Your personal one-liners!
- Thread starter Baby Tea
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Sounds like a line from "Shoot em up"Baby Tea said:
Not one of my lines, but the one i absolutely love is in the move mentioned above, after Clive Owen sticks a carrot in a man's mouth, and then punches the carrot through the back of the guy's throat, he say's "eat your vegetables"
A line i like using now is when someone sits near me i say "sorry don't mean to be rude, but what the fuck do you want?"
You also l*ke to use st*rs *nstead of letters in your w*rds.dead_beat_slacker said:
As if this somehow deprives your sentences of any cussing, and doesn't offend anyone.
Evidently there are a lot of people that don't understand "F*ck" that would have gotten offended and insulted by "Fuck".
I had this roommate who wasn't the brightest bulb in the lamp, and the next thing that came out of his mouth was weirder or dumber than the last. Some of his best:
"Hey, hey, if I ate like two boxes of fruit loops, would I poop rainbow?"
"What's dairy about a cheeseburger?"
Me: "It's not in the dictionary because it's a made up word."
Him: "You can't make up 'turd'!"
Me: "How do you spell turd?"
Him: "T-U-R-D. Wait! T-E-R-D."
Him: "Dude, thanks for showing me how to cook. It's ok to put it in hotter and it'll cook faster right?"
Me: "How hot?"
Him: "Five-hundred."
Me: "You better check it."
Him: (opens the oven) "Dude, that's fucked up."
Roommate Steve: "The Jews wandered the desert for 40 years looking for paradise."
Him: "Did they find it?"
Me: "You're racist against midgets."
Him: "Oh my god you could race them!"
"Hey, hey, if I ate like two boxes of fruit loops, would I poop rainbow?"
"What's dairy about a cheeseburger?"
Me: "It's not in the dictionary because it's a made up word."
Him: "You can't make up 'turd'!"
Me: "How do you spell turd?"
Him: "T-U-R-D. Wait! T-E-R-D."
Him: "Dude, thanks for showing me how to cook. It's ok to put it in hotter and it'll cook faster right?"
Me: "How hot?"
Him: "Five-hundred."
Me: "You better check it."
Him: (opens the oven) "Dude, that's fucked up."
Roommate Steve: "The Jews wandered the desert for 40 years looking for paradise."
Him: "Did they find it?"
Me: "You're racist against midgets."
Him: "Oh my god you could race them!"
I laughed pretty hard at that one. Your friend sounds like a complete idiot, but hilarious at the same time. I have a few friends like that, but they are dick-heads most of the time.SamuraiAndPig said:
For me, if it could rain or snow that night, I always say this to questions to what I am doing that night, "If she dumps." I use it especially for things that I do not wish to go to, like some shitty party or something.
http://instantrimshot.com/BallPtPenTheif said:"There are only two kinds of people that read Harry Potter; little boys and the men who fuck them."
*rim shot*
My Tang Soo Do master had an interesting one-liner, "Good things are NOT about to happen."
The only thing I have that even comes close to my own one-liner is this:
"I swear by all that is good and holy that I will kick your ass, you mouth-breathing bastard!"
The only thing I have that even comes close to my own one-liner is this:
"I swear by all that is good and holy that I will kick your ass, you mouth-breathing bastard!"
When someone says to you:
"If you looked up stupid in the Dictionary there'd be a picture of you".
Response:
"Some of us don't have to look up "stupid" in the Dictionary. Also, my Dictionary doesn't come with pictures."
"If you looked up stupid in the Dictionary there'd be a picture of you".
Response:
"Some of us don't have to look up "stupid" in the Dictionary. Also, my Dictionary doesn't come with pictures."
