I am my personal demon. The things I know, learn, and want to learn... worry me a little. My interests aren't likely to change, so I must constantly regulate myself and my actions, because I'd rather not hurt anyone I care about. Nor would I want to go back on my personal guidelines. I'm me, and I'm not changing, dammit. Not even for myself.
Ummm, let's see, I've got no confidence, no self-esteem, no discipline, I'm apathetic, depressed, misanthropic, I can remember a lot of times where I've been wrong/embarassed, over and over again, etc, etc.
I also.... don't really care about spiders anymore.
I have A personal demon. His name is Serrant, and he's all the bad things inside me, which are, alternatively, all the things I hate to love about myself. Alternatively alternatively, he also works as my inner scrutiny and as my public face, as he is extremely well educated.
I fear trampolines. Yup. Don't laugh. Well, ok you can laugh if you want because it is pretty stupid. I always have a fear of landing in some stupid position in my head, neck or back and doing something nast to my spine. It's not the round ones that you get in back gardens that I fear. Mainly the sport ones that I have at school. I'm already 6ft 3 inches and I don't want to be any taller. It's god damn scary up here.
I also hate diving boards for pretty much the same reason. What if the bounce goes wrong and you end up going up and not forward? That will hurt. Diving into the water isn't so bad though.
The fear of rejection is a massive one as well. I don't want to tell people how I realy feel about them (unless it is a bad view of them because then you know that you will be rejected no matter what) because what if they think I'm weird or need 'specialist help'.
At the moment I can say I am extremely scared for my friends. One more than the rest but I'm very paranoid that something bad will happen to them at any moment. I just cant stand to think of how i would feel if something happens to them. And getting old and bald that sucks.
Suiseiseki IRL said:
I killed the father of a man, he now seeks his vengeance upon me and my sixth finger.
I'm really fucking scared of the very mention of Hell! This may sound gay but I sometimes actually wake up screaming from a nightmare I had of Hell. I've been scared of Hell for a while now, and reading the Divine Comedy didn't help either, in fact the contrary happened. The images that book puts in your head are so fucked up!
I'm so paranoid I'm sure it's going to send me crazy one day; it causes too many arguments with my boyfriend
So scared of spiders I sometimes spaz out during the night thinking they're crawling over me. Lack of sleep ftw.
I'm really scared for my future, I have no uni plans and everyone keeps saying I won't get a job because of it :/ I'm scared about bills and finding a house...