ones going to eat it because you stuck your DICK IN IT!!"

F-ing hilarious

 

[Nomz]

"I'm not a fanboy. Yes YOU ARE!"
Awesome!

 

[kyouger]

"But the reverse effect is the blatant shoehorning of the DS's other exotic functions, such as when you have to yell at the top of your voice into the microphone. Doing this while out in public, which, might I remind you, is what handhelds are for, would cause your own major organs to tear themselves from your body to escape humiliation." Zelda: Phantom Hourglass

"Nariko then turns to some.... thing sitting vacantly to the side wearing cat ears and makeup that looks like it was applied by a KISS fan suffering from Parkinson's disease and relates to it her intention to slit up evil dudes. She then says, with a completely straight face, 'We may need you to play Twing-Twang.' My first thought was 'I am so going to quote that out of context', but it doesn't make much sense in context either. If the developers were hoping I'd by the game just to find out what Twing-Twang is, then Fission Mucking Accomplished, but I'm going to be very disappointed if it's not a cutesy euphamism for lesbian cunnalingus yeahIwentthere." Heavenly sword and other stuff.

"F*** you!"

"It's alright, you can swear on the internet. Your mum probably isn't going to read it. I know, because she's too busy being fucked by me." Mailbag Showdown.

 

[Zephirius]

"So all I have to is review the Darkness again next week, then crash and burn into total obscurity for the next 25 years before being absorbed into someone's vagina and my life is officially symmetrical!"

"...unless you want your torso looking like a satellite map of Bagdad."

"Airstrikes 2: Hooray for Airstrikes"

 

[NeferX]

I loved the comment about the jerky way Baulder walks in "Too Human" (i think that was the game)

And he referred to it as Baulder's Gait (referral of course to "Baulders Gate")

Witty and intelligent

 

[A Random Player]

"Clive Barker's Cliver Barker's Jericho by Clive Barker..."

 

[Church5193]

The last two sentences in this little segment;

"'Oh', says Mirror's Edge, here manifesting as a designer with a bicycle pump embedded in his skull, 'well since that's your problem, I guess I'll just set half the game in linear claustrophobic tunnels that undermine the very concept of free running. And then fill them with excessive bloom anyway.' And so he did. And then he ate his own shoes.

 

[sanomaton]

Which one was 'Go Team Retard!' from?

It's from Mailbag Showdown [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/37-Mailbag-Showdown].

 

[popers]

"I'm not a fanboy. Yes YOU ARE!"
Awesome!

agreed. watched it several times - laughed every single time.

 

[TheRecluse]

"...so you're left with a game experience that could be recreated by walking down a wide road in the middle of nowhere, stopping every five steps to crack yourself in the eye with a hammer....and the road is a million miles long....and the hammer is made of wank."

"Airstrikes 2: Hooray for airstrikes!"

"The day I fork out $70.00 for an expansion pack is the day I swallow razor wire, pull the end out of my ass, and floss my self to death."

 

[CRAVE CASE 55]

"No bad yahtzee!" Don't know why but i find it hilarious when he says that.