Your worst joke

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shadowelancer

New member
Mar 18, 2009
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(Diablo joke PLS DON'T HURT ME)
Three Necromancers and a Barbarian walk into Andariels lair.

Wait For It....

And the bartender says "What is this a cheap Dungeon Joke?"
 

EeveeElectro

Cats.
Aug 3, 2008
7,052
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What do you call a fly with no wings?
Jason.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"

And another I can't remember...
 

soren7550

Overly Proud New Yorker
Dec 18, 2008
5,477
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Here's one that I came up with:

What was the poor kid's name?
Nickle-less.


OK, one time my science teacher was being really corny (more than usual anyway). At one point I told him that he was corny that he'd need to put up a scarecrow. The entire class bust out laughing and everyone agreed that what I just said was cornyer than anything that the teacher ever said.
 

Rad_Brad

New member
Mar 29, 2009
185
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Why do seaguls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bayguls. ;D
 

Mr Fatherland

New member
Nov 10, 2008
1,035
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

How do you keep a blonde occupied?

Tell her to sit in the corner in a round room.
 

ssgt splatter

New member
Oct 8, 2008
3,276
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Lord_Of_Plum said:
Ok.
This joke is absolutely horrible. I mean, horrible. Do not read it unless you have absolutely nothing to do. And it's quite long.
So, there's this guy named Stanley and he's a train conductor. One day, he's conducting his train and he runs over, and kills, 3 people. He gets brought before a judge, where he is sentenced to death. However, before he dies, he is allowed to have one last meal of whatever he wants. Stanley tells them, "On an island in the Caribbean, there's this banana tree. On it are 3 pink bananas. I would like a pink banana cream pie." So the judge sends someone out to get a pink banana and make the pie. After the pie is made, they give the pie to Stanley who eats it eagerly. He then says, "OK, I'm ready to die now. So they put him in the electric chair and set at the medium voltage and zap him. Smoke goes into the air. When the smoke clears, Stanley is still sitting on the chair, unhurt. The judge is astounded, and wants to try again, but Stanley says, "Hey! Thats it, you did what you said you would, now let me go! So they let him go.

One week later, Stanley is driving his train again when he runs over 5 people, two parents and 3 children. He again gets brought before a judge, who again sentences him to death. However, he still gets his last meal, so he again orders a pink banana cream pie. He eats it and says, "Mmmm! That was delicious! I'm ready to die now." They then strap him in the electric chair and raise the power high enough to kill a horse. They pull the lever, and smoke flies threw the air. When it clears, Stanley is still sitting in the chair! After arguing over whether or not they can try again, they eventually let Stanley free.

1 month later, Stanley is conducting his train when he runs over 4 people. He is brought before a judge who sentences him to death for the third time. When he orders his pink banana cream pie, the judge says "Uhuh! That pie is obviously preventing you from getting what you deserve, so can't have that." So Stanley orders a regular cream pie. After eating it, he says, "meh, it was OK, just not that special." Again Stanley is strapped into the electric chair. They now raise the power to its maximum. They pull the lever, and there is a huge explosive noise. All the cities lights go out. Smoke rises into the air. When it clears, Stanley is still sitting in the chair! The judge, bewildered, says, "What's happening? Why aren't you dead?" And Stanley , smiling, says, "I guess I'm just a bad conductor"!
[groan] that is such a lame joke.
 

bookboy

New member
Mar 16, 2009
241
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a seal walks into a bar, the bartender sees it and says, "what'll you have", the seal replies: (get ready for it) anything but canadian club.

two inuit are sitting in their kayak one cold day, they decide to light a fire on it so that they can keep warm, but it does not work and the kayak sinks, proving once and for all that, (get ready again) you cannot have your kayak, and heat it to.
 

ThaBenMan

Mandalorian Buddha
Mar 6, 2008
3,682
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An Irishman, an Englishman, and an Indian chief go fishing together in a rowboat on a lake. Everyone has good luck: 2 or 3 big fish each. They stay out in the middle of the lake until sunset. On the way back to shore, as the sky purples and turns to night, they all sing a song.
 

Redingold

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Mar 28, 2009
1,633
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Lukeje said:
A neutron walks into a bar. Orders a drink, tries to pay, but the barman stops him. "For you, no charge."
That's good. What did the neutrino say to the Earth?

Just passing through.
 

The_Prophet

New member
Sep 3, 2008
1,494
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Lukeje said:
notoriouslynx said:
What do fish brush their teeth with?
What?
Fish don't have teeth.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shark

And on topic:
A neutron walks into a bar. Orders a drink, tries to pay, but the barman stops him. "For you, no charge."
Oh, you sir are awesome.
 

Nova Tendril

New member
Apr 1, 2009
446
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Brother:A reign of terror is approaching.
Me:Better get an umbrella.

I don't remember what conversation we were having but I do remember that it ended right after I said that.
 

Redingold

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Mar 28, 2009
1,633
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Okay. So, there's a rich man, in ye olde times, and he's on his way back to his mansion when somebody knocks on the window of his carriage, so he opens the door, and standing there, is a knight. The knight looks at him and says, "I've just fought a terrible dragon, and it's a long way to my kingdom. Please, may I stay and rest at your mansion?" So the rich man says, "Of course!", and he lets the knight into his carriage, and then he drives home. They reach his house, and it's this beautiful, luxurious mansion. They step inside, and the rich man takes the knight to the staircase and says to him: "Go up the stairs, and take the first door on the left," so the knight goes upstairs, and takes the first door on the left, and it opens up into this huge, magnificent bedroom, with an enormous four-poster bed, and an en-suite bathroom, and the knight sits down on the bed, takes his armour off, nurses his burns and falls asleep. Meanwhile, the rich man downstairs is enjoying his pipe, when there's a knock on the door. Now the rich man is thinking "Who could it be at this time of night?" so he goes to the door, and opens it, and there's a knight there, and the knight says "I've just fought in an epic war, and I need somewhere to rest for the night," and the rich man says "O.K., just go up those stairs, and take the second door on the left, and there will be a bed and somewhere to freshen up. So the knight goes upstairs, and he takes the second door on the left, and again, it's a beautiful room. so he freshens up, cleans his wounds, splashes some aftershave on, and falls asleep. Now, downstairs, the rich man is just getting ready to go to bed himself, when he hears a knock on the door! So, he's a little bit annoyed, but he goes and opens it, and there's a beautiful princes-nah, I'm kidding, it's a knight. The knight says that he's just fought a terrible and powerful wizard, blah blah blah, freshen up, yadda yadda yadda. The rich man points him to the second room on the right, the knight goes upstairs, falls onto the bed, you know the rest. A few minutes later, the rich man comes upstairs, goes in the first door on the right, falls asleep.
In the morning, the first knight comes downstairs, and the rich man is there, eating a bowl of cornflakes. He asks the knight what he would like for breakfast, and the knight has a choice between kippers and cornflakes. So the knight thinks, and he decides that he'll have kippers, because it's a good source of protein and all that. So he has his kippers and toast, says goodbye to the rich man, and sets off for his own kingdom. Then, the second knight comes down, and he has cornflakes for breakfast, sets off for his kingdom, the third knight comes down, decides to have kippers. He has his kippers, with toast, and a big wodge of butter, and he eventually sets off.

So, the motto of the story is:

Two out of three knights prefer kippers for breakfast.